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Through a Bat's Eyes by Emma Siddlekine - Mon, 29 Sep 2014 21:14:21 EST ID:Ruy3nqW/ No.378851 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Humor me here:

If you discovered a way to turn into a bat, would you truly be a bat? You might fly, eat, and sleep like a bat. You might even learn to live as a bat. Are you truly a bat, or a human experiencing life as a bat?

Further, can the human unlearn the old ways and embrace the life of a bat completely? Or will there always be a 'knowing', a place in your mind that would remain human?

Transparent maybe, but I think it's something that should be read. Not trying to piss in anyone's cheerios here. I came to the conclusion that transitioning isn't right for me, and doubtless there are others like me. Transition or not, it's a hard lot to be dealt. Stay strong, stay true to yourself, and always strive for better.
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Polly Grimfoot - Thu, 02 Oct 2014 07:39:05 EST ID:s7ghGI8V No.378940 Ignore Report Quick Reply
If I discovered a way to turn into a bat, then no. I would not be a bat. However, if I desired enough to be a bat, and the thought of me not being a bat leads to severe depression and hate for my own body, then turning into a bat might help me be happier. Even just other bats or other people looking at me and saying I'm a bat would help.

I can't be arsed speaking in metaphors the entire time, so basically, yes I know I'll never be a "true" girl, and that fucking hurts. However, I've been presenting as full time for a girl for over a year now and it has made me a happier person overall. Once I get the surgery I have a tiny tiny chance of eventually shaking off my depression that has plagued me since I was about 10.
The only person in the entire world that cares whether or not you're a girl is yourself. I'm lucky enough to pass 99% of the time so I don't have to worry about other people seeing me as one either, but the mere knowledge that I'm trans does spiral me into a depression, so I will do everything in my power to alleviate this constant stress, this constant worry, this constant feeling of inadequacy.

I think I've pretty much already "embraced the life of a bat" anyway. Being a girl really isn't much different than being a guy. I never had many male mannerisms, and that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things because lots of girls have at least some stereotypically male mannerisms, cis or trans.
I will always have that niggling voice in my head saying "you're not a real girl" and I know it'll always be there, regardless of when I get surgery, but I can muffle that voice, I can silence it, and over time, I will hear it less and less and less. It will be an uphill struggle, and I will only ever get a compromise, I'll never be able to bear children or get a period and I'll never lose my childhood of growing up male, but I transition in the hope that it will be enough. I'm not ever planning on being entirely "happy". I just want to be less depressed.
Molly Clurrymare - Fri, 03 Oct 2014 06:39:36 EST ID:fVHKrhhg No.378969 Ignore Report Quick Reply
what do you think about ugly people, bro? Do you think that ugly people are all fucking stoked on being ugly?

Or you think they say "well, I feel beautiful on the inside, therefor i must be entitled to appear equally attractive on the outside"? Do you think that maybe they would like to be more attractive?

Do you think that if i feel ugly, and if i work myself into enough of a self obsessed state over being ugly, that i should be entitled to not being ugly any more? That I have clinical depression because I've decided that all of my problems are based on being ugly, and that if i were beautiful on the outside (because I am, in my own belief, beautiful on the inside), then I would no longer suffer this depression?

Do you think that ugly people deserve governmentally subsidized cosmetic surgery because they don't appear as beautiful on the outside as they feel on the inside? And don't tell me that being beautiful or ugly is different to gender because beauty is subjective. Gender is just as subjective as beauty. That's not something you can begin to argue against: the subjectivity of gender is almost everything /tg/ endorses.

So tell me, bro, what am I, a person who is much more beautiful on the inside than i appear on the outside, to do? It's killing me. Every day, I know that if people saw me as beautiful, then i wouldn't have such a huge list of shit things happen to be as a result of me being physically unattractive. I need surgery, right? I'll kill myself if you don't make my boobs bigger, and if my nose stays this shape, and if my legs weren't as short.

It's got nothing to do with me accepting who I am, and accepting that aesthetics are only skin deep, and accepting that some people are much better on the inside than they appear from afar.

fuck off. people who "need" to look like a woman to be female are as bad as people who "need" to look good to feel like they are a good person. it's the most hypocritical thing in the world. You are a woman. That has nothing to do with what you look like. You are a good person, a beautiful person, and that has nothing to do with what you look like.
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Molly Hemmleworth - Fri, 03 Oct 2014 07:01:39 EST ID:s7ghGI8V No.378971 Ignore Report Quick Reply
you said it yourself, given the choice, you would choose to not be ugly. People take pills for all sorts of shit to make them "less ugly". Burn victims get surgeries to make them look more "normal", fuck people with missing arms usually get prosthetic arms. Rarely do prosthetics actually help unless you get very expensive ones, usually they're a glorified lump of plastic.
Everyone strives to look better. I'm sorry but it's fucking fact. Some people may not be as extreme as trans people, but people buy push-up bras, learn to contour with makeup, wear clothes that elongate your body or legs so you look more attractive. I'll admit, I'm a bit vain, but only because of the years of torment of being in my opinion incredibly hideous. Before hormones I felt sick to the stomach every time I had to look in a mirror. I've had (and still struggle with) an eating disorder, I know what it feels to be ugly. I didn't ever accept the fact and carry on with my life because I knew I COULD change it, so I did, and that's made me happier.

Changing your appearance for vanity or for looks isn't being "untrue" to yourself. For many people, they are a lot happier, and whether that's because they're more stereotypically attractive or not, it doesn't fucking matter, because it makes them happier.
>people who "need" to look like a woman to be female are as bad as people who "need" to look good to feel like they are a good person
The need is to be recognised and acknowledged that I'm a woman, and looking like one means that it will happen. It means when strangers talk to me they will assume I'm a woman, and to myself, if I look like a woman, it does help solidify in my mind that I am one. I'm incredibly insecure about myself. I don't have the mental willpower to say "I'm a woman no matter how I look". If I didn't pass by now I probably would have offed myself.

I'm not saying that every trans person should transition right here and right now. There are personal and environmental circumstances where it may not be the right time.
If you can accept yourself as who you are, then fu…
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Molly Clurrymare - Fri, 03 Oct 2014 07:34:22 EST ID:fVHKrhhg No.378972 Ignore Report Quick Reply
it's the same argument i used to have with my ex every time she'd take more than a half hour to get ready to go out.
"Darling, you look fine, no matter what you do, everyone around is going to think the same of you, it doesn't matter what you wear"
and she'd be like
"but i don't FEEL fine. and if it takes me another 15 minutes to be able look in the mirror and say 'I look good', then it's worth those 15 minutes because i will act more confidently and THAT is what will change the way people see me"
and i'd say
"but isn't that logic reason enough to just stop worrying about what clothes you're wearing"
and she'd say
"no, because i can't just magically logic up self esteem through sheer willpower, i have to beleive i look fine, regardless"
and i would say
"oh. well....

i'll be in the car"

cis male here if you havent guessed. i'm retarded at trying to see where you are all coming from in these debates. but at least i try right?
Jarvis Gendlewark - Fri, 03 Oct 2014 10:20:28 EST ID:PlnWdDkE No.378974 Ignore Report Quick Reply
its way easier to be ugly and cis than to be trans though. If youre trans, you basically see every little male cue in your face as a huge defect. Even if you know that, it can not be changed by willpower or anything other people tell you.
This whole thing has a mental component that can not be overcome. Even if you pass, it often is not enough (of course, thats still a lot better than not passing).
An ffs surgeon I met actually told me that I look really good and should never get surgery on my face. I cant help it though, I will get some form of FFS, just to be able to live with myself.
>Gender is just as subjective as beauty.
Funny, people get treatment if they suffer from BDD, at least where I am from. And Id like to point out that probably most transwomen have that problem too. It can not be beaten with willpower. Or with strong-man talk. This is just not how it works. tbh, this kind of reminds me of those people that tell other people to just not be depressed all the time.

>You are a woman. That has nothing to do with what you look like.
Even ugly women look like women though.

>You are a good person, a beautiful person, and that has nothing to do with what you look like.
Thats something I can work with: yes, my insides (good/bad beautiful or not) have nothing to do with what I look like, which is the entire idea. I am aware of the fact that Ive like half a dozen mental disorders on top of being trans, I am a mess in many ways. Looking like a girl is something I need to ease my mind. To make myself believe that maybe I am not that much of a monster inside.

>You were dealt your hand. You can't change that, as many times as you rearrange the cards.
we're not playing holdem though, we re playing stud. Ill just draw some cards again
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perception of own appearance by Ian Puvingworth - Thu, 02 Oct 2014 17:06:37 EST ID:pmsubTd9 No.378947 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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it is so fucking god damn annoying. :(

i'm worried about how i look. i want to look like a pretty woman, but i am okay with at least looking like a woman. most days i look in the mirror, and i look like a woman. sometimes i even think i look pretty! but other days, like this one, i just dont know. my face looks manly. i wonder if i pass at all. i feel so god damn ugly and fucked up. my friend says she can't even imagine what i would look like as a man. my HRT doctor also tells me how lucky i've been with my features. i don't know, maybe it's all in my head.

but what if it's the opposite? maybe people are just being polite. maybe the days i feel okay about my appearance is when it's all in my head. maybe i'm just deluding myself.

fuck this shit anyways. can anyone relate? how can i cope better? it¨s driving me crazy. should i become a hermit? learn to get all my emotional support and love from an inanimate object?
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Cedric Gagglefutch - Thu, 02 Oct 2014 18:59:39 EST ID:IiSMA5GW No.378951 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Can relate. Sometimes what I see is okay or even good imo, and often people say nice things and I pass a lot, certainly to your average stranger that I don't hang around too long at least =P idk if I hang around longer. But mostlyyyy I see all kinds of terrible things or just like wtf lol. I People even tell me I'm beautiful sometimes and compliment me and stuff. I'mmm just holding on to that most people tend to see the good or okay and aren't too concerned about it and plus I look way better if I'm being all happy and not worrying about as opposed to worrying about it and being all inside myself, which that little set up is kind of a bitch too but oh well I guess! Whatever yano. Fuck it. Just fuck it haha. Get weird =D no I clearly don't know how to cope with it haha. Ups and downss. And maybe ffs sometime lol, maybe that'll help.

Also I can kinda do this thing where I look at other people and they just seem nice and chill or normal or even all beautiful depending on how high I am! =P Sometimes I can look at myself that way but much less often. Or I can look at them like I look at myself. Pick everything apart. Judge the details and see weirdness and what "I would be insecure about if I were them" basically. I don't like doing it but for perspective I guess it's something. Sometimes I see everyone looking fucking weird and alien and me too and it's like welp haha, depending on how "high" I am =P

Basically I give and idk what's real haha, not any one thing, or all of it. Not that I won't keep trying but lawd. Sometimes I just get sick of looking at myself. Not because of how I look per se but just like lay the fuck offffffffff m8

Also I take terrible pictures. My mom said I'm her example of how a picture doesn't show what you actually look like. I think that makes me feel better? haha really though careful hanging out with me cuz when you want to take a nice little photo thing of all of us hanging out I will ruin it haha!
Cedric Gagglefutch - Thu, 02 Oct 2014 19:01:15 EST ID:IiSMA5GW No.378952 Ignore Report Quick Reply
haha I've seen this before but I love it so much right now! This is what happens when I take pictures tbh lol, or other people take pictures, impromptu ones, etc.
Cedric Gagglefutch - Thu, 02 Oct 2014 19:02:29 EST ID:IiSMA5GW No.378953 Ignore Report Quick Reply
and there's the I see myself when I've been lazy and looking like shit a lot and wayyyy more often than what other people see. I need to stop being so lazy lol. K hopefully done haha.
Hugh Buzzwill - Thu, 02 Oct 2014 22:03:29 EST ID:xuXPCgIj No.378954 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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thx for thread

I am always rubbing my throat, feeling how big my adams apple is and then i look in the mirror and i can barely see it?

Everything looks terrible from profile view, everything. Everything.
>back of my hair
>shoulder blades
>lower back
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Hedda Crunnerdurk - Fri, 03 Oct 2014 11:21:07 EST ID:IiSMA5GW No.378977 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Not just more normal the happier and more relaxed you are, the more attractive you look. People like happy people and it makes them happy generally, and they want to be around them. Isss beautifulllllll =P Give someone the time of day and actually listen nonjudgmentally and stuff, empathize, etc. and suddenly you're such a good person haha

Idk about practicing a smile, maybe try to remember how you naturally smile when you um naturally smile lol and don't try to recreate the smile but like the headspace and flowing out feeling and such. Meh nuance ha. And then there's like really excited happy and the smile/expression from that and then there's the I just feel so nice right now content peaceful smile/expression that's more relaxed lol. I'm just having fun thinking about it right now lol. Having my eyebrows slightly raised, almost like in anticipation or like damn I'm faced looks better toooo haha but I can't really remember to do that all the time but I think I do it somewhat naturally when engaging with someone.

I have old friends that are cool and supportive but idk I may just have to get new ones because there's just a level of something there that either will take forever to go away or just kinda won't, as opposed to someone that saw me as a girl first maybe? Though someone that saw me as a girl first could probably go backward depending also haha not funny. Depends on the people really I'm thinkin', whether or not I still want to be friends.

Hair up and stuff and I look pretty alright, body face profile, body profile is probably better than frontal body and face profile may look a little intense but okay enough. I just saw my cousin I haven't seen in forever cuz he's been off in the military and stuff but he's really cool and it went so well! I felt like I looked good and I did my voice good and I had such a relaxed nice this-cactus-got-me-feelin'-good face and vibe. It went really well. Now for something to go poorly to knock me back down! haha. Sorry I feel happy for now and said it! I know seeing people posting happy things about how things went for them on here didn't necessarily make me feel happy when I felt …
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Yay by Angus Grimstone - Sun, 28 Sep 2014 19:45:35 EST ID:gx21uOum No.378818 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Just saying stop fucking worrying about it. GF of almost 2 years.
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Barnaby Mibberworth - Tue, 30 Sep 2014 01:40:09 EST ID:Iw35VWdv No.378867 Ignore Report Quick Reply
your single minded ideals for life goals don't apply to everyone; shoo with your pretentious attention seeking blog threads
Betsy Brookhall - Tue, 30 Sep 2014 04:45:41 EST ID:rift3TwE No.378875 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Well, I personally appreciate the message.

Pretty much everyone I've seen just wants to use me for sex. Sex is nice, sure, but I want something more.
Ernest Snodfoot - Tue, 30 Sep 2014 16:35:04 EST ID:2o7oBapo No.378888 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Congrats, op, but the "it happened to me so it could happen to you" logic is really annoying.
Eliza Medgechore - Wed, 01 Oct 2014 02:04:26 EST ID:FrggDhyS No.378901 Ignore Report Quick Reply
My problems are solved so they don't exist anymore!
Charles Blatherville - Wed, 01 Oct 2014 20:09:04 EST ID:gpEhRP1F No.378926 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Congrats, but this is just anecdotal evidence fallacy.

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