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transitional musings by James Clerringhood - Thu, 28 Jul 2016 19:33:37 EST ID:xP64V7rI No.399461 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I have played around with my image a lot in my life. I am consonantly changing my hair and clothing style. I guess it is because I was holding myself back from presenting the way I am. A million reasons that all boil down to low self esteem. I am getting over that and am doing things to present outwardly what is more in line with who I am. It has been great.

With all my different "phases" I have noticed that the more divisive my appearance, the happier I am. Sure I have spent my lifetime being sworn at, spat on, garbage thrown at me from moving vehicles and actual physical attacks but i find that the extreme is also reflected in the opposite direction as well. People have been really good to me, I have had a lot of very special friends who have helped me trough. People I would have never met if I had not marginalized myself in some way. When I try to pass as "normal"...I become invisible. While it is helpful while dealing with law enforcement, there are few benefits to coming across as normal.

There is no way I will ever "pass" as my true gender. But keeping my head down and trying to ignore my personal reality is it's own kind of hell. I know I will never be rich...hell, I will likely have to scrape by for the rest of my life...but fuck. I get laid and my therapist told me that people who get laid regularly are happier than people who make $150k a year...

there is a lot of pain and hardship out there. maybe we can talk about the good stuff for a bit.
Wesley Clennerwadge - Thu, 28 Jul 2016 20:40:41 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399462 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I like it
Anhny - Fri, 29 Jul 2016 03:53:48 EST ID:ANhnyAXt No.399465 Ignore Report Quick Reply
> my therapist told me that people who get laid regularly are happier than people who make $150k a year
So regular drug addicted street prostitute is happier than some CEO?
Oliver Gurrynire - Fri, 29 Jul 2016 04:46:12 EST ID:xP64V7rI No.399467 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I think you have a really skewed view of sex.
Anhny - Fri, 29 Jul 2016 05:00:23 EST ID:ANhnyAXt No.399468 Ignore Report Quick Reply
No, but I think your therapist has, probably you too

Fuck by Hannah Nibberstock - Tue, 05 Jul 2016 16:12:56 EST ID:uVmlxf2F No.398964 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Anyone here on the fence because you know it's too late?

24 here. Got around to seeing a therapist a month before turning 24, recently was told "Yeah I'm pretty sure you need to transition before you blow your head off" and got a referral to a doctor guy to give me hormones or whatever. I just feel, idk, like it's waaay too late now. Like idk ya know? I WANT to stop being a guy but I'm almost closet to 30 than 20, I have 60,000 $ in student loan debt, a shit parttime job, Even if I manage to fund myself a bit, I doubt I'll ever have a shot at passing. I'm 5'8" around 150lbs. Dont' really grow much hair. Kinda broad shoulders but not really I guess. Main problem besides age would be my voice. My voice is like radio host deep. Like darthvader took up smoking deep. My voice at 13 was deeper than the 18 yr old seniors at highschool. Seriosly.

It's like why bother? Transitioning is supposed to make me happier or whatever but I doubt I'd be happier being a 30 yr old man in a dress who's lost all family and relations, probably unemployed, etc etc. Maybe if I had the balls to cut my balls off 5 years ago things would be different but can't roll back the fucking clock ya know? Idk.

Anyone here feel similar? I keep pushing back the hrt appointment cus I'm scared I'll just end up regretting it (end up never passing). 24 is too old yeah?
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Betsy Tillingridge - Thu, 28 Jul 2016 09:47:07 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399448 Ignore Report Quick Reply
That you've made a post like that is probably why I went ahead and said something and was less sure about seriousness haha.
Nicholas Sonderstutch - Thu, 28 Jul 2016 19:13:38 EST ID:3kFCROgK No.399460 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Who said anything about being happy? What I've just been told is that I'm "wallowing in my own misery"!

There can be other reasons. Telling people to not do something because "drugz can pump you up full of the joy" seems like the stupidest thing ever.

Ohhh, wait, now it makes sense, you're shilling for drug people to be an appreciative guest!
Jack Drosslefuck - Thu, 28 Jul 2016 23:56:12 EST ID:sPJhIdOb No.399463 Ignore Report Quick Reply

.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Htaj3o3JD8I
Reuben Wipperdale - Fri, 29 Jul 2016 02:15:43 EST ID:3kFCROgK No.399464 Ignore Report Quick Reply

... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzvapnMq7ZM
Jack Drosslefuck - Fri, 29 Jul 2016 04:34:24 EST ID:sPJhIdOb No.399466 Ignore Report Quick Reply

This video contains content from Believe Music, who has blocked it in your country on copyright grounds.


FFS Advice by Cyril Fubblewater - Mon, 25 Jul 2016 00:38:36 EST ID:F3ksySQh No.399366 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Earlier this year I got an FFS quote which totaled to $37,000 Canadian(where I live, and earn money). And then I got another far more expensive quote. Both of these were in the US and from highly reputable surgeons. I've avoided getting a quote from Dr. Chettawut because I've heard some bad things despite the cost being cheaper :/

Anyway as it stand I my best bet is Dr. Spiegel but I can't afford it for likely fours years of saving or one-two years of saving plus LOTS of debt. Here's the cost outline roughly

Jawline Contour(which I feel I need the most) 8,500
Rhinoplasty(Which I also feel I need) 8,500
Lip Lift 3,700
Cheeks 4,600
Medical costs 4,000

I have a line of credit through my bank for 15,000 with 7% interest and called Medicare who would loan me 17,000. I am currently debt free have nothing saved though. I work one jobs 40 hrs a week and another part time job 14 hours a week. I take home roughly 29,000 a year and my living expenses are somewhere in the 11,000-15,000 range.

Now my question is. Do I save for years and years for a passable face or do I go into debt, or massive debt just to like the way I look sooner rather than later? People say my face passes sometimes but I also get male like 80% of the time and I see a guy EVERYday. My Jawline is a massive detriment to passing and my nose is also an issue. The other stuff seems to be somewhat additional vanity procedures but part of me also wants to not half ass this and come out looking the best I possibly can.

TBH I am also not against potentially doing cam work to help pay of said debt if I actually looked presentable. I've been on hormones for 5+ years, Help me FFS-Kenobi, you're my only hope.
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Polly Shittingstock - Thu, 28 Jul 2016 10:57:49 EST ID:k+8i0AC3 No.399452 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Do you care to elaborate on the jaw and tongue muscle training?
Phineas Bruckletutch - Thu, 28 Jul 2016 11:44:08 EST ID:nYH3on2f No.399456 Ignore Report Quick Reply
So I had two problems:
First my tongue would rest on the bottom of the mouth since I was infant causing permanent damage to my teeth jaw and chin.
Second, my jaw were always relaxed so I would have really long lower face even when my mouth was closed.

Nobody noticed this when I was in primary school because of this whole "every one is perfect just the way they are".

But when I went to my speech therapist (to train my voice and fix my lisp) she noticed it immediately and told my how important those thing are to speech and appearance.

After 3 months of training I was able to reduce the damage but I still have underbite and fucked up teeth but those things would require double jaw surgery and I really don't want that.
Polly Shittingstock - Thu, 28 Jul 2016 12:15:12 EST ID:k+8i0AC3 No.399457 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Oh dang that sounds super invasive and painful! You don't look like you have an underbite, your chin projects in the right proportion with everything else, and there's nothing else I see that's wrong or off. You're beautiful and pass as cis. We're our own worst critics.
Phineas Bruckletutch - Thu, 28 Jul 2016 12:38:30 EST ID:nYH3on2f No.399458 Ignore Report Quick Reply
You can't really say that without an x-ray and front side medical photos with and without forced smile. Two different orthodontists told me I need double jaw surgery with rotation.

But thank you for good words. I really appreciate it.
Anhny - Thu, 28 Jul 2016 13:05:07 EST ID:ANhnyAXt No.399459 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Is overbite similarly bad?

How to proceed by Frederick Tillingstock - Wed, 13 Jul 2016 15:27:54 EST ID:m0RwTPBQ No.399159 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Does anyone here know of some good way to quell those self-loathing thoughts and the urges to end things?

Or how to just build up the courage to just hurry up and end the pain. My life's been a total waste and there is no signs of things ever improving. I don't see that I'll ever have the money for the various surgeries I'd need or even hair removal. I've literally lost about 10 years of my life and I can't make peace or reconcile with that and not trying to transition earlier. While I my thoughts on "hons" are complex, I definitely don't want to be one but it doesn't seem like I would end up being something else; I don't pass, with or without makeup. I'm NEET and on social assistance and that's unlikely to change with my bad social anxiety and dysthymia/depression. Been on several antidepressants and none seem to work for me. I'm approaching one year on full HRT and I'm nowhere to closer to socially transitioning than I was a year ago.

I'm in my late 20's now and 30 is closing in fast. Told myself around 25 that I wouldn't see 31 if life hadn't changed by 30 and things all seem to be headed toward a single destination, like a train on tracks.

Life's simply unfair, don't you think?
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Nathaniel Clonnerchotch - Wed, 27 Jul 2016 20:09:44 EST ID:m0RwTPBQ No.399429 Ignore Report Quick Reply

I can tell you some of the experience. Unfortunately it won't exactly be vivid. I had wanted to keep a diary so I could see if there was a change in my thoughts. Unfortunately other than a few entries, I didn't keep up with it.

I have been on three SSRIs and now an SNRI. But it's really more like three and a half than for because two of them were escitalopram and citalopram. Each time I went on one and off, my dose went up and down since you're not supposed to stop it abruptly or else you suffer withdrawal.

It's a bit hard to describe the effects of them mentally, since for me they did little and the effects weren't pronounced or immediate. Kind of like that frog in hot water analogy. The side effects were more pronounced. Mentally, I suppose I became somewhat mellow. My anxiety and nervousness were unaffected but I wouldn't get as snappy if annoyed and slower to anger a bit. Perhaps caring less about things/taking thing less personally. But it was subtle. I was still suicidal and still experienced breakdowns and occasional suicidal urges.

Those around you may be more perceptive of changes to your behaviour or mannerisms on antidepressants.

Funnily enough, estrogen did more for my mood. I wasn't expecting that. I've heard of MtFs who say they felt better once they got on estrogen, hearing various theories including that the brain felt better by getting the hormones it wants. I though it was kinda bullshit and it was more a placebo effect from them becoming happier that they were finally starting. So I didn't think I'd feel better, since I knew it I'd still need FFS and so on, but I ended up feeling better. Not by much mind you, and granted, it might have also been a placebo effect, but there you go. Even got a few comments that I looked happier than before. Eh.

May I ask why you can't transition? Antidepressants don't get rid of transgender feelings or dysphoria. Unless perhaps the doses are high enough to make you near catatonic, I suppose. A friend once told me once that antidepressants made their sibling a zombie. They haven't that effect on me. But I don't know what drugs that sibling was on. So there's a good deal of YMMV.

I hope that was some help. I know it wasn't the most vivid, illustrative account. I might be able to get back to you with more after asking for others' impressions on my demeanour over time.
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Betsy Tillingridge - Thu, 28 Jul 2016 10:12:32 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399450 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>I have been calorie counting and working out quite a bit lately, though I can't afford to eat very good. I've lost about 22 pounds so far. Yay?
Yes yay! Nice ^_^ calories in vs calories out is always the factor with weight, a lot of what people think of as eating good might be unnecessary sorta, but diet can be important(maybe avoid straight sugary things, or overly processed stuff that is basically sugar in effect also at that point), oh kinda random, do you get a lot of sun? Vitamin D is supposed to be pretty important idk =P

When you've been deep in a slump for so long you have built up a lot of habits and patterns of thought, and it might take some conscious effort even when you don't feel like it to get moving, but things can build on themselves too. But yeah not necessarily a magic fix(low doses of psychs for a boost or even bigger but be careful and ymmv also? also look for interactions with antidepressants, usually they tend to dull the effects if anything butttt yeah just check if you're going to), buy a echinopsis lageniformis/trichocereus bridgesii(same thing) cactus and grow it, might take a sec but you'll be moving toward stuff in that way too! If you want to do that, not necessary lol, but could help who knows.

I don't think it's super unusual to feel depressed and disconnected in this society, especially if you didn't happen to fall right into stuff decently, which many people don't(I wouldn't say I have lol), not that there isn't hope or anythinggg. Computer really really is a good way to distract and not really get anywhere, though I feel I learn a lot also even in distraction, and you did say you have computer stuff as things you do so like, doing those sounds chill, oh you don't even have fb right? Hmm, but I assume you still manage to spend a lot of time there besides work? might have to set rules for yourself. I know you've probably heard most of this, even earlier in this thread and I haven't re-read it lol.

You're moving! Somewhere with more things maybe? Not suburbia? ven if not, perhaps a smalllll, ahh you don't have a car? nature, literally just being in it and having it in your vision can be nice and helpful, though it may take some time to begin eroding your habits as well.

Go and sit. Sit/do nothing(including no distractions) and think and dwell until you're sick of it/bored and you've gone over it all perhaps multiple times. Idk. Like that could work, sorta how being in nature can help but with added benefit.

idk a lot about antidepressants really, or they seem to vary so much in their things for each person it'd be hard to say anything, apparently they do help sometimes so say the people on them themselves so idk.

you seem like a really pleasant and empathetic person even if you might have your moments.
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Betsy Tillingridge - Thu, 28 Jul 2016 11:30:59 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399453 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Also in general as far as just chilling until you're tired of sitting there thinking the same things over and over lol, perhaps part of that or it should/could be, is to kinda realize how your thoughts just sorta constantlyyy meandering and coming up with stuff and just think think think without "you" even hardly having to do anything, like could you just stop? for long? Thoughts happen lol. and they apparently do tend to take patterns, and maybe you could get new "positive" patterns going with conscious effort, neuroplasticity, etc, but I think more importantly, because we always have rough or down times sometimes at least, and thoughts are gonna thought, is just to realize that they are just happening and when we are having rough and down times, those thoughts are warped by how we feel, they aren't you or "you" haha, they aren't the reality of any given situation, or reality at all, they can relate and stuff but the difference between feeling good about stuff and not soooo does NOT have to be a change in the actual situation, doing drugs can confirm this lol(I like psychs lol), but just also some life experience with some self-awareness or just take my word. So yeah your thoughts aren't reality, they happen.

Just chill back put on some sunglasses and watch them play their games lol. Actually I don't like sunglasses personally but it's the image lol. Don't try to stop or alter them necessarily or at all or run from them, but do notice that like who y'all are kinda shitty haha or maybe there's a nice one here or there and just keep perspective sorta on everything. blah blah =P
Betsy Tillingridge - Thu, 28 Jul 2016 11:39:18 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399454 Ignore Report Quick Reply
That won't necessarily give you motivation or like solve all of your problems but I think it's really important to keep in mind and help one through things/life, not realizing that and identifying with our thoughts is a mistake that gets made early on! lol. It will just help to free you from getting tugged and jerked around or liek having to believe it when it tells you that's stupid or lame or won't work or is pointless necessarily by your mind, and to where you can make more conscious decisions about how you want to live your life or like what you want to do, in spite of the sometimes horrible and detrimental thoughts about things your mind would suggest. And stuff or something wordssss
Betsy Tillingridge - Thu, 28 Jul 2016 11:40:58 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399455 Ignore Report Quick Reply
but always tiny step by step, one moment at a time only ever that you really haveee to deal with =P okay I'll try to stop lol

kayla by Archie Neckleville - Mon, 18 Jul 2016 15:48:13 EST ID:DawfK9O3 No.399267 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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>she actually did it
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George Heddlebury - Thu, 21 Jul 2016 21:24:30 EST ID:sPJhIdOb No.399331 Ignore Report Quick Reply

i was under the impression that she went crazy and went van gogh on her testicles.
George Heddlebury - Thu, 21 Jul 2016 21:25:11 EST ID:sPJhIdOb No.399332 Ignore Report Quick Reply

>that she went crazy
i mean
>that she IS crazy
kayla !!RplSF/AQ - Fri, 22 Jul 2016 14:39:24 EST ID:3MGrR9FW No.399334 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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It was $3500 bucks and I can't really say where I got it for reasons. I had to sell my 1st edition shadowless charizard to afford it ;_;

now my original set is fucked
Doris Driddlekodge - Fri, 22 Jul 2016 15:58:07 EST ID:wvZmdrjl No.399338 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Thank you!! Im trying to save up for now. Lol i actually have that same charizard!!
Ian Murdham - Mon, 25 Jul 2016 16:40:47 EST ID:e9mjG9U5 No.399392 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I'll help you out bro.
Dr. Arnkoff
-no letter necessary, just call him up-

Hey Curly, guess who's back by Anhny - Sat, 25 Jun 2016 07:00:00 EST ID:ANhnyAXt No.398781 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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So I'm back. Not much happened during those few months while I was gone.
But I got cheek fillers, it was really cool experience, loved it and next time I'll get better filler and more and also do my lips.(No pic yet, since weather is too hot, not good for doing proper make up).
Spent those few months without internet to avoid media tax, that's how I got those fillers. Now, back at the old place for a month or so.
Also remember I told that my mom said she's going to help with ffs cost, well she wasn't lying. Has some savings left after house renovation. So now I'm looking where I could get brow bossing and rhino somewhere not far from EU(trips are costly) for the cost of somewhere around 10K USD. Know of any places were I could get info on that? I'll probably do separate thread on that if I get no answers.

Same applies to anyone else who reads this: if you know of any places where I can get up to date info on ffs, post it.
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Barnaby Bankinlock - Mon, 25 Jul 2016 11:43:56 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399385 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Well yay!! ^_^ that does sound like a lot lol, I don't suppose you've ever really shown it much, no need to of course lol. Cool that you feel alright enough about your hairline and I see about the voice thing toooo ah the voice thing. Idk I generally don't consider that, maybe it's like what even considering srs is like for me, if I don't pass then what is the point lol(I know we've touched on srs before). Ofc people might make arguments lol. But anyway haha.

anyway yay exciting!! =D
Anhny - Mon, 25 Jul 2016 12:51:50 EST ID:ANhnyAXt No.399388 Ignore Report Quick Reply
It could be that they grasped my head size wrong, but still it says how much I'll be losing in relation to my head, which is good, no need to do it if there would be no change.
> Cool that you feel alright enough about your hairline
It's not that it receded badly, but that they wouldn't be able to give me feminine hairline shape with just incision.

Voice is very important as psycho social factor though , both for yourself and others to take you seriously
Barnaby Bankinlock - Mon, 25 Jul 2016 14:54:46 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399389 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I doubt I could get a feminine hairline with just incisions either lol. I seee.

And oh no, I totally get how important voice is, it might be one of if not the most important things. It has probably carried me at times, with a thing or two else(liek between voice and body at times, even though my face you know haha), not that I can do it perfectly all the time or manage to. It's something I could start doing right away(beginning of transition) to "show'' people that even if I didn't look it, I am a woman, though I didn't quite realize at the time how much it was possibly just that, and not that things might couldn't be uncanny to have a mismatched face and voice. I don't think about it too much because I do alright or decent I think, or I could get better besides a surgery, and what I said I suppose does come from a bit of a mindstate of this might not all work out, that I have had at times, not that I ever planned to go backwards with anything, but lacking effort at times, "giving up," and how I might look maybe, but that's just been at times, and things have progressed perhaps. Also I'm not sure how it affects voice exactly because I can like my voice and it isn't necessarily very high pitched which I think is appropriate and stufffff mostly I just haven't looked into it I guess lol. The worse thing I do is try too hard around new people I think. Perhaps it's not as much like what considering srs is like for me afterall, it's just something I think I can do well enough without surgery even if I don't always? haha. I'm not trying to convince anyone else not to get it or that it wouldn't help, again mostly I just don't know much about it, as with most surgeries lol. Like I presume I'll look into that stuff when I get remotely close to having the money? =P

Sometimes I wish there were more voice threads because I find it interesting hearing others' and idk to post in maybe lol. I have a list of recordings on vocaro o that I have done for practice/to post here at times, and just because I didn't want to let them go, I usually was all hype during them so found them interesting I guess. Maybe sometime …
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Barnaby Bankinlock - Mon, 25 Jul 2016 14:55:46 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399390 Ignore Report Quick Reply
weed is the worst thing for my voice lol I've made posts about voice before often-ish too
Barnaby Bankinlock - Mon, 25 Jul 2016 15:19:32 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399391 Ignore Report Quick Reply
actually I guess the point about considering it like considering srs was the point about having a mismatched face and voice, and that being uncanny, but if one is still trying and stuff too(with appearance) and inbetween on passing it gets less clear lol, but anyway.

Dealing with being digusting by Cornelius Bellyput - Sat, 23 Jul 2016 13:44:16 EST ID:+Datpj8J No.399343 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I guess this is gonna be shitty story time. I'm no writer, excuse the incoherent ramblings.

I'm one of those MtF who got hit just a wee bit too much with the ugly stick. I could never really pass at all, but I'm to terms with that. I realize that I will always look like an ugly man, and to me, that's fine. I can't do anything about that no matter how hard I try. But hey, there's plenty of ugly people.

I've been on moans for almost a year now--self-medding--and pretty much started living as a woman. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I love every second of finally being the person I am; even though that's one ugly SOB. ;)

The issue all this brings though is the fact that being an obvious tranny as well as butt-ugly is not easy on the eye. The people I interact with in my daily life seem physically disgusted by me, often telling me so straight out.

I of course realized that this would be an issue even before I started transitioning, but I guess what I didn't consider was the compassion. I feel for these people. I honestly don't want to be a burden to them. I don't want them to have a worse-off life because of my interaction with them.

I guess what I'm trying to do now is asking for some advice on how to cope with feeling like you're destroying the world around you. Have anyone of you had similar experiences? How did/do you cope with them?
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John Govingshaw - Mon, 25 Jul 2016 09:57:42 EST ID:+Datpj8J No.399373 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Yeah, I guess it is. I mean, I was ugly when I was a guy too, but I don't think I ever got a *complaint* about it. I guess it might be that they took pity on me then, and now they feel I sorta brought this on myself.

That actually does help. Thank you.

I think that is a valid point I didn't really think about. I hope as soon as I'm out of these people's faces, I'm no longer in their mind. It feels better thinking of myself as an eye-sore rather than a mind-sore that sticks around.

I try to be polite and friendly always (and I don't think I'm much of a creep ) and that's important to me. I don't think I'm really offended by what people say about my looks, 'cause I know it's true, so I'll try to be happy-go-lucky about it. :)

Oh, I wish I didn't care so much about what other people think, but I do, probably too much. Perhaps that will get better though.

I think I wasn't clear enough before, I have friends and family who don't care how I look, and that of course is a life saver. They are not the problem.
Friends of friends and the like have called me out for being an ugly fucker, and in those cases you're right, fuck 'em. I can stay away from them and they won't have to suffer my facade ever again.
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Barnaby Bankinlock - Mon, 25 Jul 2016 11:31:04 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399382 Ignore Report Quick Reply
No, I never retaliate either(for a comment, or whatever, though I've only had it happen so much, and I maintain peace and smiles and the freedom to walk away at all times), that post is really unlike the type of posts I'd normally make actually, I think a little bit brought on by the kayla thread lol. And that's I wouldn't initiate physical violence. But I can't say I've exactly had the same type of stuff happen to you, but weird looks and stuff, etc the other day I wasn't really doing my best and was full and stuff and walked into this walmart I don't usually go into and this guy saw me and stared and I look ed right back maybe smiling but he sorta hopped around to find his friend to try to point me out to him but he had already walked off, I kinda wanted to go with him to his friend and be like "I think this guy wanted you to meet me" haha =P but yeah. Mostly I have gotten compliments and stuff especially if they interact, I was a cashier for a while at kmart and got lots of nice things said and just occasionally misgenders, and stuff, so yeah idk.

I'm glad you seem happy, I do that too, and it's real most of the time, but I can still admit tiredness to myself sometimes and it can be a bit sad.

Good that you have friends and family and stuff, yeah, I misunderstood that and it probably added into the darkness of my post. I have generally posted a lot on here actually. I've just recently like let go off all hope of ever passing allll the time(though mostly again everything goes well, actualylit really hasn't ever gone not well, people don't say things to my face, I'm tall and stuff though idk lol) or sorta having control over who knows, and that's been rough, and I'm still bouncing back out of it.

Though seriously if someone walked up to me and told me to stay away from her kids I wasn't even near, omg, I probably wouldn't have said anything really, but like, "Why are you talking to me?"

And yeah yeah anger is just holding a hot coal and all that good stuff, no doubt. I heavily went through spiritual type phases lol, it's helped, who knows where I'd be, but also I'm on the other side of it a bit and it's all nice for sure, but there's things too haha. I get out frustrations through psychs and exercise(between everything I probably could hurt someone haaa >_> but maybe just the knowledge or thinking I have the knowledge of that of that helps me maintain posture and level-headedness, though again I would anyway I'm sure). Again I have to make sure to cleanse myself of bitterness, and am just coming out of the biggest dose of it yet. And againnnn it's not eveenn because people are shitty to my face, just things and understandings and noticing differences maybe. And I'll stay calm and take it for myself, but honestly I get way more upset/pissed if I see it happening to someone else. All of that going into that post. Sorta like you can throw all the shit at me you want(short of actually getting physical, but try to fuck with my family or dog, that's on a totally different level, I'll stop there with that haha before I go too far.

Seriously good that you can handle it and kudos ^_^ similar to something you said, an instance of not passing doesn't hit like it used to now that I've accepted that it happens, more or less, and lowered my expectations(a good thing in almost all cases, and doesn't imply any less effort or any particular action).

But yeah these people just announcing irrelevant shit, especially if it happened more and I wold then probably tend to consider different reactions, I might would at times depending choose the path that they aren't so special themselves, but eh I'm not sure what I would do really, besides often move on and let it go. These people doing their job? "Just do your fucking job" or "I didn't ask" or good thing I didn't ask, possibly saying it in a nice way, that's always fun, contradictory messages, say it while smiling lol. Anyway this is becoming like a thought experiment for me which is perhaps a bit disresepectful so I'll chill. Also too I see where you said getting angry or presumably being sassy wouldn't get you anywhere but beat up, perhaps being beat up wouldn't exactly be my worry considering like what I said up there.
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Barnaby Bankinlock - Mon, 25 Jul 2016 11:37:00 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399383 Ignore Report Quick Reply
wow so many typos, like a lot even for me ha.

also you will probably get tired of caring so much about something so ummm, low, as them being bothered by someone's fucking appearance for god's sake lol.
Barnaby Bankinlock - Mon, 25 Jul 2016 11:56:31 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399386 Ignore Report Quick Reply
> I can stay away from them and they won't have to suffer my facade ever again
And no, you stay away from them because why would you hang around shitty ass tiny people? Who you are around ca actually make a pretty big difference I'm more or less beginning to see perhaps. Find people that talk about something interesting.
Barnaby Bankinlock - Mon, 25 Jul 2016 11:58:48 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399387 Ignore Report Quick Reply
though too I understand what you're saying maybe, when deciding I would never ask for or "chase" people, similar thoughts might've come, though idk about the use of facade or what that means to you in this case, but yeah, of course that, and I wouldn't want to though too does become the point.

transilience by Rebecca Huvingson - Wed, 06 Jul 2016 06:50:44 EST ID:++Ch09Bf No.398978 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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what do you think of this?

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Wesley Buttinghall - Sun, 24 Jul 2016 13:28:53 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399362 Ignore Report Quick Reply
haha <3 excellent

that's pokemonnnn =P
Anhny - Sun, 24 Jul 2016 17:10:33 EST ID:ANhnyAXt No.399364 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>that's pokemonnnn
I thought pokemon was just anime
kayla !!RplSF/AQ - Sun, 24 Jul 2016 19:51:05 EST ID:3MGrR9FW No.399365 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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I collected a base set when I was 10 and kept it in a safe. Thats not nerdy, its a fucking investment
Martha Derringshit - Mon, 25 Jul 2016 03:49:08 EST ID:4T7aPqvz No.399367 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I had this original (1st edition?) Pikachu card from when I was a kid. Looks nothing like Ash's pikachu, it's a fat, slumped figure. Sold it for about 300 dollars to someone who practically begged me for it. Coulda been worth 5 bucks, coulda been worth 1000, but I didn't care. It's a piece of cardboard.

I got these awesome new headphones now.

Invest, cash in when you feel like treating yourself. =)
Barnaby Bankinlock - Mon, 25 Jul 2016 11:38:33 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399384 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Nope they'll make trading card games for lots of stuff lol, yugioh was also an anime, though literally based on cards haha.

United Pharmacies by Sidney Shittingstock - Thu, 21 Jul 2016 14:30:01 EST ID:mNpQ6JE4 No.399326 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Legitimate source of getting hormones or scam? FDA hidey hole?
Caroline Pedgefod - Thu, 21 Jul 2016 19:44:42 EST ID:sPJhIdOb No.399328 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Seems pretty dodgy. Give it a go if you're game to and then let us know.
Isabella Wicklewill - Thu, 21 Jul 2016 20:41:58 EST ID:Aw1RmdmH No.399330 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Try QHI or Inhouse Pharmacy instead. There's been reports of credit card fraud from UnitedPharmacies.

Balding by Angus Heddlestark - Fri, 15 Jul 2016 22:40:04 EST ID:ZOujZLHs No.399236 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Any help with the start of balding before pretrans?
It's not really bad, but it's starting to become noticeable
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Alice Gankinway - Sun, 17 Jul 2016 08:50:09 EST ID:vpXf6MJO No.399255 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Is bicalutamide a good alternative to spiro?
William Fomblespear - Mon, 18 Jul 2016 00:43:42 EST ID:N+xOP8IZ No.399261 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Don't know. It seems to be even less psychoactive, probably doesn't cause any corticosteroidal weirdness, and is strenuous on the liver to one degree or another, and AFAIK can be rather expensive.
Phoebe Suttinglut - Mon, 18 Jul 2016 19:02:55 EST ID:m0RwTPBQ No.399272 Ignore Report Quick Reply

My hair thinned out pretty badly with scalp showing through, though my hair line didn't change much. Dutasteride brought a lot back, enough to make it okay. Maybe 75-80%-ish back? Will still need hair transplant to make it fuller.
Nell Gemmleford - Thu, 21 Jul 2016 10:59:16 EST ID:C+Vy2Mq3 No.399313 Ignore Report Quick Reply

This. Brought my hairline back, the hairline I wanted, while simultaneously allowing the other more masculine hairs I don't want to continue shrinking back. Avodart/Dutaterside 0.5mg per day.
Isabella Nashfuck - Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:53:08 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399320 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Do you have to take it forever? Also does it help if you haven't had hairline loss but just would like a lower/more feminine hairline/have always had a higher hairline?

Body thread by Reuben Sallerridge - Mon, 18 Jul 2016 14:08:39 EST ID:GDT7tFUu No.399266 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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This one is for everything body related: surgeries, exercises, body progress/passing and so on
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Isabella Nashfuck - Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:51:47 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399319 Ignore Report Quick Reply
hop leap skip =P

But no like I mentioned, I do work out for my legs and butt and try to eat appropriately at times to gain mass, it's a play because I often do end up doing work on other areas of my body lol like not as intentionally, but yeah. But also really I've always sorta had a decent butt(though in the way that guys do so like sticks out more than it is perfectly feminine and wide and stuff) without trying to work out for it like as a kid/teen, idk if it was from stuff I did or not, I did play outside and start with the acrobatic stuff(though never got far, nor was it structured stuff it was just like me trying to learn it on my own basically lol) when I was a teen.

Squats, lunges, sprinting, lately running, leaping, and jumping up the hill that is our driveway is my intense thing I like to do(it's more speed/cns focused like the stuff I would want to do is), as well as aiming for some acrobatic skills as I've mentioned lol. Those work my core too though. etc =P
Isabella Nashfuck - Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:57:03 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399321 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I have a hard time being consistent with that stuff though, and often when I do finally go back to it I do the intense stuff or otherwise go too hard and end up with majorrr DOMS so that I can't hardly do anything for several days(doms or delayed onset muscle soreness is usually the worst like the 2nd and 3rd day after), though I could try to work through it somewhat lol. I can be lazy.

Also exercise is great for lots of reasons! =D haha, feels good(even when you're sore there can be a bit of satisfaction to it lol) and having energy and stufff, all kinds of things, possibly even cultivating a mindset and stuff. healthy ofc, etc
Isabella Nashfuck - Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:59:25 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399322 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Small butts can be/are cute of course anyway, I feel like compared to my overall size and how some women can be, mines more on the small hopefully cute side still anyway lol, more "bubble " ish or whatever idk haha
Isabella Nashfuck - Thu, 21 Jul 2016 13:02:28 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399323 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I can't stop postinggggg, my mom has a big butt and small boobies lol, very pear or whatever, so I was hoping that would at least go kinda well, which idk if it particularly did how I hoped from that knowledge lol
Isabella Nashfuck - Thu, 21 Jul 2016 13:23:04 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399324 Ignore Report Quick Reply
do lunges at least mmkayy
eat something with protein and carbs after

If you want =P also warm up somewhat however you want(lunges with only your bodyweight could conceivably be just fine as a warm up too actually, just don't go too intense until you're warmed up some), and stretch too! after not before for stretching, being flexible is good right? I can almost do a front split on both sides, though one tends to be better and inconsistency strikes again lol, I fucking hate stretching tbh, having made some progress makes me hate it slightly less lol. Middle split is still pretty far away. It's also for my stuff I wanna do but still would be nice, and stretching(as long as you don't do it horribly wrong, no bouncing stretches lol) is good for you too.

Though too I think I might look weird in a full split, maybe middle particularly, because it might let one notice how I have a longer body that like girl's usually do I guess, but maybe I'm just being paranoid lol.

Sometimes I'm sure I must look stupid while trying to do some of the exercises I do too but oh well lol. It's funny.

do lunges and exercises in sets of reps, so like 3 sets of 5 lunges(on each side, so like ten steps) or maybe less to start with, feeling some burn by the end of it is good, when it gets easy, up how many you do per set, and up to a certain point, after a certain point you aren't necessarily going to be increasing mass, you'll be doing something more for endurance, this is when you'd up the weight normally to make it where you can only do so many again. etc

This all falls under body thread rightt lol.

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BIG PHAT PHONY by Jarvis Fomblemetch - Tue, 19 Jul 2016 10:11:46 EST ID:J547L2My No.399278 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Looking for advice, or camaraderie, or someone whose just been where I am.

This probably inst the place for me, but imageboards have always been a place where you can "safely" bare your soul- so here goes.

I've read a lot about other trans people and cant quite say I fit in their mold, which has left me feeling like a phony, and not sure if I should transition or not.

I'm 28 years old. 6 feet tall, and over 200 pounds. I dont pass (especially to the highly discerning expectations of these imageboards), but I think I have a fairly soft/feminine face and features. I "started" crossdressing at around 20 in college. I've done so regularly since then. At first it was a sexualized fetish. I enjoyed wearing stockings/panties/whatever while having sex with my girlfriend. But it was quickly apparent that my desires were more than just that. I started crossdressing at local bars/dance clubs and so on.

For the past 2 years I have come out to basically all of my friends/acquaintances. I say "come out" but all i've really said is "Oh hi, i'm wearing women's clothing and prefer to be called Hannah. I hope this wont change our friendship too much." So far- it hasn't. If anything I am more able to emotionally connect with my friends and have closer friendships as a result.

I never went through a "purge" cycle of throwing away all of my fem stuff, and I never even feel that much shame about the whole thing. In fact, when I am out dressed up and looking my best I feel proud of who I am- in a way i have never felt as a male.

I also cant say "I always knew I was transgender" or anything like that. I don't have especially great memories of my childhood due to a few childhood concussions and the general chaos of my living situation. I do remember occasionally modelling my mothers hats/clothes for the enjoyment of my sister. But in part I guess everyone has a similar story, and i've always been the one in my family to do anything to get someone to laugh. I cant say i'm one of those "I always felt like I was a girl born in a boys body".

I have a successful career as a software developer. Money is not an impediment. But I am worried about how transitioning would impact my career. On one hand I know its almost categorically a negative effect on peoples perception of me, but on the other hand- not having to hide who I am at work will make me a lot more motivated to give it my best effort.
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Graham Cerrytedging - Tue, 19 Jul 2016 14:00:05 EST ID:2GkqoK3k No.399283 Ignore Report Quick Reply
typical autogynephile
Rebecca Cankinridge - Tue, 19 Jul 2016 16:31:40 EST ID:ONfyKInb No.399288 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Derp derp, butthurt you are
Shitting Sibberridge - Tue, 19 Jul 2016 17:19:18 EST ID:sPJhIdOb No.399289 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Go see a therapist.

you remind me more of a transvestite (like grayson perry) whom has an "alter ego" when dressed up.

But seriously, you know what you want to hear us say, you know you are seeking some form of validation from us, which means you know what you really want.

So... go see a therapist, this is a real issue for you and its at the point where you are contemplating trusting people on the internet, which is dangerous, especially when people have already started recommending treatments.
Ghengis Dong - Tue, 19 Jul 2016 18:10:45 EST ID:6reN9DYJ No.399290 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>whom has an "alter ego" when dressed up.
I'm a transvestite, and definitely agree with you. The problem is a lot of crossdressers such as myself feel genuine validation when expressing that alter ego, so they become paranoid about which gender presentation is the illusion and which is authentic They're both illusions lol[ The idea that crossdressing is strictly a sexual kink for all who do it is wrong and naively oversimplified.

The difference is slimmer than most people feel comfortable admitting IMO. It's just a question of how extreme is your dysphoria; though I don't intend on trotting out yet ANOTHER spectrum.
Alice Dodgewater - Wed, 20 Jul 2016 12:14:12 EST ID:5R86TULF No.399305 Ignore Report Quick Reply
obligatory do whatever you want nothing is anything and everything is nothing, validation not necessary, if you feel insecure because of other people, rarely is someone else as spotless as they would like to appear, and it doesn't matter lol. etc blah blah also obligatory being trans can be rough though if you don't feel the need to pass extensively that might not be so bad, but you could also easily develop that need intentionally or not, then viola! validating dysphoria, I would try to avoid that haha, looking good and well put together is nice, etc blah more blah, oh and back stories and stories from trans people in general are a mess and to be taken with a grain of salt, memories in general themselves are shadowy inconsistent things, etc blah lol not that there aren't things you should consider or not, etc blah, wish you the best! ^_^

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