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your story sounds familiar i think ive already commented about your situation in an other thread?
Either way ill go again, theres no point in transitioning if you arent going to socially transition, you say testosterone is your problem, easy fixed, just take an AA, go get an orchi, bam done no more evil testosterone! thank me later :) you dont need to take estrogen to fix your testosterone problem.
you havent benefited though have you? has anything actually changed for you in the 4 years you've been taking these pills? or is it just much of the same except you've convinced yourself you've fixed/fixing the problem?
Look, part of passing is learning how to be a girl, you cant just leave the house one day and pass, it doesnt work that way and dont let anyone tell you it works that way, you need to be free to be yourself, if you cant be yourself then you'll never learn you'll never progress. Trannies go through shit in the beginning, we all get called "sir" quite bluntly, but as time passes we learn from our mistakes, we need to make mistakes to be able to progress.
you can sit at home saying "im not going to do anything until the world is totally convinced im female" all you want, but its never going to happen, because while you're sitting at home waiting you arent out there practising your voice and doing things that could be beneficial to your transition.
i tried writing three other aproaches before this one, i hate to be the bearer of bad news, but people dont give a shit about you, people dont give a shit about a man wearing a dress, its 2017, its been done, have you seen eurovision some guy with a beard wearing a dress won, its 2017, all the fears you have told yourself are in your own head.
This is your life and all you're doing is sitting around telling yourself that you've fixed/are fixing the problem and that your issue is testosterone its not that you are a tranny.
At the end of the day, no one knows you, you're a man to them, they see you in the street and they go "oh hey theres that male bodied male identified person :) G'Day m8 how about them crazy girls amiright? want to go watch sports and talk about fixing automobiles?"
Passing 100% is a rarity and even when you see people posting about it on other sites, its bullshit its lighting, it makeup its people, lovely people who much like you have been set a standard which they are trying to reach and so by capturing these photos they look at these photos and say "this is me, this is what i look like all the time".
i dont even know where im going with this anymore, im tired.
it is one or the other, and im havent said any of the things ive said to be mean or bitchy, but i want you to really think about this, WHO ARE YOU? dont tell me, go into the bathroom and ask the person staring back at you. are you a man or are you a woman? at the end of the day physicality has nothing to do with it, its a mentality thing.
All i can tell you is nobody calls me he, him, his, sir, mr, not even the government, I dont pass 100% i have a male skeleton, i have male hands male feet, male chromosomes, male skull etc, you need to decide if you want to be called she or him, ms or mr, man or woman.
you cant live your life forever being in limbo.
Anyways i think that about does it, again sorry for the tiredness, im sure if you have any issues you can respond and ill clarify.
this is why people should go see psychologists and have a support base. maybe ill take a page out of my favourite phrase lately and say go see a psychologist.