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Hello guys, i just want to say that i'm more than 5 weeks clean from alcohol and a lot of different kind of drugs. Also i approach the end of my tapering of benzos, i'm only taking 0,5mg alprazolam a day. (I regularly flushed down 15+ mgs of clonazepam with lots of booze). So i'm 5 weeks into this almost clean state (i only take 0,5mg alprazolam, 25mg quetiapine, and smoke 10-15 cigarettes a day) and i can say it really sucks major dicks. BUT: being fucked up like those disgusting
stinky alcoholic hobos you see lying in the subway underpass, sucks even huger blue-veined meter long jolly african-americandicks with AIDS.
I really went down the rabbit hole this time and i almost killed myself. I was locked in a mental hospital, and detoxified. Now i don't want to drink or use recreational drugs(maybe some /psy/ sometimes in the distant future), but i'm feeling like shit. This is not just withdrawal or post-acute withdrawal symptoms, this is the absolute condition of my body and mind, that i didn't realize or feel because the so much narcotic i used to hide the reality.
In my experience(i used synthetic cannabinoids back then on an absolute fiendish junkie scale and then detoxed from it) and according to others, the time when i'll probably feel fine is T+6 months. And i'm only in 5 weeks. Everything is fucked up around me, i need to rebuild my life. I lost my university study, i lost my job, i spent all my money(not a lot at a time, but adding it up it equals the price of a good car), my body is injured at multiple sites, my mind and my emotions are shattered, i got fat, and i feel like i can't work or study or do anything. It really sucks. How to overcome these shits until these 5 months elapse? I can't do sport because my body really hurts on multiple sites, even walking and sitting hurts a lot , but i changed my diet to a healthy one. Also i got back to normal self-maintaining rutines, like bathing, brushing teeth, wearing clean clothes, shaving, cleaning the house, cooking/baking healthy and cheap foods. I guess it takes a lot of time to rebuild this life that i damaged to the point of almost destroying it. It wouldn't be a big deal, i can work for some months and years, but i still don't see why does it worth it. I don't think i'll ever be happy in my life, also, the way this humanity is going is probably a combination of totalitarian orwellian dystopia, ongoing world war and daily genocides. I still don't want to live in this ugly world.