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Al "The Goat" Kaida was born in a cave west of the city Durkana, child of Mohammad Kaida and his beautiful goat, whom both perished in an unfortunate tornado. His life was hard knocked and it knocked him up as hard as his father had his mother. On his forehead grew two curly horns and his body was hairy like your ass, which made him resemble a devil of sorts. He was stoned wherever he went (as in thrown rocks) but due to his genetics was he able to sustain the damage. This made him hard and hateful against all humans and lived a secluded life up in the mountains.
But one fateful evening, when he was eating some green grass, his eyes gazed upon the most gorgeous looking goat he had ever seen (not counting his mother).
The two of them had crazy goat/hybrid sex and a few months later were they blessed with a daughter who was 1/4th homo sapiens sapiens and 3/4ths goat. They were the happiest goat familly in the world and the grass had never been greener or juicier.
Although the war had started didn't Al give a shit since the janks only targeted humans and didn't care much for killing goats..
But one day, after gathering some grass for his family, Al found his goat wife and hybrid daughter dead in their shared cave. In their bodies had tiny american flags been stuck, with a small note reading "lol goats suck! Get a cow!". Al got so mad he stomped a hole in the ground that shook the earth so much that the nearest tectonic plates started shift and a few volcanos errupted. Now Al Kaida had a reason to stand up on his hooves and fight... He lusted for revenge!
He sprinted to the nearest town and rallied the people to defend their sandy land! After a few rocks had been thrown at him he managed to speak his mind about the invasion and they all agreed that it truly sucked. But what could they do? After some serious thinking the towns wise sage, Swami Turban, told that according to recent polls does 90% of the american population dislike Satan and that they'd jump at the chance of killing him for good just so that they wouldn't have to spend every sunday being preached about how they should avoid the devil and his trickery. Hearing this, Al knew what he had to do...
With the help of the dinohumans (who had taken a break from their falafels) they senr a psychic broadcast transmitted to every american citizens brain. The transmission was filmed in the cave of Kaida, the place Al had recently called Home, and he spoke of himself; the Devil. He convinced the entire american population that he was Satan and that he was the one who had caused the justice strikes of 11.9.2001, which made USA go apeshit (Bush punched the "launch nuke" so hard that he shattered his hand, broke his arm and fractured all the bones in his body).
The nukes were off, but Al Kaida and his merry psychic dinomen had prepared for this by tricking USA into thinking that the broadcast was sent from the moon. When the missiles reached the moon it didn't look like a big pizza pie anymore, but rather looked like a bag of cheese doodles had exploded in the sky!
Bush Co. was satisfied with the decision of blowing up the moon in the name of Jesus and the population partied like it was the ending to Star Wars VI (some even running around trying to catch the mooncheese doodles with their mouths, thinking that they were raining down on them. Some larger pieces of the moon actually fell down on american soil, but reports say that they didn't taste like cheese at all and that they weren't even salty. Despite this was Ukulele States of America happy and didn't feel like bombing the shit out of Arab country anymore since Satan was now dead and they had rid the world of evil.
Little did they know that Al Kaida was still alive in his cave, smoking a blunt with his newfound psychic dinomen friends, who had resurrected Al's wife and daughter with the awesome dino powers and everybody was fucking ecstatic! The tusken raiders were now free to do whatever the fuck they wanted without fear of having freedum rammed up their asses!
The remaining dinosouls finally ascended into Jurassic heaven, having hacked the matrix and being able to bring falafels with them (which made everybody so happy that ... well, words can't describe what happened next so we'll leave it a mystery. I'll give you a hint though: Partyhats.
USA decided to never invade another country again in the name of Jesus since they now believed that there wasn't anymore evil in the world now that Satan was dead. Bush Co. briefly tried to convince the populace that Satan's long lost brother, Belzebobby, was building nuclear snowcastles in the North Pole, but they ceased their propaganda efforts when the new season of America's Next Top model started airing. "Heck, I need to prayoritais my interests, dang nabit", said Bush when asked to comment on his decision not to nuke the Arctic. There have been no word of another go at it which is a huge relief.
By saving Arabia was Al now deemed equal in the eyes of everybody and he was treated with respect as he and his goat family trampled the streets.
The only thing that was stoned now...
Was his mind.
Never forget this.
This is our history.