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I did it. I did it, I did it. I found it, and I know in my heart of hearts I can find it with ease again and again. My childhood holy grail.
150mcg ALD-52, 15mg 4-AcO-DMT, 10mg 4-HO-MiPT, 20mg 30mg 3-Meo-PCE, 20mg 3-MeO-PCP, 400mg DXM, 12g kratom, ~20mg caffeine, ~1mg nicotine
I was laying in the dark listening to music, when something familiar yet foreign started to occur. Sort of an ego death, vanilla psychosis-like occurence. Reality flickered hard, I realized for the god knowsth time all of reality was merely a pleasurable/painful fabrication done unto myself by myself at some distant, conveniently forgotten time in the past, or perhaps the future, or maybe both.
Was vaping through the bong, and the first indicator was the glass warping like a hard sensuous gello with a texture firmly tied to my whims, mood, and mental state. An old, known fear got the best of me, and the sense that I was about to shatter and lose all reality took a semi-firm hold of me for a bit. I stood up, fairly steady, and tried to grab the top corner of my desktop chair for some reassurance. Everything had a neonish outline in the false darkness, and when I grabbed the chair, the leather melted straight through my fingers into bubbly orbs of some primordial glowing matter rising in a spiral to some unseen heaven so far above. With a half sigh and maybe a little "oh fuck", I sat/fell back onto my now hard-gello flowing bed. Looked around, and sure enough the walls were in the same state as the chair. The ceiling had disappeared, to some shiny black-white inverted cosmos. The walls, my furniture, were bubbling, spiraling up into pure oblivion steadily.
"Is it over? It's over. You made it over. It's over, and you can't do anything about it. You can do everything about it. It's yours, it's yours. Take it."
I placed the bong back on the last circle of solid, grounded reality and reached forward with both hands in a bit of a trance to say the least, remembering the sensation of the glass molding beneath my fingertips. I grabbed and willed an object, a simple rod, and pulled; molded it out of thin air. This unreal object, in lieu of the deskchair, was what I grounded myself with, and things clicked. I looked past the bubbled walls into the white, and yearned for a vista. A blue, gentle nightime landscape of a foreign home rolled out easy as you please, rolling hills and forests of breathing turquoise trees like you've never seen. I rolled back into my wonderfully soft, melding bed, and it became something of a perfectly contoured hammock. Sighed a breath of relieved contentedness, closed my eyes, and brilliant lively visuals entertained me for a few eternal hours of total, sweet bliss.
Interactive, impossible visuals, that I played with to my heart's content. Smooth, almost metallic organicness. Went to the kitchen to score a fruit & nut bar at some point, and oh I can't even say what that journey was. Eventually took 2mg/0.1mg diclazepam/clonazolam solution to push me off to a so so wonderful, dreamy but dreamless sleep, for I'd surely dreamed to my heart's contentment already.