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Naturally /dis/sed by Shitting Govingstock - Sun, 05 Nov 2017 07:56:28 EST ID:VBqbkNrC No.357063 Ignore Report Quick Reply
File: 1509886588414.gif -(1883460B / 1.80MB, 500x208) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. 1883460
Did anyone here have any kind of dissociative or trauma-based disorder before starting to use dissociatives and if so, how did your use affect it?
George Clerringstock - Sun, 05 Nov 2017 09:42:14 EST ID:yVyr2UVT No.357066 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Actually yes man. Ever since i was a kid, I felt what i could only describe as "light headed" back then. This would sometimes go on for weeks, sometimes a day. I would be normal and then it would abruptly hit. It really annoyed me and tore me up as a kid. It wasn't even that i couldn't function i just plain didn't like the feeling. Crowds, fear(sometimes) or pitch blackness definitely triggered it. Also generally new situations, hanging out watching a scary movie with new people, walking home at night in the dark etc. Like i remember i just started hanging out with my one group of friends (whom i still know very well) and the power went out. I kept saying i'm lightheaded as shit, when honestly that doesn't describe it well at all. In reality it felt as if i were looking out of a camera other than my eyes, but could only see out of my eyes if that makes sense. I couldn't see the top or back of my head per say but it felt like my consciousness was "up there".
Way after all of this stopped i read about Depersonalization.
>Depersonalization-derealization disorder occurs when you persistently or repeatedly have the feeling that you're observing yourself from outside your body or you have a sense that things around you aren't real, or both. Feelings of depersonalization and derealization can be very disturbing and may feel like you're living in a dream.

I ended up getting a limes disease test after i told this to a doctor when i was some age between 12-14, came up with nothing. In foresight everyone probably thought i was really feeling "lightheaded" i don't know how well i explained it. After that came up negative i got an MRI (the power went out during the procedure actually and wiped the data, i was in there for like 3 hours). Nothing.

Then i got into smoking pot. This triggered it hard, and lasted for like a week. But weed was cool back then so i was like fuck it, did it once every week or so. I eventually did it more.

Then comes in DXM. I think i tried it when i was like 17. That stuff CURED me. Never really came back. I didn't even notice it either until like 3 months went by and i was like "wait a minute, i don't have to deal with that shit anymore... hmm". It didn't matter whether i was on DXM or not by the way, it just stopped.I guess being dissed made me less sensitive to the minor perception change? Or more appreciative of the dissociated headspace. I still notice it from time to time but it doesn't bother me really. I don't focus on it. How do you like them apples?
Shitting Govingstock - Sun, 05 Nov 2017 10:37:31 EST ID:VBqbkNrC No.357069 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Huh! That's very interesting, George, thank you. Weed also dissociates me extremely hard in an uncontrollable way. If you don't mind me asking, are you saying roughly that it felt like your eyes became a video feed that was being streamed to you/your soul/your mind, located above your body? Or something else, like you did see from above but it was made of stuff your brain guessed from looking straight ahead?

Did you have any identity shifts with this or was it all sensory junk?
George Clerringstock - Sun, 05 Nov 2017 14:32:27 EST ID:yVyr2UVT No.357072 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>like your eyes became a video feed that was being streamed to you/your soul/your mind.
Damn that is actually a good way of describing it. Thanks for replying so quick, this site is fucking dying. I wouldn't describe it as "dreamlike" but i guess that word could also be used. I never pieced it together but as a kid The Matrix was always really special to me, it still is. An interesting way to describe it as somebody who hasn't jacked out yet but knows something is wrong with reality. But i never really thought about it that way.

Now it is the least of the worries. Dealing with schizophrenia currently. Hell on earth man. Hell. On. Earth. I miss being a kid.
Edward Shakeshit - Sun, 05 Nov 2017 15:59:49 EST ID:lcOTR0qw No.357075 Ignore Report Quick Reply
1509915589414.png -(367584B / 358.97KB, 720x1280) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Not the best at drawing but this scribble is a representation of how dissociation feels to me.

Its like you take on step back from your physical self yet keep strings attached. Like your soul stops existing within your body and instead becomes a puppeteer of the body. It sorta feels like your watching your own lifes movie. I too get these feeling while sober or on weed alone (which by the way is dissociative due to indirect nmda antagonism so its no wonder why it can cause this) and i think i felt them when younger too. I can also sometimes trigger it on purpose while sober(in fact writing this is triggering it, but i am also on dxm for the third or 4th day so its really easy right now).

Anyone else feel this way?
Nathaniel Shittingshit - Sun, 05 Nov 2017 18:14:23 EST ID:BtKXjyDv No.357081 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I had derealization for some months after a bad LSD trip. Somehow things didn't feel real, but I knew they were. Everything I would experience felt like a memory I was reliving and not actually real, even if it was something new. I also felt like I was observing my consciousness too, like I was separate from it. During this period weed would trigger it along with anxiety pretty badly. The only dissociative I used during this time was nitrous, and it mostly felt the same except during the peak of the experience. When you get to where you are completely limp and your vision and hearing consists of nothing but hallucinations, I felt like my mind was very clear. I no longer felt like I was observing my own mind and had a sense of my mind that felt very clear. The derealization eventually went away, but I still feel like this when I use nitrous. Prior to the derealization strong nitrous experiences had felt too overwhelming.
Eugene Barringtet - Sun, 05 Nov 2017 20:48:05 EST ID:Er0toUkt No.357088 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Yep, hence 'dissociation.' You still physically sense from your body but your mind's pathways cannot communicate properly with each other and you start to feel detached or 'dissociated.'
Martin Follymire - Fri, 10 Nov 2017 23:20:50 EST ID:dkmLWNmL No.357247 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I'm always extremely disconnected/derealized/dissociated but I never went to a psychiatrist about it. It seems to make life harder and dissociatives way stronger for me,
James Blatherspear - Sat, 11 Nov 2017 13:11:14 EST ID:s34QnTvB No.357252 Ignore Report Quick Reply
If dissociation caused by abuse was a bare room that you go to in your mind merely for safety, then imagine that dissociative drugs painted the walls wild colours, decorated, added televisions and radios, a huge comfortable bed.. so that what was once merely a necessity is now a luxury, the mundane now actually enjoyable as opposed to merely comforting.

It took me a long time to realize what was happening and stop using DXM every other day, as a teenager, partly because of this.
George Mallyham - Sat, 11 Nov 2017 16:05:14 EST ID:tk4VI4I5 No.357256 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I was reading this a while back http://disregardeverythingisay.com/post/12785333636/the-subjective-components-of-a-dissociative-trip and and pic related is kinda what I feel like you're trying to get across with your doodle, though you're also capturing that feeling of floating above or outside your body, influencing it but maybe not in direct control of it. Link is a good read, btw, but fuck is it exhaustively long.
George Mallyham - Sat, 11 Nov 2017 16:56:15 EST ID:tk4VI4I5 No.357258 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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lmao I never posted the pic
James Chankinson - Sat, 11 Nov 2017 21:50:51 EST ID:LLakCYsL No.357270 Ignore Report Quick Reply
i always found it interesting how dissociaties give me the exact same 'alice in wonderland syndrome' effects that i used to get in the night terrors i randomly had as a kid
Clara Granddock - Tue, 14 Nov 2017 22:55:12 EST ID:4nB+ltxY No.357352 Ignore Report Quick Reply
thank you for this
Shit Brizzlelan - Fri, 17 Nov 2017 21:05:12 EST ID:/8chkou+ No.357414 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Damn. Nice

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