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Music and Personal Value by Priscilla Tootman - Wed, 03 Jan 2018 22:08:23 EST ID:NgEaRBOs No.452694 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Writing to get something off my chest and listen to others. I know this board is slower than My Funny Valentine but I need to write somewhere.

For exactly 2 years now I have grown into the role of a hobby musician. Used to be a career, but after severe burnout I realized I was unhappy and even disliked a lot of my time behind an instrument.

It took a lot of soul searching to learn how to simply play for fun again. I think I’m making progress but a big problem is after a lifetime of approaching music with specific goals in mind, I have a lot of trouble keeping my mind off of targeted efforts.

I’ll always be thinking “oh this will improve my technique here” or “I need to make a short collection in this style to show people” and I can’t ever seem to lock down on jamming out for pure pleasure.

It’s held me back as an artist so fucking much. My shit is all mediocre because of the goals, nothing feels genuine, sometimes I feel like I don’t even know how to express my feelings through music after a lifetime playing it.

Drugs help, a lot. But then my mind looks back and I feel guilty for playing without getting anything done. I remember as a kid those rare moments where I was in a trance at the keyboard. Once I was stacking triads with the pedal down and thought it sounded like I was under water, but my parents stopped me and made me practice. Another time I was playing weird pads on a Korg triton for hours but I had to stop because my parents said I was too loud.

Now, when I visit my family I can’t focus on playing instruments around them. They ask me to play piano but I can’t because it feels like some awkward performance where I should be impressing them. It’s backwards too because if I just had fun I’m sure it would sound fine.

I feel really lost as a musician lately. I keep making tracks and deleting them after hours of work because it sounds like I’m trying to imitate other styles, but nothing sounds like an original expression of my own.

TLDR I’m struggling with meaning and the absurdity of playing music. Thanks for letting me qq it up in here guys, /m/ played a huge part in my life and I love you all
Jenny Hovinghog - Thu, 04 Jan 2018 12:14:16 EST ID:liXURdVg No.452696 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Program some jolly african-americanbass beats and shout Gucci Gucci Gucci over them for your family.

Maybe you'll get some respect.

Or just kill yourself.
Nell Brommletine - Thu, 04 Jan 2018 15:11:07 EST ID:PpRpFOeO No.452697 Ignore Report Quick Reply
sounds like learning a new instrument might give you that playfulness you desire, not knowing what the fuck you're doing is always a pleasure.
Lydia Bloffinggold - Thu, 04 Jan 2018 22:42:29 EST ID:iX4qDyOe No.452701 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Ah the constructive nature of our community. Thank you
Thanks, I’ve thought that it might be fun to pick up an instrument I haven’t played in a long time and get better at it. Something like an ocarina, maybe a 3 chamber one. Good idea!

Again mostly venting, felt great to organize my thoughts somewhere
George Subberbanks - Fri, 05 Jan 2018 10:33:12 EST ID:Yl7VdeoP No.452702 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>I keep making tracks and deleting them after hours of work because it sounds like I’m trying to imitate other styles, but nothing sounds like an original expression of my own.
Don't delete anything, I am often pleasantly surprised when I listen back to stuff I forgot I had made from years ago.
>my parents stopped me
> I had to stop because my parents said I was too loud.
Get some good quality headphones so any time they try to divert you from what you are doing you can carry on.
This is about RESISTANCE, all artists experience this. (read "War of Art)
They key is to just keep doing it no matter what excuses crop up.
"I'm not enjoying this"
"This isn't good enough"
"It's too late to do music"
"I'll just watch this youtube video first"
"I might disturb my parents"
"I don’t even know how to express my feelings through music after a lifetime playing it. "
"I'm copying someone else"
Just turn your brain off and PLAY, not work, PLAY.
Set a time every day when all you will do is play, not to get better, not to learn, not to develop, just to PLAY.
PLAYTIME, every day, no matter what.
Up to you how long you want to make it, and nothing stopping you extending, but be sure to put aside some time every day for PLAYTIME.

>I’m struggling with meaning and the absurdity of playing music.
Making heartfelt music as opposed to commercial music is to me a spiritual practice, meditation and a connection with the divine, this gives it more meaning than almost anything in my life as I see it.
And as far as absurdity, look around, is there any way you could spend your time that is NOT absurd?
Music is the answer, you know it in your heart, your head has confused the issue, so put it in the back seat and just PLAY.
Rebecca Guggleshaw - Sun, 07 Jan 2018 00:44:44 EST ID:QQnI0/s+ No.452708 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I appreciate the response. I live alone now so a lot of that isn’t the problem as far as other people being around, was referring to back when I was a kid.

I’ll check out the war of art, sounds like some good motivation now. I’ll keep pushing myself then! If nothing else, playing music is something to do until I die
Martin Gocklebutch - Sun, 07 Jan 2018 05:44:28 EST ID:rm727dO4 No.452710 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Seems like you have a thing for improvisation and over the years you got "disciplined". Try jamming out without the pretense of recording and see how it feels.
Simon Gettingpudge - Sun, 07 Jan 2018 09:36:45 EST ID:thuw3dKO No.452711 Ignore Report Quick Reply



Just remember - you are not competing with anyone. Art is not a competition. You don't have to prove anything to anyone.
Lydia Smallworth - Sun, 07 Jan 2018 21:26:13 EST ID:hZxwnHC4 No.452717 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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You’re right. I can feel where my mind isn’t aligned properly because of my perception that it’s competitive. My brother was in band with me growing up so I always felt the need to compete to be better than him at it. It was a major driving force of me practicing and ultimately studying. Looking back it seems like a poisonous way to approach it but this is rooted in my life and reflects elsewhere.

It’s ironic that music is naturally so competitive as a career too. It’s tough to not sell out to stand out. I don’t miss those long nights writing a reggae commercial pack because I got hired to.

Been playing a ton on my mpk mini with my iphone plugged in. The lack of a professional setup is helping me explore the fun that can be had when I’m pushed to be creative.
Lydia Smallworth - Sun, 07 Jan 2018 23:18:40 EST ID:hZxwnHC4 No.452718 Ignore Report Quick Reply
As for the War of Art book. While I appreciate the message (and I really do) so far the delivery is so painfully outdated I don’t think I can keep reading. He keeps using examples like “blasting rap music” and “bringing home your boyfriend from jail” and all I can picture is some old church redneck! Haha
Fucking Demblebanks - Thu, 11 Jan 2018 03:14:17 EST ID:5Nlc3HVi No.452734 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Hey man, atleast you're doing something. I always want to create / play, but never get into it properly. Fucking around with practically no skills is fun, but it would be more fun to jam qualitatively.

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