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WEED IS LEGAL IN CANADA! Live 420chan Q&A and Site Merchandise Giveaways on Stream

Live 420chan Q&A, 420chan merchandise giveaways, Logitech hardware giveaways, partying on Twitch tonight!
G502 Giveaway Ends @ Midnight     Q&A Discussion Thread
Weird red bump by Samuel Dullyforth - Thu, 28 Sep 2017 12:07:50 EST ID:48l3Q2JZ No.55116 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
File: 1506614870767.png -(103700B / 101.27KB, 310x314) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. 103700
A few days ago I noticed I had this weird red bump on my cheek to the left of my nose. It doesn't hurt or anything, but it hasn't gone away. It doesn't appear to be a zit so I dunno. Is this something serious?
>>
Jenny Blythedale - Fri, 29 Sep 2017 01:21:40 EST ID:gA0Ln1Xg No.55117 Ignore Report Quick Reply
it could possibly be the early stage of a sarcoma/carcinoma, but it could also just be an unusual pimple, a result of acne, psoriasis, a burn (were you blackout drunk recently?), an allergic reaction, or just sensitive skin with no discernible cause. if you smoke or drink, try to reduce that. otherwise, just observe it. if it grows in size or changes shape/color/texture, see a doctor about it. if you are a fancy nobleman then see an oncologist, or at least dermatologist.
>>
Nicholas Geckledat - Fri, 29 Sep 2017 14:04:27 EST ID:48l3Q2JZ No.55122 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>55117
It appears to be shrinking both in area and bumpiness, but also getting darker red.
>>
Cedric Gozzlechedging - Sun, 21 Oct 2018 18:36:11 EST ID:opFniQnJ No.55635 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>55116
That's a rather extreme nodule you have there. I have my suspicions. Is the nodule deep down and palpable? And are you by chance a Roma gypsy? I have worked extensively with these people in their communities in Europe from 2012 - 2014 and noticed this same ugly skin ailment in vast swathes of that population and am wondering if there is correlation? The Roma community remedy is 4x stainless steel tablespoons of 100% coconut oil every 4 minutes for an hour (60tbls total) , followed by a 750g jar of 100% coconut oil enema administered immediately afterwards by a close female relative. A male relative gently holds apart the buttocks. This treatment is then repeated nightly for 7x nights using different relatives each night until the whole family has participated. I am lucky enough to have seen this treatment applied to an adult Roma male for myself, and I'm pleased to say it had wonderful results on this unsightly and frankly repellant affliction. I'm now involved (2017-) in medical trials using the Roma remedy for intermittent hiccoughs and lady troubles like PMS and Borderline Personality Disorder.
Research into social root-causes of poor facial skin health within segregated Roma communities in Central and Eastern Europe has been done extensively i.e. research into how, why and by whom these repulsive facial deformation-endangering settings and exposures are maintained and remedied. The aim of the study was to assess the local setup of how such astonishingly poor personal cleanliness leading to unsightly skin conditions in everyday settings and practices over the long-term in one such community. Early indicators show poor personal hygiene causing transference of microbial fecal matter from the hands onto the face (wash your hands after evacuation of the rectum young man! ) It is the initial part of a larger longitudinal study qualitatively exploring the social root-causes of the poor Roma skin health status through the case of a particular settlement in Slovakia with the same hideous malformation that you present. Please, don't be selfish - think of the mental health status of those who may accidentally see your ghastly affliction and aquire ptsd from the frightful exposure to…
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How did you practice giving enemas? by Cedric Gozzlechedging - Sun, 21 Oct 2018 15:56:54 EST ID:opFniQnJ No.55634 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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/med/, I've been thinking that I'd really like to become a professional enema administrator. There's something attractive about being able to relieve people of their rectal discomfort when they have no one else to turn to. Being paid cash money for my services is a bonus. My speciality would be using 100% pure organic coconut oil in my enemas. How would one go about this? I'm thinking about purchasing a fake butt trainer to practice on. Will I be able to just advertise my services once proficient, or do I need qualifications?


Painful blackheads? by Thomas Fangerfuck - Sat, 19 May 2018 03:01:54 EST ID:lroUEZ+a No.55414 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Can anyone explain what's going on?
I'm getting what seem to be blackheads all over my body, especially my arms, inner thighs, and feet.
Like sporadically I will feel as though I've stepped on some glass/a splinter but it's actually just a blackhead spontaneously pushing through my pore...
What is this shit?
I've recently started using meth which would most definitely be the main contributor/factor..
>>
Thomas Sondernore - Wed, 06 Jun 2018 22:38:34 EST ID:2BPKTNvP No.55430 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>55414
lol fuckhead meth retards


Reason i wont ever try that dumb shit
>>
Matilda Worthingville - Fri, 15 Jun 2018 05:50:22 EST ID:LbJztlSR No.55433 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>55414
Yea, if you didn't have those pitted looking deals along with the black dots then it is really a bad situation.
Regardless, the blackhead things and pain should reverse if you quit. Possibly it could be doing severe damage to your internal organs in the same fashion as well.

This glass stuff all likely comes from mexico, mass produced in a crude incorrect fashion. And not brought here not because of lack of fencing or a wall either. Deregulation of the trucking industry from Mexico.

Forget about the Vicodin epidemic. Opiates are tame in comparison to this glass that has overtkes the speed market. Just quit the stuff for a few months at least. Reevaluate your future, your past. Your family,
real friends.
>>
Henry Noblingville - Fri, 22 Jun 2018 07:34:00 EST ID:0J48kcgn No.55450 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>55430
No need to start an addiction to something soo crude. This is something new though. People would break out from commercial grade illicit speed. Like acne after using it for a few days. But i don't know about this.
---
I am imagine this is the clear looking sparkly glass stuff. Cheap research chemical? Never seen this until somewhat recently with people. Same characteristic. Blackheads that are not beachheads. That push through the skin and not sure about person but leaves indentations where the 'blackheds' had emerged.

Difficult but in the name of medicine and science save some of the dope, and be a test research subject
for medicine, like bood work etc. to explain how it is possible to have what seems to be blackheads suddenly show up and expel through the skin in such a rapid and crude fashion. I you decide to keep doing this suff.

Other wise, save some and send or bring it to the department of health or whatever entity. Concern about getting charged with a crime? Don't know. There are private companies that one can send drugs to to be tested. Maybe submit a urine sample, dope sample and analyzed with a mass spectrometer, it's expensive but I imagine some entity would pay for it. .gov .edu med etc.

Yea, amphetamines just do not do this. May rot peoples teeth out, make them seem monster like in appearance, but never seen the in the past.
>>
Wesley Cricklelock - Sun, 21 Oct 2018 05:19:11 EST ID:R0Ou9c8/ No.55633 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>55414
Ugh. I rarely see patients at my practice as badly in need of some foot car as you young man, followed by a 100% pure Virginiaia coconut oil enema to thoroughly detoxify oneself!
Begin by soaking those rancid things in hot water, until the skin absorbs enough that it becomes wrinkly and white. Make sure to add 10x tablespoons of the naturally antifungal and antiseptic coconut oil to the foot bath. This may take upwards of 30 minutes to an hour. Next, take a large serrated blade (for safety) and scrape to remove as much of that ghastly yellow skin as possible. The effect can be greatly enhanced by staring at the moon out of the bathroom window. Be firm with your scrapes and those bloody awful blackheads should come away easily. You can use a pumice stone if you wish. Try to have those things sockless and exposed to the air as much as possible in future. Finally, a 1kg jar, coconut oil enema should be administered by a gaunt but kind lady friend to rid you of deadly built-up toxins. You can hold your own buttocks apart if you wish. Your Anus should be slick and dribbling oil after an hour. Instruct her to give the Anus a pleasant little rub with the back of a metallic spoon immediately before you evacuate the oil. She's aiming for gentle circular motions around the sphincter. 5 minutes of this should suffice. I don't understand why, but many patients omit this final erotic part of the procedure. In my expert medical opinion it's THE SECRET to the above working!
Boy did you need it.
Good luck.


Little white letters under fingernail. by Lydia Pimblesark - Mon, 25 Apr 2016 22:20:43 EST ID:6eGfA3CN No.54030 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I woke up today to find the letters o and y very clearly embedded behind my fingernail. How in the hell is that possible?
1 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>>
Lydia Pimblesark - Tue, 26 Apr 2016 19:27:14 EST ID:TZ/ojib2 No.54034 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>54032
That's exactly what I said mate. It's a bit of a sticky wicket trying to figure it out wouldn't ya say?
>>
Thomas Dimblewure - Wed, 27 Apr 2016 02:24:33 EST ID:PSCxkG7O No.54036 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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DICKS EVERYWHERE
>>
Simon Bardstock - Thu, 28 Apr 2016 16:52:42 EST ID:5ci1B3Ux No.54039 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>54030
quick, watch twin peaks to find out
>>
Hannah Pibberstock - Tue, 16 Oct 2018 18:57:47 EST ID:R0Ou9c8/ No.55587 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>54030
You mean why is the 'G' is missing, right?
>>
Wesley Cricklelock - Sun, 21 Oct 2018 03:41:50 EST ID:R0Ou9c8/ No.55632 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>54030
Could they be a message from God intended for you specifically? Do the letters mean anything to you? Once I woke up and noticed I had the letters COE, which I certainly didn't have previously, on a crease inside the crook of my left elbow. I thought it may have something to do with the Church Of England, but my girlfriend quickly pointed out we are atheists and it actually meant I needed her to administer a Coconut Oil Enema. So I let her fill me with 750ml of 100% pure oil that night, and we watched open mouthed in amazement the letters disappear and vanish together. It was a fantastic bonding moment for both of us in that bathroom - we now have seven healthy children. All boys. We look back and remember the Initial Experience as we call it, and she still requests to fill my rectum occasionally to keep the letters away.
Good luck.


Medical Questions by Hubert Cumberdale - Sat, 15 Oct 2016 20:04:16 EST ID:9Wq27ZST No.54564 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I have two. One: I drank a lot of bourbon yesterday, four or five glasses and one beer, and now, 24 hours later, I have stomach pain. I assume that the damage to my stomach has been done, and that I am feeling the effects of it. So, would it be pointless to take a proton pump inhibitor like nexium or an antacid? I am drinking lots of water, which has helped significantly with the pain.

My second question is a little harder: for the last 10 days, I have woken up with severe wheezing, which I can mostly remediate with an albuterol inhaler (but it comes back when I nap or sleep). It started when I snorted 14 bags of heroin over the course of five days and has not subsided. I have never had wheezing before this. I have cut down on weed smoke considerably, but it has not improved. My doctor prescribed albuterol, allegra, flonase, and a chest x-ray to see if it is a walking pneumonia. I seek general advice.
>>
Charles Duffingfield - Wed, 19 Oct 2016 15:11:45 EST ID:J7AbzEbo No.54574 Ignore Report Quick Reply
  1. what my dude
there's no reason to believe that the bourbon broke your stomach. your stomach holds stomach acid and shit. now that shit is hardcore. sounds like all the beer gave you gas that got stuck in your colon and gave you stomach pains.
2.
stop snorting heroin with the god knows what else tiny impurities are in it
unfortunately, i cant say anything else on this cause i have no idea what the fuck is going on there
hopefully the x-ray confirms or deconfirms something
>>
Barnaby Sundleham - Thu, 20 Oct 2016 00:42:51 EST ID:TaIW1K+E No.54575 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>54574

this nigga knows wassup, he said all the shit i was gonna say
>>
Angus Murdham - Wed, 17 Oct 2018 16:59:04 EST ID:R0Ou9c8/ No.55616 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>54564
1.I reccomended something the English have known about since 451 BC - it's the power of fresh coconut oil orally at bedtime, taken with a solid silver spoon. 4x silver teaspoons of organic oil, each night for 14 nights while looking at the moon, then reduce to 2x silver teaspoons for 7 nights while looking at the moon with an oiled finger plugging in your Anus. This will cease your stomach discomfort. This works for anyone experiencing distress and anguish at the throbbing pain of anal fissures and furuncules. Note: Stainless steel teaspoons mustn't be used as will not help in your particular case. No proton pump inhibitor required here either, though I can see the confusion.
2.my my. It's 2.5kg of creamy virgin coconut oil anally every day for 14 days (it's a day for every bag of smack inhaled as a general rule) for the cessation of symptoms you describe, via enema. Infact this is a good all round treatment for any wheezing, no matter the cause. A mistress should help with the application, rubbing around the sphincter gently and erotically with a stainless steel spoon.
Good luck!
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Nicholas Bollerwan - Sat, 20 Oct 2018 18:50:01 EST ID:2BfIgwl7 No.55631 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>54564
Check for mold brother


COCONUT OIL CURES by Ian Shittingdale - Wed, 17 Oct 2018 22:30:22 EST ID:R0Ou9c8/ No.55620 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I'm researching for a new book, and would like to hear about the rare and unusual real life medical issues you've experienced and managed to cure with the 100% pure coconut oil Anal method from England. Any kind of anal applications welcome - including enemas, Qtips, silver spoons, perhaps a gloved finger? All stories replied to, welcome and credited in my book!
>>
Nicholas Bollerwan - Sat, 20 Oct 2018 18:48:40 EST ID:2BfIgwl7 No.55630 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>55620
Coconut oil heals my face eczema faster than anything else I've tried


I loth a toof by Hugh Blengerspear - Wed, 24 May 2017 06:36:07 EST ID:ozE5OiPI No.54968 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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So my two lower central teeth were loose as fuck and one just fell out, the other one any time now. I've tried googling it phrased in different ways but all I get back are answers for broken/knocked-out/baby teeth and I can't figure out what to do for self-treating, like is it absolutely imperative to seal it up or will it close up on its own? What are home treatments are there for what is now where the tooth used to be? What did our ancestors do about this? It's not bleeding or anything, not really any noticable sensation either besides feeling my tongue in where the tooth used to be. I did glean something about saltwater gargling so I am gonna start doing that as a routine, but what else should I do or know? Also, how long​ do I have before that weird jaw shrinking thing I read about once before starts to happen? Would me being a bit of a jawclencher happen to help with slowing that down?
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Thomas Wizzlekudging - Wed, 24 May 2017 09:37:29 EST ID:JavDLAWL No.54969 Ignore Report Quick Reply
With the teeth gone there iis nothing to support the bone, your alveolar ridge will begin to resorb immadiately.
>>
Isabella Pobberham - Fri, 26 May 2017 13:00:29 EST ID:WdQDUYFT No.54970 Ignore Report Quick Reply
So I'm guessing they fell out from rot? You dip bro? This will only get worse and it seems like you're not going to a dentist. Your other teeth will also begin to shift.
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Magder - Thu, 14 Dec 2017 10:20:56 EST ID:rp+qv/HU No.55201 Ignore Report Quick Reply
You may need a dental dam of sorts. Also, implants in the future for the lost tooth.
>>
William Dablingstot - Sun, 17 Dec 2017 11:44:53 EST ID:pbyt1l81 No.55202 Ignore Report Quick Reply
what caused your teeth to fall out?
>>
Fuck Hunkinwick - Sat, 20 Oct 2018 12:47:39 EST ID:R0Ou9c8/ No.55629 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>54969
Who needs a dentist when you can grow new ones using relatively inexpensive 100% virgin coconut oil? Dentists are understandably trying their hardest to suppress knowledge of this technique, but I'm going to share the little known secret with you here! I must be clear that I only recommend this procedure when ones nasal passages are entirely clear. You are going to have your mouth closed for a considerable amount of time and will be at risk of oxygen deprivation if nasal passages are blocked. Please do no attempt the following if you have so much as a sniffle!
So, normal dosage is 3x tablespoons coconut oil orally, but crucially DO NOT Swallow as it is not meant to be digested - just pleasantly swish with air in your cheeks, and manoeuvre around with your tongue for about an hour. Many clinical studies (including groundbreaking experimental laboratory research using guinea pigs fitted with tiny chinstraps) on human research subjects are continuing to conclusively prove the truth - that the miraculous properties of the coconut oil actually reprogram your DNA to create brand new teeth!
Don't be shocked to find you regrow baby teeth first (which will eventually fall out of their own accord, as when you were young) but our aim are the beautiful white adult teeth that will replace them. It's truly a second chance for people professionally diagnosed with toothbrushophobia, or people who've been enjoying entire cakes and kilos of cinder toffee eaten periodically throughout the day for years, and even the English.
This technique was actually perfected by Aborigines who harvested their fresh yellow (they were believed to be optimal between the green and brown stages) coconuts by boat in the Great Australian Coconut Plains of the Great Barrier Reef using boomerangs. The coconuts would be pressed by the women of the Tribe with their bare feet in the boats as the men paddled.
Each member would use the same oil. The Tribe leader would be the first to use the oil, which he did for approximately an hour, then he'd spit the oil back into the empty shell of a coconut and pass it on for each tribe member to swish in turn. Women and children would be the last to consume, and by this t…
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had it for over five years. by Fucking Cundleford - Wed, 13 Sep 2017 21:37:25 EST ID:FLXOM1mO No.55090 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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what is this thing on my hand?
>>
Wesley Commlelock - Tue, 19 Sep 2017 16:02:43 EST ID:+xzzjtsO No.55100 Ignore Report Quick Reply
probably a wart or a cyst cut it open and find out
>>
Nell Smallstock - Tue, 19 Sep 2017 23:42:05 EST ID:gA0Ln1Xg No.55101 Ignore Report Quick Reply
yeah cut that bitch open. use fire/alcohol/peroxide to sanitize the procedure. looks like a nasty wart. prob has roots goin down into the flesh. either need surgery or ghetto surgery.
>>
Phyllis Gemmerworth - Sat, 23 Sep 2017 12:31:04 EST ID:3giE7+cL No.55107 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>55090
if its a wart you can oxygen starve it until it shrinks a bit, if oxygen starving doesn't shrink it it probably isn't a wart. coats of nail polish will help oxygen starve it.

Whatever it is don't cut it open. You have lots of options, file it down, burn it off with mild acid.. don't cut it open.. there are lots of home remedy's for warts and if it isn't one of them i think you should go to a doctor
>>
Fuck Hunkinwick - Sat, 20 Oct 2018 09:42:46 EST ID:R0Ou9c8/ No.55628 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>55090
I reccomend a 100% organic coconut oil enema asap.
On a nice quiet night, hang an enema bag over the bathroom door and gradually fill your rectum with 3kg certified organic coconut oil and cork yourself with a buttplug for 45 minutes. This has to be performed in the evening because one of the essential requirements for the success of this technique is that you gaze at the moon solemnly. This is the trigger for the oil to start to be absorbed by your body and into your bloodstream immediately. The healing properties will then begin actively search for abnormalities you didn't have at birth and combat them. The oil will get right to work on that big brown thing. It's good news from here - the healing remedy contained in the oil will completely destroy that unsightly BBT - infact anything visible on the surface of your body, including erasing bad tattoos. This effect also happens internally, for example dissolving any tumours you didn't even know you had yet! It's a natural, genuine miracle given to us by God. Treatment is 1x enema nocte, for 3x nights. You may experience considerable weight gain due to the high saturated fat content, but in my opinion it's a small price to pay to get rid of that marble you are holding.
Good luck.


hemmorhoid by Phyllis Movingfoot - Thu, 23 Nov 2017 13:24:51 EST ID:4O7fBeO4 No.55174 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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alright doctor heres the deal, i got a hemmorhoid on my asshole and its hurting when i cough, its like the size of a pea maybe? but its killing me. what do i do? Is there some cream I can put on my asshole to make it go away? Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>
John Nacklebit - Sat, 02 Dec 2017 18:43:21 EST ID:8SsLMB+v No.55181 Ignore Report Quick Reply
yes there is. go to your local drug store.
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Fuck Hunkinwick - Sat, 20 Oct 2018 08:56:58 EST ID:R0Ou9c8/ No.55627 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>55174
Coconut oil rubbed on the pea using the back of a metallic spoon will cure it. Silver, gold, pewter, bronze, brass, titanium, aluminium, lead, steel, copper, iron, platinum or even tin spoons will work in this setting, soothing the haemorrhoid from first contact and eventually making it vanish completely. I don't recommend utilising magnesium spoons for this at all, as they are highly reactive and could cause burns that go straight through your sphincter like a hot knife through butter. The burns of a magnesium spoon result in bone charring level damage if the spoon is accidentally set on fire first and you don't notice. So use a non-combustible metal spoon to be safe please.
The coconut oil should be applied using the back of the spoon, and gently massaged in with it until fully absorbed. Now the good bit: Carefully insert the handle of the spoon into your rectum to finish off. This part can feel utterly amazing if you take the opportunity to repeatedly poke your prostrate. Don't be scared if you maintain a constant erection throughout the procedure. Move the spoon in and out, in and out a few dozen times and you should be able to feel more relief from the pea with each motion. Your penis should be extra sensitive, so rub the prostrate if you wish to experience a spontaneous ejaculation. Infact ejaculating now will feel more pleasurable and powerful than any orgasm you've had before! You can trial coughing a few times now - feel the difference? Give your asshole a little pat with the spoon to thank your Anus for its compliance, and you're all done. DO NOT make a mistake after all your hard work and forget the pat! Most men think this part is silly, but is infact the secret to this age old technique from England working. King Henry VIII himself discovered the technique! So follow in his footsteps and tap that ass. Omit the pat and you run the risk of awaking in the morning with a severely lowered IQ, perhaps even brain death, and it will be all your fault for not following instructions.
Good luck.


Please help me oh god by Reuben Crullydatch - Wed, 13 Jul 2016 16:49:35 EST ID:2HKiQJ7X No.54284 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Whenever I wipe my butt there is normally blood on the toilet paper. This has been going on for years.

I think most of the time I wipe too hard, and sometimes very rarely like today, the blood is bright red, and there is a lot of it.

Sometimes my butt itches and it is unbearable, so that's why I wipe so hard. I don't think it's parasites or anything.

I think the problem is the itching, that makes me wipe too hard and causes the bleeding.
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Matilda Crurrybet - Sun, 17 Jul 2016 09:38:21 EST ID:2HKiQJ7X No.54299 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Also, once again, oh my god please help. I eat well, fruits and things, I'm not overweight. I'm buying baby wipes today, so I hope that helps. I'm really scared yo
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Samuel Wavinggold - Mon, 18 Jul 2016 01:28:30 EST ID:4JT9KMFc No.54300 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>54290
Yea, this. The symptom you would go see a doctor for is having dark red to black shit, which would mean you have an upper GI bleed. Bright red means it's fresh, plus you've seen the little bumps on your anus that you have most likely scratched open.
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Martha Cettingspear - Fri, 22 Jul 2016 12:55:27 EST ID:cbjyU/lT No.54326 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>54299
A high-fiber diet can help ease bowel movements but does not necassarily cure the hemorrhoids. Also, watch the movie Wetlands.
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Basil Blopperwill - Wed, 03 Aug 2016 22:24:04 EST ID:AXN7JBRm No.54367 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Hemorrhoids, my man. Welcome to the club.

If you don't drink enough water, take lots of opiates/kratom, or eat on a regular cycle everyday, well... That'll do it.

My good friend and I both have had them regularly over the last year or two. My friend says he bleeds every time he poops, period. I used to 4/5 times but then I started experimenting. I had been taking kratom along with my RX of paxil, both of which can cause constipation, and hadn't been drinking enough water. As soon as I started eating an extra apple/banana/peach/mango/carrot/salad and drinking at least two liters of water a day, they've stopped. At least, I don't bleed. I still get the 'roids once or thrice a month but even then I don't usually bleed.

Some people were built with inferior buttholes, man. Don't sweat it. I freaked out too when it started. Just experiment with your daily habits and water/food intake. Also, soak your shitter in some cool water, use roid cream, squat to shit instead of sitting, and don't strain so hard. I've had really big, hard turds lodged up in there ( that would have 110% ripped open my backdoor) and used a small, smooth object with lube to break it apart gently to save on the tablespoon of blood. Awkward but efficient.
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Fuck Hunkinwick - Fri, 19 Oct 2018 20:35:44 EST ID:R0Ou9c8/ No.55626 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>54284
If one's faeces gets too dry and knobbly and one experiences the sensation of being too full, or of it being 'stuck' (and if it becomes painful when you push) one is suffering from what people with a MD call haemorrhoids. The bulging veins that protrude internally and externally can be called 'piles' by people who cannot pronounce the word. One may apply the oil directly. The remedy is to use 100% pure coconut oil to soften up the stool and lubricate both the dry log and the interior rectum for slippery ghost-like elimination.
Coconut oil is a great tasting oil and inexpensive natural product to booty! The oil taken orally has a wonderful laxative effect, is quite palatable and doesn't cause the intestinal pain (pwristalsis) like other laxatives. Usual dosage is half a ladle in the morning before breakfast, another half ladle before food on an eve.
Proponents claim that coconut oil increases metabolism, helping women to lose weight. It aids ones body in breaking things down faster and helps things pass more quickly down the upper and lower pipes. This translates to smaller and more frequent stools. It is also a colon cleansing powerhouse.
The medium can quickly soften hard faeces and prevent the dangerous tearing or hemorrhaging when administered with a solid silver spoon around the Anus.
If one is not careful a heart-attacks can strike. The odds of this happensing increase exponentially the more one forces oneself to eliminate, straining too hard. This famously happened to Elvis, who had been extremely bunged up.
One fantastic method of relieving oneself is an enema, letting the oil work its magic for 20mins. A 1kg jar of coconut oil will suffice, one should remember to smear a little extra around the Anus with the back of a solid silver spoon (not stainless steel when dealing with haemorrhoids and fissures!) A gentle pat should then be given to the Anus to let it know it has pleased one. This curious ritual of patting the anus was invented in England when King Henry VIII was on the throne. King Henry would sit on his specially made wooden 'rectal oiling chair' where he would lower his robes, bend over exposing himself appropriately, and have a beautifu…
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intestinal/abdominal discomfort during a neck MRI by Hannah Pickstock - Mon, 01 Aug 2016 19:52:16 EST ID:M82kuhz8 No.54364 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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i was trying to get a cervical MRI earlier today but was unable to complete it. during the scans, my abdomen and intestines would pulse and twitch as if they were getting an electrical shock. the feelings eventually became so intense that i had to clench my entire body just to keep still, but i couldn't keep this up for 20 minutes. my intestines also feel screwed up and are making all kinds of funky noises after the mri. anyone know whats wrong?
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Matilda Muttingwater - Fri, 05 Aug 2016 00:10:40 EST ID:8rTptFiJ No.54371 Ignore Report Quick Reply
magnetic resonance imaging uses heavy-fucking-duty magnets to take pictures of your insides, probably something magnetic ~ mettalic in your guts.
stuff sometimes gets trapped in the appendix, maybe that's it.
maybe try drinking milk of magnesia to clear things out.
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Angus Goodridge - Wed, 10 Aug 2016 22:00:23 EST ID:z4Nfqeju No.54381 Ignore Report Quick Reply
not sure, maybe you should get an mri of your abdomen to see whats wrong
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Sidney Dronkinman - Fri, 19 Oct 2018 17:56:33 EST ID:R0Ou9c8/ No.55625 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>54364
Lose something recently ?!...
The stainless steel teaspoon from your 'oil and spoon' kit is missing up your ass somewhere! Duh.
In these dire circumstances, you desperately need a 2.5kg glass jar (the cheap plastic jars leak manufacturing chemicals) of 100% pure organico coconut oil, an enema kit, some duct tape, a magnet, and another stainless steel teaspoon to sort this out.
Apply the entire 2.5kg jar coconut oil via enema. Give your Anus a tap and a brief massage with the back of the spoon - it's comfiest with a hand on your stomach and a foot up by the window. Then take the new stainless steel teaspoon, attach the Magnet with the duct tape to it and insert it into your rectum. It should slip past your oily sphincter into your rectum with ease. Fish around gently until you hear a metallic clank, and withdraw gently... Everything should come back out together, plus the missing teaspoon. Voila. You've removed the original spoon and saved yourself an expensive and highly embarrassing conversation and procedure at the hospital. If you used a shifty toy magnet, the original teaspoon plus new teaspoon, plus the magnet AND some duct tape is now stuck up your ass, suspended in 2.5kg coconut oil.
Boy you've a lot of explaining to do in the ER.
You're welcome.
Good luck.


promoting benin expansion by Ebenezer Buzzcocke - Mon, 15 Aug 2016 04:50:09 EST ID:zgqyrGtr No.54391 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Hey, I hear there are safe, sexuologist approved, ways to jelk? How about doctors?

Also, if I see that erection size decreases over many years, what actions, besides diet and physical activity to improve the cardio-vascular system, do I take? Some medical massagers, specific exercizes?
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Sidney Dronkinman - Fri, 19 Oct 2018 17:04:45 EST ID:R0Ou9c8/ No.55624 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>54391
Jelking (or jelqing) is a pleasureable shaft-stroking penis exercise that lovingly trains your micropenis with the goal of increasing size. Psychological studies have shown that many men who cannot cope with their tiny penis size are malignant narcissists, primary psychopaths or even European.
Jelqing involves applying maximum pressure and torquing the micropenis in a milking-like twisty motion to cause the 'organ' to grow a few millimetres in both length and girth, making a huge difference. Jelqing is typically done with 100% Virginiaia coconut oil to make it easier and more effective. Your pharmacist can sell you a special Jelking spoon and coconut oil kit, if you are a big man brave enough to enquire.
So how to Jelq? Well, you'll need a 5kg jar of coconut oil, a stainless steel teaspoon, five fingers and a tiny penis. Begin by lubricating your tiny penis with a stainless steel teaspoonful of the coconut oil. It's tempting to immediately insert the teaspoon anally at this stage but DO NOT! Instead, use willpower to form an OK-sign-like grip with your index finger and thumb, around the base of your tiny penis. With pressure applied, very very slowly slide your fingers up the shaft of the tiny penis over the course of 2 seconds. Stop and release your fingers when you reach the glans. Tap your Anus gently with the teaspoon, like to tap a boiled egg, and lovingly rub the sphincter in a clockwise rubbing motion if you are right-handed, and anticlockwise if a lefty. NOW insert handle of spoon deep into rectum and slowly withdraw. This last part is the secret to the success of the entire technique and must not be omitted under any circumstances. Plus the micropenis will throw a wobbly and refuse to gain size.
Dry jelqing (which is jelqing without a teaspoon of coconut oil) is highly discouraged. Why? Well, you don't get an even, clean sliding motion on your tiny penis, and could even cause yourself cardiac myopia thy or hyperpituitarism.
For most guys with a micropenis, as they enjoy their jelqing session they will naturally get a harder and harder erection. That's not surprising - jelqing actually feels amazing. Maintaining a 70-80% erection level is slightly challeng…
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