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how the fuck do i get the meds i need? (unhelpful doctor) by Ebenezer Smallshaw - Sun, 10 Sep 2017 20:28:44 EST ID:u0r3qJ3a No.55087 Ignore Report Quick Reply
File: 1505089724029.jpg -(66418B / 64.86KB, 729x694) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. 66418
I'll try to keep this sort enough to fit in the OP. I'm sorry this post will be long and maybe not organized well but I have a lot of fucking problems and this is just scratching the surface.
Tell you what, I'll try to make the next post a more concise tl;dr.

Basically I have a litany of health problems going on for 4-10+ years now, varying in severity over time.
The key things are:
1) high blood pressure/chest pains, under control until recently
2) alcoholism for most of 4 years, details below
3) nonstop depression and insomnia, increasingly severe last few weeks
4) crippling social anxiety
5) tingling sometimes verging on pain in hands/arms for months at least, maybe a year
6) I guarantee there's something I'm forgetting but insomnia wrecks my memory and focus

The depression and anxiety have waxed and waned over the years (dealing with both for a solid decade) but have hit another terrible low to the point it's almost impossible to deal with strangers face to face. I've missed dozens of psych and other dr. appointments because of these. As is I'd say I'm crying myself to sleep every day, but whenever I do fall unconscious for an hour or two it's not what I'd call sleep because I barely feel rested at all.
This has been going on for all of recent memory, even despite a couple months without any beer/liquor in me. (Which drs. have said is an absolute NO for the rest of my life due to organ damage.) A few days, maybe a week ago I bought a 6 pack and drank it over ~12 hours because I needed any diversion from the pain and ever since things have been even worse, sort of like a post-acute withdrawal.
Because of this my BP/pulse have been spiking, I'm taking maybe 7-10 clonidine pills every 24h (prescribed 3/day and supposed to be weaning off). I'm also taking ~50-100mg a day of toprol which is more than usual. Dr wants me on 100mg a day but he just can't accept that I can't handle going through the day with a pulse in the 40s-50s. (It's higher after that 6 pack ofc.)
He also won't increase my clonidine dose to the amount I've actually been needing, meaning that for months I've often had to pay out of pocket for refills medicaid won't cover yet, because I can't just stop taking my heart pills after 4 years and be fine. He also won't prescribe anything similar to clonidine that lowers BP but not pulse (to help wean me off because I can only tolerate so much beta blocker) even though I'd be surprised if such a thing doesn't exist.
As for depression: this has been ongoing to at least a minor degree since 2010. There were good times, maybe up to about 8 months at once it seemed like it was mostly gone but I was probably ignoring it with the help of pills. At the worst it drained all my motivation, appetite, energy, and hope. Right now is not quite the worst but I'm still crying a lot every day and thinking about suicide half the time I'm not distracting myself. I've mentioned countless times to my current dr. that I need some antidepressant I haven't tried yet but got nothing from him. The best I got is a refill of wellbutrin that a hospital psych prescribed but that's yet another pill that's not for me.
Similar deal with the anxiety: the best I get is hydroxyzine which isn't quite enough, and probably only because I showed him I had a script before.
I'm not sure but I think for a couple different reasons I've been labeled as a drug seeker or something around here because drs. seem extraordinarily unwilling to help when it comes to any scheduled drug.
Sorry but I'm losing my train of thought because I'm just so fucking tired there's no word for it. Anyway this next one I'm not sure is relevant but I've had tingling in my hands and sometimes arms that has been constant as far as I can tell for at least 6 months, and at the very worst slightly painful. My dr. told me it's not a vitamin deficiency but that's all I know. I think he'll send me to neurologist at least next visit. I had (I think) the lowest dose of baclofen for a month after last detoxing (Feb. or early March) and I remember that helping slightly, but not enough and it's worse now.
I've mentioned that it helped and also seemed to help my anxiety a bit but he said something about that not being a labelled use and basically ignored my complaints every time I brought it up.

So essentially I have extreme, debilitating depression, insomnia, and social anxiety. It's so fucking bad that I think of suicide constantly and can't function in society. I have mentioned this to my dr. a dozen times over the maybe year I've been seeing him and have got little to no help. Actually not a single new prescription I've not yet tried from him.
I'm not great at expressing myself verbally, and between the exhaustion and pill side effects I probably come across as a retard sometimes but that can't be the whole problem.
I'm at my goddamn limit here. I don't know what to do. I could maybe look for another dr. but I'd have to see what medicaid covers and fuck knows how long I'll have to wait to see them. I need help NOW. Yesterday. Months and years ago.
I know this is going to take therapy again too but in the meantime I just need medicines to help me hold it together.
Hell, if I could just go to sleep for 12 hours or so, and wake up feeling like I didn't sleep only 12 minutes I'd be much better off. Or if my depression were better controlled I'm sure that would greatly help my sleep too but i can't get fuck anything.
I'll try my damnedest to see the guy tomorrow but I have no fucking clue what to say to someone who seems unwilling or unable to really help. What I need right now is a bit of valium or the like (I know from exp. it knocks me out when nothing else will) and an antidepressant I that will work fast and not overstimulate me like wellbutrin. I can hold off on something for the tingling/shaking hands but I'm still pissed to no end I can't get help there either.

Anyway I'll try to summarize this a bit better below.
Ebenezer Smallshaw - Sun, 10 Sep 2017 20:49:03 EST ID:u0r3qJ3a No.55088 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Sorry this is so long but it's a struggle just to type anything coherent. Thinking about how many people could help but refuse to has made me cry pretty much the entire time I've been working on this.

Anyway I have depression, insomnia, and social anxiety so extreme they're crippling. I haven't had a job in 4 years and have NEVER held one even a year because they always come back in full force eventually.
Recent events have finally convinced me to talk to a disability lawyer like people have told me for years. I just didn't because I'm terrified of strangers and doubtful I'd get anything without visible issues.

But I post because I'm at my breaking point. Basically I need medicines to get the depression and insomnia under control at least long enough to see a therapist again, but nothing I tried works anymore. I've been bugging my dr. for most of a year now and haven't got jack shit new and he always brushes it off when I mention it.
I think a small part of it might be that I'm (incorrectly) labeled a drug seeker (that's another story) but right now I really need something like valium to knock me out because I tried 5 or 6 other pills for nothing. I also need another antidepressant and I don't even think those are narcotics yet I can't get jack shit. Not even a fucking referral to a specialist but I think he'll finally send me to a neurologist soon.

Why will nobody help me? What the fuck am I doing wrong? All I want to do is get back to being a functional human being, able to get and hold a job, not mooching off my parents until I'm in my 30s. That or apply for disability if I really am beyond hope. At this point I don't care if I have to get addicted to something else (like with my heart pills already) as long as I can function and feel alive again. With any luck I could stop taking them after enough therapy. It did help years back about as much as old meds.

At this point i'm thinking about going to the hospital and telling them i'll kill myself if they don't give me pills to feel like a person again if my dr. doesn't do something when I see him.
Should I write a letter or something (shorter than this ofc) for him to read? I don't know if it's not understanding, not caring, or somehow not being able to help.

Anyway I need to lay down for a bit. Can barely see through the tears. Sorry to burden you all with this but this is just about the worst i've ever felt.
I skipped a ton of details and probably forgot a ton because my brain is jello i'm so tired but I can answer any questions later.
I'm just completely overwhelmed now and can't see any way out of this hole on my own.
Ebenezer Smallshaw - Mon, 11 Sep 2017 13:26:09 EST ID:u0r3qJ3a No.55089 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Well I'm feeling somewhat better now. Pretty embarrassing that I can't delete this public breakdown but I guess part of the problem was a need to vent.
Fuck knows how it will work out but I'm working up the nerve to make the calls now. Thank fuck I remembered I have valerian pills which gave me some sleep combined with other stuff.
Anyway in a rare bit of luck, a friend mentioned out of nowhere that he got some bud and I should come over to help "burn the evidence" so to speak. All I have to do is help him build a pipe which is no problem.
I choose to take that as a good sign because no one medicine has helped me more than the herb.
Edward Drerrycocke - Fri, 15 Sep 2017 00:51:05 EST ID:gA0Ln1Xg No.55094 Ignore Report Quick Reply
1, 3, 4, 5, and 6 are side effects of 2.

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