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What are my options? by Isabella Shittingham - Sun, 31 Dec 2017 07:49:58 EST ID:UjyESLQk No.55213 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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So I've been seeing a doctor and testing out different medications to "fix" my depression/anxiety for the 2nd time now in a few years.

The first time I was given an ssri, then had the dosage upped later after noticing nothing, and then had an additional drug prescribed to me which wasn't covered by my insurance leading to an argument with a family member. The argument combined with my frustration due to a lack of results after months of taking these pills lead me to stop cold turkey(with no ill effect that I can recall).

Now prior to my 2nd foray into solutions to my lingering depression/anxiety problems I dealt with some serious medical problems and had to get surgery etc. During this time I was ofc prescribed a fair amount of opiates. I'd been prescribed opiates before a few times and had left each experience seriously not understanding why people liked opiates. This latest experience left me feeling similarly after having what seemed to be an "oxy hangover" one morning I stopped taking the pills for what I thought would be forever(leaving me with lots of extra pills). Well, one morning I had crutched my way outside to smoke some weed and listen to the snow plow show as usual but after smoking and returning inside I decided to take one of my leftover pain pills to see how it effected the weed high. It ended up being an incredibly good experience and I finally "got" it.
This continued on for a few weeks where I binged on my pills until I ran out. During this time I was completely "cured" of my depression/anxiety(I think it's likely I'm somewhat autisitc/have aspergers as well), and was completely functional/wanted to do things(I wasn't sedated or anything like that). I found myself craving to talk to other people and actually being happy/carefree(a complete 180 for me). It was a truly amazing experience. As I said eventually I ran out, had a little cry knowing it would be over when I had the last of my pills but even then because of the effects of the drug I just put it to the side and continued on as if nothing was wrong. I experienced no withdrawals(interestingly) besides just being sad that it was all over.

So here I am again dealing with months of being on depression/anti-anxiety medications that just don't work and my current anti-anxiety medication has actually given me insomnia which means I need to take sleeping pills every night if I have work the next day or I'll stay awake(though ofc in a very unmotivated state) till 7am(like right now! I actually think I've built a tolerance to the sleeping pills now since I took plenty like 2 hours ago and here I am).

Being a competent person and not looking to seem like I'm "drug seeking" to my doctor I've kept my knowledge of drugs a secret and have done some slight experimenting on my own by ordering a "strong" anti-anxiety drug(etizolam) to see if pursing benzos would be worthwhile and though I could be wrong I didn't really notice much of a difference in my negative mental state but it did put me to sleep like a baby which was nice compared to the nightmare filled dreams I have with these sleeping pills.

So it seems like pursuing benzos is a waste of time. I also have quite bad ADD which I feel like I should pursue as that may improve my quality of life significantly. I've never done any kind of amphetamine/stimulant besides caffeine so I have no idea if it's likely to help much.

My depression/anxiety is completely logical and unrelated to brain chemistry etc so I feel like I'm basically fucked. I'll never get an opiate prescription for my problems(assuming these positive effects would continue longterm anyway) and while weed made things somewhat better(hard to say as it's been so long since I've smoked, but remembering all the good laughs and positivity I felt after a smoke was great even if it's something that would eventually end it was a nice thing to look forward to) it's not an option for me right now either and won't be until some of the shittiest things going on in my life right now are done anyway.

Any suggestions on what I should pursue with my doctor or am I just fucked?


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