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Kirtaner & Spardot's 420chan Wedding

To all guests, live viewers, and our Internet family, THANK YOU.
VODs will be edited soon, we are all so tired.
Wedding Gifts
What are legal condiments for Pop Tarts? by Bernard Loiseau - Sun, 11 Feb 2018 20:22:49 EST ID:WGTsd7/y No.154354 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>I woke up this morning, feeling famished.
>I feel like grabbing a fresh Wheat Bagel, with some garlic & creamcheese spread.
>Walked downstairs to see my roommate had taken over the space that occupies my toaster.
>Not a big deal, I'll make a pot of coffee and use the toaster when hes finished.
>Grind some beans, fill the craft with water... etc.
>Toaster pops.
>Friend grabs poptarts.
>Strawberry, with frosting.
>Flips over the tarts.
>Grabs a knife and the largest wad of butter I have ever seen.
>Slathers that shit over a single tart.
>Like a knife-full of butter on one pop tart.
>Is this even legal?

We've been fighting about this all day, why would anybody need butter on a pop-tart?
Guillaume Tirel - Sun, 11 Feb 2018 22:42:19 EST ID:VMkDpVsD No.154355 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Good on you to ask! It obviously depends on what kind of pop tarts it is.

If it's any chocolatey type, peanut butter is naturally the first option.

If it's Cinnamon, then applesauce or anything mushed together with mango is fitting.

If it's any particularly sweet, fruity type, then blackstrap mollasses is sensible.

If it's a cheese one, yogurt or cottage cheese. But cottage cheese is totally okay for other types as well.

And if you have some chocolate or vanilla flavoured protein powder, a mix of that with yogurt is also good for any chocolate-ish one.
Guillaume Fouquet de la Varenne - Mon, 12 Feb 2018 10:55:38 EST ID:rLzixx4V No.154357 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Dat fucking pic..haha
Andrew Zimmern - Mon, 12 Feb 2018 13:02:50 EST ID:e/xOWTlt No.154358 Ignore Report Quick Reply

All pop tarts are sweet. The cinnamon ones are good except that cinnamon grahams basically scratch the same itch and are marginally less awful for you.

They are basically refined carb slices, they don't need any molasses though. They're sweet enough and this is coming from one of the sweetest teethed sugar addicts to walk the entire planet.

Pop tarts are awful garbage food. Don't get me wrong I love them but they're awful. They should be barely legal as is. Putting butter on them is pig disgusting. Kill your housemate. Something complimentary would work though. Butter is just IT NEEDS MORE LARD HURR.

Some of them freeze pretty well. Honestly I'd say if you want to put them with stuff eat them as a dessert as that's what they are. Some vanilla ice cream would be pretty dank with hot strawberry tarts. Or maybe some kiwi slices.
Paul Bocuse - Mon, 12 Feb 2018 20:23:31 EST ID:VMkDpVsD No.154362 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>they don't need any molasses
LOLWUT? That's blackstrap mollasses, it is spicy, three levels less sweet than normal mollasses. I could have recommended them particularly for the cinnamon ones, along with ginger - but that's very much not a condiment, I can't envision applying a dose of it on pop tarts.
François Vatel - Tue, 13 Feb 2018 06:28:10 EST ID:e/xOWTlt No.154367 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Never heard of blackstrap molasses though molasses is very much a thing which doesn't get served on things in my part of the hemisphere. I stand educated.

Putting butter on poptarts makes me wonder if OP has ever found his plates crawling in ants and smelling of lamb fat and sugar if he left them out without washing them overnight, or if his housemate just seems to live off carbs (lentils right now OP?)
François Vatel - Wed, 14 Feb 2018 03:14:46 EST ID:VMkDpVsD No.154382 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Disturbingly, no wonder you haven't heard of blackstrap mollasses... now that /kinky/ is gone!

It leaves me wondering stuff too. I figure such a thing would function most strongly as a taunt, kind of like luther burgers, particularly if it's done around a group of people. But, better yet, I'd underscore that it should be received as a challenge to find a better condiment for it, that could show someone who does that to be stupid.
François Vatel - Wed, 14 Feb 2018 03:33:30 EST ID:VMkDpVsD No.154383 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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but it shouldn't be astonishing that people would do that.

I've figured that there must be people out there putting pilsbury toaster's strudel icing on pop tarts ... and then who knows what on the strudels to replace it.

Oh ... wait ... I just remembered that old Simpsons bit ... the nutritional advice of Dr. Nick Riviera for "dangerously overweight individuals". Ahhh, holy shit.
Troisgros family - Wed, 14 Feb 2018 11:32:33 EST ID:e/xOWTlt No.154390 Ignore Report Quick Reply
It wasn't astonishing though. I was just saying I thought it was a redundant condiment for putting on poptarts. People will literally eat shit though. The point is whether it can be good. Which for certain poptarts and values of "Molasses" it can be.
Susur Lee - Wed, 14 Feb 2018 18:55:25 EST ID:WGTsd7/y No.154391 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Oddly enough, hes very meticulous about being clean; if their is so much as a water spot on a glass he refuses to drink from it.
Whenever it's his turn to wash the dishes however he is absolutely shit at stacking them, broke my wine glass last week.

In terms of diet, he's a big dude, always jokes about the fact that he doesn't have a 6 pack, he has a keg.
Eats a good deal of ice-cream and candy every night as well; I'd tell him to eat better but he wouldn't listen, he'd pretend to be eating/living better for about a week tops before going back to his bad habits; probably going to have a heart attack before his 60s.

But that's neither here nor there; I just find it odd that someone would add extra fat to an already carb loaded sweet-tart.
Gaston Acurio - Wed, 14 Feb 2018 20:19:54 EST ID:VMkDpVsD No.154395 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>extra fat to an already carb loaded sweet-tart
That's not actually nonsensical. Fat and carbs are different things. There already was the example of adding fatty peanut butter to a super sweet chocolate tart. For another example, you could add an avocado to some sweet yogurt or ice milk/frozen yogurt, and it would likely be better.

Or for another thing for those pop tarts - coconut milk. That would be understandable if you had some thick enough (65%+) coconut milk at hand, because it supposedly lasts for two days, so using an open can up would be a perogative. Maybe if they sold coconut milk in 6 or 12 packs of 100ml cartons it would even be generally useful as a condiment for things like pop tarts, but that kind of coconut milk would be due to be a bit more liquid.

But yeah, it's emtpy calories stacked with more vacuous calories, and it's not even good empty calories like a fresh cruller, freshly made chips fried in organic lard, fresh fancy baguette or a rice cake with nutella, it's totally the kind of waste that only fat people would consume in remotely normal circumstances.
Gaston Acurio - Wed, 14 Feb 2018 20:27:00 EST ID:VMkDpVsD No.154396 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Instead of making a sandwich with bread, use a pop-tart!
Adolphe Gérard - Thu, 15 Feb 2018 04:58:16 EST ID:e/xOWTlt No.154400 Ignore Report Quick Reply
You get his point though. Butter is pretty much just fat, peanut butter has a strong taste of its own beyond "cow grease".

If he's capable of human interaction then he's no you-know-who it was just that sort of vile diet choice.
Wolfgang Puck - Sat, 17 Feb 2018 15:03:30 EST ID:8eaqa6FP No.154417 Ignore Report Quick Reply
you sound like one of those gym enthusiasts who "taught themself" nutrition. Going on about fucking nutella and fad nonsense, jesus christ.
Wolfgang Puck - Sat, 17 Feb 2018 15:45:50 EST ID:8eaqa6FP No.154418 Ignore Report Quick Reply
you sound like one of those gym enthusiasts who "taught themself" nutrition. Going on about fucking nutella and fad nonsense, jesus christ.
Curtis Stone - Wed, 21 Feb 2018 04:35:25 EST ID:VMkDpVsD No.154440 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Yeah, that is literally a completely juvenile way to eat. Infants are born only driven to like the taste of sugar, fat and glutamate, appreciating more complex flavors is what makes people know how to eat properly. Just look at how mcdonals targets kids, that goes hand in hand with cramming sugar, fat and the sodiums into everything (and with acclimation carying over into adulthood).

I have taught myself food fundamentals. But from getting deeply interested in cooking, not from excercising, why would I need to obsess over going to the gym if I eat methodically? If you feel the need to frame learning nutrition like that, as if it's wrong, I've also never devoutly embraced any specific "diet", and that's the first thing that makes people wrong about nutrition, swallowing particular packages of opinions on it blindly.

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