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#qq on IRC by Mintzs !GD3wBpep0Y - Sun, 13 Aug 2017 12:14:49 EST ID:d5kHsYag No.518069 Report Reply Quick Reply
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Hi folks,

If you're looking to talk to someone immediately about any problems you have in your life and have nobody close to you, come and speak to us!

Join us on IRC on #qq. Most of us have different time zones but if you stay there, one of us will be there.

Don't be afraid to speak up.
19 posts and 4 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
Fanny Blackspear - Wed, 20 Sep 2017 03:03:43 EST ID:Ix5ljcqH No.518872 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Must suck. Maybe act the way you would if you loved yourself.

I care for a lady with borderline and schizophrenia and yeah the borderline stuff is tricky, keeping us on our toes avoiding any slight trigger. But then the delusions kick in and it's just a tragedy really.
Hedda Honeyhall - Wed, 20 Sep 2017 03:28:20 EST ID:JI9kO00V No.518873 Ignore Report Quick Reply
It's been taking sheer willpower to get over mine. I really struggle with the false/true abandonment perception. Makes me push people away that probably had no intention of abandoning me. Takes A LOT of concious effort for me to talk myself out of those thoughts, and not breaking all my shit at the slightest bit of frustration.

But I'm getting a lot better. It doesn't suck that I have BPD. It sucks that BPD will never get a chance to shine through me again. Sucks for BPD that is.

Don't need to pump yourself full of meds either, just a strong will, and a desire to change. It's not going to happen magically. Make the concious effort to do what you know is right for yourself.
Hedda Honeyhall - Wed, 20 Sep 2017 03:30:03 EST ID:JI9kO00V No.518875 Ignore Report Quick Reply
And if it helps or matters, I suffer from cluster B traits.

Living in a hell on earth by Isabella Nicklehall - Tue, 12 Sep 2017 02:21:29 EST ID:M8we9bMc No.518740 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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So I'm living in a country wich is full of corruption and shit, where you should have a strong back just to go forward, where you have no future, you can't do your own business, where you're working about 10-11 hours for 2.5$ a day...
People are full of shit, you can't have friends in this country cuz in the end they will stab you from the back, nobody gives a fuck about our country, our president is a thief and son of a bitch, all our government are full of corruption, I want to leave this fucking country!
9 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
Simon Dacklegold - Mon, 18 Sep 2017 20:36:44 EST ID:JI9kO00V No.518858 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Your reading comprehension needs work. The statement implied it wouldn't be easy.
Jarvis Panderlock - Tue, 19 Sep 2017 01:05:32 EST ID:UrQwPY3E No.518863 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I just want to say that you have the absolute best food in the world. I hope I get to travel to Armenia one day and get to eat some delicious delicious Sarma.

Also, I feel you. Living in a third world shithole sucks. At least you don't have to cross the whole fucking Atlantic Ocean to get to Europe
Simon Dacklegold - Tue, 19 Sep 2017 05:19:14 EST ID:JI9kO00V No.518866 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Who'd want to be in Europe willingly right now? The EU is in shambles.
Archie Briffingledging - Tue, 19 Sep 2017 13:59:46 EST ID:3qSLtzLv No.518868 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Funny, where I am it seems pretty great: having free healthcare, very low crime, plenty of jobs, almost no murder rate, free education up until college and then only 3000 a year for college... it FEELS like it isn't in shambles

Funny what the right wing media fools you into thinking by only showing the few areas where things are bad. 50 countries in the EU you know
Hedda Honeyhall - Wed, 20 Sep 2017 03:34:42 EST ID:JI9kO00V No.518876 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I'm sorry my brainwashed mind can't handle your overwhelming wisdom and knowledge. By the way, what country do you assume I live in? And how's the economy these days?

Lonely 20s.. what the fuck is life now? by Eugene Brollermane - Sun, 17 Sep 2017 22:36:32 EST ID:V4Eoq0lt No.518848 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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How do I cope with being alone like this? I'm 24, live alone, car, job, in a big city across the country from my family. I have no friends here, and I find I'm too depressed and anti-social to make new ones.

The only regular interactions I have with people are my coworkers, my parents via phone, my long-distances friends via facebook, and sex with girls from dating apps.

I exercise and play rec sports very regularly, and i cut out video games and TV for self improvement and to not get sucked into WoW and netflix. It's the norm for me to spend friday and saturday nights at the gym, reading by myself, or staring at the ceiling in my quiet apartment not knowing what to do with my life. I'll go out to concerts and clubs sometimes (alone) just to get outside and the experiences have all been meh.

I'm too scarred from losing friends and relationships over and over again (i've relocated a bunch in my life) to form any new ones only for people to move somewhere else, get married, or whatever and leave me behind. I'm antisocial because after dealing with shit from "acquaintances" I've cut a bunch of people out of my life all together and only make an effort to contact people who have proven to me that they value my prescence and what i have to say- they can be counted on literally one hand.

I've come to accept that I'm probably going to live the rest of my like this, alone, maintaining my life from a fucking iphone always wishing for something greater, to not push papers in khakis 50+ hours a week.

Is this what "adulthood" is supposed to be?
2 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
Angus Bregglecocke - Mon, 18 Sep 2017 13:52:30 EST ID:gI2h8Ggi No.518852 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Sounds like you're doing well for yourself in spite of how depressed you may feel.

I'm sure there will come a time in your life where you'll get over the fear of making friends and you'll make new friends and this stage in your life will just be a memory of when times were tough.

Just don't give up. That's one thing I've learned. I refuse to let the world crush me.
Fanny Niffingspear - Mon, 18 Sep 2017 17:08:42 EST ID:WV91K+Uu No.518853 Ignore Report Quick Reply
You constantly lose friends throughout your life, the key is to keep making new ones. Steadily. You can get laid and hold down a job so you can make friends.

The hard part is having the motivation to start from scratch. It's easier to make more friends than starting with zero but if you can get a few friends it's much easier.

I doubt this will magically change anything but maybe if you feel a little more motivated (and you will at some point) you should know it's well within your ability to change this.
James Fucklebet - Mon, 18 Sep 2017 18:56:18 EST ID:+dh3eEfF No.518854 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>le "i have it worse so your problems are irrelevant" meme
I'm sure we could find people worse off than you two. What then? Just shut up.
Simon Dacklegold - Tue, 19 Sep 2017 04:55:24 EST ID:JI9kO00V No.518864 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Because people are actually giving him chances, and he isn't truly alone. His perception is warped due to what sounds like depression. Dude, I just had to go to a gas station to hear someone say happy birthday to me. But fucking chicks and having family and friends (even long distance), isn't true loneliness. People are willing to give you chances OP. That's rare, and tomorrow could be the day you meet the one. Hang in there OP, and you'll do ok. Remember, not everyone gets to look up at night and see a ceiling, or have an income, food, clothes, a bed, family, or relationships.
Jarvis Nashwater - Wed, 20 Sep 2017 03:28:42 EST ID:o3vIoRWZ No.518874 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>Is this what "adulthood" is supposed to be?
Oh, absolutely. A certain part of it is. That early part where you learn to be self-sufficient.

What do by Sidney Blythefield - Tue, 05 Sep 2017 15:43:02 EST ID:twMAaV8o No.518612 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Here is my situation. I have a degree in art and some savings and no debt (thanks, Europe). I work teaching Engish as a Foreign language and I don't want to do this forever. The wages are okay and the work isn't bad but it doesn't feel meaningful or particularly enjoyable or challenging.

I would like to do something more useful, like be a physiotherapist (called physical therapist in US) , but I'd have to get a loan of about 27,000 euro. (second time isn't free). maybe I'd fail the course and be financially fucked for the rest of my life, and even passing it would take a long time to pay back and I'm 31.

What do?

Do I just suck it up and accept I fell into an alright job and just try and get more qualified in that? and.. you know.. enjoy my hobbies instead of studying all the time... Or do I take this risk of something I might be too stupid for and am definitely too poor for?
12 posts and 1 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
Doris Cennerheck - Thu, 14 Sep 2017 13:24:38 EST ID:hSKTwMjR No.518786 Ignore Report Quick Reply
This is super inspiring and something I've been meaning to do for a while. I'm going to fucking do it.
Samuel Fuckingbury - Sat, 16 Sep 2017 11:40:24 EST ID:3qSLtzLv No.518822 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Go for it. :)

If I fuck up this, it's not like I'll die. I really do think it will be better than spending the rest of my life thinking what if.
Angus Gabberhall - Sun, 17 Sep 2017 00:23:33 EST ID:L4q+a6el No.518835 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Im literally having a quarter life crisis now, just lye in bed all day playing vidya, its not that i need motivation, its that i need to know what to put my motivation into.
Lost my job not so long back as well, so im like half depressed.
Archie Briffingledging - Tue, 19 Sep 2017 14:52:17 EST ID:3qSLtzLv No.518869 Ignore Report Quick Reply
pick something you like and just go with that as if you loved it
your passion doesn't magically find you
you find something that you quite like and work at it till it becomes your passion
Jarvis Nashwater - Wed, 20 Sep 2017 02:38:36 EST ID:o3vIoRWZ No.518870 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Not at all, at least in my experience. In my experience:

You keep trying thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of different stuff, and then you happen to try this one thing and BAM - you're in love. LOVE. The best part - you've just fallen in love with yourself, a part of yourself you just met and never knew existed.

And it will have setbacks and it will need effort just like any other thing you tried. But this thing is different. This thing you fell in love with. Be it difficult or easy, it will feel right. And you know you will do it. Because doing it is being who you are.

Home sick for years by Isabella Cimbleheck - Wed, 13 Sep 2017 14:50:25 EST ID:tiBuSQx/ No.518766 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I'm likely going to be too sick to work (at least at a regular job, outside the house and routinely) for a very long time. I've been feeling depressed about it, so I thought I would ask you guys for ideas about ideas for what to do with myself in the meantime to give life some meaning.

Limitations: I don't have as much energy as most people and I'm often taken out of the world for a few weeks to a month at a time by illness. Thus, chaperoning a twice-a-week hike is not possible, for example.
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Edward Dunkinman - Sat, 16 Sep 2017 23:25:20 EST ID:MUKKLYzW No.518834 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Start a YouTube series
Basil Fipperman - Sun, 17 Sep 2017 03:18:18 EST ID:qbos02Rd No.518838 Ignore Report Quick Reply

regarding sacred texts, i'd recommend the bhagavad gita, that's how i started. By scholar i mean a professional student of a topic. Since you read a lot of history, you could become a history scholar, and write about it. You already have a degree, so you're good, man, it would be realistic to try to do this.

With regards to organization, unfortunately we all suffer from it. Since you already know it, the next step is to make a more realistic (perhaps even very easy) schedule to begin with, and build from there. But first, in order to even do this, you need to find love. Love for something, love from something, love for life and from life, from the universe and for the universe.

The thing about humans is, we are full of contradictions. We are trash. But we are also the light of the world. The human condition is definitely not easy.
Hedda Memmlefoot - Mon, 18 Sep 2017 19:33:22 EST ID:tiBuSQx/ No.518855 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I definitely understand what you mean about social skills suffering. I'm not entirely cut off from other people or anything, but I can easily go a day without a face-to-face conversation and I always feel like I'm missing some element of normal conversational skill that my peers have. Sometimes it takes a moment to jumpstart speech when I've been out of the world for a while and I see a real person again. If I went to a party or something I would probably feel so overwhelmed by the number of humans around I'd enjoy nothing.

My partner is also a spoonie and we knew each other when I was less sick, as roommates. I also met a guy at the grocery store (we're poly) who I thought was totally disgusted by me but it turns out just likes me and also has an undisclosed invisible illness. I highly recommend dating and befriending other disabled people; they're often very nice human beings. think it's possible for important people to crawl out of anywhere, a forum or yeah, the pharmacy you go to all the time. It just takes a while.

>By scholar i mean a professional student of a topic. Since you read a lot of history, you could become a history scholar, and write about it. You already have a degree, so you're good, man, it would be realistic to try to do this.
I had NO idea this even existed. Thank you!
Hedda Memmlefoot - Mon, 18 Sep 2017 19:42:32 EST ID:tiBuSQx/ No.518856 Ignore Report Quick Reply
*days without
Clara Gablingchun - Tue, 19 Sep 2017 10:43:30 EST ID:gHOhu/Xd No.518867 Ignore Report Quick Reply

I never understood the Gita. Arjuna gives all these reasons not to kill people and then Krishna's like, "but you know... you really should though." Then Arjuna's like, "Well you have a good point."

Worst plot twist ever.

Motivation by Ernest Bardfuck - Thu, 07 Sep 2017 20:22:51 EST ID:j+YxXHQ9 No.518663 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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What can I do to motivate myself to achieve my goals?

I've always had a hard time actually doing anything productive, but lately I've had this sinking feeling where I just don't see the point anymore in trying to achieve my goals. In the past I would always feel this "sting" when I was letting myself down, almost like a sharp pain that reminded me to get myself together and give it another go. But nowadays, every time I put one step forward I get this almost inherent urge to sabotage myself and wallow in self-loathing and misery. Now that "sting" has left me and I just feel empty, as if I'm doomed to be a non-achiever and I don't even really care.

Can anyone relate or maybe even help? Thanks.
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Samuel Grimstock - Fri, 15 Sep 2017 00:07:49 EST ID:L1SDMUBs No.518796 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Simple. Imagine where you want to be. Then figure out how you would have gotten there. Then just do it.
Henry Dremmledin - Fri, 15 Sep 2017 19:30:39 EST ID:kAEKpfyQ No.518813 Ignore Report Quick Reply

This all sounds like things I would write (and in some cases probably have written) myself. Anyway thanks man. I hope you have better luck following your own advice than I do. I do understand that it's just going to come down to conjuring a shred of willpower out of thin air and trying to maintain it through practice. I'm kind of in a phase I go through sometimes after having tried and failed where I just let go and give in to the depression and stop trying, but eventually I know I'm just going to get disgusted enough at myself that I'll do something about it. Sometimes it takes years but it's always happened in the past, and then I make strides get a little momentum going, and then shit happens, and I end up right back here.

Theoretically it's possible for me to maintain the positive momentum and use it to break free from my isolation and let me start living my life, so I haven't given up all hope, but I can't be honest and say I'm currently making any progress at the moment. I'm glad you seem to be making some though, it gives me hope.
Ernest Blytheridge - Sat, 16 Sep 2017 23:16:42 EST ID:vcBVX2eQ No.518832 Ignore Report Quick Reply
wtf? what girl wants to be with someone who doesnt have their life together and is a complete mess? honestly fuck you dude. i would love a gf but sorry im not blessed with the ability to make them look past my non dominant tendacies and financial dependence on my parents
sorry you obviously struck a chord with me
Martha Pammerfuck - Sun, 17 Sep 2017 22:19:12 EST ID:BDvhf2G+ No.518847 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>Live with my wite
>Have a bachelor's of science in nursing, have a job
>a decent amount of friends
>am either working or sleeping

Even with everything going for me, I am exhausted. I think about killing myself almost every day. I love my wife and my family too much to put them through that.

The nursing career isn't what it's chalked up to be and I feel like I'm trapped in a career that's making me miserable. I love helping people, but working 15 hour shifts day after day takes its toll. My coworkers say I'll get used to it, but the stress is not something I want to get used to and pretend like it bothers me any less. Oh, and I'm 2 months into a 3-year contract with the hospital.

Depression is a piece of shit. It doesn't care who you are, what you do, what you have... When I ask for help, I get the same, "You're doing so well for yourself, you can do it." I know they mean well, but it does nothing for me.

There's not much too this post, except for showing you that it affects people on the other side of the fence. If anybody knows how to help, I think it may help most of the posters in this thread, including myself.
Simon Dacklegold - Tue, 19 Sep 2017 05:16:00 EST ID:JI9kO00V No.518865 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I want to share a story about when I was in the military,and quitting was all I wanted to do.

I was deployed to the Khost region of Afghanistan. I was artillery, so if I ever went on patrol, it was putting 20-40miles of hiking into the mountains, or putting locals in the hide system all day.
During a dismounted mission with 32km left to go (a few days of marching), one of the females from our fet (female engagement team, meant to speak with the woman in villages) started having menstraul cramps. She couldn't carry her rucksack. So me being the lowest rank,had the honor of carrying her 80lbs. Rucksack, on top of my 130 lbs. of gear.

There were times all I wanted to do was quit. I was scared because I moved the slowest, and stood the worse chance of getting in cover before getting shot. I was tired, scared, and fealt hopeless. But you know what? Quitting guaranteed I didn't survive. Same here. Life can be stressful and difficult, but allowing yourself to stay down after a hiccup will only gauruntee it won't get better. Dig deep, and do it because you deserve to live, and you deserve to be happy. Sometimes life just makes you go through hell to get it.

Going to a concert in a different city by George Fibblefet - Mon, 18 Sep 2017 22:49:21 EST ID:VkYjj6a7 No.518859 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I'm going to a concert in Miami in October. It's like three days long, I decided to go there the full three days because I've never really done anything cool in my life. I dunnoh, I'm just nervous about the whole thing now. I feel like I'm going to be the weird guy wandering around alone, just kind of looking at the ground and shit. Also, I'm not sure whether or not I'm going to get stabbed to death in Miami, so there is that. I've never been to a concert before. Also, getting drugged up in public just makes me more anxious, so I can't do that

plz advize
Jarvis Panderlock - Tue, 19 Sep 2017 01:01:02 EST ID:UrQwPY3E No.518861 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Usually being from somewhere else makes you automatically cooler. You can start conversation with anyone asking banal shit about the place like "do you know where can I get some licor? I'm not from here", or just ask people where they are from (if it's a big enough concert that people actually travel around to see it).

In any case you'll do just fine. You'll probably spend some time alone looking at rocks, and you'll reflect on what a lonely boring shitty life you have, and you'll also have awesome moments hanging with hot drunk girls and talking about life with total strangers. I mean, 3 days is a lot of time, you'll get to experience a wide array of things, which was the whole point of this trip, right?
Isabella Mecklefield - Tue, 19 Sep 2017 01:05:30 EST ID:94uHFygY No.518862 Ignore Report Quick Reply
get ready to meet Florida Man

Pointlessness by Simon Dacklegold - Mon, 18 Sep 2017 20:27:14 EST ID:JI9kO00V No.518857 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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So, I went to the gas station today to buy smokes. I'm quitting. I did it for the sole purpose of hearing someone telling me "Happy Birthday". They didn't ID me. What point is there to me anymore?
Shit Dezzleridge - Mon, 18 Sep 2017 23:59:50 EST ID:w1xq6GLK No.518860 Ignore Report Quick Reply

You find your meaning in someone at a gas station telling you happy birthday? Bro we can throw a party for you on /b/ just make a thread there happy birthday dude

We're all alone and depressed, it's ok we'll be lonely together

Bipolar collective bitching by Graham Danningdock - Sat, 02 Sep 2017 16:12:46 EST ID:p62ighY8 No.518515 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Hi, I've noticed there are several people who claim to have bipolar disorder here, as in a lot of other boards from other sites. This is one of the slowest boards I know, and so I thought it could be a good idea to make a thread where people with this disorder can share their experiences related with living with bipolar disorder. This is of course pretty much useless, but since it is so damn difficult to talk about this with people who don't have bipolar, it could be interesting to read the same subjective phenomenon from different points of views.
I have bipolar myself, I was diagnosed about 8 months ago. As far as I know I suffer from the really rapid cycling type, with an inclination towards the depressive side rather than the manic side. Sometimes I've read posts from bipolar anons that described really well some specially difficult to explain aspects of living with this illness.
This is not an attemp to atention-whoring, I really dislike talking about this in real life because it is impossible to not come off as a narcicistic whiny piece of shit since it is really hard to see beyond yourself when yourself is oscilating between extreme emotions, and that block towards beyond yourself also becomes a factor of isolation from others, therefor making you spiral into feelings of loneliness and such non-stop.
I guess people with other mental related problems as schizophrenia and clinical depression could share and seek for relatable exchange of experiences here too.
I think we could benefit from the words of others that reflect personal, similar experiences to actually make it easier to explain symptoms to therapists or each others' families and closer ones.
What do you guys think? Is this an Ok idea of should I just GTFO?
We all know we come here pretty much to procastinate; if this works, procastination could be a little less useless, imo.
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Shit Dartwill - Fri, 08 Sep 2017 08:47:57 EST ID:pW4/EW8o No.518682 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Hi I'd just like to chime in with facts

you're an idiot who doesn't understand mental illness. You lean towards the edgy because it makes you feel right and rebellious.

Fuck off, wanker.
Betsy Bengerfoot - Fri, 08 Sep 2017 21:05:42 EST ID:h/1sxUpj No.518687 Ignore Report Quick Reply
There are certainly a few people with self diagnosed 'bipolar' who don't understand that 'sometimes I'm happy and sometimes I'm sad' does not fit the criteria. I can see how talking to those idiots could make you start to think the whole condition is bogus.
A lot of people with legitimate bipolar have elements of psychosis, seem like they're on drugs when they're manic, and end up doing shit like sleeping in bushes in the park despite owning an apartment. It's pretty clear there's a difference between such people and those who are 'omg so bipolar'.
Fuck Chonderdale - Sat, 09 Sep 2017 01:33:45 EST ID:NrKUK3bQ No.518691 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I was diagnosed bipolar like 3 yrs ago was suicidal for a while.

Turns out something happened to my balls but basically theyve been slowly getting disconnected or something, not fun. The rest of my body has this weird like channel or something opening but it was very jammed before so it caused lots of pain. It seems that my balls r flowing thru this channel thru my body. I correlate it to the ancient kundalini concept n powerful psychedelic experiences such as the ones i had as a teen or just extreme stress can cause this to happen. Ofc no doctor believes this shit but ive had to self treat using breathing and yoga and exercise, its complicated but yea thats the summary

Rn im doing well not rly mentally ill just in pain, my ear is clogged af an i cant hear out of it (left). I hopefully will b ok. Used to have to smoke weed daily to deal with the discokfort but it always also made me feel sick n tired so i quit 2 weeks go. My balls n numb n when i nut the pleasure is reduced, but i think im slowly opening a real third eye

Im sure this was enough to get me ostracized so ill stop now. Just know im not making this up...
Phineas Duckgold - Sat, 09 Sep 2017 03:13:15 EST ID:E+1JXF0P No.518692 Ignore Report Quick Reply
as one bipolar dude to another:

please take your meds. You're not out of the woods yet.
Priscilla Dartford - Sun, 17 Sep 2017 17:01:39 EST ID:4wuShyeN No.518846 Ignore Report Quick Reply
OP here, I also thought I was opening my third eye one time. SSRI triggered mania and then I smoked weed, when I went to sleep I had the most vivid hallucinations. They felt 3D. I didnt understand shit about your balls traveling inside your body, take your pills dum dum

a thought by George Fablingnatch - Fri, 15 Sep 2017 03:20:11 EST ID:RGqEfTX6 No.518805 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I apologize for making this post so brief, I'm in bed and should be sleeping because I have to work in four hours. I was just thinking about something and I actually paused for a second after it crossed my mind. I'll come back and elaborate later today, but it was
>if really, the only thing preventing you from suicide is still caring about utterly destroying the ones who love you, do you really want to end your life that much?
I've attempted suicide in the past and have been hospitalized, I'm not in that place mentally now, though. It's just a new angle that I have recently come across.
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Samuel Fuckingbury - Sat, 16 Sep 2017 09:48:01 EST ID:3qSLtzLv No.518818 Ignore Report Quick Reply
People endure agony for the people they love. Saying "if you are doing it for the people you love, surely it hurts less?" is really really dumb.
Augustus Clenkinstock - Sat, 16 Sep 2017 09:56:51 EST ID:WV91K+Uu No.518819 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I think his point was that if you care about these people enough to want to hang on for them they have to be bringing good or value into your life. You have to be glad they're alive too.

When they die it's unlikely they're the only ones worth living for. And perhaps if you know enough such people life is always worth living.
Samuel Fuckingbury - Sat, 16 Sep 2017 11:14:51 EST ID:3qSLtzLv No.518821 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Jarvis Dazzlechure - Sun, 17 Sep 2017 13:55:20 EST ID:D1lzkoGL No.518845 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I am a toxic sack of shit and I know it. I care about one person deeply who cares about me but our lives are about to diverge. Once enough time has passed I will just disappear from their life and kill myself. I am done living and they are the only reason I am still alive. I have put up the biggest wall to the world and am not letting anyone new in so I don't have another sweet but misguided person stumble upon my life for me to ruin. Sometimes knowing you are harming a person just by existing is worse than huting them with suicide. I have been suicidal since grade 6 and am honestly just done. If they care about me enough they will be glad I am no longer suffering.
Fanny Blackspear - Wed, 20 Sep 2017 02:57:13 EST ID:Ix5ljcqH No.518871 Ignore Report Quick Reply
What if you think people would be better off without you?

I mean obviously that's wrong as folks are terrified of any death and will dwell on it for years, but still, some suicidal folks think they are doing their loved ones a favour.

Anyway your cup may be empty or whatever but you can fill it with anything you want really.

Fake problems by Jarvis Dundleman - Sat, 16 Sep 2017 13:34:08 EST ID:5KPS//to No.518824 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I'm officially selling out. Paid training for my Monday through Friday, 10 to 7 life-sentence at a mortgage company starts next week.

I've been in school for and working in music for the past few years, and it's been the the most joyous, constructive, social and romantic relationship building time in my life. I've had so many crazy awesome opportunities and met so many great people.

I'm about to turn 25 though, and soon will have to start paying for all the various bills that an independent adult life entails in America. I can make $100-300 a week with gigs, and get $500+ weekend wedding gigs like maybe 1-2 weekends a month, but I've never wanted to performing as a career and I've met too many old musicians who've done it for 30 years and I don't want that for myself. The half-baked idea//goal I had of ending up in collegiate music education requires I go into like $100k+ debt and it would all have to be private student loans at this point.

Also a masters in music and starting a doctorate wouldn't guarantee me a position anywhere, and I'd almost definitely have to move out of state if I did get a position at a university somewhere. I do not want to leave the state, as my large family and all of my friends are here.

So I'm gonna go work at a mortgage company with my brother. The salary is 24k/year, which is kinda shitty, but with commission the average person in the position I'm going into makes 70-90k after 18 months, and 150-200k after 3 years. I know the guy who makes the most in the position I'm going into, and he gets 70-90k commission checks every month.

I'm still gonna practice, play, and perform. I know that. I've always known that. I'm just not gonna live and breath music or depend on $50 dinner gigs that I drive 90 minutes to so I can eat.

I'm not going to miss parts of it. I know that. Not having to stress about hustling for gigs so I can eat will be nice. Not worrying that blowing a tire on the way to a gig means I choose between rent and a car payment will be nice. Not having to get a food service day job when a weekly gig falls apart will be nice.

I don't know. I feel so weird right now in my life. I don't feel depressed. I don't feel dread. I feel optimism tempered with expectations that are born out of this narrative of a sad old suit who regrets wasting life and passion for money and stability. I know I can be content and even enjoy my life as a business man, but I've also never done it so I don't really know shit.
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Albert Dronningwater - Sun, 17 Sep 2017 06:25:01 EST ID:uNm7ViEe No.518840 Ignore Report Quick Reply

>70-90k commission checks every month.

What an absolute load of horseshit. whoever is telling you that they get 3x their annual salary in a month through comissions is lying so bad, they must be a pretty good salesman to convince you of that.

look man you gotta do what you gotta do. if music just aint cutting it anymore then its gotta go, atleast you'll have some stories to tell your kids when they are teenagers and want to be rockstars.


i lost it at
>you can still watch anime
thats just too good.
Reuben Sublinghodging - Sun, 17 Sep 2017 10:12:22 EST ID:LDJWI9bN No.518841 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>So I guess I refuse to sell out.
And a tl;dr of that is that I'm far too mentally ill to survive as a normal human being. In addition I have health issues that would get me fired in a normal job eventually and I don't have a long term plan for life. I expect to die by suicide or willingly OD at some point and there basically is no other life for myself in this world without doing music.

I dunno. I don't think I could ever "sell out." I'd probably just kill myself instead of returning to the day job lifestyle. But I can't predict the future. Working a regular job with nothing else is just misery. But most people can offset that misery with a wife and kid and are much more materialistic so they can get joy from money and family.

I've never been able to get along at all in any form or fashion with the fairer sex and admittedly I grew a bit bitter about it and then just became apathetic to everything involving intimacy. So a wife and kid(s) is a non starter to boot. Plus I despise children and everything that they are. Also fuck being permanently committed to being social with another human being just because they're "blood." I'd be a shitty parent and lover given how detached and manic I am.

And buying shit never sated me as a kid since I came up around and with money. It is all so painful to have money in every regard but covering the bare necessities. People always chase money and I never understand it. They just level up in ego. That is all that extra money beyond food and housing type shit gets you. There's no difference between a Honda and a Benz. Except for the Benz loses 40k dollars in a year and breaks more often all while you impress other people on the road. A ginormous house just collects trinkets and unused toys while costing you tens of thousands in taxes and payments. A pool only exists past the first season for inviting your friends over so they can use it and you can impress them while it costs you thousands of dollars just to say, "Well I have a heated pool." That never gets used. I hate materialism. Nothing can so quickly induce visions of the void than that of the modern day consum…
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Nell Clagglechetch - Sun, 17 Sep 2017 12:31:36 EST ID:hSKTwMjR No.518843 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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What you need to realize is that this change in a lot of ways puts you in a better position to enjoy your life long-term. School doesn't last forever, for anybody, even including career academics who stay active in research long after obtaining degrees. The college experience is equal parts environment and youth, and you can keep the former the same as long as possible but the latter will inevitably change. It's a fleeting joy and it's sort of meant to be that way...you will always look back on it fondly. But now you're moving on to financial stability. Music is an expensive pursuit in more ways than just financially, and living in chronic poverty is not conducive to being creative. I lost all ambition and drive working nonstop over the last 6 years just to keep a roof above my head, and I kick myself daily for never learning a trade or something that would've allowed me to keep writing or learning to make films or anything I love while still paying my bills. I'm finally appreciating at a computer shop after a near brush with death and some jail time and the end of a three year relationship pushed me to reevaluate my life, and it may not be exactly what I want to do with myself but fuck, it's better than wage slavery by a mile. You seem to have this idealized notion of making your passion into a career, and you have to realize that there are plenty of similar traps to fall into doing that, where you end up trading your love of x thing for stability solely by virtue of turning it into a job.

I think you're mostly just scared of the change. It's a big commitment for sure, but that doesn't mean you're going to be trapped. You can continue to do whatever you want to do in your spare time...just don't let complacency creep in.
Nell Clagglechetch - Sun, 17 Sep 2017 12:33:27 EST ID:hSKTwMjR No.518844 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Fanny Niffingspear - Mon, 18 Sep 2017 13:28:28 EST ID:WV91K+Uu No.518851 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I think you are not without your vices and you maybe have an inkling of a realisation. You talk a lot about ego but seem to have a lot of self confidence in your world view being right

Family can be a pretty pathetic cop out but it can be the opposite of materialism. Giving up creature comforts, sleep, money, time to make someone else happy or give someone else a chance to be happy and being happy about that is the opposite of materialistic.

I think you have a lifestyle, it's all you can imagine living and so you've built up this narrative that everything else fucking sucks and used justifications with little to no basis to support it. I think a lot of it is right but I am surprised someone so unable to even see shades of grey can be good at a form of art. You talk a lot about bits of life being toxicity but honestly it's most coming from within.

I've seen people chewed up and poisoned by life and family and career and I've seen the opposite. Do something that creates a value you believe in and that's fine, but don't assume that just because you see no value in a thing that there is no value there for others and or even yourself (though again you'll often be right about the second thing).

I think you know this. The last part of my post makes it clear you realise you're not like most people. But I think your fatalistic the glass will be half empty, might as well tip it down the drain approach is your biggest obstacle. If you can overcome it I don't think you'll work a 9 to 5 for Montesanto Uniliver Arms co but maybe you'll find stuff you enjoy until you die.

I think I can explain why people chase money though. And I think you know it really too. Scarcity mentality and societal conditioning. If they don't grow up actually needing things, they lack something someone richer takes for granted and if they're in the super elite it's drilled into them they must retain position. It's how our economy keeps turning, demand for shit we don't need or shit we shouldn't have to fight for at all depending on your social class. I live in a 2 bed flat with another person and I can feel that conditioning, a room so I c…
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Pleasuring people by The Giver - Sat, 16 Sep 2017 17:17:23 EST ID:/ISKNR9D No.518829 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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So I have 2 random topics I was wondering if anyone else could relate to.
I'm a straight mail that likes to play with butt toys is that odd? Can anyone relate?
If I want to have sex I cum way to fast but I font care about my pleasure in the least. I'm 25 and get turned on my the other persons pleasure. My favorite thing in the world is going down on her and the more she likes it the more I want to give it. I can actually get off if I can bring her enough pleasure without ever being touched only playing/licking her. Is that weird? If I don't care about my pleasure than why do I cum soon after entry? I really think I get a much better orgasm when I just tounge fuck her unroll she's orgasmed multiple times? Is it normal? Can anyone relate?
Hamilton Blacklewell - Sat, 16 Sep 2017 21:04:26 EST ID:WV91K+Uu No.518830 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Plenty of people can relate. Do you have an actual problem or do you want validation that your sexual experience is within the bounds of normal?

The things you experienced are the result of a) the prostate being in your butt, this is not something I have experience with but yes I'm sure lots of people have put things up there and enjoyed it because that is a result of the way normal male anatomy is. And b) state of mind being massively important to the sexual experience. For both men and women a lot of sex is in your head. Again this is the way almost all healthy people are.

Your phone has the most awful autocorrect. That is the most unusual thing about you.
Martin Funkinlid - Sun, 17 Sep 2017 10:32:24 EST ID:NwCOZb4P No.518842 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Just don't cum while you're fucking her. Hold back your orgasm and let her feel good, just don't fucking cum. Cumming soon after insertion is kind of rude, you should at least wait a bit. Don't cum.

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