I know it sucks and it hurts a lot man, but honestly you can't waste the time you've got on this earth worrying about someone that doesn't want to help themselves.

>>515365
Tell this to your mother and not us. What advice could a person with a functional mother give?
If you're happier without her and she won't change then that's that. Another harsh reality of your life, I suppose.

Normally I'm the type that would tell you to give in and be there for her but it seems like a waste of time in this situation. Her dying doesn't really change anything, despite maybe seeming like it should. It's not like your mother and you merely had a few differences that you ought to be able to overcome in her time of dying, this is very different than that kind of situation.

Maybe you shouldn't ignore her entirely, but there's no sense in placating her or going very much out of your way to visit or comfort her more than is absolutely necessary. I'd make it clear that you're sorry she's dying in a sort of person-to-person sort of respect for her life, but otherwise you aren't really upset over it and don't feel pity for her predicament. Be as cold and aloof as you need to so that you aren't involved enough to cause inordinate amounts of stress... although it's fair to keep in mind that a parent dying is normally a stressful ordeal for most people. Even if it's just having to deal with setting up a funeral and having to take care of them or make arrangements for their care in their last days. It's going to be impossible to avoid stress altogether in a situation like this.

Don't feel bad about it. I'd advise that you don't contact her again. You've tried to help her many times and she never took up. She just continued to slander you and use you. Many people here say that you'll wonder how it will be when you were never by her side; I'm here to tell you that if you stay by her side, you'll always wonder if you hadn't.

My father haunts me to this day. All my life I've supported him unwillingly. I came back years ago to be close to my mother who had cancer (she died); I do not blame my mother for anything and I do not regret being with her at her death, but my father never left, either. Despite promising on her death bed that he would never remarry, he did just that. He replaced her not even two years later, and destroyed the family. All of my mother's stuff given away to his new wife, or gone. Almost nothing remains besides her memory. I'd like to walk away, but even my sister (who disowned my father) tells me not to. My brother is a coward who can't accept reality, and sees my father as being normal when he never was, and never will be. It is very disheartening to see the ones closest to you behave like this, but the good news is that you don't have to have any of that crap in your life.

Just walk away. Leave it to your other siblings if they care enough. I used to think that mothers were entitled to love from their children, but that is only true if they were loving themselves. If she'd leave you by the wayside, you should do the same. Have some respect for yourself. I didn't, and now look at me.

>>515518
OP here

>Tell this to your mother and not us. What advice could a person with a functional mother give?

It doesn't have to be a mother. I think anyone that's had to deal with anyone harboring serious addiction in their life could offer at least something here. Just looking for perspective on it all, I guess. But this was also a means to vent. I needed to get this off of my chest to someone that's not so closely related to the situation, I think. It's easy for views to become a little warped when you've been this close to the situation for so long.

I appreciate all of your responses. I think everyone has offered valid advice about it all. It's certainly given me a lot to think about, and to some extent it does make me feel a bit better to know that, in a way, I'm not exactly alone in wanting to give up on her. But overall I understand that this is a situation that I'll have to give some serious consideration to, and that it's not up to anyone else.

Anyway, thanks guys <3

He couldn't believe how easy it was. He put the gun into his face. Bang. So much blood from such a tiny little hole. But problems still have solutions. A lifetime of fucking things up fixed in one determined flash. Everything's blue in this world. The deepest shade of mushroom blue. All fuzzy spilling out of my head.

>I signed up for welfare

Why aren't you receiving disability?

>>515480

Since the disease is passed maternally, why would your father put all of his money into your sister? She might have kids with the condition, or she may have it herself. Did your mother have this condition?

OP here

something else got stolen out on the street whilst I was distracted dealing with some drunk fuckhead last night. I can only take so much bad luck in one week. I am officially depressed now.

My dad got some test results today, his Dopamine production is at 40% and lowering at alarming rates.

>>515495
What does this mean for his mental health? Does he use any drugs?

>>515496

It means he feels like dying every fucking day because of psychosomatic pains and the feel that he can't do much about it gets him depressed to no end.

He takes Clonazepam and Zolpidem so he can sleep (and it isn't that helpful, he just can't rest)

He can't use weed because he's very prone to anxiety attacks because of it and med-oil is pretty fucking expensive and doesn't help him much.

His wits are scalpel sharp as always but when you can't button up your shirt or piss straight or when you piss yourself because your brain gets in cahoots with your nervous system and they just feel like making you dance like a fucking circus bear I'd say your mental health is on the rocks.

Not fair man, not fucking fair. he worked for forty years straight in the mining industry, never called in sick and he wasn't called out for shit either because he's a fucking maverick with anything related to engineering. They chewed him up and gave him peanuts for retirement.

>>515426
More depression and paranoia. I'll be glad once classes end in May, but I'm still stuck trying to live with myself knowing that I'm incurably inferior and there's no point trying to go on. Like I really don't want to kill myself, I want to improve but the more I try to do so the more I can see how futile it is.

I don't really even want to put this here, but I want it off my chest somehow and I don't have anyone else to talk to. nb.

>>515459
I dunno if I feel "superior", though I'm sure I come across as contemptuous of just about everyone, and that includes myself. Often I put myself first, maybe it's self-centered, maybe it's part of avoiding dealing with others, maybe it's a legitimate way of prioritizing one's life; but ultimately I think very lowly of myself, and I don't think I'm better than most people. I know I'm smarter than most people. Or rather, I know my IQ is significantly higher than most people's, for what that's worth, but all that means is I'm better at recognizing patterns and understanding abstract concepts. It means I'm different, that I think differently than most people, and so it's one reason I can't relate to most people. Dissociatives made me operate on a "dumber" level, more short-sighted, only focusing on one thing at a time and feeling one emotion at a time, so it made it easier to receive the surface-level shit that constitutes daily interaction with people.

You're right that it's all the same processes and mechanisms, just expressed differently based on class and culture. I didn't find anyone in Trenton who I could sit down and have a long, involved discussion with, without it veering off into weird anecdotes, conspiracy theories, or general misunderstandings. Everyone was poorly educated, most people solved their problems with shouting and fighting, and generally venting at each other. I suppose the term "genuine" is misleading here. What I really appreciated about it was that it's more immediate and direct. It was *easier*. And people weren't engaging in long-term mind games to embellish their public image, most social interactions were forgotten two minutes later. In a middle class setting I find myself getting caught up in obsessive thinking. The same neurotic, obsessive thinking that most of my neighbors are probably doing too. I have to put up extra layers of bullshit because I don't have any positive traits, and it's exhausting. I find myself worrying about bullshit like did I park my car too close to my neighbor's car and does that make her uncomfortable? When I smiled and wav…

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>>515465
Sorry, when I said you were delusional about yourself I forgot to type the word "not". You are not delusional because you realise you're just like everyone else. You're in the sort of misanthrope who doesn't think "everyone else is stupid just not me".

>>515466
I see, that makes more sense now. Yeah, I really don't think I'm any better. As I said above I might act like it in public, and it might seep out as I speak in private, but it's more of a defense mechanism, an unconscious attempt to avoid embarrassment and other unpleasant thoughts. Unfortunately, I think most people are at least emotionally competent enough to see through that. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't like to play guessing games over how smart or how perceptive people are, I just assume people can see through me or are going to judge me regardless, and then sometimes they prove me wrong. Guilty until proven innocent.

I *used* to think I was better than other people, but I quickly grew out of that after high school. That was more of a rebellious teenager thing than anything. It's easy to believe a lot of wrong things when you're a kid, because you simply haven't seen enough of the world, experienced enough, or dealt with enough people. You've got a very small frame of reference, and it works the same way the other way around where very depressed kids who think very lowly of themselves go and off themselves because their small world isn't treating them well at the moment, and if they'd had one more distraction or one more word of encouragement, they might have been able to tough it out and start an adult life of much more "interesting" mental illness.

>>515465
Get an animal. Cleaning up shit every day makes you reassess your place in the world.

>>515469
Okay this I really would never do. I thoroughly dislike keeping pets, it doesn't do anything for me. I'm likely to neglect them. I grew up with a dog and later a cat, my fiancee had ferrets, rats, geckos, and anoles, and currently has two snakes. I've tolerated these but I just don't really get it. And anyway with my fiancee's worsening symptoms lately I've felt like I've been cleaning up shit every day, metaphorically.

bh

>>515411
curses and hexes aren't real. magical thinking is appealing but ultimately just leads you away from the real problem.
why do you sound so ashamed of not knowing basic cleanliness and hygene? if you didn't learn those things at home, then somebody had to teach you. most kids i know who move out go through a period of living in filth before they get their shit together.
and don't feel bad about going to art school, education is important and art is necessary.
you sound stressed by your current circumstances, though. do you have any goals or hobbies that you enjoy? you could start saving for a vacation if that's what you're into.
you live in vermont, do you like the outdoors? try going hiking or camping on the weekends. maybe take mushrooms in the woods. do you like fishing? have you ever tried?
you sound a little like you're giving up on your own happiness. but you get out of life what you put into it. there is no higher power dictating your circumstances; just yourself.

>>515411
Stop trying to blame shit on spooks. We are all products of our enviroments. The key is to change your enviroment. Just today I read some bitch's facebook post. She said she sold everything she had and rented out her apartment. All of her possesions fit inside a 30kg backpack. No keys, no nothing. She's in Russia now or something. Ask yourself what you want in life. There can be several answers to this. Then figure out the best way to achieve it. Nothing will happen over night. You have to dedicate yourself to yourself and it will sure as fuck be hard, bro. You'll die one day. It might be tomorrow in an accident it might be in 40 years. Either way life's a bitch and then you die, that's why we get high!

What does she do all day then?
If you're enabling her to have a free ride and then complaining about it, there's not much we can do about it.

20 hours to finish one (1) job application sounds like either procrastination or laziness. Not having a resume ready means either that she has poor planning skills, or she feels that it's not necessary for her to work.

She's your girlfriend, you live with her, and you are the one who knows if she's capable of pulling through her issues. Is the relationship worth it?

>>515456
She sells her used panties to weirdos on the internet all day. brings in like 150 a month. sometimes she works on a local food truck. I don't know, man. The way she talks and behaves makes me think she's developed anxiety over working a steady job [and getting fired again]. I don't know how to stop enabling her without torching the whole relationship.

>>515457
Speaking as someone who was unemployed for ages she probably has developed that anxiety. I was sending in job apps but I didn't want anyone to accept them after the first couple of months. In the end though I forced myself to overcome it because I had to. I failed a few times while I had savings but the moment I had to overcome it I just had to.

But I just had to suck it up, force myself and I also had to need it. I had to have a reason. The anxiety of losing all the progress I got while unemployed as a person did it for me.

Your girlfriend probably needs to know this is upsetting you. I'm not saying sanctions or blackmail, no yelling, no insults, just telling her that you feel this is unfair. She needs to feel that actually she can't just cry and go home. But at the same time if you deliver an ultimatum it's gg. So you've got to convey to her that you find this unfair and unacceptable and are unhappy and make sure she understands without telling her off or abusing her. Then one of two things happens. She wants to improve because she cares about you or she doesn't want to improve because she is a selfish bitch. When people say no ultimatums I think the important thing is that there is an ultimatum but only you get to hear it. She doesn't know anything except that you feel this has to change and you feel unfair and hard done by and you have to fight as hard as you can to encourage her to pull through. If that's not enough then you've drawn a line and you wont keep saying "oh no I can see she's trying" when she's not improved in years.

Anyway my point is. Make it clear. If she doesn't give a fuck dump her. Maybe instead of smoking your money she should get therapy. That's the third option.

>>515454

If your sister was financially supporting a guy who couldn't hold down a job what would you say to her? HEll, if your GIRLFRIEND was in the situation you are now, what would you say to her? You would say "You deserve better" or "You are not responsible for other people's happiness. I know you love this person but their life is fucked and they are dragging you down with them" You should be saving money for your future, not helping someone get by when they aren't trying.

Now, she is probably not trying because she is going through something awful. But you aren't a psychiatrist, you can't make someone happy while they make you miserable.

>>515457
How does one get into the used panties business? Do skid marks and vaginal goo fetch a higher premium??

Hello friend, let me teach you a spell!
The past has already happened and it can't be changed, but we do have the ability to set the course for the future!
Giving in to social anxiety protects you from bad experiences with people, but will also keep you from having good experiences with people. A double edged sword!
So here's the spell! From this point onward, you are in the now, the present! You should find a small charm or pendant or other type of symbol and use it to remind you of this spell! You're here, right now! Don't get distracted!
If your life is like a bookshelf and it's empty, let's find some hobbies and fun things to put on your empty shelves!
And once you fill your life with enough things that you enjoy, people are not far behind!

If it really came down to any legal resolution, which it probably wouldn't, he'd never get away with trying to claim that you did it (assuming anything actually happened) when he's been the one who's actually been around the kid and you haven't at all. I'm sure you're fine.

>>515440
im more worried about them finding something and making sure he goes down for it.
I dont want anyone messing with my kid ya know?

>>515429

Find a girl with low libido, and when you want a kid take a bunch of Cialis

Go to a different doctor

>>515436
Going to a different doctor would not work, there really is NO known treatment or cure anywhere. It is a very rare problem. There's forums dedicated to it with a few thousand members, and I'm among the most severely affected even there.

if you live in Arizona check out Summit Male Medical, i hear their fucking ads on the radio all day every day. otherwise look for some sort of penis specialty clinic

>>515429
I just got an idea OP. ANAL is FOR YOU. You don't even need to be hard to orgasm from anal OP. It takes practice though, and a strong manly will to get over societies gift of "guilt", but it might work.

Can you get horny and orgasm? If you can then all you need is an understanding partner who isn't into penetration. That's really not that hard to find dude, lots of women fit the profile. If you can't and/or you have negligible libido, then you might as well start thinking of yourself as asexual and seek other asexual people. They're rarer but not so rare you're fucked forever.

>>515337
Someone in her family having bipolar increases the likelihood rather dramatically. My uncle has bipolar and I've got an ADHD diagnosis but bipolar has always been left on the table because there are significant levels of overlap between the two. Don't personally believe I do, but it sounds a lot like your girlfriend really may. Do you notice actual cycles to her behavior? You haven't really explicitly stated if that's the case. It could possibly be some other personality disorder as well.

The whole recurring delusion of you hating her and her feeling like an ape could be part of a psychotic break, but I'd take my saying so with a large grain of salt. Psychosis during a manic or mixed episode can involve a lot of strange things that are hard to identify unless it's glaringly obvious. I'm taking the ape comment to be her referring to her looks and otherwise simply stating that she can't believe in the possibility of you feeling anything but hate for her. That's not really too far out there as far as ideas go, it could be more of a reflection of her depressed state than of psychosis.

I would definitely find some way to get her to seek help. I don't know if there's something you can work out where you go with her or what, but even if you two weren't in a relationship, she needs help. This isn't a sustainable lifestyle for her, there's no way she could function as an indepedent adult. I hope something gets worked out and she winds up stabilizing. My uncle has been pretty out there all my life, going on and off medications and things. There have been several times he's spoken with my dad on the phone and told him he knows the family hates him and that my mom never wants us to see him, even though none of that is true. Reminded me of what your girlfriend was saying. As a result of not sticking with treatment consistently, he's had a pretty turbulent life. I wouldn't want that for anybody, so I hope you guys work something out.

>>515342
It's kind of hard to say if it cycles. She does have depressive episodes and then manic episodes, but they mix together confusingly and happen really quick. Like, she gets off work on a sunny day and feels great and decides to do a million things and see a million people and have a drink and forgets to eat, and suddenly at the end of the day she crashes and cries for hours and says insane things like "you don't love me, you haven't been trying" and when I reassure her that I love her and I've been trying to hold her and take care of her she says that she knows those things are crazy but she feels them.
Either the depressed part where she says she wants to die or the manic part where she tries to do too much and tires herself out, can happen at any time, or even kind of at the same time. Either way whichever one is happening she won't eat or sleep, which only makes it worse.

When she aknowledges that the thing she's thinking is crazy, that's something that at first gave me hope, if she knows something is illogical then she can logically fight it. But she seems incapable of that. Now it's something that worries me. If I feel an illogical surge of jealousy, I evaluate it, feel it, and let it go, recognizing it's a nonsensical feeling. But these things for her are so real, it's like she actually can't tell which is reality, because they still affect her so much. Like, if she really trusted me and knew that I am not going to cheat on her if I go out for a night with my friends, why would it cause meltdowns when I even just bring up the idea? She says stuff like "I know that's crazy, but that's how I feel" a lot and it's starting to worry me. Like... if she knows it's crazy...... I'm starting to think she maybe doesn't know what's crazy and what's not.

Any tips for how to encourage her to get therapy? I've tried telling her positive stories about how a psychologist helped me with my PTSD symptoms, and I've offered to go with her.
But every time I bring it up she says stuff like "you don't think I'm doing enough to get better" or "I'm reading a lot online about …

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my mom has bipolar and all this shit really hits close to home. though I don't think she's worried about my dad cheating or anyone thinking she's an ape. most of the other stuff is spot on. to be honest, if she was just an acquaintance and not someone who raised and cared for me, I would cut her from my life immediately but probably still feel bad about it. She did do pretty well when she was talking to her therapist, but when she stopped seeing him things got bad again. if your girlfriend finds a good one it could be a lot of help. but I also wouldn't hold it against you to dump her. It's the simplest option to preserve your emotional well being. don't let her suck away your happiness, but if she's willing to seek and accept help and try to get better, then support her.

>>515368
thanks for the reply. at this point i'm hoping it's bipolar because at least then it's not psychosis.
i got invited to a dnd group meeting this friday for the first time, i'm super excited i've always wanted to tabletop and my girl knows this. anyways so i tell her and she falls apart.
when she stopped crying / sulking she explained that she feels really bad. that hearing that made her feel insecure, controlling, angry. like she felt like telling me i couldn't go.
hearing that honestly freaked me out cuz that's unnacceptable in a partner! if she was acting out those feelings i would leave her ass so fast, controlling is no bueno
but she was aware of it and fighting it so that's good right?
i honestly don't know any more
sometimes she can't step away and analyze those feels, sometimes she just lashes out
and it's been months since that shitty night and she still hasn't even called someone