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>"idc I will just kill myself later so it doesn't matter"Yeah. I know what you mean.
Two things, I think, if you're anything like me. Try to think about what it actually means.
The first is "having a life", and the second is "living in a healthy way". What do those things mean? I think that the former is having stuff to do, and the latter is, well, exploring the world, breaking down barriers, building things in your life. It sounds like, and again, if you're anything like me, your vices have taken over your waking life and you find that your life is this amorphous purgatory.. And the vices act as, well, a vice, trapping you in this state. Drugs were fucking me up big time, and I know I would've committed suicide if I didn't manage to stop. Like, 100%, no doubt. I didn't even do it on my own; it literally took an act of God to get me to stop. I was living in this wonderfully manic dream world, but my real life, the life that would actually sustain me and make being alive worth it was so undeveloped that I was starving to death. There were and still are glaring problems that I was ignoring, and there were and are still things I do did to stay there, things that I knew were fucking me.
Another thing, I have a lot of pain in me from my past.
>"idc I will just kill myself later so it doesn't matter"This is sort of what I use to cope. I'm 24 and things aren't wonderful with me, but I have to admit they are improving, despite me doing things to sabotage. I went to bed at 5am yesterday, for instance. Shit like this just makes me fucking tired all the time and I hate it because I'm tired of living this way. I want to actually be a human being, you know? I want to have a life. I think my pain and my vices, which still exist but are not nearly as powerful today, take up the space that would otherwise place new things, new people and constructive, life-giving things.
Regarding being a healthy person, I think that a person's life is a reflection of who they are inside. The state that they exist in on a day to day basis. When I say state, I mean how you feel. Things like exercise and proper diet and nutrition are real…
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