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how do i pay for rehab? by Nicholas Blobbleway - Sun, 27 Aug 2017 01:04:45 EST ID:n5oMJfqR No.518371 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I want to go to rehab but my dad said he doesn't have the money. Our insurance switches from his old job to new job in a number of months. I insisted we discuss it again when the insurance changes and we can check the cost and know for sure. I assume insurance from a federal job is pretty good. He thinks it will be thousands and it's just some "new age woo" place where they only do stuff like place hot stones on your back. I want *this* particular rehab because it's better than my last rehab where all we did was fill out packets and go to AA meetings. This one addresses the nuances of bipolar disorder, trauma, suicidality, etc

I need the help they offer.
I tried to kill myself not long ago.

I don't know how else I would pay for it. I'm not relevant enough for crowdfunding and don't want to make a spectacle of myself. I don't think they offer special grants for it either. It's not like applying for a college.

It's the Life Healing Center in Santa Fe.
1 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
John Hassleridge - Sun, 27 Aug 2017 07:09:31 EST ID:ia37Z8cL No.518378 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>Life Healing Center in Santa Fe.
Isn't that the rehab Jesse goes to in Breaking Bad?
Thomas Chiddlesadge - Mon, 28 Aug 2017 04:27:29 EST ID:n5oMJfqR No.518402 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Yes, I do. Quite badly. My mom canceled my psychologist appointment. Off the top of my head, I'm not sure what contact information we are allowed to share here.
Lillian Tootcocke - Mon, 28 Aug 2017 04:34:04 EST ID:JKkiuuyh No.518403 Ignore Report Quick Reply
If it's got a psychologist it's clearly not "new age woo" whereas AA/NA is actual new age woo shit. Let god take control and er then that's it.

Addressing why you're an addict is essentially the key here. If you do have mental illness and you feel the need to take drugs then obviously your current treatment is inadequate though you also need to want to quit. So far I'm probably just repeating what you know though.

Maybe you could cut the middleman of rehab and just try to get the psych care you need as that's addressing the route. Your parents may be more open to that. It's not that just one place will help you as much as the things it offers are what you need so maybe there's other ways to get them.
Nell Sizzlebeck - Sat, 02 Sep 2017 05:35:21 EST ID:n5oMJfqR No.518497 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Update from OP:

Under current insurance, it's 1k instead of 35k and my dad said he is on board with it. The people at the regular doc's place are already working on a referral which will be sent out Tuesday. I thought I'd have to plead my case to a psychologist to get one.

Very high chances I will get in.
Isabella Peshnatch - Sat, 02 Sep 2017 09:57:40 EST ID:twMAaV8o No.518505 Ignore Report Quick Reply

apparently allen carr's book on giving up alcohol is good. His mental models aren't literally true but they literally help people to quit all the time.

Fuck by Shitting Navingstet - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 07:06:02 EST ID:b2C/SvL6 No.518421 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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It was the weekend, so I just stayed up all weekend long. Have college the next day. Try and stay up all night. Passed out around 4 in the morning. Missed my class.

On the bright side I got 14hours of sleep.
Fanny Banderpet - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 07:26:25 EST ID:jblbFE0M No.518422 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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you gotta take your studies more seriously dude
or just quit already and learn a trade
or keep at it I don't give a fuck, thanks for sharing
David Hesslestock - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 13:20:23 EST ID:vATdGl2v No.518423 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Consider sleeping, or adderall
David Clizzlelock - Fri, 01 Sep 2017 15:41:55 EST ID:+jM6aOPd No.518489 Ignore Report Quick Reply
If it was the first class you know damn well what you missed: The instructor doing attendance and reading out the syllabus followed by a 20 minute discussion on what plagiarism is and why you should avoid it.

Maybe they crossed your name out of the attendance list. Maybe they didn't.

Show up to your next class.
Jack Fellerped - Fri, 01 Sep 2017 21:22:24 EST ID:oR28Sm7a No.518491 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Hey. I failed out of college twice (different colleges, both full-ride scholarships) because I couldn't be even slightly responsible and spent all my time doing drugs and coasting.

It worked out for me in the end, but it could've really fucked my life over. Do it now man. Trust me. I wish I did. Just focus and commit for 4 years- once you're done, have your fun.

Good luck.

i eat too much by Hamilton Dibblegold - Thu, 31 Aug 2017 16:09:27 EST ID:jrBtOw2P No.518482 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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How to stop

How long until I become a fat
Molly Pupperlen - Thu, 31 Aug 2017 17:10:06 EST ID:T2acLeMx No.518483 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Every day you delay is, depending how much you over eat between half a day and a week more to lose weight.

It's easier to stop and bring your weight down before you get fat. Work out what you actually need to eat and only buy that. Don't buy snacks, don't buy things you can graze without a lot of prep. Don't buy lunch, make it. Fill up on vegetables that aren't super starchy. Skip processed carbs. And "I can't afford to eat good" is bullshit. Under educated people who haven't been taught to work shit out for themselves are more likely to be fat because they believe that shit.

Lastly do shit, Stop boredom eating.
Oliver Wengerhall - Thu, 31 Aug 2017 18:54:46 EST ID:6yal9B1C No.518484 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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If you snack a lot, buy vegetables instead of chips or whatever. Carrots and shit like that. You can eat just about as much of them as you want without making an impact on your weight. Fruits are obviously good too but because of the sugar and everything else you can't just shovel them into your mouth with no repercussions like vegetables.
Phyllis Snodman - Thu, 31 Aug 2017 23:31:55 EST ID:nNpfh3Yl No.518486 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Look OP I lost 30lbs last year, because I realized I had hit the upper end of "healthy BMI range."

What worked for me only worked because of the city I lived in. I sold my car and walked everywhere. Also I was poor so I only ate wild fish and snails for three months.

When I got more income I started eating one subway sandwich divided throughout the day.

It saved my body dude.

If you have the opportunity to eat you probably will. I know that animal nature in us that doesn't give a fuck. If nothing else you can just take Keaton and mescaline enough to feel nauseous all day every day. Nobody likes to eat when they're feeling that weird.
Isabella Peshnatch - Sat, 02 Sep 2017 15:04:00 EST ID:twMAaV8o No.518513 Ignore Report Quick Reply
i used to have tits like that AND I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE HOW NICE THEY WERE

I should have taken loads of pictures that I could now sell because no one would even recognise me

fucking gravity

How to deal with Herpes by Nell Grimstock - Sun, 27 Aug 2017 21:48:31 EST ID:8ZGXI+3c No.518394 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Hello, I have 3 questions about herpes:

1.) My gf has herpes on the pussy. Only had 1 outbreak in the past 8 months. She recently got an IUD. I want to bareback that shit and creampie her. How do you guys handle this if your girl has it? If she's clear and no sores do you go for it?

2.) I gave her the herpes. I have cold sores and ate her pussy and she got the herps. Im sorry it happened. That said I played with an ex for over 10 years and just did not have any contact when I had a cold sore and nothing ever happened. Anyone in the situation where you gave a girl herpes like this, but then have to inspect her pussy before sex or wear condoms so that you dont get heps on your dick after you already gave it her on her pussy? I think this would annoy most girls.

3.) If you have cold sores ONLY, do you tell a girl that you have cold sores if they ask if you have STDs? It's not even on a sexual part.

Any input would be appreciated, thanks. Also let me know if you have cold sores/herpes/or a girl who has either. I want to know specifically how you navigate this stuff and how it turns out.
1 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
Alice Dartcocke - Mon, 28 Aug 2017 16:08:30 EST ID:AyQAwRmK No.518409 Ignore Report Quick Reply
haha, this fucking guy..
Shitting Brazzlelerk - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 05:46:17 EST ID:VuW7ooTC No.518418 Ignore Report Quick Reply
You know they say that mouth herpes is more harmful than genital herpes because when your mouth breaks out everybody knows how filthy you are whereas she can just show anyone her junk.
Ebenezer Blunderfuck - Wed, 30 Aug 2017 23:12:31 EST ID:8ZGXI+3c No.518474 Ignore Report Quick Reply
OP here.

Overall I agree. I save my sick days for when I have an outbreak on my mouth. That said, I'm glad I can tell people I don't any STDs.
Ian Trotwill - Thu, 31 Aug 2017 12:01:32 EST ID:twMAaV8o No.518479 Ignore Report Quick Reply

you got a blood brain barrier in your body meaning the infection you have now is only in your mouth and can't ever get to your crotch you put it there by having sex with someone who has on their crotch. Seeing as how you did this to her it seems fair, go for it.

90% of people have mouth herpes and don't know it, you get cold sore outbreaks because YOUR NUTRITION IS SHIT, EAT PROPERLY and stop stressing
Molly Pupperlen - Thu, 31 Aug 2017 13:06:57 EST ID:T2acLeMx No.518480 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Shit nutrition, stress or lack of sleep or even taking the wrong medication.

Also a lot of "cold sores" are canker sores which are unrelated, not contagious and different but also suck. Make sure you know which is which and be certain.

Rewiring your brain by George Fuckingford - Sun, 27 Aug 2017 14:35:48 EST ID:gsWNvXfE No.518387 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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How do you wire the human nature out of yourself? I'm a very self aware person and understand what is a waste of time and what isn't.

I don't want a relationship and I am aware that I'm not in a suitable position to have one, yet I am constantly overwhelmed with the thought of it whenever I see an attractive girl.

I just want to cut that aspect of human instinct out of my mind but it's so damn hard. It would make my life so much easier if I didn't concern myself with it.

Has anybody managed to do this and if so, how?
5 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
Lillian Tootcocke - Mon, 28 Aug 2017 09:14:56 EST ID:JKkiuuyh No.518406 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I argued that the physical urge may not be the real problem.

I don't think your post addresses that concern. You have made it clear that your friend does not deal with crushing inadequacy. When people say they want to get rid of their sex drive it's usually this. Your sex drive grants you masturbation and if it's distracting you'd be asking to have it reduced not removed.

Now if you do just want to free yourself of this fleshy desire then I'm not arguing that what worked for your friend is hopeless for others. Just that it might not solve OP's problem. Maybe.
Doris Pibberwater - Mon, 28 Aug 2017 13:13:45 EST ID:jblbFE0M No.518408 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Yeah, exactly: maybe. OP's predicament, as I say it, requires some drastic action and changes in habbits anyway. He'll still need to do some serious work to get laid. At least with what I'm recommending he try it doesn't depend on other people.
What I mean is even if he did take the time and effort to be sexually attractive to women it's still not a fact attractive women will respond as "planned". Rigorous "spiritual" work however which might help him with not wanting attractive women to respond at all - which will help him disregard them - depends entirely on himself.
Are there no "succesful" (in the sense of achieving a high spiritual state) monks who are virgins? of course there are. I don't think you need to experience sexual success first at all before trying that.
Ropper McCan - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 19:36:17 EST ID:ldXXNvFm No.518438 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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What about Chaste tree berry (aka Vitex Agnus Castus)? It's a natural anaphrodisiac and you could try that. I don't understand what exactly you're trying to achieve but, whatever, you do you.
Jenny Duckstock - Thu, 31 Aug 2017 02:32:14 EST ID:fShXbKbo No.518476 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Do no fap and use that hunger in your favor to succeed, don't give up, you owe it to yourself not to, this is your responsibility to yourself, you think you can beat nature? You are nature. Go hit on some girls and get rejected and then some mild successes which grow
Edward Ginkinbanks - Thu, 31 Aug 2017 02:41:06 EST ID:KGNn4P0B No.518477 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I study hormones and thier influence on the human body, its pretty cool how everything you feel can be traced back to a hormonal or neurological pattern that is completely separate from your conscious

makes life much...less stressful

Girl advice please. by Frederick Hommerhetch - Mon, 21 Aug 2017 18:02:41 EST ID:UjNuOR6B No.518243 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Hi all.

So I'm a junior in college, and am still a virgin, even though I've had two boyfriends and a girlfriend in highschool, they were shitty short flings (except the bf-- loved him) and I haven't really been in a relationship since.

Anyway, sophomore year I meet this girl in my sociology class-- she's awesome, loves dragons, total nerd, an artist, generally my type too. I get her number after class and we begin texting on and off for a while-- she never had time to hang back then though.

Now, in my new dorm, she always hangs out with the RA who I know too. The door is open a lot, and I've gone in a few times and hung out with her, made jokes and made her laugh and such-- we went to this cool event and made tye-dye socks (the RA friend was there too though) and we all talked-- trainspotting is one of her favorite movies, she loves D&D, she's amazing and games too.

So-- I'm wondering where to go from here and how not to fuck it up. I added her on Discord and we've sent a meme or two along (she "memes" a lot), and a picture of a cat and the eclipse and shit, but that's it so far because I haven't wanted to seem clingy-- I only added her two days or so ago, after all.

I'm just wondering, what the heck do I do? I have a huge crush on her. She seems really chill and I could probably straight up tell her how I feel, but isn't it too early? We've only hung out like 3 times.

Thanks for any advice.
17 posts and 3 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
Oliver Seckleberk - Wed, 30 Aug 2017 17:09:25 EST ID:Ikm6SAhz No.518469 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Not sure about your gender, just gonna assume you're a male.

Seeking "girl advice" . . . how not to "screw this up" . . . you failed from that point, you need to see girls as fellow humans looking for relaxed, natural friendships where there are no feelings of "not screwing this up" or of someone secretly seeking something from them, and it shows. It becomes a "no" the moment signs of that type of attitude appear, their spidey senses start tingling, there's something weird about this guy and I don't like it.

When you hit it off with someone, there won't be any "is it too soon to do this" or "how do I play this off just right," it's just gonna happen and you're going to look back at times like this and laugh.
Basil Cackledidging - Wed, 30 Aug 2017 20:54:14 EST ID:bJ2LE8mc No.518473 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Well, outside of family I've never had anyone show me any affection at all other than a couple gay dudes. But from everyone I know in the family, they didn't just have some romantic novel of falling in love at some social outing and being set for life. Pretty much everyone I know made eye contact, said wassup, ey wassup, then talked on superficial shit and then asked each other out to a date. Then they dated.
Edward Ginkinbanks - Thu, 31 Aug 2017 00:35:04 EST ID:KGNn4P0B No.518475 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Asking for help when youre crushing on somoene when you know you have poor social skills is not dehumanizing the woman

The very uncertainty in dating and excitement it brings, and being a male means you need to pursue and swoon.

Those are actions that can be fucked up, have you ever crushed on a woman? Hit on a woman?

Are you a woman? If so that would make sense because of your inability to see it from the male perspective
Jarvis Worthingshaw - Fri, 01 Sep 2017 20:26:44 EST ID:pLwhFpDV No.518490 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Do you know how when you have a gf, you have all these women flirting with you? And what are you doing to bring this on? You don't want anything from them. They want something from you.

All it takes is to be able to look an attractive woman in the eyes without getting flustered and hold a casual conversation. The best way to do this is to ignore their attractiveness. Just treat them like another dude or something. One thing leads to another and you're inside of her. Serious. And you have not done anything. Well I mean apart from cultivating some inner sexiness on your part.

It's not love at first sight or anything. He's talking about the kind of relationship where it doesn't feel like your relationship changed at all from being friends to being friends that fuck to being in a committed relationship to moving in together etc. Because it felt natural at the time it wasn't a big deal. On the contrary it was inevitable.
Sophie Fuckingworth - Sat, 02 Sep 2017 07:10:54 EST ID:T2acLeMx No.518500 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>All it takes is to be able to look an attractive woman in the eyes without getting flustered and hold a casual conversation
Bullshit. Talking to women as people is easy. But if that's all you do then nothing ever happens. There is more to it than this and I don't know what or I would be out having sex not posting on /qq/. No one can tell me, it's like they just expect me to know but I don't. But it's probably flirting which is something something touch arm and then everyone just has sex somehow like that's a thing they just do. And it's implied you just understand. But you don't.

Inner sexiness doesn't work. Don't believe it.

If you want to cultivate your own awesome life do it for your own ends. Do not do it for women. It will not work. You're doomed if you do that because it will fail. But if you have created a great life that is worth it in itself. It even takes the edge off being a piece of subhuman incomplete shit who can follow every piece of advice and it won't work. Not that it's ever what worked for the giver. Go get out and meet people when I met my partner at work. Go to dating nights when we met through friends. It's bullshit. But at least you'll be in good shape, have interests, a decent job and when you're not crushed by inferiority be able to sleep at night. So okay you won't sleep at night.

A girl i like by Powerpaffweed - Mon, 28 Aug 2017 18:07:23 EST ID:nVrnSTtM No.518410 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I went to study abroad and i met a girl at a festiva(really liked her a lot , there was a lot of eye contact). I asked her her phone number and she replyed that she could give me her facebook cause she dsnt know her phone number. Added her , we keot on talking approx. 3 days and i asked her out twice and she told me she dosent have the time cause shes 2 busy . I really like her and want to hang.out with her i dont want.to rape her or some shit like that id be cool with kissing or holding her hand and i dont know if she is into me at all or not cause of damn "im bussy " thing. What do you people think should i text her and wait out maybe she is to insecure cause im new to the place and maybe she ist shy or should i just ignore her ?
2 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
Fanny Banderpet - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 06:05:24 EST ID:jblbFE0M No.518419 Ignore Report Quick Reply
stop contacting her and pursue other women. she's shit testing you, checking if you're desperate or not. a guy who can get women easily (that is someone with high value) will stop botheing with someone who constantly flakes. even if you're not a guy like that act like one in these situations if you wanna get somewhere.
Molly Finnerfuck - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 18:32:36 EST ID:XCpbm4k+ No.518435 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>asked her out twice and she told me she dosent have the time

fuck that shit, if a girl I like asked me out I'd find the time no matter what

she's probably not very impressed by you, either she has other suitors and you're just not good enough , or she's just shy and is not the type of girl that just goes out all the time, you probably need to make a strong impression. Or if she's seeing other boys, maybe think about flirting with someone else
Polly Penkinmack - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 19:16:55 EST ID:fTASTyPz No.518437 Ignore Report Quick Reply
dude there are billions of girls out there. literally billions. Who cares about just one?

Here's what you should care about. you had a good conversation with her, got her contact information and you gained some more social experience. Don't get wrapped up in "social protocol" or stupid shit like that. "what do i text her, how do I get her, tell me the magic words that will make this situation work out"

if you get all caught up in this crush, you start second guessing your behavior, you become more anxious and needy looking. it's a turn off. best way to circumvent that is to go out again, hit up some more girls, get more contact info, have fun, enjoy yourself.

this girl might never reply to you. if she does, however, wouldn't it be that much cooler if, when she did, you'd hit up so many other chicks that you pretty much forgot about her
Priscilla Bullystog - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 20:08:08 EST ID:94uHFygY No.518440 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>she doesnt know her phone number

lol u fell for that?
Martin Snodhood - Wed, 30 Aug 2017 18:37:00 EST ID:AkBTpOns No.518472 Ignore Report Quick Reply
i dont really intend to be rude to you, but you really dont seem to understand the games women (well, mostly girls) who are being pursued tend to enjoy playing

its a little dance which occurs all over in the animal kingdom. those who cant even muster the effort to follow some of the steps are the ones who trot off alone and end up ignored

i understand you (not you) might be "sick of this highschool shit" or cant "be bothered to play these stupid games" but that most likely - unless you are incredibly exceptional - will exclude you from the dating pool; If at very least simply cutting off your odds to a thin trickle

Cousin crush by Ernest Sirringson - Wed, 30 Aug 2017 10:03:42 EST ID:lYsSvn6s No.518459 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Me and my female cousin are close, shes one year younger than me and as far back as i can remember ive had a crush on her..
I thought it would pass with teenagerhood but im 23 and i feel like im in love and very much attracted to her, shes like exactly my type both physically and personality wise

Our families are close and the cousins are like brothers i dont know why this strong attraction but needless to say i cant act upon it, it would be social suicide
I would be ostricized by the community and family and ive never tried but its most likely she would freak out too if she knew what i felt...
Should i tell her?
Or suck it up forever?

What the fuck
Nell Brammerkut - Wed, 30 Aug 2017 11:40:47 EST ID:C9GUdLvq No.518460 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I think that you could only have a crush on any one girl for years by lack of exposure to any other girls. Start talking to other girls and this problem will quickly melt away.
Rebecca Clayshaw - Wed, 30 Aug 2017 13:14:16 EST ID:jPpWgI0N No.518462 Ignore Report Quick Reply
OP i will say what I say to every incest thread ever. Do it. Cousins aren't really family, and there is now scientific dna evidence that cousin breeding only increases birth defect rate by less than 3%, it only becomes an issue cumulatively. So unless you two are planning in starting a monarchy of 5 generations plus of cousin marriage, there is no reason at all that you two can't be together. If you're scared of what "society" thinks, just tell yourself this "If the gays can weather this storm of judgement, so can I. I am proud, I am hurting nobody, I am living my life."
Jarvis Bankinsted - Wed, 30 Aug 2017 13:36:47 EST ID:bSbyvfvC No.518463 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Lmao this OP
Fuck Cebbleshit - Wed, 30 Aug 2017 16:03:03 EST ID:vfShsVuP No.518466 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Yes, it does that is inbreeding you mongoloid.
Oliver Seckleberk - Wed, 30 Aug 2017 17:12:22 EST ID:Ikm6SAhz No.518470 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Bait, disregard, holy shit that is some GREASY bait.. you should be ashamed your brain can even come up with that, connecting it to the gay rights movement HAHAHA not bad. nb

I have very low self esteem and have historically since I was prepubescent by Phoebe Hunkinlock - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 15:21:41 EST ID:jPpWgI0N No.518424 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I can put on a facade, I've even had times in history that lasted several years where I was popular, confident, and happy...but they weren't the norm. Things have been bad the last year. Not the worst, but let's put it this way - I just cleaned my bathroom after leaving it for one year. It's spotless now though. But I still have a lot of negative feels about myself. I judge myself too harshly. How do I havr sympathy for myself? How do I stop punishing myself? For example, I don't want to go outside because I feel I don't deserve to go outside. I feel I don't deserve to be in a healthy relationship, so I sabatage every opportunity to have one. Please help me. I have never dwelled on these things deeply before. I feel I am on a cresabys of acceptance and change but it scares the fuck out of me and I meed help through this difficult time. I have seperated myself from all friends for about 6 years now and have no one irl who I trust enough to talk to and seek support from. Easier to walk alone and with difficulty than with a support that could seperate at the moment you go to put weight on it, causing you to fall.

How do I love myself? Because I really fucking don't.
Frederick Suzzlepudge - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 18:20:39 EST ID:bN5ATAAL No.518432 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Things that help a bit.
>Achieve some things, start with small ones
>self improve as part of the above, do it in a way that makes you provide more value to others.
>Therapy helped me because my therapist helped me see myself the way I'd judge someone else

I realised that I'm not perfect but I have worthwhile aspirations and I value worthwhile things (well I would believe in them wouldn't I?) and that made it a lot easier to be me and be okay with that. I thought yeah regardless of the loser I might be a guy who obviously held those values and tried to be those things would be okay with me. Both before and after then I've got a lot done.

I think it'll be hard to ever have normal self esteem because most people are either delusional or are in a loop of extended positive feedback that you can't get into but on the bright side you'll own what self esteem you have and that helps too.
Polly Penkinmack - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 19:06:21 EST ID:fTASTyPz No.518436 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Keep writing posts like these. Start journaling even but use those journals as a reference material.

quick backstory. I have some sort of mental illness. haven't ever been properly diagnosed. Possibly bipolar but I'll say for the most part it's depression. substance abuse covered up the depression but exacerbated or possibly even started an anxiety condition. I suffered a brain injury a year and a half ago and Im still in all kinds of therapy from physical to cognitive, to psychological.

Anyways the point of that backstory was to highlight my memory issues and cognitive issues. Mental illness feeds itself. Mine all stemmed from internalized messages and feelings of valuelessness that came from varying sources in the 22 years i've been alive.

depression makes it hard to care about anything. if you don;t care about things you most likely aren't going to pay enough mind to what you're doing to really remember it. you feel like you're stuck, treading water, drowning even. and it feels like there's no point because it's always been this way and will always be this way.

journalling. right fucking there man. gives you something to look back in. you can form a more concrete idea of the person you are, the things you've accomplished. instead of just trying to remember back to Day X out of the thousands of hazy, meaningless memories you may have.

Start getting to know who you are. start making an effort to find yourself.

Journaling will help with this too because it can take you from "oh god what the fuck is wrong with me, why can't I just be fucking happy, normal, functional, not feel like this all the fucking time?" to "here's a list of the issues I face, here are some of the hardships I've been through, here are a bunch of jumping off points for the next time I do some research into my condition"

I know what you mean about the isolation. it's really hard to love or even like other people if you don't like yourself.
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Priscilla Bullystog - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 20:09:18 EST ID:94uHFygY No.518441 Ignore Report Quick Reply
i bet your shower was horrifyingly gross. any pics from before the clean?
Rebecca Clayshaw - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 22:05:45 EST ID:jPpWgI0N No.518444 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Wasn't so much the shower, although it was pretty gross...but the worst part was the ground underneath the toilet. It was dark black/brown/grey and the floors are white. Now that it's clean I'm trying to keep it that way, mopping once a week and sweeping multiple times a week.

And to the other guy having similar problems, thankyou. I have journaled for most of my life. I've been in and out of institutions as a young adult. Now, looking back on what I wrote (there's a lot of it, still haven't sat down and gone over everything) I see me, but a more arrogant, more helpless, more naive, more fatalistic me. I'm not as sick as I was, but I'm definately not a whole person like I was when I was on "the right path". I had all my shit together inside, or I thought I did. But I became dislodged again by "friends", and too much freedom too quickly. My mother ruined me with "love" and too much freedom. I honestly would have liked a little more structure and deep, serious, intense and honest conversations. That tells me I have a thirst for that which is not being met. I should find people like me to talk to irl but I always find that difficult. But perhaps that which is difficult is worth it sometimes. Gardening this year has taught me that. I worked my palms bloody this year tilling, planting, and caring for my plants. Not weed. Vegetables to keep me alive. Watching them grow has made me realize something deep about life but I'm not sure what it is. It's something deadly serious though. I've gardened before...but not like this. This meant something from the start and I knew that.

Anyway, yea...this garden is the most I've done with my life in a long time. I usually sit inside all day shitposting and watching animated shows. I don't know what to do and I'm in pain but I'm trying, I'm crying and I'm bleeding and I'm crawling on my hands and knees but I'm trying. And I pray that this time I try hard enough and in the right way, so that I can reap a positive net reward from doing so.
Priscilla Bullystog - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 23:15:57 EST ID:94uHFygY No.518449 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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alright you actually seem like an alright fellow, i will actually reply to you with advice and not troll shitposting (though i do want to see any before pics, like the toilet ground, if you took any).

if you are not familiar with the term neuroplasticity, i recommend you look it up and comprehend its meaning and implications.


basically, early scientists believed that experiences in early childhood, as well as genetic factors, made you who you are, and that was more or less unchangeable at the deepest levels. now it is known that the brain is constantly, from birth to death, forming or breaking connections between neurons (nerve cells - what your brain is made of [mostly]). this isn't like "just think happy thoughts bro", this means that if you use neurons to do things, they physically grow new little arms, called dendrites, to connect more strongly with the other neurons involved in the neural pathway that controls that thing. this applies to all neural activity, be it thought or action. this is a possible explanation for deja vu. when you have an existing, active neural pathway (you had a dream or did a thing) then when something is similar enough, the brain fires along that same neural pathway, making you already feel familiar with it or like you lived through it before. (although i am not writing off deja vu completely, i am open to the possibility there is more to it, but that's a whole other discussion about cats in the matrix)

this, then, is the fundamental purpose of "training" in a given activity. why do basketball players have to shoot thousands of shots? why do pilots need to log thousands of hours of flight time to get their license? why, when learning a new language, are you often told to repeat writing or speaking words and phrases many times? why does a martial artist need to practice kick #2 thousands of times? these are all repetitive actions that physically form new neural pathways which are more and more efficient at doing the thing, which get stronger and stronger and even have reduction in action potential as a whole. if you repetitively do thing, brain will forever get bette…
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Yeah but what if? by Matilda Duckleneck - Sun, 20 Aug 2017 18:38:50 EST ID:VKGHaHuj No.518208 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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What if there are problems that have no solutions? What if insisting that every situation or mindset can be improved and/or changed for the better is sometimes just a lie to keep one going? What if some things are truly define us to such extent that some people will just never be able to achieve happiness or merely a state of content mind? Some lives suck less, some lives suck more. Some people are luckier, richer, more beautiful and have a greater willpower than others. There are stories that don´t end well and there is plenty of them. What if mine is one of them?
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Charles Tillingshaw - Mon, 28 Aug 2017 04:05:00 EST ID:VKGHaHuj No.518401 Ignore Report Quick Reply

perhaps "being happy" is a wrong term. i do not seek overwhelming happiness, just contentment. to be at least remotely ok with who I am, with how things are. to not feel dread and misery every hour of my life. to feel, you know, a little bit normal, thats all. anyway, easy to say not to care about automatic unhealthy negative responses, but if it ever is in my power to change it, why not? it might improve the quality of life. i just feel powerless about it
Fucking Bevingted - Mon, 28 Aug 2017 08:19:21 EST ID:VZxKtZ7q No.518404 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Whatever change you're seeking, be it contentment or normalcy, or whatever, the same concept applies. Are you doing it for yourself or for someone else? Do you really care about it or do you just feel like you have to? Why not just starting with accepting yourself instead of putting it off until after you're feeling better? It's not like anyone else is going to do it for you.

And why are you convinced it's in your power to stop your responses? It's not like it's worked so far. Maybe your feelings of powerlessness it's just you misunderstanding your intuition telling you it's not worth giving more attention to them. I mean, they already drain you of time and energy when they happen. Do they really need more?
Rebecca Sarrybanks - Mon, 28 Aug 2017 19:34:11 EST ID:yUhAjzvV No.518411 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>That's the reassuring part about nothingness though: you won't feel it coming

Two thoughts come to mind reading this. One, why should that be reassuring? Two (coming at this from my own personal perspective, so from a bit of a different angle), why should it bother somebody whether they actually could feel it coming?

So yeah, for question one, assuming somebody is terrified of the concept of dying and returning to nothingness, why would the fact that you wouldn't actually be able to feel it coming make things better? The central issue at the core of the anxiety is ultimately unaffected at all by whether or not one can feel it coming.

For the second question, I'm more asking you directly on a more personal level why this concept is reassuring to you. Most specifically, if you could feel it coming or were stuck facing and appreciating the reality of what's happening utterly and completely, why would that bother you (or at least, bother you any more than being blissfully unaware of your demise). For me, the fact that I'm not going to exist or experience anything at all afterwards completely negates any significance I could see applying to what happens directly before death occurs. Even without really taking that heavily into consideration, as long as I'm not meant to endure whatever it is I experience at that point indefinitely, I really don't mind experiencing terrible, awful, shitty as fuck things from time to time. Shit happens, and I imagine a lot more of it happens when you're just about to die. How much shit happens isn't for me to decide, nor is it something I can control.
Nell Willerpen - Mon, 28 Aug 2017 20:29:36 EST ID:yUhAjzvV No.518413 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Man I used to be the same way the first two or three years after getting a concussion in 8th grade. The way I got over it was constantly trying to correct my thinking patterns and behavior, while simultaneously working to effectively change my outlook and beliefs. I honestly had to repeat to myself over and over what I knew to be true, but couldn't make myself believe and emotionally invest in. Very slowly, over time, forcing myself to conceptualize and see things from what I saw as the right perspective became habit. The habituation of those thoughts and behaviors was an indication that I was internalizing these ideas, and eventually just repeating the same hollow rationalizations for how I should feel about those things actually came to be how I truly felt about them.

In particular, you seem to have a big problem dealing with things that you have no control over or are otherwise impossible to change. The way I've dealt with things like that has been to be unyieldingly accepting of what I find to be most simplified as the nature of things/reality. Death is one of those things. For life to exist at all, there must be a state of death and not living. Everything is relative, and all things that begin will end. What exactly begins and what ends, along with when it begins and ends, is something that is decided by the one experiencing that which is perceived to be beginning and eventually ending.

When it comes to dying, as far as we can tell, things are a bit more extreme because the ability to perceive is entirely lost, but ultimately your death is fundamentally no different than what it means for any change to occur at all. I am no longer the person I perceived as myself a year ago. I've both physically and mentally become something other than what I once was. Yet, I don't lament the loss of what once could be identified as myself, nor for the dreams, aspirations, or thoughts that individual possessed. This change is occurring constantly and instantaneously, and the more time that passes between each iteration, the more radically and fundamentally I grow apart from an individual I used to be (to such an extent at times that even among more reasonable standards, I seem to have…
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Simon Dravingman - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 06:37:42 EST ID:VKGHaHuj No.518420 Ignore Report Quick Reply

your thoughts are a breath of fresh air and something to ponder upon, i will think about it.

problem with death - at least for me - is not the fact that i won´t be able to interact with the past. problem with death is that there will be no future.

I sleep like an alium by Vehk !7HYGxe5v5c - Mon, 21 Aug 2017 20:02:49 EST ID:SGra5qXU No.518248 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I was briefly addicted to amphetamines at the start of the year and would frequently stay up for 2 - 5 day binges. Despite quitting totally, my ability to sleep was extremely damaged and I would frequently get under six hours a night. I started to use benzodiazepines heavily as a result, and they did the trick but frequently I'd be dazed and confused for morning classes. As such, I'd rather avoid them in the long term.

When I moved home for the summer and had my supply cut off, I initially suffered extreme rebound insomnia. I would not be able to sleep all night, and then the next night I could still not sleep despite having been awake and totally sober for 48 hours. It stabilised somewhat after a week, but ever since then I've been baws to the waws trying to survive from a combination of day caffeine and the odd z-drug or alcohol to sleep.

I've gotten to the point now though where even with alcohol or a small magnitude of zopiclone I can still only sleep about 5 hours out of 24. I feel all the time dried out and slow, and the only relief I get is when I occasionally acquire opioids and bask in the well-rested vibrations of a true and sweet sleep.

I've been off opioids for twenty days now hoping to normalize through abstinence before I return to college, but it's still as much a shit show as ever. Does anyone have a similar experience? Is there any hope of breaking back into the coveted sleep cycle of a real human bean?
Hamilton Fezzlesot - Wed, 23 Aug 2017 12:50:11 EST ID:kAEKpfyQ No.518279 Ignore Report Quick Reply
You might want to try lithium or valproate because they have been shown to regulate the circadian rhythm.
Phoebe Deffingfuck - Wed, 23 Aug 2017 13:02:26 EST ID:LoDjme4P No.518280 Ignore Report Quick Reply
get off the drugs bro
Priscilla Fidgeman - Wed, 23 Aug 2017 22:13:14 EST ID:FwheuJ8x No.518289 Ignore Report Quick Reply
That's what happens when you fuck with that kinda shit bro. Slow and insidious repercussions. Do yourself a favor and stop before you unlock full blown mania - there's no putting that genie back in the bottle.

As someone who's crossed that threshold, I've found a low-moderate dose of seroquel to be the most reliably effective, aided by cannabis. Side effects are kinda shitty at first, but go away fairly quickly, and you may require less over time as your body gets used to a more normal sleep cycle.

Benzo w/d really fucking sucks though, is legit damaging, and gets worse each time. Unless you enjoy feeling like shit for potentially months on end, I'd recommend you go to great lengths to avoid regular use.
Vehk !7HYGxe5v5c - Mon, 28 Aug 2017 20:53:44 EST ID:3/PZxffm No.518414 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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I've had four full blown psychotic events from amphetamine abuse. The first and least severe when I was seventeen, the three severe ones in rapid succession at the start of this year. I wrote a long post on /opi/ a while back describing my paranoid hallucinations on the worst one. I also had to be hospitalized at one point because I hallucinated my mouth was melting and my teeth were falling out and had a BPM of over 160. Initially, after reading the literature and seeing that there was a a high percentage of drug-induced psychotic cases that never experienced a full return to normality, I was extremely worried and drifted through most days in a state of sub-reality. I only have a vague recollection of this period of my life and remember a lot of days lying in bed staring at different items in my room and questioning whether I was really living in my life, and whether the profoundly uncomfortable situation I had found myself in could be true. Sometimes I wondered if I had lost my mind completely that day and was living out a sort of eternal limbo or penance. Benzodiazepines, and later more heavy opiate use (I used heroin daily for two months) brought me back to functionality, but obviously when the party ended I had to deal with the repercussions of my unhealthy approach their consumption.

This considered, I don't think I could have made it out of that mess psychologically intact without opioids as a bridging method. They made things feel real again, and my surroundings weren't sharp and overcast with a sort of dubious authenticity anymore. My ceiling didn't look like it was part of a stage set and I could study as normal without blanking rereading lines in my textbooks.

Of course, I'm never going to use and moreover cannot ever again use stimulants. To say that there's no going back is an exaggeration, though. After being mostly sober apart from occasional opiate use over the summer, my schizoaffective symptoms are virtually gone. I still have a low level overhang of depression or anhedonia, but I no longer feel like I'm tottering permanently on the precipice of a total meltdown. My post-psychotic state created chronic complications of my insomnia which I did…
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Rant by Nikolo Pirosmani - Fri, 25 Aug 2017 00:35:36 EST ID:KJKxeUlo No.518329 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I wish the gay guy at work liked me back. He's so handsome - but for that very reason, I'm so beneath his notice.

I've asked him to hang out three times. Two times, he bailed; the other time, he made it my fault by telling me he'd call me at a certain time; he then proceeded to call me 2 hours later after the supposed time, by which hour I had already fallen asleep (therefore making it my fault, since he technically did call me).

I even told him I liked him. I said to him: "... You're not dumb. I'm sure you've guessed why I keep making an effort to ask you to hang out. Hell, I get terrified everytime you pass by."

He smiled, said "Don't worry, we're on the same page," and continued with "And don't be scared," before tapping my leg.

I'm sure he has no real interest in me, and that he's simply being polite. After all, it's always me making the effort to talk to him - not once has he ever come forward on his own to ask to hang out or anything. And I am so pathetic and clingy that I asked him to have lunch with me tomorrow. He said yes, but he'll probably come up with an excuse to get out of it.

But you know? Fuck it - until he makes his disinterest explicit - in the same way I made mine own interest clear - by telling me 'no', I'm going to keep trying. Who cares if he thinks I'm pathetic? Let him!
Augustus Tillingspear - Sat, 26 Aug 2017 09:54:27 EST ID:1sCiADp1 No.518352 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I really think you shouldn't dude. I'm bi but I tried the gay lifestyle and had the chance to be "the guy" like your guy from work. so thing is I'm hot and sometimes flirt with guys who I'll never hook up with for attention, shit like that. not even consciously, but upon reviewing my actions from that time I realize it was just for attention.
I understand how lonely/sad it can be when you're 100% gay and you meet a great guy who's hot but different than the rest etc.
As for me? I don't know how you look but if you're not a hot twink I'd never hook up with you. If you're a nice guy I'd be nice to you because I suffered in my teens from bullying and not belonging anywhere so I'm empathetic and have a hard time hurting people or being blunt. sound like that guy has similar issues.
Thomas Sinnerfield - Sat, 26 Aug 2017 19:04:35 EST ID:6yal9B1C No.518360 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Chill the fuck out, OP. If he wasn't disinterested before that's a surefire way to make him disinterested.

I mean, I think you're definitely right and he's not really into you, but still. That kind of "Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey, can you hear me? Hey. Pls respond" attitude isn't a good thing to get comfortable with.

The ball's in his court. Short of whipping his dick out there's not much more you can do to get your point across and now the best thing you can do is just try to move on. If he calls you up one day or shows up for lunch that's great, but if he's not into it you're gonna have to get over your fixation with him eventually. Sooner begun, sooner done.
Charles Buzzway - Mon, 28 Aug 2017 11:09:12 EST ID:EdeGHFLf No.518407 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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You don't seem clingy in the bad kind of way, you just want something and he's giving you mixed signals. Who knows but so wish you the best, I just came here to post this image and this.

>tfw eating a banana at work and bouncing in my chair like a slut and then my coworker walks by

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