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I got out of bed this morning...that was a start by Nell Blucklemadge - Mon, 31 Jul 2017 18:52:18 EST ID:ByXD3yKp No.517816 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I'm dealing with some very poor neurotic type issues. Have had a very poor handle on myself and my actions. I feel absolutely ashamed of what I've done. To be honest I won't get completely into it but I've been out of work this entire year. It all started at my last job. My boss knew I had moved out and desperately needed the job. I'm one of the quiet types that stays out of the workplace cliques and dramas. It usually found its way towards me anyway And if you know anything about workplace harassment or bullying typically it's the one that tries to avoid it that gets the brunt of it. My boss didn't like me because I wasn't afraid to tell him when he was being an asshole. He made sure the other employees made me feel isolated. In that I had no help and no one say much of anything to me. They blindly followed him of course.

My hours started getting cut and as one of the high performers there I went from 42 hours a week to less than 20. I started losing my mind. Knew my rent day was coming up and I spent it on weed because I was going mad and needed something.

I ended up quiting after they hadn't paid me hours I worked in another town. Unemployed and rent day was coming up I had no choice but to return home. I haven't worked a day since then. So I've been home trying to deal with all of this and where it went wrong.

Meanwhile through all of this there was a girl I fell in love with although it never became serious I had pretty ridiculous feelings for her. She ended up coming back into my life recently and I felt like maybe it had been a good idea.

Around the third time we hung out she had asked me if I was seeing someone and she told me she had been, that they were talking about dating. I went home and I cried for three hours straight. I felt like shit. I wanted to die just so I could not feel the pain of losing her yet again.

I did the worst possible thing I could to as to not let her in on the fact that I still had feelings for her after all this time. I lied to her and made her think that I was seeing someone as well. She still thinks I am and I sent her a picture of a girl I met when I went traveling last year. She thinks …
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Rebecca Bunlock - Mon, 31 Jul 2017 21:05:39 EST ID:kAEKpfyQ No.517817 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Getting a job so you don't become homeless seems like the logical place to start. Always gotta have your priorities straight and do what must be done. Physical shelter and food on your plate come before girl problems. Focus and get it done.

As for the girl problems, you fucked up by lying to her, she told you she was talking to this other dude about potentially dating to see how you felt about it. It didn't mean you didn't have a chance, quite the opposite. But now you've probably pushed her into his arms so just forget about her and move on. If you happen to reconnect sometime later and you're both single, by all means go for it, but give it a rest for now; put her out of your mind. It's easy to get over someone when you don't interact with them. Any continued contact will just make this a permanent wound for you. She's not special, or rather, your capacity to fall in love is not exclusive to one person.
Henry Turveyham - Mon, 31 Jul 2017 21:36:11 EST ID:Umzpjfv8 No.517819 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>It's easier to get over someone when you don't interact with them

Hmm not really in my case. We didn't talk for an entire year almost. I had feelings for her the entire time. She probably knew.because she commented on how much I was smiling when we hung out. She definitely knows.

All of my efforts to meet other girls have mostly ended up the same. So I just give up and never leave this cycle of self perpuated loneliness. I will meet a girl and we exhange numbers but it doesn't go anywhere and they eventually just don't text me back. It happens everytime So I have just given up.
Doris Duckhall - Tue, 01 Aug 2017 09:45:56 EST ID:LoDjme4P No.517827 Ignore Report Quick Reply
get over women, the sooner the better, the sooner you do it the quicker you will get laid.

get over them
Reuben Goodwill - Tue, 01 Aug 2017 10:27:19 EST ID:Oxm4StPA No.517828 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I'm gonna try I started by blocking her number not forever but I made sure she was the last one who sent a text. I'm not responding blocking her number for a few months and see what happens
Nell Gabberworth - Tue, 01 Aug 2017 15:50:43 EST ID:e1ptL1WV No.517830 Ignore Report Quick Reply
you have already started.

The work place stuff can really effect your mind because it kind of shows the opposite at least of what in my town was the dominant people's narrative. Business's that hire bosses that exist in franchises and large chain's of command and in other towns, often are incredibly feudal to this day, and kind of show why we developed unions. Today it's more there is no structure and people play favorites and young people can boss around old people with rumors and many things that can shock an adult mind used to an idea of fairness it had preserved since adolescense.

A similar notion is true with the girl/woman. Being in a position where you hung out with solely this person during a time you were on your own, is a large bonding occasion.

But it reflects to a degree the circumstances you are forging the bond over. In other words that friendship can hurt the part of you that seeks long term relationships, because in a way you forged this bond out of solitary existence. The same kind of ethos in "moving out" "being on your own"

So i would keep the relationship but approach it from that point of view, as touchstone in a life that may have more easily movable roots. Often because of things like the job.

alone? by Edward Sendlewater - Fri, 28 Jul 2017 17:26:49 EST ID:fdd9zJp1 No.517740 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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alone and afraid i'm destined to be alone. i always end up pushing people close to me away.. not intentionally but it just feels as if everyone gets.. tired of me. or something like that. grew up with only a mom and grandma. mom worked always so i spent all my time at grandmas and was basically raised by her. anyways lately she's been losing her motor skills/cognitive abilities so she was put in a home by relatives who never took the time out to tell me where they were putting her. i found her a few months ago and got to see her. she was so strong but this loss of life by age was so rapid. it only took a year for her to go from doing everything independently to not being able to chew without assistance. so i finally got to see her and was crushed. i basically had to say goodbye to her after not seeing her for a few months. so she's still in the home, until she passes on.. and my mom moved away from the city and i have no idea how to contact her or where she lives. i have a girlfriend who i live with but fear im pushing away too. i have depression when i think about my family so it's hard to talk about starting a future with her. i don't even know what i'm saying right now but i feel like if i don't put this Somewhere it will only fester in me more. i feel like if she left me too then i would be truly alone. you die alone and that can't be avoided, but i don't want to live alone. i think at that point is when i'd consider suicide. i hate that word cause it has such a big meaning and social stigma behind it. like everyone who does it has some big mental problem. i'm looking at this objectively, not negatively i feel. if my life is destined for loneliness why bother? also my bestfriend committed suicide this time last year and that's been fucking with me. it's not like i hate this life, i really like it. i just want to be able to enjoy it and not waste time suffering. i wish i knew what all the people who commit suicide thought. what they figured out/what convinced them to do it.
Phineas Givingdale - Fri, 28 Jul 2017 17:43:37 EST ID:S+hUTe0o No.517741 Ignore Report Quick Reply
hey man. ive been battling alot of suicidal thoughts lately. you are not alone. thats what this thing is for.
live for them and theyll live for you.
Reuben Blembledock - Fri, 28 Jul 2017 19:03:20 EST ID:7fC8LtQw No.517742 Ignore Report Quick Reply
> i just want to be able to enjoy it and not waste time suffering

well start by doing things that you enjoy and don't waste time sitting around thinking about the bad stuff

go outside make some friends have some fun if you can't do that then learn how to
Basil Burryfoot - Sat, 29 Jul 2017 04:00:18 EST ID:lpDS9OwD No.517754 Ignore Report Quick Reply
its 4 am. i cant sleep. i awoke to the thougbt
if there were a woman laying here the reason to live would feel like a trap.
i feel so trapped all the time. i dont want to kill myself. shouldnt it be that easy?
why do we hurt so much. why are we so afraid. why?
Hedda Chobbledale - Tue, 01 Aug 2017 03:59:35 EST ID:fdd9zJp1 No.517821 Ignore Report Quick Reply
cause we think. unfortunate but true.
Eliza Dorrycocke - Tue, 01 Aug 2017 06:04:58 EST ID:y0owHYF2 No.517822 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Every reason to live is a trap by definition. What if you stray, does that mean you should die? Just live and treat reason like the cheap whore she is.

Life after suffocation by Lydia Hambleserk - Mon, 31 Jul 2017 15:08:16 EST ID:y6KKmc/w No.517809 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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> I'm 22 and have never been allowed to date, drive a car, have friends over, or get a job.

>Even though I'm an adult, my parents still try to control me as much as possible.

>They actually manage that bc I wasn't allowed to do anything to make friends or become self-sufficient when I was younger and then forced into college.

>I'm about to graduate now and I'm trying to retain my sanity through the last stretch of this bullshit.

>In the last 3 years I've been able to work one bottom-rung job behind their backs, but because of college, I couldn't make enough money for it to matter.

>I feel like I'm some kind of developmentally-stunted anomaly of a person, just one rung of dignity up from Chris Chan.
Molly Clemmlehall - Mon, 31 Jul 2017 18:05:57 EST ID:iKPa+Mgz No.517813 Ignore Report Quick Reply
You care, you've got the desire to be more and to be self sufficient and proud of yourself. You're quite a few rungs up OP. Though internet nutjobs are not a good measuring stick even for total losers. I think you're probably alright and you'll come good if you can go get some real world experience.

You're not stunted because stunted implies you'll never be as big but you're going to have to play catch up. Finish your degree and start working on a plan for getting out once it's done. Not necessarily in that order. Start looking for jobs. If you totally fail you can get a call centre job, I suspect if you apply for the right stuff and do it well you can do more but call centres are a good dead end job to do because while the job itself goes nowhere you can get a lot of skill, experience etc for slightly less shit jobs. I could go on more about that but that's your plan B. You need to define a plan A.

For example if you get a decent grade there's always "Graduate schemes" for people like you. They take on someone who's proven they have some combination of brains and a decent work ethic and train them. It dreally depends what you actually want to do.

I couldn't do a lot of those things either. My poor work ethic and depression were far bigger issues than experiences I didn't have (my parents were not controlling they were just ignorant to the effect they had on me I guess). If you can stay focused and not sell yourself short you'll do fine.
Rebecca Bunlock - Tue, 01 Aug 2017 00:09:55 EST ID:kAEKpfyQ No.517820 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Just hold out a little while longer until you get the degree and then go job searching somewhere far away from your parents. Once you have real independence you can do all the things your parents wouldn't let you. It's possible to learn all this stuff at any age, it just takes more effort. Good luck, I wish you well.

I'm cursed..... by Martin Claydock - Mon, 31 Jul 2017 15:54:28 EST ID:H1oe3t6E No.517811 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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>Always tried but in the same time failed to get friends, the ones that I had are always leaving me
>Don't have close friends in family members
>People hate me
>Did nothing bad, never hurt someone, I was the one who got hurt
>Don't have a job, no matter what I try I always fail
>Never had a girlfriend, girls hate me for some reason
>Nobody is interested to talk with me
>When I'm trying to invite someone to some place, they're always thinking about to what say just to not go with me
>I'm 23 years old
>My life is full of shit
>My problem was that I was always good with people, but in return always got a shit on my head
>No matter how hard I'm trying, I always fail to get what I want
>Everything is boring as shit
>My country is like a hell on Earth, no jobs, no money, nothing interesting
>In every year everything gets worse, no positive things
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Frederick Suggleshit - Mon, 31 Jul 2017 17:27:17 EST ID:C2LZTezo No.517812 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Are you that Brazilian guy who won't stop frog posting? if you are, the answer hasn't changed since the last time you made this thread. Stop being a frog posting autisit, get a dog.
Fuck Sicklewater - Mon, 31 Jul 2017 18:17:25 EST ID:XS6JMhmD No.517815 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Those are some weird looking dogs in your picture, Fred. I should know, I make my own.

lost a friend a week ago by Nicholas Shakestock - Wed, 26 Jul 2017 09:21:50 EST ID:SPpwuYvJ No.517671 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Lost a horrible friend today but I cannot help but feel hurt

>she constantly asked me for small sums of money randomly. Usually 5 bucks
>always asked me to take her to doctor's appointments a couple of times
> Got pissed off when she didn't get her way many a time.
>she generally was ]loathed in town because she did a cam show once
>she moved in with a chinese restaurant owner and provided him with sexual favors in exchange for services.
>Started doing heroin last year
>she became homeless for 3 after escaping rehab and got hep C from some 45 year old dude
>she came home after she was being harassed by him after she beat his ass
>she was ecstatic that he died
>everything was fine for awhile
>about a week ago she cut me off
>she exploded at me 5 months after the fact for telling her parents that she was homeless
and said that we were too different and we should part ways
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Hamilton Blallerworth - Thu, 27 Jul 2017 23:03:22 EST ID:XS6JMhmD No.517723 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>all these pictures of entirely different chicks

Op I can't even give you points for effort rethink your life nigga
Doris Sebberbeck - Thu, 27 Jul 2017 23:29:37 EST ID:SPpwuYvJ No.517724 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Nope that's all the same person
Cornelius Pibblestock - Fri, 28 Jul 2017 09:18:21 EST ID:vfShsVuP No.517728 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I dated a girl just like you described OP. Woman like that are very toxic and after we finish dating we were still friends but she would constantly flake on me when she made plans. Will call me whenever she need some thing from me like, let me barrow your netflix, your amazon prime account, I cant pay my internet can you let me barrow 20 dollars.

Sex with her was alright, but nothing great and after a while I just stopped messaging her, and she kept on doing so almost every week until I told her "Hey, you know maybe this friend thing is not working". Didn't block her or anything, but she did and said I was mean, blah, blah. Quite frankly OP you dont need people like that in your life, they are emotionally draining and are way too self absorb and explosive.
Graham Bunman - Sat, 29 Jul 2017 22:00:54 EST ID:LoDjme4P No.517771 Ignore Report Quick Reply
lol fuck that piece of shit borderline slut off
James Bunman - Sun, 30 Jul 2017 20:56:52 EST ID:kAEKpfyQ No.517802 Ignore Report Quick Reply
If you meant to say "tell that piece of shit borderline slut to fuck off" I agree. This girls is borderline to the max and they are always bad news. They should seriously teach guys about BPD girls in sex ed so you know how to spot them and avoid them.

why? i know. i just. fuck. by jimmy hendrix - Fri, 28 Jul 2017 10:23:58 EST ID:3knwzPbK No.517732 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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my wife is acting like a psycho. & she wont admit it. i cannot take it anymore. a whole week or just being ripped on by someone who cheated on me a year ago. why? why am i fighting through this? i love her, but my son cannot be raised by the women she is becoming. she compared a one night stand i had 6 years ago before we were going steady to her sleeping with someone while i was visting my dying grandpa in California. i know you are not supposed to ever hit a girl (at least thats what my mom taught me) but what. the. fuck? what do i do? we own a business together, we work all day together, & now i feel sick with rage even looking at her. i used to be the horneist human you have ever met, now at 28 i feel like my dick is never going to get hard again. i am literally becoming physically ill. i dont want to divorce this girl for one screw up that i know she has done everything to fix, but its like deep down, she will not admit to herself that what she did was wrong, & it is killing our family.
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Betsy Blovingnudging - Sat, 29 Jul 2017 12:06:23 EST ID:9ByaMX5X No.517757 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Have you tried hitting her?
Basil Tootworth - Sun, 30 Jul 2017 00:50:14 EST ID:buDodtmC No.517780 Ignore Report Quick Reply
perhaps she feels like if she admits to herself that it was wrong, her entire life will come crashing down because of how wrong it was, so it must be okay.
Barnaby Gushcocke - Sun, 30 Jul 2017 07:06:34 EST ID:bwJOb6Ln No.517789 Ignore Report Quick Reply
couples therapy or you will get divorced.

I can promise you this with 95% certainty. There is no way your marriage will survive this period without help.

If you can't afford therapy read some Gottman books, he's great. Some of his books deal with how to get over infidelity or other massive betrayals, he has so many books he might even have one that specifically deals with this.

How is he different from Dr. Phil and 1000 other bullshit merchants? He has a "love lab" and a masters in mathematics and he approaches everything really empirically. To the point where he admits when earlier hypothesis are disproved by further research. If you like maths then "Principia Amoris" is the one you should start with.

>the fact that you are willing to even consider not divorcing your WIFE after she fucked another man is beyond my capability to comprehend buddy. you are in a grave right now and dirt is being piled on. better climb out, unless you are ready to be a corpse

They have a kid together. You are a kid yourself if you cannot understand this. Please never get married if you do not understand this. You don't just jump ship when you are married and have a kid, it means something.
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Alice Baddlehet - Sun, 30 Jul 2017 10:36:59 EST ID:kAEKpfyQ No.517793 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I also think couples therapy might be a good idea because she needs someone who is objective to call her on her shit and admit that she was wrong. She can keep denying it for the sake of her self esteem if she can just keep projecting her own faults onto you but hopefully a third party would tell her to cut that shit out. It's kind of a risk though because you never know if you're just going to get one of the therapists who tells the woman she's right about everything and it's always the man's fault. She may just end up validating whatever rationalizations your wife has for why she did this, but who knows, maybe it's worth a shot.
Alice Babblefuck - Sun, 30 Jul 2017 17:57:48 EST ID:C2LZTezo No.517798 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Ive never been to couples therapy, but id be pretty ass blasted if thats how it actually happens. I thought it would like therapy, not paying a third party to telll your spouce they are insane.

Feel like "good" habits hurt me and bad habits at least don't hurt me by Hamilton Goodfuck - Thu, 27 Jul 2017 12:17:31 EST ID:ElgF+aL7 No.517696 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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It's as if the more I work the more I lose. I see this pattern repeat among my friends and even in society itself. Basically just gotta be born rich and you get to be President. Meanwhile the hardest working politicians have the least power. Just gotta be tall and you can get a gf. If you work out as a manlet you get accused of "overcompensating". I used to be cut. Women are WAY more friendly with me now. I went to college to study a hard "practical" STEM subject. My friend who smoked weed enough to get kicked out twice has a six figure job and I don't...and he has a music degree. Work hard at your job and you get hated by coworkers and slammed with work.

Thank you God for teaching me but you could have made it clearer in the bible that Puritan work ethic is a bad thing.
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Basil Goodforth - Fri, 28 Jul 2017 12:27:02 EST ID:iKPa+Mgz No.517735 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Theory: OP wants to give up on life and blame his bad luck/failings on stuff that makes a convenient excuse. He has posted here hoping for validation. He will not get very much of it because he's wrong, so he'll either ignore posts or just focus on the small bits he can debate when a point he doesn't like comes up. We all know that it's his shitty attitude, that he's made mistakes, that he's got a toxic self image and opinion of others and he only tries as much as checks boxes rather than gives him a chance.

I've seen this thread more times than I can count and it plays out the same. I really want OP to realise that he's either at the far end of the bell curve, but luck isn't a thing or that maybe he's just done shit wrong so far and either way the only sensible option is to do what gives you the best chance to be happy. And that is not giving up and rolling over, it's not swearing off women or chemically castrating yourself (it won't kill the failure) it's not being tall, it's trying until you make it or else you die and can say "hey, at least this wasn't because I approached life wrong and regularly didn't do the right thing to give me the best shot at success".

But he won't. He will pick on tiny things that don't matter until someone (who is in the same situation as him and also needs validation) joins him and they make a 2 man crab bucket. He may also get upset at this post. Well that other guy Nicholas covered most of what I'd say already.
Clara Havingfield - Fri, 28 Jul 2017 15:23:12 EST ID:ElgF+aL7 No.517737 Ignore Report Quick Reply
hey man im just sharing something cool I discovered and I wanted to see who else knows about it.

I dont why youre getting so hostile
Ian Mishwig - Fri, 28 Jul 2017 16:36:12 EST ID:AkBTpOns No.517738 Ignore Report Quick Reply
you sound like the most pathetic shit
Walter Finnerham - Fri, 28 Jul 2017 21:19:33 EST ID:yUhAjzvV No.517750 Ignore Report Quick Reply
probably has to do with the fact you've just now come to the conclusion most 15 year olds do in high school, and it's so short sighted that it's clear you'd rather consider yourself a victim than actually take the 10 seconds it takes to actually check and make sure you aren't just having a poor emotional reaction and that reality actually reflects the supposed "lesson" you learned.

i mean, sure man, go ahead and quit striving to do anything or be anything of any value because comparatively you get hurt less on the short term for being a lazy piece of shit or otherwise specifically avoiding doing things that might provide you with something positive as a result for actually expending the effort.

In 2 or 3 years when you're wondering why nothing good ever seems to happen to you and everything just sucks as a result of the accumulation of small negative shit/smaller amounts of suffering that comes from avoiding putting yourself out there or ever trying at anything maybe you'll get why you're getting ragged on. Compared to the sting of failure as a result of trying, the suffering and negativity that you still experience on a regular basis whether you try or not might not be all that perceptible now, but when you've been denying yourself all the chances you get for experiencing some good for years, it goes from being a dull pain and becomes a persistent, soul crushing pain that just never stops. It's like Chinese water torture, or like the concept of silence being deafening.

As the years go on and you realize you've actually got a problem (but don't even necessarily know what it is, it's far more likely you'll blame society for your problems and dive head long into escapism and addiction, while driving your indulgence in a victim mentality to a near pathological state), you not only feel like shit because you're fucking nothing, but because you eventually have to come to accept that it's all your fault. You chose to be this way, all because some dumb fuckin emotional reaction to some shitty circumstances changing your worldview and the manner you conduct yourself in. Only now, you're so knee deep in your shitty fa…
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Caroline Foshhall - Sat, 29 Jul 2017 03:36:44 EST ID:ElgF+aL7 No.517752 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Project much? I was merely trying to share a helpful life protip.

Life on track after decades; all alone by Samuel Cettingbon - Wed, 14 Jun 2017 00:04:07 EST ID:IUO7P3jo No.516889 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Sup /qq/

So long story short, spent the past 20 some odd years in isolation due to home life, lack of public contact, blah blah blah. Got fat, angry and weird in that time. Turned it all around so far.

Getting fit(er), going to school, have a career I want to be in, have a shitty job but it is a jerb nonetheless. It is temporary until I can get into my career after all my education and shit is done. Have a vehicle so I can travel around now and not sit in isolation in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. Social anxiety has completely disappeared and I no longer am unable to make eye contact, hold a conversation, practically speak English with others etc. Once I'm done with school I can move into a place of my own and move to a part of the country that isn't so depressed.

>Here is the problem I have yet to solve.

I have no friends. Like literally nobody. And the unbelievably small number of people that I just generally know still view me as some complete fucked up fruitloop who talks to themselves, stays inside so much they are white as a ghost etc. I still haven't fully grasped the art of human interaction and compliments, comments and discussions can easily still end up pissing people off by stuff I think is harmless. I don't know manners super well and I speak; eh, in a weird manner of sorts. I'm cautious of displaying emotion because I have yet to learn where it will lead people and conversations.

I've been to social outings but since I don't drink like everyone else, it makes me seem like the odd man out who is just sober and judging people. Other social outings I just don't see where people interact. If a group of people is already together and doing shit, how does a complete stranger enter their circle? If someone is alone or it is just 1-2 people, how does one approach that situation?

Lastly, after I presumably make friends and shit, how in the hell do I go about any level of intimate relationship? I know nobody can answer it but should I even get into any deep relationships? I'm already swamped in my own life and I don't spend anytime on anyone. Would this not be abusive and self-centered to be in a relationship with someone and not dedicate mu…
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Hamilton Seffingnine - Sun, 23 Jul 2017 21:56:30 EST ID:mkk7OcUO No.517629 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Fuck yeah OP you are a badass. Who cares what they think? Keep showin up to the gym, you're paying to be there and just making friendly comments it's not like you threatened them. Sure it's weird but whatever.

You are positive change in motion and that's something imageboards don't see much. Most of the time I notice people decline into worse states of mind and 420 is a refuge for them in the experience.

Keep pushing yourself out there. Try going to some meetup groups or yugioh/smash bros weeklys or even a fucking young adults church. Church might have some people who will be nice to you regardless of how you act and you can be honest like "look I don't believe any of this but I am a lonely person who is on a path to my own awakening and more than anything in the world right now I need to socialize"

They'll get it, they'll try to shove God down your throats but they'll still invite you over for pizza and video games all the same.
Edwin Buzzshit - Sun, 23 Jul 2017 23:45:48 EST ID:PGt0SF4C No.517634 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I was schitzophrenic, homeless, and then I got on meds and now I run my own business and shit.

I also am very fit

I ran into people who knew me prior and they dont even recognize me, even after holding conversations. They kept asking "do I know you?"
didnt want to spoil it
Fanny Fuckingman - Thu, 27 Jul 2017 15:26:57 EST ID:RWMYdvNQ No.517712 Ignore Report Quick Reply
You said a couple of awkward things OP, no worries. Don't force a conversation, you can just comment on something that seems natural to comment on.

I wouldn't avoid that gym just cause you looked a bit weird one time.
Fanny Fuckingman - Thu, 27 Jul 2017 15:41:36 EST ID:RWMYdvNQ No.517713 Ignore Report Quick Reply
People become friends for one night, it happens. Yeah you'll exchange numbers but more often than not people will probably just forget about it and leave it at that.

It's unfortunate. You're doing the right thing though, generally you can just add people like that on facebook.

>Case in point, I have a ringtone that is a news recording of a French guy on a farm shouting about random stuff. Nobody can understand it and there is just cattle noises in the background. I think it is funny but this couple got all up in my shit because it sounds "violent" and that it isn't a proper ringtone. I didn't really engage but they were determined to want to argue about it. It seems that people have an ignore filter on me or they just want to start shit.

I don't see a problem with this, it's a bit of a weird ringtone but i don't know why anyone would get upset about that, I mean there could be some long interesting story behind it for all they know or you could just find it funny.

Probably the best thing to do to ensure friends in the long term would be to continue going to the gym and looking after yourself while pushing forward with education/work. Care less about friends, I know it's hard but if you somehow come off as desperate it will be off putting, also if you can find a way to care less your mood might improve. Don't stop putting yourself in social situations though and accept any invitations you get.

Once you've got a friend it will be easier to get more though since you'll get more invites to parties and shit.
Hamilton Wablinghall - Fri, 28 Jul 2017 17:23:05 EST ID:kAEKpfyQ No.517739 Ignore Report Quick Reply
My advice to you is to focus on your education and career and once you get that taken care of, work on making friendships. For someone who has had your background it's going to be extremely difficult and stressful to try and make friends and if you fail initially in your attempts it can depress you and make it harder to focus on your education and career. Don't put pressure on yourself to figure this out until you're in a more stable position with your life.

all my buds smoke weed an i by Hugh Denningbury - Fri, 28 Jul 2017 14:42:40 EST ID:o84tR/eI No.517736 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Crisis of Career of Future by Sophie Turveyford - Wed, 26 Jul 2017 15:51:37 EST ID:5KPS//to No.517684 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Not sure what to do with my (temporarily) comfortable life.

I have a bachelor's in Psych. I'm two years into a second bachelor in Jazz Studies, with the intention of going onto a masters program in Jazz or Musicology and finding a faculty position somewhere in the US while I work on a doctorate.

I have no real bills to pay right now. I make enough from performing music to cover my food, gas, entertainment, and modest living. My parents cover everything else and have pretty much told me I can live with them until I'm on my feet at whatever career this all leads to.

I love my life and the program I'm in right now, but the most realistic scenario is that in 4-5 years I will be 60k+ in debt, looking for adjunct faculty positions at any university in the country that will take me, and financially struggling to live in a shitty apartment while working 40+ hr/week on top of doctorate program academic responsibilities. Best case scenario is that 2-4 years after that I can land a tenure track professorship somewhere and make 70-90k+ a year and pay off debts and live comfortably. This all will likely require living indefinitely out of state and away from all my friends and family.

Alternative I have an option that the window will close on in a few months.
My step-brother works in a mortgage company which his father is a partner of.
Through him I have the benefit of nepotism at its highest level.
I can start the training program to be mortgage executive there in the next month. Its paid training for a few months, a starting salary of 32k / year, and after a few years (and with the help of nepotism) I will be making anywhere from 70 to 100k+ a year. It's a strict 40 hr/week.

I'm not crippled with anxiety or stress. I feel fairly level headed about it. I'm just having a hard time making a hard decision and don't want to make it impulsively either way.
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Hugh Guttingmare - Thu, 27 Jul 2017 14:05:39 EST ID:bwJOb6Ln No.517707 Ignore Report Quick Reply

> Regardless of what I do with my life, I will play music every day. That has never been up for debate, even for the years before I decided to start pursuing music as a profession.

Can you be sure? Do you really want to relegate this to a hobby? Something you do at parties or when you manage to have a free minute?

Can you be sure you will still feel the same way about music when you only have 20 minutes a day to dedicate to it? Art is one of those things that demands love and attention if it's to flourish inside you, the more time you spend with it the more you love it and it loves you back. When you are an exhausted shell it will feel different.

Sorry if this sounds patronising but I don't think you realize how someone feels working 40 hours a week day in day out. It is soul-destroying, it turns you into a zombie, fit only for TV watching.

I think you need to be more realistic about what is going to happen if you want to make this decision to give up music.

Why don't you take the job, try it for a year, save up money and see what happens. Set yourself a date, pick a solid concrete date, say the 7th of October 2018 (pick Sunday so you can spend all day thinking about it.) and look at what the year has been. Don't lie to yourself and tell yourself you'll have more free time the following year. Look at what it has been and decide if this is what you want for your life. If you decide to leave you'll have paid off some debts and you'll have something practical on your CV for if you get knocked up/knock someone up and have to go back to that world.
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Henry Sebbermune - Thu, 27 Jul 2017 20:08:40 EST ID:5KPS//to No.517717 Ignore Report Quick Reply
OP here


I appreciate the passion and insight. Less so the tone and what seems like condescension, but It's all good yo.

I've also got lots of dead family, and the few years I spent working and getting a psych degree left me carving out time for music at the cost of socializing and sleep. I relate to your story / philosophy / attitude a lot, but I think my familial, social, and professional circles are generally easier-going than yours. I feel the struggles, but I'm not at such a high risk of being ostracized and alone because of the music hustle.

The narrative of being a soulless cog who can't muster the energy to play music and dies sad and alone with a big wallet and empty heart is compelling, but has never been something I've actually worried about. Music gives me the energy, and did before I ever considered trying to make it my career.

My big apprehension isn't "can I cut it?" , its "Is committing to a career in music/jazz higher education worth financially struggling and living away from family and friends forever?"

I've never wanted to hustle gigs and private lessons 100 hours a week to sustain a shitty standard of living and worry that a car problem with have me borrowing money from family and friends. I love and need music in my life, but I've never needed it in that way.
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Matilda Blatherson - Thu, 27 Jul 2017 23:50:33 EST ID:AiLwnc93 No.517725 Ignore Report Quick Reply
You've got a fantastic attitude I gotta applaud you. I hope I didn't come off as condescending in my post, just real you know?

My own experience left me feeling like a total failure after pouring all of my time, money, and effort into making that creative career. I've gained back tons of self esteem since then, but when I first melted down I ended up delirious from sleep deprivation trying to not break down and cry in front of a class of 4th graders who were all just happy to be playing chords to the Pokémon theme. I just knew I had to stop and take better care of my life.

I used to dread working in an office or at a 9-5, imagining it all as some corporate slavery, but now I see there are good companies that want happy, healthy employees.

To end on a positive note, I had an extra long shift today with a meeting afterwards, and first thing I wanted to do when I got home was unwind with some sight reading on piano. You don't suddenly hate music just because you don't have to do it to eat yeah? :)

Hope you have a happy and fulfilling life ahead of you OP whatever you do
Isabella Smallway - Fri, 28 Jul 2017 05:54:31 EST ID:MgkT1sIj No.517726 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I always come off as a dick but I'm just trying to make it as even and clear as possible.

As to all the people saying they work full time and have the energy or time to play instruments, I have no idea how you do it but this is a drug board so maybe coke? My shit is just wrecked after working an 8 hour day, granted I've always worked somewhat manual labor so maybe sitting at a desk slowly developing diabetes is different. In fact, I'm sure it is. Or maybe people are just superman I dunno.

>I've never wanted to hustle gigs and private lessons 100 hours a week to sustain a shitty standard of living and worry that a car problem with have me borrowing money from family and friends. I love and need music in my life, but I've never needed it in that way.

This statement is confusing. Well first off, most musicians can only make a "decent" living teaching lessons. Gigs are too infrequent, pay too little, too rarely, etc. Every single last person I know who every made it anywhere doing music full time has taught lessons for a minimum of 5 years. Usually far more. And as everyone knows, you can't live on the road forever. Your body is going to catch up to you. So when that happens, you'll be 40-50 with no "career" experience, forced into a likely shitty job that barely scrapes by or you'll have to teach lessons to 7 year olds and make sure their picky middle class parents are happy despite 7 years olds not giving a fuck about music at all and don't even understand what practice is.

And don't get me wrong, you can "make it." It will just always be tough, nobody is going to hand you shit here. You got to fight every day you know what I mean. You can't build up a massive name and coast around on it. Unless you just catch lightening in a bottle. You've got to be prepared to be a nobody your whole life and literally work until you die to make sure food is on the table. It really, really helps to have someone who has your back as well, generally a wife with a normal job to cover your ass. But being in a relationship with a musician is taxing as fuck.
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Isabella Smallway - Fri, 28 Jul 2017 05:55:09 EST ID:MgkT1sIj No.517727 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I mean not to be a dick but Jazz isn't the sole thing that makes you money. I can teach and play guitar, drums, some limited keyboard, mountains of music theory, run live sound, guitar/drum tech for bands, band manage, record, mix, master, produce, do some basic analog electronics work, repair guitars/drums, fix cars, weld, machine, etc. etc. I am certified in tons of shit as well from welding to being certified in Pro Tools. I'm not trying to brag, I'm just stating that there are lots of people out there with the same level as I have. And I'm still at the bottom of the barrel of the "high end kids." Because I was never in band, I never really had formal lessons until I was in college, I didn't start playing anything until my late teens and I came into college with no massive background in music.

Again, I'm not trying to discourage you but I'm just letting you know what kind of competition you're going to have. Especially if you just went to a regular university and got a music degree. This business is cut throat and will put you in an early grave after decades of breaking you down. You've got to have the fingers in your ears about all this and say fuck you, I'm still doing it.

>its "Is committing to a career in music/jazz higher education worth financially struggling and living away from family and friends forever?"

Again, I think you should definitely have this made up and completely firm and dedicated before you even start. Until I was well into my 20's, I never made more than 500 dollars in a whole year. I knew what it was like to only get like 1 new shiny thing a year or just to be so broke you can't even afford to go hang out at someones house because well I didn't have a car but I wouldn't have had gas money anyways lol. Then I got a job, made like 6k dollars, and realized I still had nothing and was depressed as fuck and going nowhere. So money and buying shit was never for me to begin with. Financial struggle is just what my life is defined as so I'm actually more comfortable with it than without it. Because I just dumped half that 6k into secure stock options anyways. I didn't know what to do when I had …
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Run, Escape by Edwin Gapperford - Sun, 23 Jul 2017 20:54:53 EST ID:gzHrpovr No.517626 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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When I think about people and the criticisms they have about society, or people in general, or the expectations they conceive of when they'll meet me, it makes me want to hide, to make a hermit of myself. I'm so imperfect, I feel like a rapidly growing weed, like I can't stop fucking up and making mistakes and no one will ever really accept me if I told them the full extent of how shitty I am. Do you ever feel this way? How do you fight the need to isolate yourself when it's one of your few true comforts? Let alone your most coveted and preferred state of being?
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Frederick Gishkat - Mon, 24 Jul 2017 17:37:11 EST ID:iKPa+Mgz No.517645 Ignore Report Quick Reply
The thing is that you probably hold yourself up to an unreasonably high standard and high level of scrutiny but don't do the same for yourself.

Remember that misanthropes are right, but they are only halfway there. People including you are largely shit, fail and even when they think that they are getting it right they're often failing and rationalising it (you are probably less prone to this than most people). The world keeps turning, people even in circumstances we see as miserable love life and great things happen. At some point we'll either wipe ourselves out or we'll start repairing the damage we've done, we'll make it to the stars or create synthetic life or something mind boggling or at least keep improving. The other thing is that most of us, despite seeing the shitness in others can also often overlook it, or actually don't notice as much as we think. We're too busy looking at our own flaws or wonder what others will think.Or maybe we even see the good side both in what we do and what we try. Part of our saving grace is simply trying, valuing and constantly striving for these higher ideals whatever they are. Fairness, kindness, honesty, mercy, understanding whatever. Sometimes the difference between a good friend and an enemy is just a bad introduction and yet both experiences can be reasonable.

Usually people get stuck on the negative sides of others not themselves, so I think you're alright OP. Love isn't being in denial of a person's faults or even refusing to help them should that person try to improve, but it does involve accepting them. You need to learn to love yourself. I am sure you have qualities and you almost definitely have values which if you saw them as a third person you'd say "that person is alright".
David Bendleville - Tue, 25 Jul 2017 04:56:00 EST ID:y0owHYF2 No.517654 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Next time you hear someone IRL make some criticism about society and people, think about that person, and how they fare against their own criticism. Then do the same for their closest friends/partners. Enjoy the show.
Nicholas Bodgehodge - Thu, 27 Jul 2017 12:18:48 EST ID:yUhAjzvV No.517697 Ignore Report Quick Reply
then try in the ways you can to change? i don't know what else to say man, isn't trying easier than feeling like you need to run or hide when it comes to basically all human contact?

either you stay in your comfort zone of being constantly terrified and ashamed and do nothing different at all, or you start trying to change in any way that you know how. this isn't something to deliberate about, they're literally your only options.
George Duttingkad - Thu, 27 Jul 2017 20:50:18 EST ID:gzHrpovr No.517718 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I'm such a terrible self-starter, and I lack so much discipline that generally any change I try to initiate in my habits is quickly negated by my lack of motivation, focus, attention to future consequences, etc. I think it also comes from being young (22) and having too many options, I tend to feel paralyzed when I realize that I'm without a shadow of a doubt dwelling in a metaphorical crossroads in my life and have been for several years. I'm just so afraid that if I make the wrong choice, put my eggs in the wrong basket so to say, I'll fuck up the rest of my life before I even realize it, and then I'll be forced to live the horrible shadow of a mediocre/destitute life that I could've avoided, and I'll be tormented by what could've been, maybe happy and even fulfilled.

Honestly, I wonder sometimes if I have a brain tumor. At this point it would be a better explanation than just feeling irreparably broken and lost. The thing is, you're right, but I just don't know what to do. I feel like I need someone to tell me, which also sucks, because here I was always thinking I'm my own person and now I'm realizing I crave the aptitude to succeed in a structural environment that I've always loathed and tried to escape..
Esther Brookville - Thu, 27 Jul 2017 21:36:32 EST ID:yUhAjzvV No.517721 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I'm amotivational as fuck and lack discipline too man, I imagine you're where I was up until this last year (I'm 25). I've had two concussions and technically do have a really small brain tumor (pressing on pituitary but isn't releasing hormones or anything), but honestly even though the symptoms fit the concussions really well, it didn't change the fact I was a totally dysfunctional, miserable fuck up. Trust me man, having a legitimate reason for it only gives you an excuse for your failures.

Honestly the thing that finally made a difference was getting so sick of being a failure and the total ennui, boredom, and almost pathological need for excitement and stimulation of some kind that I just decided to quit being such a little bitch faggot about things. I had been dealing with it all for so long since my first concussion (and most disruptive psychologically) was when I was 15 that I had my back against the wall and the only two options available were keep being a pathetic, unmotivated fuck or to actually make myself do things.

I know it seems like an impossibility now, but you can change that if you actually just do it man. It's the most common and unsympathetic response you could expect to get for this problem, but it's literally the only way for things to work. Once you get to the tipping point where you can't take what you're dealing with anymore, breaking down and actually trying to do things right and not cutting any corners is something you become willing to do because there's just absolutely nothing left for you. If I gave up entirely without actually just trying to brute force myself to start doing the things I knew I had to do the whole time but always believed myself incapable of doing. It really sucks at first, especially since it takes a minute for things to improve, but if you keep going it really makes all the difference. It's what I needed to do the whole time, and I spent so long avoiding it, it was fucking retarded. Just don't let yourself take any shortcuts or quit things man, no matter how much you want to do something else or say fuck it. Eventually doing the stuff becomes par for the course, it's really n…
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How to be OK with fact that I'm nothing by James Dabbershaw - Sat, 22 Jul 2017 13:25:38 EST ID:bwJOb6Ln No.517590 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I am working on trying to do something in my life, but meanwhile the fact that I haven't done anything yet is crippling. How do I stop it hurting and setting me back days by keeping me in bed crying? What lies do I tell myself to make this okay?

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Jarvis Cessleford - Tue, 25 Jul 2017 16:39:46 EST ID:bwJOb6Ln No.517660 Ignore Report Quick Reply

This is all very good, I must copy and paste this along with the original quote and hold onto it for future reading


thank you


Thank you

I have been thinking about two people I knew who died young, one from definite suicide and one from possible suicide, and the amount of gut wrenching agony they caused to people who they might not have even realized they might bollox up the enitre lives of ... I'm not blaming them or anything, I totally empathise. What I mean i... If I can just hang on, that's all I really have to do. I didn't ask to be born but I am here now, if I can help people that's great, but seeing as how I am here the way to minimise harm is to stay here until everyone who loves me is dead. I knew that already, but I really need to internalise this:

The only thing I really have to do is stick around
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Molly Purrypot - Wed, 26 Jul 2017 13:02:58 EST ID:iKPa+Mgz No.517679 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>The only thing I really have to do is stick around
Yes, but strive to do more if it's possible. Par is sticking around you've done alright if you stop at that. If you even do a little more you'll feel good about it and then you might even feel slightly less shit as a result.
Nicholas Bodgehodge - Thu, 27 Jul 2017 09:09:57 EST ID:yUhAjzvV No.517693 Ignore Report Quick Reply
This sounds like dumb advice, there's not really anyway around it. You can't avoid feeling what you do about yourself, and it isn't society that makes you feel it either. Hating society inevitably forms a feedback loop of greater self-hate but obscures it and makes it all that much harder to identify (which is essential when it comes to overcoming it as an issue).

Believing that just existing should be good enough works against millions of years of evolution and the structures of our brains themselves. To be worth something, you need to do things that give you value. You certainly don't have to do anything amazing, but you need to be functional in society and have your life in order. If you aren't achieving at least that, the causes for the dysfunction and disorder are clearly the issues you need to address because they're also causing all the emotional and psychological issues you're dealing with.

You can't work outside the system because you exist within and as part of the system. The more you resist doing what you know you should to work within that system, the more and more things are going to go wrong for you. You'll learn to despise the system and blame it for all your problems, but deep down you'll still know it's you with the problems, and you can't avoid knowing it. The sooner you get your shit together, the sooner life will get better and how you feel about life will improve immeasurably. I'm speaking from experience here.
Nicholas Bodgehodge - Thu, 27 Jul 2017 12:10:38 EST ID:yUhAjzvV No.517694 Ignore Report Quick Reply
As far as direct advice goes, seriously OP, your definition of nothing seems to be a large factor in all this. Having a normal life isn't the same thing as being nothing.

Ignoring that and addressing your question itself, there are two pretty obvious answers. The first, most effective but most difficult solution is don't be "nothing". Work in whatever ways you need to become "something". If that's too difficult for you, then stop believing that there is something wrong with being nothing to begin with. This solution is ridiculously easy but will leave you feeling like a loser because you've yet to condition yourself in such a way that your world outlook changes enough to allow you to rationalize your "nothing" status away and become okay with it completely. Doing this simply takes time, but is far from impossible (you likely do it all the time unconsciously with all kinds of things to justify your shortcomings, it's a pretty common human behavior and there isn't anyone out there who hasn't or doesn't do this).
Hugh Guttingmare - Thu, 27 Jul 2017 12:33:54 EST ID:bwJOb6Ln No.517699 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I am seeing a pattern with responses that people don't think I am currently working on improving my situation, I am. The thing is

  1. until it improves I am in this situation
  2. I could fail, and it might not improve

for both these reasons I need to be okay with not ever managing to do anything helpful for the world. I am not sitting on my ass doing nothing. I have my "shit together" in every way except mentally. I have a job that pays the bills and a boyfriend who loves me. I have zero positive impact on humanity. I am hoping in the future with hard work and study i can have positive impact, but that's not something i have control over, all i have control over is how i see things and how hard i work.

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