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Just got out of the psych ward by Mirai - Tue, 28 Mar 2017 13:18:11 EST ID:tsKyCFUs No.514885 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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So I just spent a few days in a fucking psych ward, in a shitty hospital, and was forced to come off both opiates and benzos cold turkey. I also refused antipsychotics, so offer me a very obscure on I've never heard of, and told me It's an anti nausea med, and assured me that it was not an antipsychotic. What struck me as odd, was that I didn't complain of nausea once while I was there. I stupidly took it, and literally couldn't sleep from the unbelievable RLS. Then, they denied me anything to treat the RLS. I'm finally fucking out, and decided on suing them for straight up lying to me, and the lawyers I've called all say there's nothing they can do. Man, these last few weeks have been so fucked. On the sorta fun side, I got to witness a paranoid schizo chick have daily fucking meltdowns, and get wrestled to the ground, and take multiple injections of haldol or whatever antipsychotic that had that fucking nutjob on. All in all I give the experience a -2/10. It fucking sucked, but I guess it could have been much worse.
8 posts and 3 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>>
Mirai - Thu, 30 Mar 2017 02:32:01 EST ID:tsKyCFUs No.514939 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514937
I didn't learn what the med was until I left the ward. They refused to admit it works as an antipsychotic. It's the blatant lie they told me that has me angry.
>>
Graham Focklestock - Thu, 30 Mar 2017 02:44:20 EST ID:yUhAjzvV No.514940 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514937
I agree with everything you said, I just found it strange that you were ready to believe it was likely the medication they administered that caused the RLS when it's extremely common as a withdrawal symptom for both opiates and benzo's. Yeah, it's a side-effect of a lot of psych meds, and it might've even aggravated the WD symptoms OP would've had, but to suggest it can be reasonably assumed to be the medication seems a little odd. But, you do say that it's impossible really to make a distinction, which is more or less the point I'm making too. I think we were just coming at it from different angles. The end result is still one where OP has no basis for pursuing legal action and it'll just be a waste of his money and time.
>>
Randle McCourage Wolf - Thu, 30 Mar 2017 04:18:01 EST ID:FwheuJ8x No.514945 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514940
Yeah, I was more going for the angle where even given the benefit of the doubt and not considering that factor, he wouldn't have a very good case (partly because I was already running on TLDR, heh).

>>514939
A court is not going to agree that a hospital was in the wrong giving psych meds in a psych ward, unless there had been a severe contraindication such as a known allergy/documented preexisting history of it causing you major adverse effects (ie, something like agranulocytosis or stevens-johnson syndrome, not restless legs for 2 nights).

They are simply not going to care about a semantics argument between the hospital and someone who they consider to have been mentally insufficient at the time, unless it directly lead to preventable injury/disability/death.

I understand your anger, but the best thing you can do at this point is to not put yourself in a position where they would have that power over you again. Start by taking care of yourself, then you can chip away at your problems little by little until they are not so overwhelming anymore. Be motivated by this experience to become a better you - therein will your anger be transformed to strength.
>>
Graham Focklestock - Thu, 30 Mar 2017 14:05:46 EST ID:yUhAjzvV No.514967 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514945
>but the best thing you can do at this point is to not put yourself in a position where they would have that power over you again
This. And it'll just turn out to be a giant waste of time and money anyway. You aren't going to win, and the legal proceedings are just going to cost you money you likely don't have and take up time you could spend doing something more productive.
>>
Reuben Serryshaw - Thu, 30 Mar 2017 20:46:32 EST ID:zPu+Cn1i No.514982 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>514918
That is a serious problem with the bio-medical model that many places operate on; you're always treated with a deficit approach. Even though studies have shown psychiatric medicine is largely ineffective in long-term treatment (and many have health problems from long-term use) they still insist on such a formulaic approach.

Bi-polar is starting to resemble the over-diagnosis issue of personality disorder; it's simply too easy to mark the criteria and symptoms are not tracked properly. I'm just writing to say I'm sorry to read of your experience, and that's a cool queen of blades.

>>514945
I also second this. I liken this kind of compulsory treatment to jail and the best solution is prevention. It might help to have an advocate in mind, someone who is an upstanding character that can vouch for you.


I deserve to fucking die by Isabella Clovingheg - Thu, 30 Mar 2017 15:39:09 EST ID:UvKOuwsV No.514975 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I'm 20 years old, going to be 21 in the summer. I started smoking fairly young (14) and experimented with mdma and other stuff shortly after.
I know, that's every person on the internet, but I used to be an introverted, smart kid, had a way with words, basically taught myself English.
Now I'm fucking retarded. I can still write a coherent sentence, but when I talk to people irl it's fucked, I stutter and forget common words and look like a fucking idiot. I'm finishing Drama school in a few months, something I thought was my calling in life, and it took me three years and thousands of euros to realise I'm not fucking talented, at all. None of my teachers see anything in me, I'm just there. I'm planning on getting a Masters to at least make myself employable, but that would require me to leave my country and learn another language to university level in like, two years, while supporting myself by waiting tables or whatever.
I fucking hate waiting tables, I've done it before, the high stress enviroment and the short term memory and multitasking required makes me want to scratch out my eyes.
Yeah, I know, should have studied something nice and employable, I'm spoiled etc etc. I'm fucking retarded. I wanted to be an artist, but I have no talent. But I am too burned out and stupid to do anything else.
I am eternally bummed out, I cannot see the good in people, or life, or whatever. I thought being creative and using my imagination would make me happy, but I am not disciplined nor smart enough to ever create anything real.
>>
Nathaniel Blimmermit - Thu, 30 Mar 2017 15:48:06 EST ID:htL0lErB No.514976 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514975
Sleep, GENTLE exercise, healthy direct and no alcohol, caffeine or other drugs. You will improve in time. Trust me on this.
>>
Graham Focklestock - Thu, 30 Mar 2017 15:50:17 EST ID:yUhAjzvV No.514977 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514975
What about being all that means you deserve to die? You might want to because it sucks, but nothing about that makes you deserving of early death. I'm pretty much retarded too after a lot of drug use and a concussion, but being retarded like that doesn't make you a bad person. You have to work harder or in other ways to get what you want, that's all. It sucks, but some people are born that fucking stupid, at least you're aware of the limitations you've got now instead of thinking it's normal to be as incompetent as you find yourself being most of the time. It allows you to plan and work around it to overcome it.


Where to even start with shamanism? by Phoebe Cluzzlemutch - Sat, 18 Feb 2017 21:30:17 EST ID:qpEELBQo No.513554 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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A little background: My entire life I've been a little bit different, never really fit in anywhere, had very few but good friends, I went to a standard public highschool but after struggling for 3 years I switched to an alternative Native american heritage high school and another 3 years later was able to graduate with a diploma, only to discover that I wouldn't be able to follow my original career path which is what made me want that diploma int he first place. While I was there at the new school catching up, one of the kind lady teachers said that I gave off the energy of a healer, and her suggestion has stuck with me to this day. I later took a MBTI offered by the school which suggested that I am an INFP, and I can't really disagree with it. Maybe six or seven years ago I suffered from a medical emergency which almost killed me, I was in and out of consciousness and in the hospital for a few days. In one of these periods of semi-consciousness, I vaguely remember seeing a couple of eagles and getting agitated at the medical staff for being unable to see them, but I never really thought much about the significance of the eagles until I recently started doing reading on Shamanism and spirit animals. Those eagles might have been looking after me in the hospital, but since then I haven't seen any visions about them again. I'm 100% certain I have symptoms which fall under the category of shaman sickness, such as incurable depression. Thinking back on my use of entheogens and other mind-altering substances, and the kinds of people I'd take them with, and the highly personal things people would share and talk about with me, completely unsolicited, I believe that it was in a shamanic or pre-shamanic way, even if I didn't realize it at the time. I'd like to help people in a shamanic way, but first I need to do it on my own and now I'm stuck and beginning to worry. Am I doing it 'right'? What if this is not for me? Reading about it is one thing and actually practicing is another, but I still don't know for sure. How will I make this work financially? Am I just worrying because I'm lost and it will work out? It doesn't feel like there's much of a place for sham…
Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
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Phyllis Godgedeg - Wed, 29 Mar 2017 08:52:24 EST ID:9vn86lM+ No.514907 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514900

im literally face palming. Just give up, go wear a suit and ask the masters for some help yeah?
>>
Lydia Clizzlespear - Wed, 29 Mar 2017 16:03:15 EST ID:Rfvv4nVT No.514916 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514907
Prior to being let in on the secret, I wouldn't have even known how to ask the masters to help me, and I didn't want to waste their time when I wasn't even sure what I was looking for. But now I know, what I was looking for was myself.
Perhaps you misunderstand me or think I'm not being truthful, but the spirit world is certainly real and has been in front of me the entire time, it's just that I wasn't able to see it until the veil was lifted from my eyes with the help of my own power thanks to the Divine. Everyone is their own shaman, and certain individuals who have experience in guiding others into utilizing their own healing potential are the ones widely regarded as 'healers'. If you can't see it, you can't heal it.
>im literally face palming
There's no need to face palm, for me this is a moment worth celebrating and I am not ashamed to share it.
>>
Caroline Gesslefig - Wed, 29 Mar 2017 16:51:59 EST ID:sWAECgQI No.514917 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514900
Never change, 420chan. Never change.
>>
Phoebe Sankinhood - Wed, 29 Mar 2017 23:47:16 EST ID:wcR9wfzO No.514931 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514916

There are ways to do all of this without drugs. I used to think that drugs were a necessary step, but they are not. You might lose your mind too much; I'm starting to be slightly worried.
>>
Priscilla Semmletun - Thu, 30 Mar 2017 04:01:33 EST ID:Rfvv4nVT No.514944 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514931
Indeed there are ways to do it without drugs, such as meditation. I haven't taken any drugs at all since my near death experience, not even caffeine, since I no longer feel lost. I don't need them right now, and hopefully won't need to seek their guidance anytime soon. But when it becomes impossible for one to see the way forward in reality, sometimes it is necessary to use tools or outside help so that one can look inwards and find the way forward there.


I'm super Pissed Off by Sidney Mepperson - Mon, 27 Mar 2017 16:56:18 EST ID:Cj19AF5d No.514872 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Have you ever been in a bad mood because you like to get high on whatever your favorite drugs are, for me it's 3-MeO-PCP or just plain PCP when the guys show up by the apartments. Last week I smoked all my last stash of the stuff and my mom flips a bitch on me claiming I am the reason all the 3-MeO-PCP is gone. She is so dumb I am the only reason her dumb ass nostrils ever got to taste three methoxy phencyclidine because she doesn't know how to use the internet and I am the one who taught her how to buy a .001 scale on amazon. Research chemicals are something new to her and she would be lost without me. But she is really pissing me off and I'm about to fucking trash her tv or something serious really soon because she pissing me off.
4 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
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Graham Clinnerwudging - Tue, 28 Mar 2017 20:04:55 EST ID:zPu+Cn1i No.514893 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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She gave you life bro and you can't even share your research chemicals with her?
What are families turning into today.
>>
Lydia Clizzlespear - Tue, 28 Mar 2017 21:38:57 EST ID:Rfvv4nVT No.514899 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514882
Start reading before replying so people don't assume you're retarded
>>
Molly Fissledun - Wed, 29 Mar 2017 20:26:16 EST ID:vNkiRJtJ No.514923 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Don't trash your mom's TV, OP.

  1. Steal it
  2. Sell it for top dollar
  3. Buy more RCs to share with the woman who gave you the gift of life and unconditional love

That is what a good boy would do.
>>
Barnaby Sippernidge - Wed, 29 Mar 2017 20:40:55 EST ID:hiKxQg3e No.514925 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>514872
  1. Calm down.
  2. Obtain more RCs
  3. Share them with your cool mom


First of all who are the guys showing up by your apartment? Dealer? I didn't get that part. You don't need a dealer for 3-MeO-PCP, just buy the RC from a vendor with bitcoins or darkweb, but you probably know that already so whatever.

Being pissed off and messing with dust analogs is probably a bad idea. Calm down and find a way to get cheap dusty RCs.
>>
Cornelius Darthood - Thu, 30 Mar 2017 10:51:08 EST ID:iOyoks7h No.514955 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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I think we can all agree the OP needs to treat his mom a little better. You may hate everyone else but she is your mom so try being a little more patient. Imagine if you had offspring that came from you literally and they were hateful and didn't like you and had no patience when it comes to expressing their frustration. It would suck.

Plus, I only wish my mom would get high with me! That would be dope. Instead she looks down on me for it and makes fun of me.

Get it together, OP


why am i a retard by Rebecca Clayhall - Wed, 29 Mar 2017 17:27:23 EST ID:5EOlI8Qz No.514919 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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How do I stop being such a loser? I'm 25 yo male and never had a girlfriend. An old guy in a wheel chair called me a sissy. I'm 6'2 but fattish (218 lbs) with weak arms. I don't really care about working out though. I just wanna have a good life. I live in a nursing home for the mentally ill in Illinois and have been bounced around through various ones for the past 4 years. I got kicked out of the army for being a pussy (failure to adapt: entry level other than honourable discharge).

On a daily basis I act like a fag. I get pissy cus my roommate leaves the bathroom door open or talks to himself or slams the toilet seat. When people are laughing and joking, I always think it's about me, even if I just walked by. When people are talking, I think it's related to what I'm thinking about at the moment.
>>
Rebecca Clayhall - Wed, 29 Mar 2017 17:29:26 EST ID:5EOlI8Qz No.514920 Ignore Report Quick Reply
a negative sound in the distance can trigger me to say no and a positive sound can trigger me to say yes. its really weird.
>>
Jenny Grimlock - Wed, 29 Mar 2017 18:11:52 EST ID:hiKxQg3e No.514921 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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You have low self-esteem, OP, which is why you never get pussy, too, because girls are attracted to confidence. Like Muhammad Ali said, You gotta believe you're a champion. If you aren't, pretend you are.

I know you say you don't care about working out, but you gotta exercise. You're heavy but not that heavy, find a way to lift if you can, and if you can't do push-ups and squats. This will help you build confidence. Either that or start abusing dopaminergic stims and become a weird stim addict.

Don't take this the wrong way, but the thing about thinking laughing is always about you reminds me of this: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-gift-aging/201304/people-autism-spectrum-disorder-take-things-literally

Long story short, you shouldn't give a fuck if people are laughing at you. Just do you, you don't need to live for their approval.

As far as your roommate goes, it doesn't sound TOO bad, unless he's talking really loud or something. Just suck it up and think of it as motivation to get out of that nursing home anyway possible.

A better life is possible and you CAN do it. You just gotta believe and stop thinking you can't do it.
>>
Henry Neppernot - Wed, 29 Mar 2017 20:06:29 EST ID:iojGAeYd No.514922 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Sounds like you jack-off too much. Or have in the past and that you're suffering from sexual exhaustion. I could be wrong. Anyway, everything in life is better once you activate monk mode. Start eating well and taking supplements, see a dietician about a genes test and learn about what your body needs to make you less stressed or less sissy


Blunted affect, lack empathy, can't form emotional attachments or bonds by Ebenezer Fillyfield - Sat, 18 Mar 2017 22:45:05 EST ID:yUhAjzvV No.514591 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Anyone here suffer from any of these problems and have any advice on getting any of these back? I had a concussion like 10 years ago and suffered a lot of emotional turmoil and have since lost these things. I've managed to become more well-adjusted and can cope well enough, but I feel like it's leaving me with a diminished quality of life. It would be nice to experience these things again. I don't actually "feel" my emotions, but it's clear sometimes through my behavior in whatever situation I'm in that I'm actually experiencing that emotion on some level, but it isn't mentally registering as that emotion and I just don't feel any different. Happiness, depression, sadness, being upset, etc. are all more or less just words to me, they don't really mean anything any more.

As far as emotional attachments go, I've had quite a few family members die over the last couple years and I haven't felt anything over the fact they're gone. I don't have a bad relationship with my sister or parents, yet the thought of them dying doesn't elicit any kind of emotional reaction from me and I really doubt them dying would actually bother me at all. I used to feel like I could cry if my best friend died, but over the last 4 years I've slowly had my opinion on that change. We're just as good of friends as ever, but I just don't think him dying would mean more to me than not being able to hang out with him anymore.
>>
Martha Blimmerteck - Sat, 18 Mar 2017 23:56:57 EST ID:pCPQRsXK No.514594 Ignore Report Quick Reply
keep being in and trying to be in the situations where you can register your behaviors.

Behaviors are our minds link to emotions, identity, psychology, and knowing and sense memory of things.

They also explain liminal existence.

Some things are felt or experienced and then felt as escaping us do to past difficulty.

Not exactly a concussion here so can't completely objectively say, but had some dissassociative experiences in the past.

My emotive, memories, social boundaries are slowly coming back to me, through some extremely difficult experiences that often even manifest in real world situations from other people.

Which blurs the line and reminds you of the easier but perhaps longer path of understanding the inside you through isolation.

Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
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David Bubberway - Sun, 19 Mar 2017 03:17:43 EST ID:PiDMdgO6 No.514602 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Do you have religion? It's cool if you don't, no one really does anymore if they think about things. There are some good things you can take from a religious mentality.

Try to find inherent meaning in some activity. It's pretty tough, because all to often everything feels meaningless, but find that one thing that you can DO that feels REAL. No matter how stupid [I rode motorcycles] or pointless [singing by myself in the forest when I can't sing all that well]. Just ignore the rationality that holds you down, ignore the feeling of molecularity, you aren't just a particle in a stream even if that's what everyone is trying to tell you. No particle is as capable as a human.

I'm reading a book right now, the main character, Gnossos, often describes a feeling that you gotta have 'no valence', you gotta just be cool.

I thought that was a chemistry thing but then I looked it up and learned the definition of the word ambivalence. SO

Don't be Ambivalent, just have no valence, rock your lack of concern and change the world with the power that comes from it
>>
Nathaniel Himmledere - Wed, 29 Mar 2017 14:09:17 EST ID:wyEdwSdJ No.514914 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Try small things first.

I'm similar, last summer I started enjoying the sun and how nice flowers smell.
First objectively, then subjectively. Felt happy.


"It Comes in Threes" by Oliver Grandwill - Tue, 28 Mar 2017 21:25:41 EST ID:K4QTRcmJ No.514897 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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>Find out girlfriend needs emergency surgery, chance she could die

>Find out car needs $1500 repair

>Find out HOA has raised monthly rates $60 (shit adds up)

wew lads, good thing i cope with stress moderately well, still feelin it though. making poor choices and self medicating with alcohol and weed! anyone got a trio of shit sandwiches they've had to eat lately?
>>
Albert Hevingdale - Wed, 29 Mar 2017 11:03:45 EST ID:vATdGl2v No.514909 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Not too recent, but it was after I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years
>find out ex is sleeping with who I thought was a good friend of mine weeks after we broke up (bro code argument)
>also find out she'd been cheating on me throughout our relationship
>realize she was seeing some dude named Jack around the same time she got pregnant (abortion). I found this out well after we stuck through that turmoil, I was 100% there to support her and even paid for half of the abortion procedure which was a total of $1600. I'll never get my money back for paying for an abortion of a child that might not have even been mine

Washed my dick and kept it movin', etc etc. but dam that got me drinking heavily for a long while after learning all of this at once

Chin up bro, drink lots of water
>>
Shitting Blatherdale - Thu, 30 Mar 2017 03:25:05 EST ID:FwheuJ8x No.514942 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Rent just went up by 30%, jury duty next week, and I'm sick

Still better than 2016


I'm sorry by Esther Saffinghood - Wed, 29 Mar 2017 05:18:12 EST ID:6Y23Um/F No.514903 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I want to apologize to everyone I've hurt and misunderstood, on this site or otherwise. I'm sorry. I can't promise it won't happen again, but I will try my best to not let it.
>>
Edward Bebberwet - Wed, 29 Mar 2017 08:10:35 EST ID:35+jbzpY No.514905 Ignore Report Quick Reply
This post should be crossposted to every other board on this entire site, with the exception of /jenk/ and /pol/ because those are joke boards
>>
Phyllis Godgedeg - Wed, 29 Mar 2017 08:30:14 EST ID:9vn86lM+ No.514906 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514905

you dont seem very repentant op.

That being said no one knows who you are so saying sorry is a little pointless.
>>
Augustus Bisslecocke - Wed, 29 Mar 2017 22:06:04 EST ID:ZPCdDLz2 No.514927 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514906
You're right. It is pointless.
>>
Jarvis Clenkinfore - Thu, 30 Mar 2017 11:22:19 EST ID:CfonqoA0 No.514957 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Is this part of your 12 steps?

nb
>>
Isabella Chovingstone - Sat, 01 Apr 2017 19:41:33 EST ID:PP6wg+TW No.515033 Ignore Report Quick Reply
O__O


Political Homosexuality by Lydia Shittinghall - Sun, 26 Mar 2017 13:21:42 EST ID:w+XXs7My No.514811 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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>Political homosexuality is a phenomenon within the mens rights movement,; it includes, but is not limited to, male separatism. Political homosexuality embraces the theory that sexual orientation is a political and male choice, and advocates homosexuality as a positive alternative to heterosexuality for men as part of the struggle against feminism.

Source:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political_lesbianism
6 posts and 5 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
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Lillian Worthingshit - Mon, 27 Mar 2017 03:19:32 EST ID:6PIOhE09 No.514848 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514847
Watching a girl getting railed by several dudes at the same time is pretty hot tbh. But I see how the urine part is yucky.
That reminds me of the gangbang vid I watched before bed.
>>
Hannah Cloblingketch - Mon, 27 Mar 2017 04:08:04 EST ID:w+XXs7My No.514852 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>514848
Yeah I was totally cool with the anal gaping Proxy Paige does.
But once I saw her drink a bladders worth of piss and the suck some guys cock.
She lost all sex appeal to me.
I may just give up on porn all together.
>>
Edward Busslehitch - Tue, 28 Mar 2017 17:30:08 EST ID:K4QTRcmJ No.514891 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514852

lol thats the worst, when you try to have an edginess battle with a porn actress and keep searching how much horrible shit she has done, until you get to tranny fetish parody scat and you realize she has gone further than you can handle, and your boner is dead, defeated, and you salute her as you return to vanilla porn, sobbing quietly
>>
Martin Bazzleworth - Tue, 28 Mar 2017 20:28:35 EST ID:90YBW7pg No.514895 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514891

>Vanilla porn

Jeez, get a load of this guy with his, "safe space," porn. It's really not worth jerking off to if you question your morals afterwards.
>>
Martin Bazzleworth - Tue, 28 Mar 2017 20:30:12 EST ID:90YBW7pg No.514896 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514895

If you don't* question your morals afterwards.


Grief by David Minnerpatch - Mon, 27 Mar 2017 00:22:13 EST ID:l7oBqezi No.514841 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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What do I do about the grief and guilt of losing my girlfriend to overdose? She died on Christmas 2015, after we both cooked up a shot and shot up together. I woke up, she didn't. When I realized she had no pulse and rushed her to the hospital, which was farther than I thought, it was too late. They restarted her heart, but she was braindead.

I have struggled with this since then. It's been over a year. I was with her a year and 3 months. She took my virginity, and was my closest friend, and first love. 2015 was spent mostly with her and was the happiest year of my life, sans the end, when she died. 2016 I was an emotional wreck, constantly going through periods of sobriety and relapse, culminating in rehab the month of october. Then relapse again, constant struggle, guilt, despair.

About this time last year I stopped crying every day, reducing it to every other day. I rarely do it any more, but it happens. Usually when something brings up a memory. I have a job now, and some sort of direction with my life. I've been mostly jobless since it happened. My life has gone into a downward spiral and leveled out for a while, and now has the opportunity to rise back up again.

But I've been using every once in a while. I just got a script of a new kind of suboxone that allows me to actually sleep and function without dope. The brands I had before were formulated in a shitty fashion, i guess, and just didn't work. I'd still be sick, so I'd get dope to do the job that the suboxone wasn't doing.

I want to be clean, I do. But I don't know what to do with myself. I'm bored. I'm alone. I stopped hanging out with a lot of my "friends". They are low life morons. And my soul mate is gone.

What do I do now, /qq/? Have I gone through the 5 stages of grief yet? Is this what life is now? I'm lost. Everyone's solution is religion and spirituality. But I do not see their point any more. I used to be into all that. I feel like I'm a different person. Like I'm doomed to die alone and miserable. I can put on a face, but deep down, I despair. At least I was happy once, right?

Pic related, it was her.
8 posts and 3 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
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Nathaniel Duckspear - Mon, 27 Mar 2017 13:09:28 EST ID:VDWSfZ0B No.514868 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514867
>Have you seen what my life is now?
Yeah well you can't just magically life. It takes work. When you start living it won't instantly be great but the process will begin. The longer you justify not trying because you won't get immediate results the later in life you'll say "well I'm glad I did it now, better late than never, but I wish I did it sooner".

A lot of people suffer defeat and death and loss of their hopes and dreams and have to start over. You let go of your old life, you pick out anything you can hold on to that might help and let the rest be. Then you build a new one.

Easier said than done. I've not lost a lover to drugs. At the point when I lost everything and started over I had never had such a person. I had no hope and no reason to believe I would ever achieve many of the things I've since done. I lost just about everything there is to lose though.
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David Minnerpatch - Mon, 27 Mar 2017 13:28:31 EST ID:l7oBqezi No.514870 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514868
I know I seem like a whiny bitch, but I've actually just started back on the path of recovery. I have a job now (still have to wear long sleeves to cover my track marks) and I have suboxone that works. I have a career to work towards as well, but that's gonna take years. I've tapered down to 1/16 of a suboxone every 3 days before. I can't wait till I can just get there again, and just stop. Everything is so far off. I owe so much money and I don't have any assets. I guess things are getting better.

I just don't know who I am any more or what I want. I've gotten laid since, but that was just two times. That didn't make me happy. I've had months of clean time before, too. That didn't make me happy, but I was definitely better than I am now. I guess that's what life's about.
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Jenny Tootstock - Tue, 28 Mar 2017 14:50:57 EST ID:Kx4qpRck No.514887 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514870
Yeah, it's rough but your life is better for the effort. Either it'll keep getting better and eventually be good or it will take too long and you'll die before that happens but hey at the end of your life you'll not exist forever so you might as well make the best shot you can at salvaging it. Which is what you're doing. Struggle till you die and if it doesn't work out well then at least it won't be your fault for not making a sincere effort. You won't think "what if I'd tried".

If you stick at it most of the time it'll turn out alright though.
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Cornelius Semblefoot - Tue, 28 Mar 2017 17:07:26 EST ID:Uxdidd/B No.514888 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I can relate dawg, my first girlfriend died of an illness a few years ago. Does the shit still weigh on my mind? Fucking daily. Is it hard? You fucking bet.

But you know what, the world keeps spinning, we are all gonna meet that same fate, just in different ways at different times, it may seem insensitive but you gotta do what you need to do to make your life the best possible experience. I don't really believe in any kind of afterlife, but man I guess she'd want me to be happy, y'know?

Stay cool OP, hope this helps you out.
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Edward Busslehitch - Tue, 28 Mar 2017 17:23:04 EST ID:K4QTRcmJ No.514889 Ignore Report Quick Reply
its not your fault dude, she chose to shoot up. obviously her brain calculated the risks and thought "hmm i want to try this dangerous thing because i bet i will feel good!" sometimes peoples brains make incorrect calculations and they end up dead. its nothing you did. unless you forcibly dosed her against her will which is not how you told the story.


Romantic Dreams by Nigel Pecklekit - Tue, 28 Mar 2017 07:03:11 EST ID:NMVvJO9d No.514879 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
File: 1490698991161.jpg -(2280323B / 2.17MB, 4096x2461) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. 2280323
Dreams are such emotional rollercoasters. Been getting into Tinder and thinking about past gfs and how ive been single for ages.
Then this morning dreamed I was with this rly cute girl. We had sex, partied, where just insanely in love and then she disappeared and I was trapped in this place, like I was prisoner somewhere. The metaphor is obvious I think. But now I feel drained, experiencing such a wirlwind of emotions and alone irl. Any experiences?
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Nigel Pecklekit - Tue, 28 Mar 2017 07:25:47 EST ID:NMVvJO9d No.514880 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514879
Oh wrong board. I suppose it still applies here.


Just trying my luck here.. by Lillian Trotdock - Mon, 27 Mar 2017 08:21:31 EST ID:GDur2hqB No.514862 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Feeling really down lately. Destroyed. Heartbroken. Wanting something impossible. Loving someone you can't. It's hard to do anything, I can't even leave my bed. I need someone kind enough to talk with and comfort me while I go through this hell. I'm getting emotionally unstable it feels like shit. If anyone understands what I'm going through and wants to help, please text my Kik. My chest feels so fucking heavy and it's painful.

Kik: Alexanderk7
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Cedric Blatherbury - Mon, 27 Mar 2017 08:41:26 EST ID:UrQwPY3E No.514863 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514862
I'm sort of going through the same thing... it fucking sucks. Write it all down here, it helped me a bit reading some comments from other people.

You (and I as well) will be better. It'll pass. There are tons of beautiful, nice, interesting people out there, and everyone is looking for someone. It's a matter of being patient and going out there and being open to whatever happens
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Caroline Shittingfoot - Mon, 27 Mar 2017 20:56:53 EST ID:Lsu2uvaQ No.514876 Ignore Report Quick Reply
1490662613725.gif -(2087562B / 1.99MB, 264x185) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>kik
NOPE
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James Drockleson - Mon, 27 Mar 2017 21:11:20 EST ID:9vn86lM+ No.514877 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>514862

What drugs are you selling OP?


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