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Lost personality by Ernest Hengerville - Thu, 19 Oct 2017 19:05:17 EST ID:NRGnD574 No.519525 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
File: 1508454317861.jpg -(110760B / 108.16KB, 736x932) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. 110760
I am a 27 years old male, I don't how to express my emotions any longer, I cannot connect to people and therefore I'm unable to socialize beyond a superficial level, I feel like part of my personality was shut down because of horrible experiences I had in school, I just can't relate to people well and I keep feeling more and more empty each year.

Since I was 16 I haven't had any friends, but I've been able to hold a job since I was 21. I'm unable to trust people and I expect them to do something bad to me, usually steal my things or accusing me of doing something I didn't, sometimes I get the feeling people on TV and magazines are making subtle threats to me. I don't like being around people and very often I get a gut feeling to be alone, my concentration is not very good and I have low energy and motivation.

I was bullied a lot between the ages of 11 and 15 because boys found me weird and mistook me for gay, all because I'm quite a lot less masculine than average both in body and behavior, I am sexually aroused by women but I haven't ever felt any desire to have sex and I haven't ever liked somebody in a romantic way, it's likely I was born with a hormonal misfunction, probably low testosterone production or sensitivity, I don't think there's anything wrong with that and I don't want to change the way I am, I just want to bring my personality back.
13 posts and 1 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
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Isabella Lightwell - Sun, 22 Oct 2017 14:40:28 EST ID:CfonqoA0 No.519574 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519557

Dude, people in /qq/ don't normally recommend seeking professional help. That should be a que that you should seek professional help.

I doubt that most of us have legitimate psychological training, and we aren't used to dealing with things like:

>sometimes I get the feeling people on TV and magazines are making subtle threats to me

That sounds like paranoid schizophrenia. I can't give advice on that. It sounds like you are detaching yourself from reality, and who you are in this reality, and depending on the degree you may be experiencing delusions of reality that are not actually present.

So yeah, see a shrink.
>>
Nell Bubblenit - Sun, 22 Oct 2017 16:22:12 EST ID:I0prU7Th No.519575 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519574
I suppose I could try that.
>>
Fucking Draddledack - Sun, 22 Oct 2017 19:41:53 EST ID:kAEKpfyQ No.519579 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519541
With the feelings of paranoia about people on tv and being bullied and shit I'd say it sounds closer to schizotypal personality disorder.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizotypal_personality_disorder

Anyway, none of us can give useful advice for personality disorders because even mental health professionals don't know how to treat them. I sure as shit don't know how to help. Sorry OP.
>>
Hamilton Coshwater - Mon, 23 Oct 2017 18:39:19 EST ID:uqgsWiDD No.519600 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519579
I don't believe I was abducted by UFOs.
>>
Henry Clushsut - Mon, 23 Oct 2017 19:57:34 EST ID:8ppFLUsJ No.519602 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519575
you realy should, boyo
thinking people in magazines are trying to hurt is a little too much beyond the sane-minded-individual-line
good luck


psyops by Molly Beblingford - Mon, 23 Oct 2017 17:12:45 EST ID:USUZpST+ No.519597 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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a guy i used to know who went a bit schizo after keeps phoning me up to talk about the conspiracy that's focused on him or whatever, which he thinks I'm a part of. Do I keep answering and explaining that it's silly or should I just ignore the calls? I don't want to mess with him, don't think I could even, he has his own narrative that he's very sure of.
>>
Simon Picklock - Mon, 23 Oct 2017 18:34:18 EST ID:kAEKpfyQ No.519598 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519597
You either have to work with the delusion or just ignore him. Trying to counter it won't work. Probably best to ignore him.
>>
Molly Beblingford - Mon, 23 Oct 2017 18:35:49 EST ID:USUZpST+ No.519599 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519598
Aight. I set his calls to go straight to voicemail. Thanks.


Antediluvian terror by Fucking Pindleman - Mon, 23 Oct 2017 09:11:04 EST ID:eXnMCmqd No.519587 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Hey guys!

I've been picturing this... Scenario in my head. I don't know what to call it, to be honest. But sometimes I get flashes of a garden, picture something like the garden of Eden. Something truly beautiful, something ancient and filled with peace.

Each time I picture this, and I don't know why it suddenly pops up, I almost get a panic attack. It's this weird feeling, like a feverdream or a distant memory that tingles through my whole body and ends in my hands. It is actually starting to scare the shit out of me, and it is kinda maddening.

What is this? Why does it frighten me? When I try to describe it to myself I'm describing something heavenly, but it feels so primal and antediluvian, I simply can't wrap my head around it. I've been having a bad strut of depression again after about half a year of progress, but it popped up even during the good times.

Been sober a week (only weedsmoking, and only every day for a couple of months) expect alcohol on Saturday. Can anybody relate or help? Pretty scared guys.
1 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
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Fucking Pindleman - Mon, 23 Oct 2017 09:41:40 EST ID:eXnMCmqd No.519591 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519588
Is it because it's so otherwordly, or so far away from our own reality? I'm scared I'll convince myself that it's actually something... Well, otherwordly or divine, and not just my stupid brain.

At least we're in this together, I'm glad I'm not the only one.
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Sophie Drezzleman - Mon, 23 Oct 2017 09:44:55 EST ID:ivmR6uBz No.519592 Ignore Report Quick Reply
gee maybe it has something to do with the fact you grew up in an english speaking western society which is heavily influenced by christianity and maybe at a young age you were told the story of the garden of eden and at that formative time your brain made associations between the different themes and characters of the garden story compounded with what mammy and daddy told you about good and evil and heaven and hell and puppies and jesus
>>
Molly Beblingford - Mon, 23 Oct 2017 09:48:44 EST ID:USUZpST+ No.519593 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Read The Drowned World by Ballard.
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Fucking Pindleman - Mon, 23 Oct 2017 12:24:08 EST ID:eXnMCmqd No.519594 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519592
I actually didn't, tho. I'm not even baptised. But it very well might be a good point, certainly something to consider!
>>
Fucking Pindleman - Mon, 23 Oct 2017 12:29:00 EST ID:eXnMCmqd No.519595 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519592
Fuck, this was actually kinda comforting to read dude. Thanks man. <3


In love w homies girl by Phoebe Geblingludge - Thu, 19 Oct 2017 06:47:44 EST ID:EFmaw3vr No.519505 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I don’t even know what to say. I had this messaged typed out to this girl I had a crush on over 2 years ago. I was drunk and somebody told me not to send it.

A few weeks later one of my friends started dating this girl. I stopped liking her and moved on and was happy for them.

At first she hated me and would bitch when I’d sleep over. I’d come over to their house and get drunk and sniff coke and blare music with her boyfriend and she’d get fucking pissed. But now over the past few months I’ve noticed the way this girl acts has changed towards me. She always just gets drunk and sits and talks to me in a room full of people.

Today I went to a show with them and a few other friends. I was rolling and she was drunk. She walked up to me when her bf wasn’t around and she kept hugging me and putting her face in my chest and telling me she loves me and that she never would have guessed it but she thinks I’m amazing and all this shit. It’s currently 3 hours later and I’m sleeping on the floor of their guest bedroom with s few other people, still rolling and very confused.

I am so confused. I’ve had a few girlfriends since I had a crush on her too. This girls smart and sexy and cool as hell. But these people have slowly become my best friends over the past few years. Last time something like this happened to me it ended very very badly. I feel awful and like a loser and I know that shit would be bad for me if people found out I had these feelings. But this girls fly as hell and I swear to god she thinks something of me.
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Thomas Fedgebutch - Thu, 19 Oct 2017 14:35:34 EST ID:hRBYIF6G No.519521 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519509
Watch an anime to learn how to interact with real people? What a twist, OP is just going to see 2D girls are much better.
>>
Jarvis Closslekat - Thu, 19 Oct 2017 15:52:48 EST ID:RM0nUBdj No.519522 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>519521
Well of course but you can’t blatantly throw it at him or he won’t catch it, one of those things people gotta discover themselves
>>
Eugene Bovingville - Thu, 19 Oct 2017 18:19:14 EST ID:WozaXgtK No.519523 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519517
If this is the first and only time this shit happens to OP you might be right and reacting strongly may be a bit of a rash way to act.

It'll become obvious what the case is very quickly. Just hold fire, see how the next couple of times you hang goes. I have a friend who can get a bit touchy feely when really drunk but she's going to jump back on her husband and not anyone else.
>>
Nigel Baddlewudge - Sat, 21 Oct 2017 00:23:31 EST ID:xSLMF7US No.519543 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519521
2D girls only like 2D though. Not fat 3D blobs with no harems or magical powers.
>>
Fanny Dartshaw - Mon, 23 Oct 2017 09:38:10 EST ID:aGM/isHL No.519590 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519508
This.


Feeling like a slave by Lillian Gipperhood - Sun, 22 Oct 2017 17:11:49 EST ID:+dh3eEfF No.519576 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I know that I have it easy compared to many people in the past and present. I know that I'm fortunate to have a great family and good friends. I know that I could not possibly study something that would suit me better than what I'm currently studying. However, this doesn't change the fact that I just feel like a slave. I HAVE to do things for many hours every day that I absolutely do not want to do in order to survive in this world. I don't have that one thing that I'm really passionate about. Whenever I try something new my passion quickly fades and I'm left with daydreams of a painless death. Currently, my life is a cycle consisting of a short period of positivity and then a long period of negativity and depression. The positive period stems from a newfound interest, like a new subject to study. The negative period comes when this thing starts becoming a massive chore, probably because it now has become mandatory. I start to loathe it and I won't spend a second of my free time doing it.
To me, time off of work or studying is the most valuable thing in the world. I don't care about money if I have to spend the majority of most days doing something that I don't want to do. The money then becomes useless.

I tell myself that If I had all the free time in the world I would be happy. This is probably a lie, and eventually I would start wanting to die, yet I still long for a situation where I can just relax all the time and not worry about work or studies. I have seen a psychologist and it did help temporarily. On this topic she told me that what I want to do isn't necessarily what's best for my mental health. I agree with this and I can admit that I do feel a short-lived high when I write a great paper and ace an exam. I feel like I have actually accomplished something, and this can sometimes start one of my positive periods. This all sounds great, but when I'm actually doing the work I want to die. It's only when I finish something that I can feel well. I look back on previous accomplishments with nostalgia, but in reality, achieving those things was hell when I was in the moment.

I feel like a spoiled idiot for being like this, but I can't seem to he…
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Fucking Draddledack - Sun, 22 Oct 2017 19:14:33 EST ID:kAEKpfyQ No.519578 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Man, you sound a lot like me. I've been diagnosed with bipolar 2 btw, because when I've been put on antidepressants those good periods can cross into hypomania. I'm familiar with getting a boost from some life change or some accomplishment like writing a paper only for it to die out once I get ground down by the mindless repetitive tedium that modern life demands. I guess the best thing would be to keep active and keep changing things up and only doing things you want to do, but that's not really something that works well in the economy. I know I'm not intelligent or hard working enough to compete for one of the dream jobs that is actually fun and exciting every day, so I've decided to go for a lifestyle that maximizes my autonomy and free time. Tomorrow I'm buying a small RV that I'm going to move into eventually.

That will give me the independence from my parents that I crave without making me into a wageslave who has to work a job no matter how much he hates it because he has rent to pay. I plan on supporting myself by getting a home improvement contractor's license and doing some painting for people. I know based on the work I've done that I can make a few hundred dollars per day when I have work, so I won't need to find many jobs to just cover food, gas, and insurance. I know that when I start to run out of money for food, it will motivate me to do some work no matter what.

There are other rhythms or life this kind of living requires that would keep me moving and help keep me from total stagnation I think. Currently my parents can enable me to just shut down during my depressions because I'm dependent on them and they provide certain things for me. If I have to cook and shop and fill and empty my tanks and do oil changes and stuff on my own it will give me a little more responsibility and keep me out of the worst of the depression hopefully.

There seems to be a community of people who live in their vehicles so hopefully I won't be too lonely although that is my major concern with living on the road. I want to force myself to buckle down on martial arts and exercise in general too because that also helps keep me out of the depression so hopeful…
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Ebenezer Goblingville - Mon, 23 Oct 2017 08:05:43 EST ID:uvlAGqfN No.519586 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Quit bitching and get in the damn robot
>>
Fanny Dartshaw - Mon, 23 Oct 2017 09:29:28 EST ID:aGM/isHL No.519589 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519576
Man you sound like Henry David Thoreau. He felt that way OP, like he wasn't truly living, but rather just sojourning through each state of life waiting to get to the next one where hopefully he could truly live.

His solution was to live a newly and simply out in the woods near Walden Pond. He, "wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

Good luck OP. Hope Thoreau's words speak to you.
>>
Hamilton Duppershit - Mon, 23 Oct 2017 13:50:36 EST ID:5yYYR0y+ No.519596 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>519589
wasn't thoreau like, 4 feet from his moms house?


schizo shitzu by Charles Biggleladging - Fri, 13 Oct 2017 02:25:33 EST ID:xP2x0ckD No.519358 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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how do I get rid of schizophrenia without taking medication or getting a labotomy (because I don't trust doctors)
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Archie Brallernot - Sun, 22 Oct 2017 03:32:42 EST ID:xP2x0ckD No.519562 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>519556
Thanks. I'm still waiting until I can wake up 100% right now.
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Betsy Bungerket - Sun, 22 Oct 2017 03:43:03 EST ID:h/1sxUpj No.519564 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519359
Yeah, I'm sure that one scene from that one movie will totally cure OP's schizophrenia. I'm sure you mean well, but that's flat out retarded to think you can just ignore the hallucinations and they'll go away.

>>519362
>material on how to talk to your voices and make sense of what they are trying to tell you

So basically just integrate with your delusions and accept that they're trying to convey real information? Sounds like great advice, dude. I know OP said they don't hear voices, but this is still amazingly bad advice.

>>519367
I read the whole thread, and this is probably the best post in my opinion.

By all means try therapy, but the symptoms you're describing are not usually the kind of thing that can be remedied with behavioural therapy. It might be worth pointing out that if you don't have an official diagnosis as schizophrenic (and even if you do) there are a lot of conditions that can have similar symptoms. What you're describing sounds a lot like a catatonic state (take this with a grain of salt like everything on this board of course). These are typically not treated with antipsychotics.

OP, you should look into the law in your area. I'm not from the USA, here if I were to go to a doctor complaining of these symptoms I'd be referred to psychiatrist and as long as nothing I said suggested that I was a danger to myself or others any treatment would be voluntary. I'd be able to try a range of drugs and decide if they were effective and tolerable. It can take a while to find the right dose, and sometimes side effects do get better with time. I'd have the choice to discontinue treatment at any time, and if there was no suggestion that I was a danger to myself or others could not be involuntarily committed.
You want to check that this is the case in the Yoosa though.
>>
Hannah Ciddleludge - Sun, 22 Oct 2017 04:46:31 EST ID:Uc45pUGq No.519568 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519564
Not at all. Say a voice is saying that everybody hates you. You don't just accept that the voice are true ya dingus. But what's it saying. "I am feeling self conscious about whether people like me or not".

You probably have intrusive thoughts about the same things except you don't perceive them as external.
>>
Betsy Bungerket - Sun, 22 Oct 2017 07:08:30 EST ID:h/1sxUpj No.519569 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519568
That's a fair point, I guess I was assuming that everyone is aware of the distinction between internal monologue and auditory hallucinations. That's not a fair assumption to make.

I used to have problems with intrusive thoughts. I have a close friend who's schizophrenic and had hallucinations he couldn't distinguish from real sounds. If we'd never compared notes I may well not understand the difference too well.
>>
Archie Brallernot - Sun, 22 Oct 2017 19:10:39 EST ID:xP2x0ckD No.519577 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>519568
>But what's it saying. "I am feeling self conscious about whether people like me or not".
I have no opinion on how other people perceive me. My voices aren't chatter, which I know that schizophrenics normally get, but they're random sounds (a child laughing, music) that occur very rarely and I just interpreted as a memory I've heard before bubbling up again. I actually have no internal monologue at all which I think is strange. Some time ago it stopped, probably from a head injury or something. I also lack the ability to internally visualize stuff which really really sucks because it's been more difficult for me to do math since.
>>519564
I was diagnosed officially and I thought him to be a crook. I told him I'd sue for religious reasons if he tried forcing me to get medication because he claimed I needed to "clear my head" without listening to the fact that I did/do have a clear head and ignoring that I wasn't hearing voices.
I think that I was suggested to go to a therapist or psychiatrist but I didn't go because I was traveling cross-country for a convention at the time I was diagnosed.
I read about the catatonic state thing for a bit and how it's described on wikipedia is pretty wishy washy (they "may", patients will "sometimes", "conversely") so I won't look into that too much. That said, I had just got back from being in this stupor where I thought I had left my house to go to the sauna with two people I know (I do this often) but I hadn't and I was lying on the floor next to a box of candy the entire time. Weird shit lol


should I tell my girlfriend about my opiate addiction? by Doris Gabberpag - Sun, 15 Oct 2017 22:37:19 EST ID:7kA/y/r6 No.519434 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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First off ive been using PST for about 6 months now, nobody but me knows I'm an addict, a couple of my friends know about my use, but not that I'm addicted. I don't plan on quitting anytime soon, but do plan on definitely reducing my use cuz of the current situation. I just feel so alone in this and I'd like someone to know so i can get support on reducing my intake and hopefully quitting someday.
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Dextrolord - Tue, 17 Oct 2017 14:02:22 EST ID:ymGVR82j No.519478 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>519461
Lol I never got the whole, I did something and feel bad now I wanna talk about it, but I'm probably very emotionally desensitized by now from a life of fuckery.

I say keep doin what you wanna do if it hasn't messed with your life for six months and if someone finds out just tell them it wasn't an issue before so why is it now?

But if you're overcome with guilt about your addiction stop it and feel better I guess
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Martin Sockledurk - Tue, 17 Oct 2017 22:34:18 EST ID:7kA/y/r6 No.519483 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519478
Yeah I get that man, my thing is is I feel so alone about it all, I'm the only person who knows I'm addicted
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Samuel Worthingville - Thu, 19 Oct 2017 12:12:42 EST ID:lIGmCb/T No.519516 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519434
lying to your partner and keeping secrets from them is a sign of a healthy relationship

The fact that you care enough to lie and keep secrets is a good thing, in fact you should lie more. Pretend to have a really good job, if she finds out she will know how much you love her because she will see how eager you are to impress her.
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Dextrolord - Sat, 21 Oct 2017 20:02:58 EST ID:ymGVR82j No.519555 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>519483
I felt like that too when I first started using needles. Eventually it got so bad I had to go to a detox clinic and then everyone one knew. It was a blessing in disguise tho I got the help I needed and found out who my true friends and family are. This was a little over a year ago

Now they all think I'm sober as a square and I am for the most part but I still like to get faded every so often on my old stuff like dxm and booze, I would blaze up if I wasn't on probation. I just got a new job and life is looking up so fuck it if they all wanna believe something that isn't true about me.

I forgot what my point was just do whatever you feel is right I guess
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Betsy Bungerket - Sun, 22 Oct 2017 02:53:45 EST ID:h/1sxUpj No.519559 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519461
After 6 months of daily PST use, whether or not you're an "addict" you're definitely physically dependent.

>>519457
>fucked libido due to opis

Yeah, they'll do that. Certainly doesn't add anything to a relationship.

Honestly OP, I was on the PST train for years about 1 year of that was towards the end of a 6 year relationship (go figure). Secrecy sucks, but having a GF who knows, accepts and fucking hates the fact that you're an addict also sucks. Maybe she'll be fine with it, who knows. It's very unlikely but not impossible.

Seriously man, just get off that shit. Opis gave me the testosterone levels of an elderly woman, no interest in sex, lost muscle, gained fat etc. It may well get to the point where the psychological effects of low T (depression, anxiety) are no longer outweighed by the good feels of being constantly opiated. Withdrawals get consistently worse in my experience, and 6 months in you're way less likely to experience PAWS than you will be further in to your habit.

The acute withdrawal stage is easy enough to pass off as an awful case of gastro, the post acute withdrawal effects can be harder to explain.

By the way, not everyone understands that having a healthy relationship doesn't mean that all of your other issues suddenly disappear, it can be taken personally like they're not "enough". Using opioids daily usually isn't suggestive of awesome mental health or a generally fulfilling life (it's not impossible that you just love getting fucked up, but every day?).
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