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Breaking off my engagement by Polly Snodville - Mon, 15 May 2017 01:04:25 EST ID:GsUBG5f0 No.516238 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
File: 1494824665903.jpg -(113191B / 110.54KB, 660x370) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. 113191
>TL;DR: I have been with my fiancée for almost 5 years and it's coming to an end.

One major problem is that we're both introverts, but I feel like I can speak to people easily. I'm a friendly guy and I actually like to hang out with other people from time to time. I do get drained and need to recharge, but K will avoid people at all costs. When she's with them, she'll talk with them for a couple of minutes and then hide on her phone, which she considers trying to be social.

We have a group of friends, which she met through me, that invites me to the occasional "Guys Night Out". Despite knowing what happens every time she's out with people, she'll pout and say that I don't want to be with her when I hang out with my friends. Ultimately, she ends up going and secluding herself, and when we go home, she complains about how she shouldn't have come or how awkward she is. She's not awkward at all, just extremely insecure.

Another issue that we have is that each day, with every waking moment, she needs to be with me. Our relationship has become so strained from this. What kind of interesting conversations can you have with somebody who experiences EVERYTHING with you? To make things worse, she doesn't have any of her own friends to vent to, so naturally I have to hear everything “wrong with her life”. For the last couple of months, I would say 80% of the things she says are negative and bitter. It’s all very draining and I feel like I’m in a foul mood when I’m with her. It’s such a terrible state of being, especially when I get excited to see her only to be met with negativity.

I think the most miserable part is how I don’t feel like an individual anymore. When we’re out with friends, she essentially controls when I stop having fun and it puts me off from what gang and I are doing. When she wants to stay in, it makes me as secluded as she is when my friends are asking me to do stuff with them. It feels sort of like “If I can’t enjoy myself when I’m out, you can’t either.” My relationships have suffered greatly from this. Even my family has recently been referring to her as my conjoined twin, my shadow, ect… This basically sparked my though…
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Polly Snodville - Mon, 15 May 2017 17:53:35 EST ID:GsUBG5f0 No.516261 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516258
>Depression and antidepressants
I've been down that path before and it sucks. The antidepressants made feel like a zombie. Regardless, I have asked her about talking to a psychiatrist and she refuses.

>Psychedelics
I used to smoke pot, but stopped for her and my job cause she hated it. I did it mostly for my job, but I digress. Mushrooms or LSD is out of the question for her.

>Status of the relationship
My biggest fear is that we get married and I become a submissive husband always replying with "Yes, dear. No, dear." It feels like that already.

>Relationship breaks
I've never liked breaks either, but this is working for me. I don't know how she's handling it, but I'm not ready to speak with her yet. I always wanted to be her knight in shining armor and always protect her, just like she did with me when I was depressed, but my love has grown cold and my patience has been worn down. And like I've written above, somewhere, this has been a re-occurring problem that never seems to be resolved.
>>
Cornelius Pabberhood - Mon, 15 May 2017 18:21:29 EST ID:4bVae5Ik No.516263 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516242
You're going to have to tell her "counseling or we're done." I'm not a big fan of ultimatums but at this point you need to gauge if she's even WILLING to put in effort to improve the relationship. If she's not things are only going to get worse.
>>
William Haggledock - Mon, 15 May 2017 18:22:48 EST ID:WVSsaSHI No.516264 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516261
Fair, if she's refused everything then a break is your only option. Just be prepared for her to do something dumb. And the consideration you may decide that it's over.

Don't marry her. Do not fucking commit or marry any further until this shit is sorted. if you marry her you are accepting her as she is. If she agrees to change for you make sure she actually sticks at it rather than doing just enough to keep you back.

I put my suggestions out there just for consideration. You've already considered most. One of my friends has just ended a 9 year engagement. She was less of mess than your other half and she was FUCKED UP. He was a fuckup too. He has gone to therapy and while he misses a lot he realises it's good it ended. She was with a new dude 2 weeks later (which is the longest she's been single as an adult) but has never sought treatment for her suicidal state, probably bipolar or maybe borderline disorder and extreme (but nowhere near your fiance's state) inability to people. This is to some extent why I warn you she may scuttle for cover. But also that being without her may not be the worst thing. Absolutely try everything else first but the list... it's pretty short now.
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Polly Snodville - Mon, 15 May 2017 18:41:18 EST ID:GsUBG5f0 No.516265 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516240
>>516243
>>516254
>>516258
>>516263
Thank you all for your words of advice and for having the patience to write those well-thought-out comments.

As much as I don't like ultimatums, I think that's the only thing I haven't tried. I think I want to give her one, last chance to bring back the wonder and beauty we used to share.
>>
Albert Fabbleham - Tue, 16 May 2017 15:04:04 EST ID:6Y23Um/F No.516282 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516265
She'll most likely panic because of the finality of it and scramble to meet the conditions of your ultimatum, but only temporarily until she feels safe and free to backslide. Stress that this is not something you will accept, and that your intention is not to threaten her safety, to make her feel bad, to manipulate her or to make her feel inferior. Come from a place of compassion (detachment and compassion are not mutually exclusive) so she can maybe snap out of desperate parasite mode long enough to see what's going on.

Also the power dynamic is shifting from equal to unequal and has been for some time, I'm guessing, and an ultimatum sort of codifies that. Don't let it get to your head that you're calling the shots, because taking advantage of power inequality will probably only reinforce her behavior (confirming her fears of abandonment may lead to increased parasitic submission on her part, because from her frame of mind her "last chance" isn't about bringing back wonder and beauty- she hasn't realized that that's as much her problem as yours yet, it's about keeping you no matter what it means, which leads to more frustration on your part, which leads to more attempts from you to seize control that, if this relationship continues, may grow in perversity as time goes on and you lose more respect from her, which leads to her groveling more, etc.), although in all honesty it doesn't seem like this will end well either way. Once these sort of patterns are established they twist relationships and the people in them into something unrecognizable and very not fun. Hopefully I'm being needlessly pessimistic and everything will work out.


Feeling down by Angus Blatherdale - Fri, 12 May 2017 20:21:28 EST ID:/ODgdoDQ No.516167 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Hey /qq/

I'm trying to quit stimulants and get my life back. I'm feeling really bad about myself right now.

I don't have many friends in my city. Honestly I think it's just my roommate; I burned all my other bridges. I have some friends online in foreign countries, but I think I've spoiled the bonds with my drug abuse. I think I come off very boring and strange when I'm wired.

I haven't had a real life relationship in over a year. I had an online relationship with a Russian girl recently, but about a week ago she ended things. It turns out she was 'dating' another foreign boy the whole time, sending nudes to him and everything. She was my best friend though and it's really tough not having her to talk to. For the months that we were 'together', we would talk all day everyday. She started getting cold and distant towards the end. Now we just don't talk.

I really want a friendship like that again. Everybody has moved on with their lives and I feel like I'm stalled at the starting line. I have a really good job, but it's very niche and I work from home.

I didn't bother signing up for classes this past semester and I dropped out early the semester before that. I registered for a new class over the summer but it's still a couple weeks away. I don't know what to do with myself until then.

My mind keeps drifting back to the Russian girl, or past friends, and I feel a lot of pain. I try to get through the pain without chemical numbing, but right now I just feel stuck in a pit of bad thoughts. I really don't want to take more amphetamines because it's just going to prolong my misery, but I feel so incredibly alone and helpless right now. I feel worthless. I feel like a loser.

I have a lot of interests, but my passion is atrophied so much that my mind still draws blanks when I try to return to them. I feel so numb.
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Isabella Bunbanks - Sun, 14 May 2017 02:10:35 EST ID:BjH9PGot No.516225 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516213
Secretly those thought loops are chemical withdrawals stimulants may keep type focused but trust me wait for the addiction to end and while you deal with stress and the temptation comes go through pick up a book, movie, or an album that lasts the duration of it. When the dependence is over the questions of your passions and interests can take center stage.
>>
Nathaniel Cirringmine - Sun, 14 May 2017 14:00:35 EST ID:9Bqs8nmG No.516230 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516213
>How long did it take you to get clean?
I had a mental breakdown after a binge and went to some rehab facility for a few weeks. After I got out I became an even more 24/7 druggie for about 6 months.
Dont remember why I made the choice but after those 6 hardcore months I just left my apartment and moved in with my parents. Stopped every kind of drug including alcohol
and then spent a few months (could be 6 or 12 I really dont know to be honest) in a room browsing chans being ultra depressed. After some time started lifting weights every day.
After that I started burying myself in work (my work is online). I spent about 1 more year working all day every day in that room only stopping for workouts or occasional shitposting. (this year of getting my shit together felt fucking amazing, my body was ripped by the end of it and my bank account looked good. Never felt better than when I realized I'm going to have a life)

Only after that I moved out and started having hobbies and attending things IRL (was a shut-in before that) and started meeting likeminded people and women again etc. All in all it was maybe 1.5 years of being a depressed (close to suicide tbh) piece of shit NEET in a room (I count the half year of rock-bottom as part of the recovery) followed by 1 year of radical self improvement and bulding discipline which was a lot of fun once the ball got rolling.


>And what did you do with the feelings of loneliness and stress?
At first I just wallowed in self hate for months.
Then I worked on my business and body 90% of my waking time. I started every day with making a list (still do) of what I will get done and I follow it religiously. As in if I overestimated what I can get done in the day, I'd stay up until the list was all done. Tried to build self discipline that way, which had me working without stims for 24h+ some times.
I took tiny doses of phenibut or kratom for a while for social situations. It helped but I forced myself to cut that out as I dont want to depend on substances for such things.
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Nathaniel Cirringmine - Sun, 14 May 2017 14:17:49 EST ID:9Bqs8nmG No.516231 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516230
Oh and I dont work from home anymore. Got a small office and a few employees now, so thats also more time interacting with people.
>>
Esther Publingkane - Sun, 14 May 2017 15:07:25 EST ID:WCiWyIpM No.516232 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516230
god damn man i just wanna say that you're a fucking hero. to come back from that is insane.
>>
Betsy Fedgestad - Mon, 15 May 2017 17:18:11 EST ID:/+/u/pN5 No.516256 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Oh and one more thing OP! Even if you think quitting is hard to do on your own and feel like you want help, Do not go into some publicly funded rehab facility!!
When I got to the one I went to I was severely high for days already and just told them all kinds of crazy drug shit (list of individual drugs I had ever taken lol its a long list).

Where I live theres some register for interactions one had with doctors so being the good samaritans they are they transcribed it and permanently marked me.

So now if I go to the doctor for a flu or some small time shit they check their little screen they assume I'm a drug seeking junkie and treat me like a leper even though my drug time was 8+ years ago. One doctor I knew for a long time even spilled the beans on what he was reading and assured me those entries will fuck with my ability to get insurance later on. Even admitted whoever put that in the system fucked me over big time.

Unless you're rich and can afford something private that respects your privacy DO NOT SEEK HELP IN GOVERNMENTAL FACILITIES. They did not help me at all with the actual problem and instead ruined every doctors or hospital visit for the rest of my life as well as my insurance.

That''s all godspeed OP


Fucked up by Fucking Buzzshit - Sat, 13 May 2017 20:18:54 EST ID:5rv8eLiJ No.516219 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
File: 1494721134652.jpg -(72806B / 71.10KB, 590x390) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. 72806
>be me
>have super annoying best friend
>get girlfriend
>hates best friend
>try to hang out together
>much nope
>hang out with him alone
>even more nope
>can't even see him on his birthday without starting a fight
>gets on heroin
>already tried killing himself multiple times
>knew he was gonna die
>she's yelling at me how he's a junkie
>why are we arguing about this
>what do you want me to do
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ghoulie - Mon, 15 May 2017 01:51:04 EST ID:vjWp7siN No.516241 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516219

this all seems really angsty.

the distance between you two had influenced one or many of his decisions im sure, but think of all the other factors in his life that contributed as well.

>super annoying
was he disliked by people in general?


help by Nicholas Cluffingdock - Sat, 13 May 2017 20:11:22 EST ID:CFSPhP33 No.516218 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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>21
>don't enjoy sex/masturbation as much as i used to
>tried looking up diff. porn categories, find some kinks
>tried BDSM with a girl i met off tinder
>nothing seems to feel as good or satisfy me anymore
>girls wanna hang with me/hook up but it's honestly draining to pretend im enjoying sex

what do? im sexually frustrated with no outlet.
>>
Thomas Bozzledock - Sat, 13 May 2017 20:36:33 EST ID:zeAktjTF No.516220 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516218
I find the emotional connection and dynamic the most important thing. I think that's what a lot of people get out of BDSM.

Is sex mechanical or are you engaging with these people and reveling in how you make them feel?

Also are you on SSRIs? If so ask the doctor to change prescription. They can work but they have many side effects, like can really fuck you up quantities and you should shop around for them and not just accept the first ones you're given blindly.
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Polly Fenderworth - Sat, 13 May 2017 22:10:18 EST ID:n1yNxChx No.516221 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516218
WOW WHAT A TERRIBLE PROBLEM
>>
Doris Dorryhadging - Sun, 14 May 2017 04:59:32 EST ID:xERFfwJd No.516227 Ignore Report Quick Reply
stop watching porn and stop masturbating
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James Snodridge - Sun, 14 May 2017 12:01:41 EST ID:G647NRpR No.516229 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516227

Haha, not gonna help him.

>>516221

Yes thank you for giving us all perspective.

>>516220

dis amna is barkin up the right tree with the SSRI questions.
>>
Isabella Dirringbere - Sun, 14 May 2017 16:10:54 EST ID:SwxeG+Tj No.516235 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516218
I think you aren't actually sexually frustrated but rather you are just grieving a loss of another escapism mechanism because of a unexplained drop of libido. Focus on what you do want and what does fire you up instead. Escapism doesn't really work at the end of the day and this is that end of the day for you.


Fuck by George Hittingstone - Sat, 13 May 2017 23:45:08 EST ID:bpG5EuOk No.516222 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
File: 1494733508228.jpg -(37535B / 36.66KB, 493x495) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. 37535
They are both such amazing, fantastic and beautiful women. I love them both so much, every second I spend with them is just joy. A natural type of joy that releases me from the misery of existence. I've had relationships throughout the years. I know what love feels like.

I am in love with two women. I know both of them love me, despite the fact both of them are in relationships, including one of them with me. Polyamory is out of the question. I have to choose one of them, and choosing one of them will mean breaking the other one's heart, no matter what I do. But I love each of them so much, having to choose between one of them feels so fucked up and I honestly can't pick and don't know what to do and just feel really fucking anxious all the time man. Shit.
>>
Angus Dickledock - Sun, 14 May 2017 00:01:51 EST ID:UjNuOR6B No.516223 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516222
if you confess, you will likely lose both of them.

just pick and get it over with. flip a coin if you want.
>>
Angus Dickledock - Sun, 14 May 2017 00:19:02 EST ID:UjNuOR6B No.516224 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516223
oh and by the way, sorry about this happening.

nb.


really simple question by Jack Chinningham - Mon, 08 May 2017 09:44:38 EST ID:Fp9Sc2hF No.516072 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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hi /qq/, it has been many years since I have posted and I don't usually come here because it makes me too sad.

however, please decode this conversation.
>me 23, girl 21.
>acquaintances through mutual friends & work
>comes up at bar, chat like usual, she mentions that shes always flirty but doesn't always mean it, i concur
>happen to meet up again later at karaoke, she says "we should hang out sometime", me "usually don't see you out of work if not with [mutual friend]"
>"oh pfft, who cares about her"
i don't really know how to follow this up. what do?
she's cool, i'm interested but i don't really want to shit where i eat in relation to work and friends. also am very lonely.
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Rebecca Trotville - Tue, 09 May 2017 08:02:10 EST ID:Fp9Sc2hF No.516096 Ignore Report Quick Reply
had a chat with her tonight, opened up with the 'hey were you serious when you said you wanted to hang', convo went okay but kinda awkward so I'm just gonna ignore it from now on. thanks for your advice team.
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Jarvis Fullytore - Tue, 09 May 2017 08:31:12 EST ID:n1yNxChx No.516098 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516096
oh nigga
you were too heavy
you shouldve kept being light like you were when you met her
>>
Thomas Tillingdale - Tue, 09 May 2017 12:40:43 EST ID:k127Wq1k No.516099 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516098
I hate that we live in a world where you are almost definitely right.
>>
Archie Bogglenedge - Sat, 13 May 2017 06:23:13 EST ID:Fp9Sc2hF No.516183 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516099
>>516098
hey, i saw her again and apologised for awkward chat, she was like 'oh not at all, let's go outside' and we were chatty. caught a taxi home together, she was being very nervous so i continued on home. think she's interested, but i'm also the king of 'i think you're into me but i'm not totally certain so i won't ask about it' so yeah. thanks anyway.
>>
Frederick Nommleford - Sat, 13 May 2017 17:10:40 EST ID:9Bqs8nmG No.516211 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516075
OP knows. He just wants an excuse not to do it.

OP even if you botched the situation just ring her up now and ask her to hang out


i hate it here by Nicholas Shakecocke - Wed, 10 May 2017 06:27:01 EST ID:gHcal0F0 No.516117 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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l know exactly what i have to do, l know exactly who l'm gonna end up with, what job l'll land, who my friends will be. l can see my own future and where my life is going. l don't want any of those. l should be okay with it because l get opportunities like these on a silver plate. lt's a life thought l've wanted when l was alone and now l hate it. l wish l was somewhere else. Everyone always told me who to be and what to do, doing nothing was the only thing l had control over. l was proud being called lazy. l've been depressed for so long, the moment l finally came to and started living i had a 10 year delay in my life. l've grown more in the last 2 years than l did in those 10 before and still l feel so fucking weak, stupid and so fucking pissed all the time. l had a phase in life where l spent 3 years alone in the same rutine. Wake up. Go to class/work. Get back home. Smoke weed. Play vidya. Go to bed. Repeat. Told my friends to fuck off. Told every girl to fuck off. Decided to make a change when l started having suicidal thoughts. Finished school, met some people, made some friends. l thought that was it. That l won and get to live a life. l was getting better and happier and l had goals again. And now l'm back in stagnation. Not like the one l was in before, but it's a routine again. Everything is shit and l want to die. Fuck everyone, fuck this place, fuck my life.
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Matilda Clundlefoot - Wed, 10 May 2017 11:41:28 EST ID:n1yNxChx No.516121 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Follow your dreams?

Can I ask you how you got out of that initial stagnation?
>>
Nicholas Shakecocke - Wed, 10 May 2017 14:27:08 EST ID:gHcal0F0 No.516122 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516121
l started skating again and in general just going out more often. l made some friends that way, and spent more time with people.

I think l'll move away from here figure things out from there.
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Molly Dillerbat - Wed, 10 May 2017 16:37:00 EST ID:SwxeG+Tj No.516123 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516117
START DOING THINGS SOLELY FOR THE FEELING OF IT.
>>
Charlotte Billingwater - Sat, 13 May 2017 09:25:47 EST ID:omX2BDyl No.516193 Ignore Report Quick Reply
That phase you had sounds pretty similar to me except I'm not telling any friends or girls to fuck off because there never were any to begin with.
As far as I can tell there is no way out of this.
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Gnarly McGoblin - Sat, 13 May 2017 11:43:04 EST ID:C5pmLBUZ No.516196 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Welcome to the real world.
If you want to escape it then do it like me and drink a lot of beers and smoke a lot of spliffs.
So that you can forget all your sorrows and problems.


relationship gone awry by babbs - Sat, 13 May 2017 04:50:48 EST ID:WliTwK8L No.516170 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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my boyfriend and i have been together for six years, been living at my parents for five.

the other day i was getting ready for bed, and i caught him making food at 2 in the morning, peanut butter on a tortiella shell (he has a scary habit of eating an ungodly amount of bread because its easy), i grabbed the food out of his hand and said he couldn't have it because he didn't pay for the food and its fucking two in the morning. he threatened to break up with me because i am "controlling his life" and i freaked out at him because he doesn't shower for weeks at a time, he barely leaves his room, he avoids my parents at all costs, he doesn't do any chores, and he has one programming class a week, and can't do fuck all of anything else.

i haven't talked to him since then because although he through the conversation sort of acknowledged that he's monstorously selfish (his words) he refuses to go to a martial arts class that i have paid for him to go to for a year, which i think is really important because its something that we can share in together and he's getting sort of obese. he wants to just go to the gym, but its comparable to his habit where he saves no money and spends all his money on fast food and energy drinks and says he's "feeding him self", he wants to go to the near by gym and go on the eliptical when ever its convieniant to him and say he's "excersizing".

i love him but he's becomming a fucking bachelor frog like crazy, and its kind of disgusting, i actually don't think i can be with him if he won't atleast go to this martial arts class one a week, what the fuck do i do.
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ghoulie - Sat, 13 May 2017 06:50:07 EST ID:vjWp7siN No.516185 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516184

he has a lot of anxiety by the sound of it.

my anxiety gives me the same fears. i dont exercise in front of people. i also gave excuses to my husband when i said i wanted to do pursue recreational things but wouldn't commit.

stress and anxiety and anything related to fear can prevent the happiest person from being the best person they can be.

dont think of being true to your feelings makes you emotionally vulnerable. you are not crazy for feeling so much concern for something you want to fix.

if you express yourself reasonably and he is a reasonable person, he will listen. it may be awkward getting past the sarcastic edgelord tone you've set for yourselves. if you both have good habits of being emotionally available, he will talk about the things that he hides the gravity of.

someone who is emotionally available is someone who makes for a great partner. if he was less sarcastic and more emotionally available, wouldn't you feel like encouraging him to attend martial arts classes would improve the state of communication within your relationship? he would listen if he really wanted to pursue it and he would feel like you seriously support him and you would feel positively influential while getting what you want

i didn't like having sex in my inlaws house either. having sex in the same room, in the same bed, with the same 'quiet' routine. if sex doesn't involve enough variety then it stops happening. have you ever tried switching the roles and you being the dominant one?
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babbs - Sat, 13 May 2017 07:01:31 EST ID:WliTwK8L No.516188 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>516185
he doesn't want to be the sub most often and i don't want to be the dom, i wouldn't fee comfortable domming him unless he got in better shape, men have an easier time domming out of shape then subbing because domming is sort of facilitated or atleast isn't at total odds with being out of shape, being dommed by someone out of shape is sort of dominating in a way, but someone who is out of shape subbing to me just seems silly, if he got more toned i could see my self occasionally enjoying domming him.

i want to be more understanding of what he's going through but its really hard if i don't have hope that it will pay off at this point, maybe i'm autistic, who knows.

i get that sex here can get pretty boring, i totally do. i don't take it personally much any more that we don't fuck that often, it just sucks, i'm a really horny person :(, its probably because i'm more physically fit and i get more sunshine then alot of people.

i want to be more positive and nice around him. should i start talking to him again? i just feel so fucking upset that he isn't trying harder for me in this way, it feels like it isn't asking too much, but to him its asking alot. is that just the context or will he never change? i'm sort of scared to find out, because i dont' want to have to make the decision to kick him out or accept he'll never go to aikido, either feels horrible, like a kind of death.
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ghoulie - Sat, 13 May 2017 07:54:20 EST ID:vjWp7siN No.516191 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516188

dominance in bed can sometimes lead to getting the control you want on your relationship outside of the bedroom. after all part of a dominant role is to correct the behavior of another. sexual reinforcement echoes

>should i start talking to him again?

you should always be able to talk to your partner. you both are holding onto too much resentment after being emotionally unavailable to each other because you're afraid of being serious and uncomfortable. your resentment will turn into hatred and you'll have an angry and sad break up.

>he isn't trying harder for me in this way

people who hide their anxieties indefinitely dont always think of what's best for people around them. he is probably in his own head thinking his own negative thoughts over and over again. he probably has cycles like
>i feel bad because am lazy and bask in my own shame (not showering)
>doing chores won't make me feel better
>i dont want them to see me cleaning, similar to my fear of being seen exercising
>ive gone so long without cleaning it would be weird if i suddenly started
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ghoulie - Sat, 13 May 2017 08:07:37 EST ID:vjWp7siN No.516192 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516188

>i just feel so fucking upset that he isn't trying harder for me in this way

tell him that! the more important to you it seems, the more seriously he will take you. he will listen. if he wants to make things work he will hear what you have to say. dont hold back.your emotions are natural and they need to be expressed for your own mental health.dont try to be dramatize the issue and cause more tension until someone breaks. a relationship isn't a test to see who can hold out the longest or who can cut the deepest. its being the best you can be for the person you love to share many things with..get rid of the grudges you both hold and see if living separately or alone together fixes your problems.
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Simon Nicklewell - Sat, 13 May 2017 11:48:41 EST ID:zeAktjTF No.516197 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516192
I agree with this. It's not about what they "deserve" or who can stay coolest or in control or whatever bullshit that a lot of people peddle. I mean the early stages often are but even that is toxic society and not right.

And OP if he makes you feel you cannot open up to him once you try, explain that, give him a chance to process it.

But honestly what ghoulie is talking about is doing all the stuff you should do before abandoning the relationship. There is a very real possibility it will happen. You have to find the ground between quitting too early and regretting it and staying in a relationship that doesn't work purely because of momentum. My own body anxiety (ironically I'm not chubby, I'm just flabby, if my skin fit right I'd look athletic, instead it folds and creases up which sucks, I like being this fit though) is pretty deep seated. I hate people watching me do stuff and the idea of group exercise (the memories of sucking at every sport because I'm uncoordinated) makes me well up with anxiety. Actually I think I can go somewhere useful with this. In your dude's shoes even now I couldn't imagine taking that class. However he should be able to address most of the concerns, the things you are trying to address via that class in other ways if he gives a fuck. Fitness, so yeah the gym. Self improvement again fitness. Hygiene and routine could be worked on. Doing chores will make you feel better and that SHOULD make him feel better, (also that's bullshit once he witnesses that he's actually changed a thing). Same with diet. Maybe you can find a middle ground that gives both of you most of what you want.

I wanted to offer your other half's side to an extent but at the same time if he's not willing to try to move on then maybe you leaving him is what he needed. I only began my journey when I met the perfect girl and utterly blew it. That is what made me realise I had to stop putting it off.

He needs to know it's important without feeling it's an attack, but just a "I need this, please do this, I'd appreciate this" sort of thing. If you can do that, and provide some wiggle room for compromise the rest …
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Addicted to masturbation by Rebecca Gooddock - Thu, 04 May 2017 06:31:52 EST ID:bpG5EuOk No.515973 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Seriously. I can't stop. I was able to quit smoking tobacco, quit eating meat, but I can't stop jerking it. I have a girlfriend and we have sex, but I know she wishes we'd have more sex (I'd say we average 2 times a week, been going out for 2 years), and I know we would if I didn't wank so much.

But I get so horny so easily. I can see the physical attraction in other women, and I often fantasize about fucking them. But I do not want to end my perfect relationship for random sex. So, jerking it is a good way to relieve some of this sexual energy. But I want to stop doing it so much, it just feels so unnatural. I woke up this morning at 7am, had a wank. Told myself that's it for the day. It's now 11.30am and I'm just after cleaning up a load - I saw a picture of a hot, fit girl and I just had to.

Help? Not going to sexual therapy.
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Frederick Fuckingway - Tue, 09 May 2017 14:19:56 EST ID:oCaB9mbm No.516104 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>515976

No. He is neglecting his girlfriend's needs in favour of his own fucking hand. The media told me once I had a boyfriend I'd be able to have sex whenever I want. You know why that is? BECAUSE GUYS ON TV DON'T MASTURBATE. How can I compete with EVERY WOMAN IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. I never get fucked. Jesus Christ.
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James Tillingwill - Fri, 12 May 2017 16:57:01 EST ID:KhFmfXot No.516164 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>515973
Then start on cheating her?
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babbs - Sat, 13 May 2017 05:15:09 EST ID:WliTwK8L No.516173 Ignore Report Quick Reply
if you can't avoid jerking off by thinking of how much better it will be if you cut it out so you can fuck your gf more, then you got problems. you should get dialectic behavioural therapy and learn how to program your mind.
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Simon Nicklewell - Sat, 13 May 2017 05:39:04 EST ID:zeAktjTF No.516174 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516104
Lol. If I had the option of regular sex I refrained from wanking. Once I didn't get to see my girlfriend for 8 days and I just forgot that and didn't wank because all I could think was I'd see her soon, I had a horrendous wet nightmare. So now I don't go more than 2 or 3 days without a wank but I'd make sure I was ready to go when I got to see her. That was only about 7 or 8 months into the relationship though. If your partner was super attentive initially then I'm not one to judge but if he's always been like this I'd say the following. This is not bourne of experience, it just seems like the rational way to approach it.

Consider if this is relationship ruining for you. If you are still happier with an inattentive boyfriend than without then you should probably still proceed with step 2 but you can't enforce it. If it's not a deal breaker or doesn't make you feel worse than being single then masturbate more when he continues doing the same. Just don't turn into him.

If it is not then accept it and wank more yourself. If it is then tell him that it is. Don't yell or be hyperbolic but make it clear you cannot continue like this and it hurts you.

Give him some time to act. Do not ultimatum but actually draw up a deadline for a display of effort and/or progress and stick to it. Leave him if he doesn't comply.

OP needs therapy though.
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Edward Clacklehure - Sat, 13 May 2017 05:41:35 EST ID:xERFfwJd No.516175 Ignore Report Quick Reply
if youre wanking to porn, cut that shit out, porn is fucked and youre only going to get worse if its impacting your sex life


Being comfortable with being a nothingmaster by Ebenezer Shakefield - Thu, 04 May 2017 16:01:11 EST ID:PV/Ctzte No.515993 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Life fell apart for me at a young age. Doctors said there was something wrong with me. Last one I saw in my late teens. He said I clearly had autism. So...anyway. I changed schools at around age 6, then again around 9, and again around 11, and finally, because of my emotional disturbances I clashed with my peer group and CPS was involved...I was forced into a youth mental health facility where one of my fellow patients attempted to molest me, and probably would have full on raped me if I hadn't fought back and screamed. I was taken out after I told my mom and an investigation occurred. I went to a different facility, a much better one. And another one after that....until I was 16. Then I came home for good. I didn't get to grow up. I didn't get to learn. I didn't get to form bonds. I never had a friend. I had "friends" but I didn't ever have a real friend. Everyone else my age, talks about their old friends from school and all these stories and histories and shit...and I have none of that. At all. I spend all day every day alone. I'm 26 and my mother supports me. Feeds me. Houses me. Clothes me. Pays for my medical bills, when they come up. I've been so depressed for so long. As a kid, I used to want to kill myself. People would fuck with me and I didn't know how to make them stop. I was never included, not until my late teens. And that was...false. Fake. It was all fake. I was playing a part. I kept myself guarded. I only trusted a handfull of people and they all betrayed me, so I stopped sharing myself with anyone at all...and closed myself off to the degree that I am today. I've had jobs. Then I got injured. I can't even wash dishes for longer than 20 minutes before I literally can not anymore. I have to stop and do yoga. I have a back injury and a neck/shoulder injury. Permanent and not fixable. I just...don't know how to do this thing called life. I've given up all hope. I'm in a very dark place. A sad place. Or at least I was. I feel like I'm in a numb place now. I've never felt so numb. I just feel dead inside. I laugh, I cry, I think...but late at night, or early in the morning, in the si…
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Hedda Brizzlestick - Fri, 05 May 2017 00:24:06 EST ID:E3hbJdjT No.516003 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Oooh....That's a lot of shit. And I thought my life was complicated.


You are actually anything but a nothingmaster. You've made it past a LOT of traumatic shit with your life and your wits. Whatever your method of helping yourself is, if it works then good for you and great for you for finding it. For you to die too soon is a waste of your experience when, there could be others going through what you are with a lot less. I'm gonna be blunt and honest. Here is my advise:

1: STOP talking about the things you missed, never did, or never had. Use what you have, do what you can, and learn while the lesson is there. I've been along a different path with similar scenery and, you can not change the past not matter how much you'll try to compensate for it in the present.

Decide how you want to spend your life and apply yourself towards it. Think about what you could do and would like to do, think about things outside the illness so you aren't "trapped in a box" of your own design. A good chunk of negative behavior really rises up from the inability to live past trauma. Use your unique past primarily as a wealth of knowledge to help yourself and others.


2: Study your health problem, as much as you can. No one is "unfixable" but some problems are just beyond reasonable reach of fixing. If no one else is offering to help you then, you'll need to carry through and only get as much help as you can get. You know yourself better than anyone, and are an asset to yourself. If you learn enough, you might get a career from the knowledge you have (And you know a-fucking-lot right now). At the least with enough concentrated effort you'll have enough of a handle on your body that you'll be able to do whatever you want without your health nagging you.


3: When it comes to other people; don't be so reactionary. You can learn from anyone you meet but it's also important to not reply so quickly at feelings or first reactions. Feelings not your thoughts, they just pop up faster than them (And there is theory to back this up but, i'm leaving you to look for it). I don't know if this error has hit you yet but; Don't look down on others that have it easier either. What looks desirable from an observer could be a nightmare in-person. Every person lives their life on their own terms, malace and mistakes happen. Guilt and pain are real, pop culture and the mainstream is just a reaction to it. Feel,
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Jack Bicklefield - Sat, 06 May 2017 11:03:02 EST ID:BjH9PGot No.516033 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Don't let or blame your fertile internet life when you paranoid-felt realize how hostile and anxious life can be. Use it. You're not awkward you are verbal and literate. However you are so that you see moments in conversation that tell you when not to talk. Secretly that's like being a bull in a China shop. It's time for you to take tea with your finer China regardless, formidable and finnesse.
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Molly Dillerbat - Wed, 10 May 2017 17:05:29 EST ID:SwxeG+Tj No.516126 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>515993
YOUR THOUGHTS ARE WHAT IS HURTING YOU. DISSOCIATE AND YOU WILL FEEL BETTER AND BY THAT i MEAN MEDITATE ON A DRIPPING FAUCET OR A CANDLE FLAME. hOLD YOUR ATTENTION ON IT AS LONG AS YOU CAN AND THEN DO IT AGAIN. iF YOU CAN DO IT FOR 60 SECONDS WILL PURE FOCUS OF ALL YOUR ATTENTION YOU WILL FIND PEACE FROM YOUR THOUGHTS. THAT PEACE WILL GATHER MOMENTUM UNTIL ONE DAY IT WILL HAVE AS MUCH MOMENTUM AS YOUR NEGATIVE SELF TALK PRESENTLY. cHECK OUT ECHART TOLLE.

aPART FROM DISSOCIAATION YOU CAN... WELL YOU WON'T GET THAT AT THIS POINT BUT MEDITATION CAN SOFTEN YOUR RESISTANCE ENOUGH THAT YOU WILL LEARN IT YOURSELF. IT'S ABOUT CONTROLLING YOUR ATTENTION AND GATHERING MOMENTUM. yOU CAN CREATE WHAT YOU WANT USING THIS.
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Anonymous - Wed, 10 May 2017 18:41:43 EST ID:f2T8gRu+ No.516127 Ignore Report Quick Reply
https://boards.420chan.org/other/res/129481.php help mehere
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Sophie Drandlepatch - Sat, 13 May 2017 04:49:39 EST ID:tldOIKN9 No.516169 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Man the fuck up and check yourself into a psychward. A lot of us here are or have been suicidal and depressed, afraid to be hurt, abused as a kid, emotional problems, bad self image, on SSRI, mental disorders, lonely, sad, hopeless, et al.
Truth is, complaining and thinking about how absolute shit your life is will not yield any change. Cut that self-pity out and see actual mental help.


What the Fuck Is Wrong With Me? by Jarvis Feddlegold - Wed, 10 May 2017 19:17:41 EST ID:DfxzjMLa No.516128 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I'm watching business news right now and as I was watching there was an Iraqi woman on television complaining that it was too dangerous for them to go outside and use the shitter. I couldn't help but laugh.

When I thought about why I shouldn't laugh at them. I couldn't help but laugh harder. I shouldn't laugh at those poor fucks.
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Nell Subbletot - Fri, 12 May 2017 02:04:03 EST ID:b1UFhFdv No.516149 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>516144

You have a problem with gettin' loud bro?

If this was nearby my house I'd be there in my station wagon.
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Cedric Mullystock - Fri, 12 May 2017 07:34:37 EST ID:gu/lq3ms No.516154 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>516134
that was real good john, it almost worked. maybe next time you can turn the thread into a gigantic shitheap of hate and bile

Anyway, OP, don't worry about it. Laughter is a coping mechanism like one guy already said. Beyond that, there's a world of difference between laughing at the absurdity of a situation and laughing at those people, you know what I mean?
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James Smallson - Fri, 12 May 2017 08:42:06 EST ID:omX2BDyl No.516156 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Nah, it's fine.
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Ernest Woshham - Fri, 12 May 2017 11:05:37 EST ID:A9q1Hg0s No.516158 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516149
Aw fuck yeah GETTIN LOUD! I picked a good time to visit /QQ/ instead of /other/

BWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAMP!!!!!!!!
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Shitting Condlehall - Fri, 12 May 2017 16:21:36 EST ID:13pkC2bm No.516161 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516149
I have NO PROBLEM with getting loud, especially when it's cars.


Where did I go wrong? by Thomas Seggleket - Sun, 07 May 2017 20:48:52 EST ID:u7ATIEle No.516064 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I was in a fwb situation, having lots of dirty raunchy sex with a single mom. I started to fall for her quickly she told me she liked me first because what I learned previously was to tell them you don't like them until you know they like you.

After that I felt pretty safe with having feels for her you know?

We kept fucking on a regular basis and I felt kind of uncomfortable about it as I knew where I wanted it to go. She seemed rather skeptical about it and wasn't really being honest with me when that was what I asked from her from the start so I wouldn't end up in another shitty deal with a fuck buddy where I caught feelings and she goes off and starts fucking someone else.

So she starts being distant after the last time we fuck. Making excusesas to why she couldn't talk or text me back. I told her straight uo that I wanted to know where we stood and what she was thinking. She pretty much told me then and there she didn't want to talk to me or hang out anymore.

I was upset and hurt I begged her to rethink her decision and talk to me about it but she wouldnt budge. I didn't understand where I went wrong and why this was happening to me again when I laid out my boundaries with her from the start.

I ended up speaking to her friend and while my fwb had been telling me that we would eventually start a relationship she told the friend that she didn't want it to last.

I wish that the friend would have told me this as she was told this early on into our sexual relationship and she had still been talking about dating me but it sounded like she wanted anything but that.

I guess I feel played and it hurts. I try to learn from these situations so they doNt happen again but I feel like I'm too wounded to move on after this one.
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Hedda Sibbertune - Tue, 09 May 2017 22:52:28 EST ID:AyQAwRmK No.516109 Ignore Report Quick Reply
OP, do not hook up with woman that have children. There is a reason why she is looking for relationship.
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Albert Derrydedging - Wed, 10 May 2017 04:37:15 EST ID:zPu+Cn1i No.516112 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516068
Do you think it's not a coincidence? It's also kinda normal to reminisce and if the memories are worth it, reconnect. Be friends, as in the set-up you guys had before? How do you feel about that?
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Polly Hirringwed - Fri, 12 May 2017 00:25:10 EST ID:ByXD3yKp No.516147 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516112
Should I keep my distance from her this time around but be her friend? I don't want to take the risk of getting hurt again.
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Nell Subbletot - Fri, 12 May 2017 02:07:34 EST ID:b1UFhFdv No.516150 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516147

You tell me. Do you think it's smart to get emotionally involved with someone who has rejected you in the past?

Chasing pussy is one thing, but don't chain yourself to an anchor that has already bailed once.
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Phyllis Cemmercocke - Fri, 12 May 2017 07:04:06 EST ID:bpG5EuOk No.516153 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>516150
This. Just move on OP, whatever that is, it's not going to go anywhere. Plenty more fish, etc. You'll be sweet. Now go.


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