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jdimsa by Jack Sushmon - Sun, 27 Aug 2017 00:23:55 EST ID:qzNA9/lB No.518369 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Hi, I've got a few little lot of things on which I would like to hear external insights, if you will.
I'm 19 years old and completly lost in life. I don't know what to do, every path seems either delusional or miserable. Everything in modern society causes me repulsion. I know this sounds edgy as fuck, I hope I could put it in better words, but please bare with me.
I don't really fit anywhere. I'm not schizoid but I usually avoid anything that requieres social interaction because I'm simply tired of it. I feel like I'm never in the same page as everyone else, there is a wall that blocks communication. I experience some sort of unavoideble instrospection trip several times in a day everyday and sometimes these end up becoming strong derealization. The only way social stuff seems "ok" is when there is alcohol involved. I don't really relate with my family and they, as pretty much everyone else, interpret my lack of focus on the present as if I was somehow looking down on them, which is not true, because regardless of my feelings of detachment I do love and care and respect my family and other people. I try to be nice and helpful to people by, just for example, picking up something someone dropped and handing it to them, or stuff like that, but I do not like to fake interest in stuff related to them simply because I don't like people being fake to me. Most of the stuff related to what is going on in people's life is related to the world that I fail to connect with.
All this garbage being said, I'm supposed to follow some kind of path or career, right? Well, I don't see the point. I don't want "succes". I don't understand why is life understood like some kind of goals-archiving-game. Is impossible to not see that is all a chasing the carrot on a stick sugar riddled cycle. Once you get and eat the carrot, once you reach your objective, the blindness in which you were bullshited in by culture becomes evident. Why is reaching objectives and archving goals stand as some inherently-sacred life method? How are people able to define objectives and goals without defining on which values the game should operate?
Everytime I start beliving I som…
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Frogman - Tue, 05 Sep 2017 16:30:58 EST ID:BkckucLk No.518613 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Coming from a diagnosed schizoid 23 years old
It sounds like you might be schizoid
A. The depersonalization
B. The emotionlessness
C. And feeling like the world is passing by

My best advice would be to find your own success and explore the world on your terms and not the worlds terms of success
Good luck dude
Wesley Handleford - Tue, 05 Sep 2017 16:58:35 EST ID:T2acLeMx No.518614 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Could also be depression and just depersonalising. But I'm not saying you're necessarily wrong either.

OP about career path. The way I see it your goal isn't an end point but just to be in a position where you can do something good every day. You don't eat the whole carrot, you plant the top and wait for another to grow and another. You eat carrots regularly. Success is just achieving what makes you happy, doing something you believe in and are proud of and ideally living off it. When other people impose a different standard it's usually their own version of success (or someone else's that they bought into) imposed on others under the assumption it's applicable. Success is worthwhile but only if you consider it to actually be a success.

Also the world isn't changing just your understanding. I personally am a bit of an existentialist. I don't think that's an absolute goal just relative values so that makes the above a bit easier to reconcile. People who are "living" either accept something like this or believe in an absolute value and truth and work towards that. In the end though everyone has just found a yardstick that works for them.

Also most people aren't as careless and happy as we seem. We project this outwards because negativity usually attracts negativity but the truth is most of us are reconciling the things we are happy with against all the things that make them miserable. Life is misery, but you can eke enough joy to make it worth living anyway. Most people are not carefree but instead just have to work fucking hard to ensure their joy outweighs their misery (which includes the misery of working hard sometimes) by a decent margin.

Maybe you've already considered and discounted these thoughts or presently lack the perspective to appreciate them or both, or maybe you never will have that, but I'm putting them there for you anyway.

I'm a virgin at 21 and it makes me suicidal by Rebecca Wusslesine - Sat, 02 Sep 2017 10:47:19 EST ID:VlXGR1pf No.518506 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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And it makes me feel as pathetic as it sounds.

I have been dealing with major issues with self-worth and insecurity for 5 years now.

When I was 16-17 I would self harm over the fact.

It really drives home the fact that I have no balls and no one really wants to spend an extended time with me.

This is the first time I've shared something like this. It's my biggest shame.

I feel like half a person, like someone that hasn't accomplished anything.

It's not even like I'm someone that desperately wants to be in a relationship, to depend on someone else for support.

All I want is validation that I'm someone that's worth spending time with.
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Priscilla Buzzridge - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 22:30:12 EST ID:16crph// No.518575 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I dunno m8. I think there is some kind of special kind of stupid for us nobodies. I got fit, cleaned up, wore nicer clothes, change my attitude and acted nice and shit, I did all the right things from having a decent car, to a job, to a small but okay house, etc. And even still, looking fit, wearing good clothes and having a decent haircut, women just ignored me. Same as ever before. For all the glitz, glamour, and charisma in the world, it was still all for naught. So I just quit worrying about it and did whatever I wanted to do pretty much. I'm still depressed as ever but not anymore about women or any shit. When family or associates tell me I need to get laid or chase puss, It just rolls off my back now instead of hitting home.

I think there is a certain level of social prowess developed during teenage years during and directly after puberty and those who miss the class are just fucked for life. I mean, I know dudes who are so fat they can't even find their dick and piss on their legs half the time who live in a trailer and look like hell smoking all day and getting drunk and angry. And they get new pussy every month and keep women around frequently. Yet I've never even gotten a date after all the work I've put in or even a fake phone number.

Just quit OP. You'll be better off in the long run when you give up. And don't get into doing all this shit just to get women, it is a waste of time and money. I sold the nice threads, weight lifting shit, downgraded to a cheap car, and just let my appearance be unkempt again. I would have rather put that money and effort into skills or the lottery. Better chances there tbh. Broken people do exist no matter what any self-help guru says.
Edwin Gongerbanks - Mon, 04 Sep 2017 12:22:06 EST ID:twMAaV8o No.518588 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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I think your attitude now is perfect. Honestly, I am 31 now and I don't know good guy who didn't end up meeting and marrying the love of his life. I see it with older guys I work with as well, the good ones find people, even if they aren't funny or charming or handsome or any of the things you associate with getting a partner on TV or when you're younger. So yeah, don't fret about it, if it happens it happens. If it doesn't, it's no great loss.
Rebecca Blythelock - Mon, 04 Sep 2017 13:03:55 EST ID:T2acLeMx No.518591 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I'd say go for the self improvement but only if that's going to benefit you. Build a good life for you.

When this thread was posted I was midway through having a mental breakdown from the complete collapse of my self esteem. Dating sites are just a place for well adjusted people with the skills we lack now. I'd be lying if I said I was a tonne better but I had a vent to a friend, at least the work I've put into that is worth it. I went to work and enjoyed my job so the work was worth it and I feel about as good as you can physically while saddled with depression so the taking care of my diet and exercise has been worth it.

I found out one of my friends has actually given up for real. She is a little big but she's pretty and she works out so she's not about to balloon, she's smart as fuck, owns her own house in the second most expensive city in the country, has passionate hobbies, is a great conversationalist, smart and yes I'd date her in an instant but she's given up and has been a few years. I think I don't meet her idea of a good guy and in her case she did meet a few guys who treated her like shit. I think she had this dumb idea of what she wanted and it was too focused, so she'd be ignoring great guys and then putting loads of energy into denying what pieces of shit she dated. Actually it was a double whammy because what she wanted was not conducted to the sort of person who'd actually appreciate her. She got used. it's kind of her fault but we all fuck up and make mistakes you know?

I'm not ready to do that but it made me think. There's women out there, good ones who have just done the same as us. I mean they got laid because they're not chasing women (though plenty of lesbians probably suffer the same shit as us) but they essentially feel unloved, not taken seriously as a person, undervalued, overlooked and there's not even anything actually wrong with many of them except their choices. Just maybe we should beat ourselves up a bit less about this anyway.
Hugh Pittfuck - Mon, 04 Sep 2017 16:16:20 EST ID:hSKTwMjR No.518594 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Get on tinder, dummy. Seriously. It's way easier to meet people when you put yourself somewhere where everyone else is specifically trying to meet people...somebody will take the bait, and if they don't, adjust your standards until you're casting a wide enough net. Also steal somebody else's girlfriend. The psychology at work in that situation makes it especially easy a lot of the time, and you'd be amazed how many dissatisfied women with lazy, stupid, ignorant and abusive boyfriends are out there waiting for you to swoop in and win them over. I've had a girl dump her bf and move across the fucking country for me, before. And it became a three year relationship where we lived together, eventually. It works.
Sidney Blythefield - Tue, 05 Sep 2017 15:34:27 EST ID:twMAaV8o No.518611 Ignore Report Quick Reply
lol weirdly, that's a good idea. If she is in a good relationship you won't be able to steal her anyway, so it's not REALLY wrong, is it?

No sex till they're broken up.

Afraid by Help - Sat, 02 Sep 2017 19:24:37 EST ID:CL/VT/Nm No.518519 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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My girlfriend of 6years (fiance) of the last. has just requested me to go spend two weeks with my friend. So she can decide if we can keep going.
Some back story for the bored forum reader.
I've been pretty clingy and have a habit of accusing her of cheating because I'm super insecure and the past few months she has been talking to a group of people in another room and avoiding me. And I've accused her of cheating before even though I know she never would. So I started doing things wouldn't normally do to help her out. To hopefully open up space for us time. But when I try she said I was too co-dependant and she needed space.
Witch made me feel like she was trying to get over me intirly.

And another big no no on my part I snooped through her phone and found out she's been talking to a guy for 3weeks that calls her baby and when confronted she got mad about personal space and told me he's been their to comfort her and to let her vent about me.

I've fucked this up...so bad...but I would do anything in the world to make it right please help me 6years of memorys are tearing me up please please please help me fix this.
12 posts and 5 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
Sophie Shittingdale - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 17:52:53 EST ID:Ikm6SAhz No.518557 Ignore Report Quick Reply

P.S. if I sound insensitive, it's because I am a male who has put himself in similar situations with significant females. It feels like the world is crashing down around you, like a compete and total nightmare, but it's actually just the reality of your personality setting in. nb
Martha Pucklewill - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 18:06:39 EST ID:LoDjme4P No.518561 Ignore Report Quick Reply
what this guy said, though im afraid you will have to live through this to learn as you will be just thinking about her much too much to truly work on yourself for the sake of yourself and not just to "get her back"
Clara Semmletit - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 18:32:33 EST ID:ia37Z8cL No.518564 Ignore Report Quick Reply
That's bullshit because the narrative that he's implying is it is impossible to have your masculinity intact AND be a good person at the same time. I'm not even trying to make this political (unlike the poster who posted the image and everyone who responded) but to suggest that people who are "intellectuals" or "left fags" or w/e are incapable of disagreeing with the bullshit on their political spectrum (which can never be truly defined anymore cause "muh postmodernism") and being real men who work hard labor or live a masculine life is not just fucked up and wrong, it's insane. Like present me the fucking litmus test of thinking the way you believe i should think so i can see if i'm a fucking stallion or not, even if i have never been the bitch like OP about my relationships, because i was under the impression i was my own person with my own life to reflect whether i'm a stallion or if i have self respect, but i guess i have to go up to my black coworker and bludgeon him to death with a 2x4 tmrw or i'll instantly lose my self respect and sexual prowess.
Eliza Snodlock - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 22:01:04 EST ID:FzwxKZsc No.518573 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Insecure much?

Being a beta faggot has nothing to do with political beliefs. Although they tend to be femenists and white apologists. I just think if you're okay with having your bitch banged by another stud then you're not a real man, probably a closet homo who wants to get closer to cock through his woman, though shes not really his if she's the town bicycle.
Matilda Semmlesotch - Mon, 04 Sep 2017 06:15:37 EST ID:ia37Z8cL No.518585 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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you completely missed the point of what i am saying. I'm not the one making this political, believe it or not there was once a time when stallion was just a pathetic fetish and nothing more, now its a cultural phenomena (which i admit some so called "feminists" and other neo-liberals online tried to embrace) used as a political slur. I find being a stallion pathetic and unattractive but also believe that encouraging more pollution and letting multi-billion dollar corporations control everything is fucking stupid and destructive for everyone at the same time. It's not that hard to understand

sorry another one by Nat - Mon, 04 Sep 2017 02:45:09 EST ID:n5oMJfqR No.518579 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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How do you cope with the fact that you'll never be as skilled at something as you like? For me, one is music. Due to chronic psychological and bodily ailments, I'll never be cut out for music school because it's more work than a full time job and they expect you to know A LOT going in. I didn't have the privilege to grow up playing a lot of music or have any musical instruction. I'm in the process of slowly teaching myself despite my disabilities and sometimes feel discouraged and like I'm making a fool out of myself. Tonight is one of those nights. I'm trying to find something I can do with my life besides collect disability checks and it's hard to accept music isn't it.
Emma Fanfoot - Mon, 04 Sep 2017 03:12:36 EST ID:CnqM0pw2 No.518581 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Even people that are very talented have people that are better than them. Keep on trying and you will improve, if you are unable to play your instrument of choice because of a disability, perhaps you could try making electronic music if you are able to use a computer well?

To be honest, making a career out of music is extremely difficult for the best musicians. If I were you I would continue pursuing music in free time while trying to find employment.

Companies can't refuse employment because of disabilities, I know the state or federal government does not hesitate to make arrangements for them. Maybe inquire through the organization that you are receiving disabilities from on what you can do?

There is nothing stopping you from progressing in music while employed doing something else.
Nat - Mon, 04 Sep 2017 03:43:43 EST ID:n5oMJfqR No.518582 Ignore Report Quick Reply

I do have speakers, an audio interface, and MIDI controller but not my computer tower. I had to ship my entire rig to myself because I moved recently and the tower hasn't showed up. My monitors got stolen but those are easy to replace. I'm worried I'll never see the tower again. I'm living back with my folks until I figure something out. They got my Ibanez from when I was 12 out of storage and have a piano downstairs. I've been teaching myself how to use those just to keep learning and feeding my musical mind.

I'm worried I won't have any time for music when I reach a point where I can handle employment because I only have so much energy. I'll still get in with DVR someday though. I want to do more than scrape by and be happy doing whatever I'm doing.

I'd be content to just have a goofy YouTube channel that I share with friends. Just as long as I get to put my work out there.
Nat - Mon, 04 Sep 2017 03:48:04 EST ID:n5oMJfqR No.518584 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I forgot to add I chose Ableton as my DAW.

It might be a while until I can get another computer. Any reassurance the tower hasn't just vanished would be appreciated. I hope no one at the little post office I used stole it.
Edwin Gongerbanks - Mon, 04 Sep 2017 12:27:18 EST ID:twMAaV8o No.518589 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Dude you can still build your life around music. Nothing can stop you enjoying it, so you can't be the jazz drummer in that movie with the bald guy, so what. We all enjoy music by people who aren't sublimely skilled.

You can get good enough, teach a class a day or whatever number the disability doesn't get in the way of. And compose!

So you won't be able to preform, fuck it. What about what's his face... the guy that wrote the theme from teh exorcist. He did every bit separately and then put it all together. The ability to do that makes space for all levels of energy, physical strength, and even skill.

heard the call by Molly Gegglestock - Sat, 02 Sep 2017 06:48:05 EST ID:nAl3weWg No.518498 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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>resent my life, think that culture is degenerate, and that all of my friends are pussy loser nerds
>isolate myself, work 60 hours a week doing back breaking labor in a factory, quit all drugs, only reward is beer on a saturday night and the occassionaly concert
>Quit playing magic and video games (except for halo) out of total loss of interest, give up anything relating to fantasy, think its all super lame when I was a huge nerd for years
>Start feeling differently "This is what its like to be a man, none of these fag college students know"
>debating joining the air force

Should I?
5 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
William Honeystock - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 17:22:40 EST ID:AADE9rIN No.518547 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Btw the culture is only going to seem more degenerate and petty after getting out. Maybe the fact i was dealing with death and shit played most into how me and army buddies saw things after getting out, but the entitlement, ignorance to the nature of the world in general, the lack of gratitude for anything whatsoever, and the sensitivity to shit was disgusting and more often than not just fueled the bitterness and inability to function in society.
William Pockspear - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 20:32:30 EST ID:hEbL5W/9 No.518567 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I know that feel, bro.
I joined the military at 25. I think it's a great decision. Just know you'll mostly be surrounded by dumbfuck 18-20 year olds. Many degenerates but they're better than college types. In my experience in the Navy, you'll find the inefficiency and waste annoying and you'll grow complacent and lazy while you "hurry up and wait". The military, in my experience, is not the hardcore get yelled at all the time strict life that it gets portrayed as. Especially not my corner of the Navy or what I've seen of the Air Force. Marines and Army are different since their main goal is to kill as opposed to be a small cog in a huge machine, ie US Navy ship or Air Force base. It's a lot of fun and you wont be alone so much any more. You'll find every type of person in the military and if you're the "moto" type, you'll find your friends. It's a different life from civilian but really not all that different. The military has been one of the most interesting experiences I've had. If you want to be a hardass, kill people, and go balls to the wall because fuck life, don't join the Air Force.

Marines, or any kind of special forces, SEAL, etc.
William Pockspear - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 20:42:01 EST ID:hEbL5W/9 No.518568 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Oh yeah, all the 18-20 year olds have never had a job in their entire life so they're oblivious as to how to work. That will definitely drive you crazy seeing as you have worked a real job before joining. This can push you ahead of the pack and maybe you'll rank up faster. It worked for me for the first 6 months, I was grade A hot shit without even trying. Now, I'm falling behind because they want me to do dumb shit that NOBODY believes in and nobody cares about except that you HAVE to check that box in order to be in good standing. This is just my corner of the Navy but I am DYING to do some actual work instead of doing online training and other bureaucratic bullshit all the time. It's honestly not that bad though. Cush as fuck, actually.
Priscilla Buzzridge - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 22:14:52 EST ID:16crph// No.518574 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Once you have that mindset of. "This is all petty as fuck. Who honestly can even muster a fuck to give?" The rest of your life will be all loner isolationism. It is hard to fit back into normal Western life if you really realize how small and insignificant everything is.

I'll also cross post something from /nra/. But this was for Army not Airforce. Coast Guard and Airforse are the only two branches to go into fam. Navy is well... ya no lel.

Step 1: Ur fukt m8.
Step 2: Join after college.
Step 3: Go into the Chairforce or Coast Guard.
Step 4: You have absolutely no rights. Enjoy being in Kindergarten as a grow adult.
Step 5: Work towards making rank, getting a good pension, and actually developing skills and useful shit you miserable piss ant.
Step 6: Get fucked over by the inner politics of the military.
Step 7: Get out with nothing but a pissly ass pension to show for it. Or get dishonorably discharged, or get court marshaled, or die in an accident, or get security clearances that make life after the military much harder, or get out and go straight to jail, or get out and have life limiting injuries, or get out and commit suicide, or get out live as a hobo. etc etc etc
Jarvis Mollywire - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 22:33:53 EST ID:yUhAjzvV No.518576 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>is not the hardcore get yelled at all the time strict life that it gets portrayed as
This is the dude who posted saying he was Airborne Infantry at Bragg, I was at a friends house on my phone before. Yeah, my experience was entirely made up of that. Shit was retarded

>or any kind of special forces, SEAL, etc.
Those aren't exactly a branch lol

I just want some fuck, he wants a relationship. by Reuben Crendlenutch - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 11:08:06 EST ID:3cAzZjOU No.518536 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I and a friend who are both bisexual are planning to get a place together. I want some fuck from him but he has it in his head that if he does someone with me that means we are a couple and should date.

I just feel like I couldn't be in a relationship with a guy. I want to fuck a guy, but not be romantic with one if that makes sense?

I keep trying to get this across to him but he doesn't seem to comprehend the idea of friends-with-benefits.

Anyone delt with this shit before?
Martha Chollershaw - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 17:02:37 EST ID:2cRqUGEL No.518545 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Ideally, don't fuck him. But we're all human and eh, when it comes to sex people are fucking idiots. If you already know he wants a relationship then fucking him and then getting his head all confused when you don't want to date is gonna make him pretty sad.

It seems like you've talked to him about possibly being fuck buddies and he doesn't like that idea. Either abandon him now and find someone else, or deal with a "clingy" person who clearly wants more and just toy with someone's emotions so you can stick your dick in him (or vice versa) and get a fleeting amount of pleasure from that. Chances are it'll end in tears that way
Sophie Murdstone - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 17:15:40 EST ID:omX2BDyl No.518546 Ignore Report Quick Reply
For many people sex creates emotional attachment. Maybe you're not gay enough for it to happen with a guy but it seems he is.
William Pockspear - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 20:47:56 EST ID:hEbL5W/9 No.518571 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>planning to get a place together
>wants to complicate things beforehand

Shiggy Diggy

How to deal with your dumb elderly parents by Jack Blackforth - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 15:57:10 EST ID:Ytvfly7k No.518540 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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The older I get the more I'm starting to realise that I have to look out for my dumb elderly parents instead of the other way around. The older they get the more stubborn and angry they get. I just had to break them up from fighting eachother, I literally had to shout at them like two toddlers bickering over arbitrary things. Me shouting at them was the only way to stop them. It's like roles have started to reverse over the past years, and I'm their parents now.

What the fuck, how do I deal with these people. I never would have imagined I would reach a point where I am more well-adjusted than they are, well not this soon at least. Fucking hell
William Honeystock - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 16:22:17 EST ID:AADE9rIN No.518543 Ignore Report Quick Reply
How old are they exactly?
Jack Blackforth - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 17:27:27 EST ID:Ytvfly7k No.518548 Ignore Report Quick Reply
65 and 72
Martha Pucklewill - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 17:56:42 EST ID:LoDjme4P No.518559 Ignore Report Quick Reply
a real lack of struggle and understanding of struggle, with alot of people today
not necasarily struggle financlical but i mean, physical struggle, spiritaul struggle, understanding that you have to overcome diffucult isues to really undedrstand the true potential of your mind and body

youi have to not only overcome struggles but you have to seek them out voulutarily, and what would you say.. exult in the faxt that they exist
and thats part of bearing the burden of being, its like being is a tragic state, human being is a tragic state, so you can shrink from that, but if you shrink from that the suffering incereases and intenseifes
and you become resentful and malovelent
the alternative is to move forward corageously, thats the dragon motif, thats the hero myth essentially and that is the pathway forward as far as im concerned
Edwin Gongerbanks - Mon, 04 Sep 2017 12:29:39 EST ID:twMAaV8o No.518590 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Get them to read some Gottman, that guy is great. it will help them fall in love again

I'm being watched by ducks - Mon, 07 Aug 2017 00:17:08 EST ID:4MLgr5WG No.517964 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I get the feeling people are watching me 24/7. When I leave the house I feel like people are laughing at me and planning to fuck with me. I feel like often people can hear my thoughts and laugh at them uncontrollably. It feels like they are omnipresent, like the Truman show or something, like they can see and hear everything about me all the time.

The impact of this is that I hardly leave the house because I become paralysed with fear. When I am able to leave the house I'm overwhelmed with unpredictable episodes of paranoia which makes me feel like I'm trapped in the moment right before a car crash and I can't get out. This feeling then lasts for days, sometimes months.

I am suicidaly depressed, and have been since I was a small child. I first attempted suicide before I was 10, and was told that it was just pure luck that I wasn't electrocuted to death. I've tried and failed multiple times since.

I have spoken to several doctors and 2 psychologists about this. I tell them I'm suicidal and depressed. I've tried a few antidepressants, but they were ineffective and only gave me side effects and withdrawals. I tell doctors about hearing voices talking indistinctly about hurting me, that I feel like people are watching me with malicious intent, that I'm terrified to leave the house. But they just ignore it and seem to pretend I never even said it. Only one doctor has acknowledged what I said and prescribed me seroquel which only gave me side effects and didn't lessen any of my symptoms.

Every once in a while the fog clears and I got back to being perfectly normal and functional. I can leave the house, I can talk clearly, I can stand in a crowded shopping center without feeling like I'm on the verge of a panic attack. This is usually fine at first, but after a couple of hours of this I just feel manic and make a ton of reckless and poor behaviors and feel like I've lost control. Eventually I crash and go back to feeling horrible, which is usually a relief because it means the high is over. The highs are usually worse than the lows.

My doctors have said I'm depressed, and traumatised from being sexually abused as a child every year at christmas (Every time I told my parents they told me to stop being a worthless lying shit of a kid). A few of my doctors have remarked that I may be bipolar and possibly have ptsd, but that is all they say.

I can drink or smoke or do drugs which occasionally relieves these symptoms for an hour or two. Every year at christmas I become completely overwhelmed for the ~3 months I have it rammed down my throat. Just thinking about xmas, let alone being around it fucks me right the fuck up. I lose my support network cause all my friends and family get mad that I'm not happy or excited about that cunt fucking holiday bullshit

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't know what to tell my doctors so they'll listen to me and help me. I'm getting worse and I just don't know what to do anymore. Deep down I know I don't truly want to kill myself, but most days it's the only bright light I can see. I'm lucky I still have a job and a partner, but I'm not getting any better and they're losing patience with me.
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ducks - Tue, 22 Aug 2017 10:07:42 EST ID:mS4PXs+m No.518255 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>My only question is if you have any odd beliefs that don't fit in cultural norms.
That's a vague question but essentially it could mean like deep in the rabbit hole with believing in magic/spirits. Taking astrology way to seriously, chakras etc...

yea definitely astrology. From my early teens through to my early 20s I read my horoscope every day cause mum made me. I believed that stuff for years before one day I woke up and didn't any more. It took a few years of not being force fed that stuff by mum anymore then it faded.

>>Your post makes it sound like this only happens when around other people, like when going out etc, so could it be a form of agoraphobia for you? For me it extends to being "alone" in my room also; I struggle to write notes on paper or on my PC incase someone in my room can see what I'm writing for example, is it the same for you?

Some examples I can think of are:
I won't watch a tv show cause "a friend told me he liked that show, but he doesn't really, he just was advertising that show so everyone can watch me watch it" so I won't watch it out of spite.
I won't write a lot of things down. I remember mum reading anything and everything I did, so writing something down feels to me like leaving an open time bomb out in the open begging to be discovered.
I can't even think what I would rate a day out of 10 in my mind without thinking that information becomes public domain if I do.
I get the same paranoid episodes when I'm home alone, but they never seem as bad cause I'm somewhere safe compared to being in public. It definitely happens just as much though. I'd take a week of delusions at home alone over a moment of delusions in public though.
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Phineas Cupperlock - Sat, 02 Sep 2017 03:24:40 EST ID:0vEffCGN No.518496 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Being targeted to make you lose your mind so that you can be turned out.
That's what they tried to do to me.....
Shits real brother. People get off mind fucking people.
Isabella Peshnatch - Sat, 02 Sep 2017 09:46:07 EST ID:twMAaV8o No.518504 Ignore Report Quick Reply
what is it about uncles? I am an only child but if i get knocked up my bf's brothers aren't being allowed alone in the room with the kids
ducks - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 09:53:02 EST ID:Vhgl+2Wo No.518531 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Pleased to be of service to you.


If my experience is anything to go by, don't worry - people like that will do anything they can to get their fix. all you can do is be alert but not alarmed I guess. At first my uncle would just watch me in the shower, and my parents told me he was just using the toilet and it was okay cause we're family. He started telling me if I kept complaining about him he'd kill my cat, my family, and then me. I listened to all of them cause I was just a kid. The terror of facing that threat every christmas, being told to get over it, messed me up. Now christmas makes me feel like me and everyone I know is going to die, and that if I say anything about how much it fucks me up it'll make it even worse.
Edwin Beshridge - Sun, 03 Sep 2017 10:58:58 EST ID:twMAaV8o No.518535 Ignore Report Quick Reply

at least with this being practically a meme people might think "i love my brother and all, but he could easily be sexually fucked up, so I won't let him on his own with my naked and vulnerable child."


stay strong!

how do i pay for rehab? by Nicholas Blobbleway - Sun, 27 Aug 2017 01:04:45 EST ID:n5oMJfqR No.518371 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I want to go to rehab but my dad said he doesn't have the money. Our insurance switches from his old job to new job in a number of months. I insisted we discuss it again when the insurance changes and we can check the cost and know for sure. I assume insurance from a federal job is pretty good. He thinks it will be thousands and it's just some "new age woo" place where they only do stuff like place hot stones on your back. I want *this* particular rehab because it's better than my last rehab where all we did was fill out packets and go to AA meetings. This one addresses the nuances of bipolar disorder, trauma, suicidality, etc

I need the help they offer.
I tried to kill myself not long ago.

I don't know how else I would pay for it. I'm not relevant enough for crowdfunding and don't want to make a spectacle of myself. I don't think they offer special grants for it either. It's not like applying for a college.

It's the Life Healing Center in Santa Fe.
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John Hassleridge - Sun, 27 Aug 2017 07:09:31 EST ID:ia37Z8cL No.518378 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>Life Healing Center in Santa Fe.
Isn't that the rehab Jesse goes to in Breaking Bad?
Thomas Chiddlesadge - Mon, 28 Aug 2017 04:27:29 EST ID:n5oMJfqR No.518402 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Yes, I do. Quite badly. My mom canceled my psychologist appointment. Off the top of my head, I'm not sure what contact information we are allowed to share here.
Lillian Tootcocke - Mon, 28 Aug 2017 04:34:04 EST ID:JKkiuuyh No.518403 Ignore Report Quick Reply
If it's got a psychologist it's clearly not "new age woo" whereas AA/NA is actual new age woo shit. Let god take control and er then that's it.

Addressing why you're an addict is essentially the key here. If you do have mental illness and you feel the need to take drugs then obviously your current treatment is inadequate though you also need to want to quit. So far I'm probably just repeating what you know though.

Maybe you could cut the middleman of rehab and just try to get the psych care you need as that's addressing the route. Your parents may be more open to that. It's not that just one place will help you as much as the things it offers are what you need so maybe there's other ways to get them.
Nell Sizzlebeck - Sat, 02 Sep 2017 05:35:21 EST ID:n5oMJfqR No.518497 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Update from OP:

Under current insurance, it's 1k instead of 35k and my dad said he is on board with it. The people at the regular doc's place are already working on a referral which will be sent out Tuesday. I thought I'd have to plead my case to a psychologist to get one.

Very high chances I will get in.
Isabella Peshnatch - Sat, 02 Sep 2017 09:57:40 EST ID:twMAaV8o No.518505 Ignore Report Quick Reply

apparently allen carr's book on giving up alcohol is good. His mental models aren't literally true but they literally help people to quit all the time.

Fuck by Shitting Navingstet - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 07:06:02 EST ID:b2C/SvL6 No.518421 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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It was the weekend, so I just stayed up all weekend long. Have college the next day. Try and stay up all night. Passed out around 4 in the morning. Missed my class.

On the bright side I got 14hours of sleep.
Fanny Banderpet - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 07:26:25 EST ID:jblbFE0M No.518422 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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you gotta take your studies more seriously dude
or just quit already and learn a trade
or keep at it I don't give a fuck, thanks for sharing
David Hesslestock - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 13:20:23 EST ID:vATdGl2v No.518423 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Consider sleeping, or adderall
David Clizzlelock - Fri, 01 Sep 2017 15:41:55 EST ID:+jM6aOPd No.518489 Ignore Report Quick Reply
If it was the first class you know damn well what you missed: The instructor doing attendance and reading out the syllabus followed by a 20 minute discussion on what plagiarism is and why you should avoid it.

Maybe they crossed your name out of the attendance list. Maybe they didn't.

Show up to your next class.
Jack Fellerped - Fri, 01 Sep 2017 21:22:24 EST ID:oR28Sm7a No.518491 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Hey. I failed out of college twice (different colleges, both full-ride scholarships) because I couldn't be even slightly responsible and spent all my time doing drugs and coasting.

It worked out for me in the end, but it could've really fucked my life over. Do it now man. Trust me. I wish I did. Just focus and commit for 4 years- once you're done, have your fun.

Good luck.

i eat too much by Hamilton Dibblegold - Thu, 31 Aug 2017 16:09:27 EST ID:jrBtOw2P No.518482 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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How to stop

How long until I become a fat
Molly Pupperlen - Thu, 31 Aug 2017 17:10:06 EST ID:T2acLeMx No.518483 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Every day you delay is, depending how much you over eat between half a day and a week more to lose weight.

It's easier to stop and bring your weight down before you get fat. Work out what you actually need to eat and only buy that. Don't buy snacks, don't buy things you can graze without a lot of prep. Don't buy lunch, make it. Fill up on vegetables that aren't super starchy. Skip processed carbs. And "I can't afford to eat good" is bullshit. Under educated people who haven't been taught to work shit out for themselves are more likely to be fat because they believe that shit.

Lastly do shit, Stop boredom eating.
Oliver Wengerhall - Thu, 31 Aug 2017 18:54:46 EST ID:6yal9B1C No.518484 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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If you snack a lot, buy vegetables instead of chips or whatever. Carrots and shit like that. You can eat just about as much of them as you want without making an impact on your weight. Fruits are obviously good too but because of the sugar and everything else you can't just shovel them into your mouth with no repercussions like vegetables.
Phyllis Snodman - Thu, 31 Aug 2017 23:31:55 EST ID:nNpfh3Yl No.518486 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Look OP I lost 30lbs last year, because I realized I had hit the upper end of "healthy BMI range."

What worked for me only worked because of the city I lived in. I sold my car and walked everywhere. Also I was poor so I only ate wild fish and snails for three months.

When I got more income I started eating one subway sandwich divided throughout the day.

It saved my body dude.

If you have the opportunity to eat you probably will. I know that animal nature in us that doesn't give a fuck. If nothing else you can just take Keaton and mescaline enough to feel nauseous all day every day. Nobody likes to eat when they're feeling that weird.
Isabella Peshnatch - Sat, 02 Sep 2017 15:04:00 EST ID:twMAaV8o No.518513 Ignore Report Quick Reply
i used to have tits like that AND I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE HOW NICE THEY WERE

I should have taken loads of pictures that I could now sell because no one would even recognise me

fucking gravity

How to deal with Herpes by Nell Grimstock - Sun, 27 Aug 2017 21:48:31 EST ID:8ZGXI+3c No.518394 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Hello, I have 3 questions about herpes:

1.) My gf has herpes on the pussy. Only had 1 outbreak in the past 8 months. She recently got an IUD. I want to bareback that shit and creampie her. How do you guys handle this if your girl has it? If she's clear and no sores do you go for it?

2.) I gave her the herpes. I have cold sores and ate her pussy and she got the herps. Im sorry it happened. That said I played with an ex for over 10 years and just did not have any contact when I had a cold sore and nothing ever happened. Anyone in the situation where you gave a girl herpes like this, but then have to inspect her pussy before sex or wear condoms so that you dont get heps on your dick after you already gave it her on her pussy? I think this would annoy most girls.

3.) If you have cold sores ONLY, do you tell a girl that you have cold sores if they ask if you have STDs? It's not even on a sexual part.

Any input would be appreciated, thanks. Also let me know if you have cold sores/herpes/or a girl who has either. I want to know specifically how you navigate this stuff and how it turns out.
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Alice Dartcocke - Mon, 28 Aug 2017 16:08:30 EST ID:AyQAwRmK No.518409 Ignore Report Quick Reply
haha, this fucking guy..
Shitting Brazzlelerk - Tue, 29 Aug 2017 05:46:17 EST ID:VuW7ooTC No.518418 Ignore Report Quick Reply
You know they say that mouth herpes is more harmful than genital herpes because when your mouth breaks out everybody knows how filthy you are whereas she can just show anyone her junk.
Ebenezer Blunderfuck - Wed, 30 Aug 2017 23:12:31 EST ID:8ZGXI+3c No.518474 Ignore Report Quick Reply
OP here.

Overall I agree. I save my sick days for when I have an outbreak on my mouth. That said, I'm glad I can tell people I don't any STDs.
Ian Trotwill - Thu, 31 Aug 2017 12:01:32 EST ID:twMAaV8o No.518479 Ignore Report Quick Reply

you got a blood brain barrier in your body meaning the infection you have now is only in your mouth and can't ever get to your crotch you put it there by having sex with someone who has on their crotch. Seeing as how you did this to her it seems fair, go for it.

90% of people have mouth herpes and don't know it, you get cold sore outbreaks because YOUR NUTRITION IS SHIT, EAT PROPERLY and stop stressing
Molly Pupperlen - Thu, 31 Aug 2017 13:06:57 EST ID:T2acLeMx No.518480 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Shit nutrition, stress or lack of sleep or even taking the wrong medication.

Also a lot of "cold sores" are canker sores which are unrelated, not contagious and different but also suck. Make sure you know which is which and be certain.

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