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Brother extremely depressed. No longer sure what to do. by Martha Pitthall - Sat, 22 Dec 2018 16:57:31 EST ID:Q0MVehNl No.528315 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Well, I don't really know where to start with this.

When I was 17/18 I went through pretty severe depression for about 4/5 years but I always hid it from my brother and my parents. I didn't want them to worry. It got pretty dark, but eventually I pulled myself out of the hole and I am now in a place where I am quite happy in myself and my own life.

Right around this time, my once confident brother started to decline like I did. I'd say he's been declining for about 3 years and now he's at his lowest point.
He used to be very full of himself, maybe a bit arrogant, but i'd rather have it that way than the way it is now. He's miserable all the time. He has anger issues and will lash out when he's triggered by things. He cannot deal with ANYTHING that has some sort of skill level attached. He's trying to learn guitar, but gets frustrated when he's practising and will scream and shout and smash things when he has trouble. Same goes for any video game, or anything like that.

For a while he didn't have a job so he'd just sit at my parents home all day and not do much. We eventually convinced him to get an office job. It's not great and the pay isn't great but its something. Obviously he hates it.

So I decided to take action. I started calling him everyday after work. I took him to a doctor, and paid for him to have therapy. I speak to him whenever he needs me.
Nothing has worked. He's worse as ever. Therapy has made no difference, albeit its only been about 4/5 weeks so far.

I constantly get text messages from him just telling me he's going to kill himself. He rings me and I answer the phone to talk to him, and he just tells me he wants to die, or he's miserable. If I dont pick up the phone as soon as he calls (because im busy) he says things like "Maybe next time you dont answer my call, I wont be alive".

I no longer live at home with him so I can only communicate over the phone mostly. Because of this, life gets very hard when he screams at me down the phone about how much he wants to die and I can't do anything but listen. :(
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Molly Cupperstidge - Sat, 22 Dec 2018 17:27:02 EST ID:UIEZ/mgw No.528317 Ignore Report Quick Reply
sorry you have to deal with this, it can be very emotionally draining. but if hes doing that whole guilting you that itll be the last time you speak to eachother thing, its probably more that he needs someone to talk to and garner attention from than actually wanting to die.

theres only so much you can do to help a person, they need to help themselves at one point or another. I know you dont want to lose your brother but you have to think about your own mental state as well.
Edwin Chibberpit - Sat, 22 Dec 2018 18:05:58 EST ID:bqlidi7o No.528318 Ignore Report Quick Reply
have you tried conventional meds?

also i had a bunch of parasites that i got rid of. seriously, like 6 or 7. it helped when i finally treated it. when i woke up in the morning the first thing i felt was despair. it's less so now, but i've had years and years of getting high and staying up all night so it was only part of the problem. i am incredibly scared of facing the day and doing productive things with my time. i've been ignoring the shit out of the relatively mundane while looking at these dostoevsky underground man ideals.. point being, for me, i need to focus on the rudiments of life. getting enough and regular sleep, not doing certain things that suck up all my time, eating well etc etc. does he do all that?

have you tried any alternative health stuff? here's a few, google, get a feel for what's up and maybe suggest to your brother maybe.
meditation, eft, regular bedtime, abstain from drugs..
sometimes gluten and dairy triggers inflammation which fucks with our ability to produce serotonin, as 95% of it is produced in the gut. things like this

look at this, maybe try something like this

my experience with this sort of thing is that he feels like he's locked out of anything good of life. hitting the same walls for years is incredibly demoralizing. i always felt, and feel tired as shit when i try to learn something. tired all the time, despairing because i'm tired, i see people moving forward and i cant get out of bed. sometimes it's something specific like a divorce or whatever, but for me it's definitely a deficiency in brain chemicals.
regarding the ideals, it was a compensatory thing that i had to be some god in order to make this worth it, but i wasnt. or rather, only when i was high. so i pretty much delayed or hated the shit out of myself such that i hoped i would commit suicide. it doesn't have to be like that. things don't just happen like this, you gotta build up to it. plant the seeds and nurture them etc etc
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' God !!vVWR8L52 - Mon, 24 Dec 2018 20:33:59 EST ID:hQScIyLB No.528343 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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If by trying to help him you imply between the line that there is something wrong with him being depressed you are only putting more fuel to the fire.

On top of that you are communicating to him that you feel it is your responsibility to make is life work of which he gladly rids himself, but that makes him even more dependent on the outside circumstances which is probably one of the biggest problems any of us have.

the girl on a loop by Lydia Nenninggold - Wed, 19 Dec 2018 06:08:49 EST ID:rfAl7IY1 No.528227 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I've talked about this before here, but I kinda just need to get it off my chest.
I got a massive crush for a coworker. I know I fucked up. I didn't want to, I tried not to, but it happened anyway, as luck would have it.
Everything about her just pulls me in. The way she talked to me and smiled. Her energy, her whole life, I desperately wanted her madness into mine. I'm a boring fuck and I wanted that. I need that in my life. the first time we had our office-going-out thing and I walked her home, piss drunk. Something about it. The moments we had. I wanted more of that. I know I'm not thinking straight. Maybe im greedy to have that slice of life into mine.
At some point, we started to actually hangout. We connected a bit I guess. We started talking more and more(maybe that was where i fucked up). We stood by the sea with a bottle of wine, talking about shit. We both lied down in bed high as fuck watching Fear and Loathing(i know guys. i know). I felt her eyes all the time and she felt mine. It was intimate, to me anyway.
At some point we both had flights coming in and out. I knew it would be weeks before i saw her again and I needed to see her.
Met her at a bus stop. She asked me why, knowing that I had an early flight, I would go out of my way to make this happen, to be there for her.
And I just straight up said it. I liked her. And made my move.
It didn't workout. I was too fortunate to have been let down like a feather I guess. Went on about how she's not looking for a relationship. How, she likes me a lot - but. Heard this before. All it means is, i'm not the one? We sat on that bench for hours still. And neither of us wanted to go. If that sounds confusing, then you're quite right.
She's worried this might be weird around work. I reassured her it wouldn't. If it is, i guess i'll just quit. It was already "weird" at work for me anyway.
And now i'm on holidays back home, and I don't know what to do. I just know I'll never meet anyone like her. Or at least I don't know where to look.
How do you meet someone who's had an exciting life hitchiking through the world and been through all walks of life, just taking it al…
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Jenny Shittingford - Thu, 20 Dec 2018 13:12:30 EST ID:rfAl7IY1 No.528260 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>You idealize a life you've never experienced before because it is the polar opposite of your current life.

You're not wrong, but here's what I have to ask you: Would anyone on that same polar oposite idealize my life?
I find that highly unlikely.
I'll make a short summary:
I have a 9-5 to job. Get drunk. Go to bars. Get drunker. Sleep.
And i go back to it. There you go. Nothing really interesting to say, nothing really interesting to do. Sure, I mean, I like to write, i like to draw. So what. What's that. Noone cares. I don't. I'm surprised I focused myself enough to write this down.

I need to find myself somehow. You know any other way? Let me know.

> friends building their lives up while you stagnate
It's already pretty stagnant. I can see it. I get a better paying job. I get a nicer room. Maybe a flat. I buy more stuff. And ok, now what?
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Jack Gidgeford - Thu, 20 Dec 2018 14:13:26 EST ID:jnas4L6T No.528262 Ignore Report Quick Reply
OP I can relate so hard. I have had angels come into my life who made my soul vibrate with warmth and happiness only for them to leave again just as quickly. The lesson here for you and me is you need to generate that happiness all by yourself. Only then will the angel stay next time.
Ernest Cucklestot - Thu, 20 Dec 2018 15:06:18 EST ID:yDKihQN5 No.528263 Ignore Report Quick Reply

>"I need to find myself somehow. You know any other way?"

I do not understand how travelling helps people find themselves. I see it as a total release of pressure to be you rather than a forging of character. Being in a transient, experience seeking state fueled mostly by moment to moment impulsive decisions and keeping company with others who are the same. It's temporary and a very consumerist/hedonistic take on how to really connect with yourself.

I've found many of the traveler types to be a bit kinda aimless. I work with quite a lot of them in my hospitality catering/bar job. They do 6 months grind and take a 6 month abroad. Rinse and repeat. Who are they outside of travelling? Nothing particular. I'm cool with how they wanna get down, but I don't feel like I can connect with it. The allure of an eternally transient state, never calling anywhere home and having nothing particular to do just doesn't make sense to me as a lifestyle.

I do not argue that you need to do something about your situation, the trajectory of this behaviour long term doesn't look good. Nor do I argue the benefits of taking 6 months out to travel. It's just that I don't feel that it's the solution to the sort of existential problem you are faced with. Sure, it gives you time to "think" - but I can think anywhere as long as I give myself the space to do so.

As Truman Capote once said "You call yourself a free spirit, a “wild thing,” and you’re terrified somebody’s gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it’s not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It’s wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself"

I appreciate the malaise of the 9-5 life and see it in many friends. Their lives do get stale. It's not for me to tell you what to do, but I would suggest you consider taking some time off and really assessing your life. Perhaps you should take a month out and see a new place. Do a dummy run. IDK.

It seems like you just got caught up with a girl who had no intention of sticking around bcuz lifestyle, so now yo…
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Clara Moblingforth - Fri, 21 Dec 2018 10:02:51 EST ID:K1RNjacv No.528286 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>I do not understand how travelling helps people find themselves
>Perhaps you should take a month out and see a new place.
traveling is great for finding new perspectives of life
Ernest Duckville - Sun, 23 Dec 2018 23:51:24 EST ID:YkQrtTK4 No.528337 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Travelling is a tool like any other but I believe >>528263 is also saying something very important here. Travel without a direction works for some but most need a general idea of what they want to get out of it or they just end up wandering forever.

Better yet, build something worth coming back to so you don't end up searching for an ideal that doesn't exist out in the world imo. You can always travel or take a sabbatical when you need it that way, and you don't have the looming fear of uncertainty or not belonging in the back of your mind as much.

Take it as an opportunity to better yourself OP. Maybe what you want is a thrill or excitement that makes you feel alive. Buy a motorcycle or take up an active hobby. Better to get that somewhere else , that way you don't get into the situation where you rely on an individual for that same feeling because that's a recipe for disaster.

If it's just a bruised ego it will recover with time. SLAYER your way.

Racoon eyes by Phyllis Semmlechedge - Fri, 21 Dec 2018 11:14:46 EST ID:tk7XJ5T6 No.528287 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Comment Hey friends. I'm not a very social person. I do not have good social skills, but I think I've upped my game during the last few years. I'll give it to you straight, I have this anxiety, when I'm around lots of people. I've never noticed this until I started smoking during the daytime and until i started to be somewhere with people. What happens is, when I hear the voices of all the people, I think I audio hallucinate conversations about me. Im living abroad studying. This has happened all of the times i smoked a joint and went to the cafeteria to eat. One time when i was sitting at the bus, I was hearing two girls 'making remarks' about me, it was as if they were commenting on my thoughts, this made me reply to these thoughts in my mind and it was like a whole
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James Blatherford - Sat, 22 Dec 2018 22:48:49 EST ID:yDKihQN5 No.528324 Ignore Report Quick Reply

First thing

You do not have good genetic level mental health disposition if you do suffer from this. Me saying it is anxiety and not schizophrenia, or indicative of schizophrenia tbc doesn’t mean you absolved of other potential outcomes. This is one of the more severe manifestations of anxiety, much like depression can lead to extremes of mind.

It is a pretty big red flare in the sky. I’ve had exactly what you describe, coming from a relatively similar personality background. Up to a point.

I’ve been sectioned twice at 19 and 24. Psychosis is not fun. A lot of the initial dominos were behaviours like yours, except on steroids. When your initial dispotion to hallucination is like ours, it’s like having a pool of petrol to sit in while you smoke.

I’m an idiot that didn’t stop smoking weed. I’d say it was a catalyst rather than a main ingredient. We do not know the long term effects of weed use the way our society has consumed. I still smoke weed but I have strengthened my mental disposition and behaviour in order to remain more balanced and live a healthier life that is safer for me.

Smoking less per dose helps a lot to calm this down. We are actually pretty sensitive to the mental effects of weed compared to normie who don’t process reality like us. Also with our disposition to over thinking and analysis, once we do begin to commit to reframing our perspective and filtering out glitchy mental behaviour, it generally doesn’t stop.

I don’t think you have to run away screaming at the idea of weed. But if you aren’t super into it, it’s probably easier and more beneficial to stop. It did take my years to really make it stop. Next time it happens, or if you can induce it, take out your laptop and begin typing it all out. Remain awareness of being an observer of it, reflect on it, analyse it, challenge its reality.
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James Blatherford - Sat, 22 Dec 2018 22:52:39 EST ID:yDKihQN5 No.528325 Ignore Report Quick Reply

To clarify though. I am basically bi polar and the psychotic episodes occurred at points of extremes in life stress. My levels of energy are like a rollercoaster that occasionally becomes a fucking angry bird and just gets thrown into the sky to inevitably crash horribly. Somehow I always respawn though which is useful.
Oliver Clayman - Sat, 22 Dec 2018 23:17:11 EST ID:u9jEerkj No.528326 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Dont trust your instincts that hard man.

I've smoked spice out of my asshole before and I used to hear my neighbors talking about me. Except there was no fucking way that I could make out what they were saying clearly and even though my neighbors were close they wouldn't be talking about me because we were no longer entwined in each others lived on a daily basis. At a party I would confront my friends like wtf you are talking shit about me. Fuckers are like whaaaaat you tripping. And those fuckers can't lie that good.

So it's like this. You're not that important. It is way more likely that the hallucinogen and your anxiety are teaming up to make it seem like everyone is talking about and laughing at you, than it is that everyone is talking and laughing at you.

Maybe some are. What does that mean? For a moment you drew the attention of a couple of assholes. What was the outcome? Jack shit. Nothing happens.

Most likely it is a combination of the two. 10% of the people you think are hanging shit on you probably are. So what? You cant fucking tell the difference between reality and your own ego making everything about you. There is no downside to this problem. It is imaginary. The assholes dont do anything. They never actually impact your life.

I've lived this man. If people snicker it means nothing. They have nothing on you man. I've had cunts pull guns on me and start fights with me. It means nothing. It is just scary and you wonder if its your fault. But you survive. And you thrive. You can get through this.
Phyllis Semmlechedge - Sun, 23 Dec 2018 05:37:33 EST ID:tk7XJ5T6 No.528327 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I agree, weed is not the problem here. A catalyst rather than the main ingredient, I like your take on this. The problem is with me. I wont lose focus on that. I really believe I can make some progress by taking a break. When I feel like I'm ready, I'll try a lower dosage and see what happens. I'll try those tips you've mentioned. Its great that you've found your way anon and, even though your experiences are much more extreme than mine, I really appreciate the wisdom.

Right on man right on. I know you're right, my ego is to be blamed too. Thing is, even when I am aware of this, I still succumb to a weaker and much more fragile state in those situations. I've got to give it a break but next time I'm totally going with that mood.
Eugene Blellerchire - Sun, 23 Dec 2018 17:55:24 EST ID:gwsllZPd No.528333 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Yo, Raccoon-Eyes... why you got raccoon-eyes, Raccoon-Eyes?

Why you so anti-social, Raccoon-Eyes? How'd that happen?

Who's thinking your thoughts, Raccoon-Eyes?

Who givin' out the raccoon-eyes, anyway?

Wassup wit dat?


New Years by John Pollywine - Fri, 21 Dec 2018 13:07:49 EST ID:4sI1DvOL No.528291 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Confused as to what I should do New Years. Here are my options.

Go to the casino hotel and get hookers
>hotel room $150
>2 hookers $160
>cocaine and Hennessy $100
>95% chance of getting laid

Go to big edm event and try to pick up chicks
>5000-7000 people
>slightly higher chance of stds
>10-20% chance of getting laid, I’m terrible with women
>$110 admission, $50 Uber their and back, $20 on ecstasy pill, $30-40 on booze
>could easily find after party which would increase my chances of getting laid
>could see some unwanted visitors, people I owe money to etc
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Clara Moblingforth - Fri, 21 Dec 2018 13:36:24 EST ID:K1RNjacv No.528292 Ignore Report Quick Reply
all 3 sound really sad, get some friends
just buy the hookers if you want to fuck so bad
i'd personally go to the festival just cus i like big crowds and MDMA
Fanny Brinkinbatch - Fri, 21 Dec 2018 20:28:40 EST ID:Z03i7sxH No.528298 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Do what you want bud. Dont be afraid.
Reuben Harringman - Sat, 22 Dec 2018 07:48:34 EST ID:rKFiNm2Q No.528309 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Yeah I mean if all OP values in life is getting laid just go with the hookers. He sounds like a bit of a shit to be honest. Getting into fights, being afraid of paying people back money and stuff. but then I am old and boring and relatively responsible now

The EDM festival sounds like actual fun if you like EDM though. Assuming you're going with friends. Go, roll and dance and have a whale of a time and maybe get laid.

If you're just alone looking to get laid then hookers this year and make friends and do shit with them. I'm going to a lame houseparty because we're all over 30 now and I'm excited. I'm going to have 10/10 company and lots of booze in a comfy setting. Like 0.1% chance of getting laid I don't think any single women are going except a lesbian, and she's hotter than me but I'd take it anything which doesn't include at least a couple of good friends it sounds like 75-90% of my closest friends will be at this party, a decent setting and a guaranteed nut at the end you know?

But new year's an event defined by something arbitrary and human. If you're going to do it in a vacuum of other people why bother? Why not stay in and do the same shit on a cheaper night? The casino hotel will be a lot cheaper in a week's time.
Priscilla Munnergold - Sat, 22 Dec 2018 10:20:19 EST ID:s0Qo4hJm No.528310 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I'd say go to the EDM festival, if you don't get laid you'll see have a lot of fun
If you don't get laid you can fuck a hooker afterwards anyway

ace + het ? by George Gonkinhall - Fri, 21 Dec 2018 18:31:12 EST ID:nrs1TIWF No.528296 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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im asexual and living with a hetero with a noticeable libido. ive been in this relationship for seven years. our dog is ten years old. i think we're waiting for the dog to die so we can break up. deep down i think we both know this is not the best relationship for either of us. we can both do better for ourselves and feel better in return. it feels weird being around you now and i dont now why or how to change it, but im trying to change it. so we're waiting for our 10yr terrier to die and then we can split. I hope it'll be that easy when it happens. I love this guy but never want to have sex ever again with any one. i don't care if he did it with one other person, and that could work until the dog dies. but then what? I'd probably want to leave. he doesnt want me to leave, but he'd accept it without pestering. i dont know what else to write. we had a very awkward moment this morning. we both know we both have mental issues. he didn't realize i was such an addict, and i didn't realize he was such a manchild. we both give zero fucks until things start to collapse and appear. I don't know why I'm posting this. maybe someone has similar experiences to share or advice. I feel lonely sometimes.
Rebecca Burringstone - Fri, 21 Dec 2018 22:02:21 EST ID:yDKihQN5 No.528301 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Doesn't sound like a happy situation. I have no idea what to say specifically, other than to reflect, assess and decide. You have a future, he has a future, but whether the two of you together does is an entirely different thing.

It kinda sounds like a relationship which got complacent and died. Yano, you have had your grass is greener moment and now it's just like sludge which you can't be fucked to clean up.

I ngl, I feel for the guy. 7 years is a long time without sex whilst in a relationship. Fuck knows what fucked up mental maths he has had to run in order to keep this ship afloat as long as it has without any mass shootings.
Ben Cartwright - Sat, 22 Dec 2018 00:02:11 EST ID:hBEhmcBg No.528302 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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If you're truly asexual, and I'm not doubting that you aren't, but do you think it might be because of the drugs you are using? It doesn't matter any way I guess, you do you and as I said, I'm sure this is something you have thought about for a long time. Just thought I'd ask.

Anyway. It sounds super shit, I'm sorry that you are both going through a hard time, but why go through all of this just because the dog isn't dead? Your terrier will probably be fine with living with just one of you, or maybe spending one week there and one week here? Even so, I'm sure it's reason enough to hesitate because you both have feelings for each other.

But if you can't see a way to make it work, it won't work. He has needs that you can't fulfill, and you have a need that he can't fulfill (which I assume is practicing chastity). And I don't think it's unfair that you don't want him to have sex with other people, I totally get that, but as you've pointed out, seven years without sex when you sleep right next to someone you love your balls will probably get blue as Neptun. I'm sure there is someone out there for both of you, and while it won't be easy, it will probably be easier in time.

As Liv Ullman once said: It's better to wake up alone and know that you are alone, than to wake up beside someone and still feel lonely.

I don't know what I'm writing or why I'm writing it either, just thought I'd chime in some of my thoughts and say that I understand that you feel lonely, and sad, and it's okay to feel lonely and sad, and you're free to hash out whatever you want with us.
Graham Honeyhood - Sat, 22 Dec 2018 05:42:02 EST ID:nrs1TIWF No.528307 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>It kinda sounds like a relationship which got complacent and died. Yano, you have had your grass is greener moment and now it's just like sludge which you can't be fucked to clean up.

That might be it. From the start, the relationship moved very slowly. It feels like we got stuck in the sludge.

>I don't think it's unfair that you don't want him to have sex with other people.

sorry the wording is confusing. I don't care if he has sex with someone else outside of our home. That'd probably be good for him, but I'm not sure he would be open to the idea. He said he was addicted to masturbating before (but didn't specify the time period in his life that it was). He doesn't want sex just to get his nuts off; he needs the emotional connection that I can't give during the activity. He feels bad if we do it and I'm not into it because he wants each time to be meaningful and romantic. I don't want to fake it, but either way he gets discouraged and frustrated at himself because he thinks hes not pleasing me. He doesn't realize all the other ways he can please me. like keeping me company when I go out or saying yes when I ask him to try something new. He'd rather not do things in the real world unless its necessary, and it's nice to have stability and security like that. But he also has no real world hobbies, so our interaction is limited and unfocused.

yeah i feel bad for his balls. I want to leave because he deserves better, but he wants me to stay. Maybe he thinks it's a phase or i'll change since I had libido the first couple couple years. Maybe it is the drugs, but I don't want to quit drugs. He usually comes on to me when I'm on dissociatives. I have been getting more recluse over the years. I can't blame him for my actions.

We both love the dog too much and couldn't leave him, so any big changes must wait until the dog dies. The dog has problems that would drastically get worse if we lived separately. We both feel morally bound to give him the best life possible. We should live together for as long as we have the dog.

I feel stuck in a relationship that I want out of. I can't leave now because the dog's well-being will decline, because we're both depressed and have suicidal pasts, because it's been this long already, because of the fake engagement which shouldn't be a big deal, because he doesn't know I want to move on, because we'd still have to be coworkers, because our extended families have become friends, there's always excuses. I have not had to seriously bluntly break up with someone. My first relationship dissolved away, and i was dumped by the other.
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is ethical non-monogamy actually a thing? by Jarvis Shakeham - Tue, 30 Oct 2018 16:04:40 EST ID:OhXZg5XK No.527501 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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because yeah, i get all the theory. everything looks good enough on paper. but in practice i have only seen it fuck up peoples lives/ relationships.
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Simon Penderpedge - Tue, 18 Dec 2018 23:44:56 EST ID:hBEhmcBg No.528222 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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That's what I was thinking, primarily. She's entering into a marriage, maybe that's scary to her and he's been in a marriage for a little while and maybe the sex isn't roman orgy-level any longer. I don't know.

Maybe I'm inherently bad at romance or maybe it's a more classical outlook, but I just don't by the "we shared a couple of beers and found out that we really love each other more than anything"-thing. But as you said, maybe it's fucking love but man, but I think your first assessment is waayy more plausible, even tho it can be incredibly hard to see this clearly for a POV perspective.

Sorry OP, if you're still reading this and not in a hotel banging your buddy's wife!

Last time I was really in love with someone, she used me to get back at her boyfriend who cheated on her, sent me a picture of her in the hospital after she tried to kill herself the next day and never spoke to me again. I don't really blame her, at least I know on a cognitive level that she wasn't out to hurt me, it just really fucking broke me in a way. The one before that ended up just fucking my roommate in the room next doors, which really sucked as well. But those are just situations in the late tho, and situations like this happen in life and I've accepted that. Why they had such a profound effect on me I don't know. I know self-esteem and hardcore jealousy is at the core of it, but, where THAT stems from is probably something a professional should drool over.

If I wanted to analyze the "data" in a good manner in dating or whatever, how should I go about doing that? Do you have any tips? Because I've just lost all my game man, and it would be exciting to get back on the saddle and get some perspective on where I go wrong, cause I haven't got laid in over a year now and it would be fucking SWELL to solve some new problems, like "how can I bury my head like a fucking ostrich in those tiddies"
Priscilla Hinkinwater - Wed, 19 Dec 2018 03:46:29 EST ID:yDKihQN5 No.528225 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Self-esteem / jealousy / feelings of weakness. Someone took your stuff man, that shit fucking gets at you. It's tribal shit mate, don't stress, totally normal, not misplaced feelings - especially under pretty stressful circumstances. The entire interaction is complicated by the lack of outlet. All I can is bro, personally, I respect what you've seen. That's not fair to go through, but you have. The upshot is, negative experiences are very positive given a long enough trajectory. It makes the good moments better and the great girls, greater.

It's difficult to speculate, without access to the data. Speaking broadly, assess what went wrong in each case. What lessons can be learnt.

Start with the fuck ups first. Personality, lifestyle and emotional trends in the women. Personality, lifestyle and emotional trends in yourself. What went wrong, when did you begin to notice that. Were there any red flags? How was communication, how was openness, how was honesty? What could you have done to not have been in that situation in the first place?

You cannot recognize the enemy if you have never been able to see them. This is the fine tuning of your radar type of work, which will at least help to reduce issues in the future. I've found that while it's not preventative, it will certainly cut the bullshit down once it starts. By having dealt with my incompetence in my past, it made me more willing to make blunt calls on the situations I faced afterwards. For instance, being ghosted, being insulted etc - these no longer were tolerable behaviors and I had these recurring types of individuals cut out of my life much faster. Weeks, instead of years. Also things like, emotional attachment and knowing what's legit and what's not. I have, in the past, over invested in the wrong people, too quickly, because. It's not exactly a winning strategy. So try zoom out your perspective as much as you can and navigate that. I still fuck that one up, at least 2 times this year lol.

Then move onto the aspirational bit. What sort of chick do you wanna actually be with? Form an idea. How will you acquire that type of chick? Tinder is my honest advice for best place to find a woman. You are able to meet people, as individuals, totally removed from their social context and history. It's one of the few arenas where you are able to just be whoever you are, and be accepted for it. Plus nobody makes the cut if they fuck about or if it's not really working out. It's brutal, requires conditioning and a lot of iterative development (if you pics and bio don't work, learn fast m8) but I have genuinely met, the greatest girl ever through it. We've been together 6 months and honestly, I have nothing in my life to compare it to after a lot of meh / mild experiences by comparison.

First do some bugfixing to at least get your system working. Then move onto the feedback based learning. By feedback I just mean, observe the consequences of your behaviour and adapt based upon how it went.

I'm sure you've got this dude. I feel like you can know a lot about someone based off of how they post on an anonymous message board. Real recognizes ya feel? Chances are you are just a bit weak and defeated after a string of bullshit. It's human. You probably just need that fire to spark up inside you again and to also, obviously, deal with some stuff.
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James Dartgold - Wed, 19 Dec 2018 09:01:50 EST ID:uB3XU6ES No.528232 Ignore Report Quick Reply
A lot of people think they can handle non-monogamy, but in practice discover the hard way that they can only handle themself being non-monogamous and not their partner.

Even in non-monogamous relationships, cheating can still be a thing -- usually where at least one of the involved parties was not made fully aware of the entire situation. A few of my friends just totally fucked up their relationships because one guy (who to be fair was not exactly getting his needs met or even respected to begin with, so there were already other problems) lied about whether his partner knew what he was up to. If your relationship is already in trouble (which most of them are), opening it up is only a mildly better approach to repairing it than having a child, which isn't saying much because the latter is pretty much the Platonic Ideal Bad Idea.

On the other hand, one of the very few successful relationships I know about involves two people who've been together since high school (and I'm in my forties if that gives you an idea, and they're older than I am), and they have an open relationship. I think it helps that it's an openly open relationship. I know another couple who basically saved their relationship by opening it up. Those are exceptions, though.

So yeah, it can and does work, for some people. But it's one of those things that absolutely does not solve all your problems, it just trades one set of problems for another and requires a hell of a lot more communication and self-awareness and emotional stability and/or self-esteem than most people have. And, as was noted upthread, everyone involved also has to be fundamentally hardwired for it, which is fairly uncommon.

Basically, it is actually a thing, but the odds are against it.
Simon Firryfuck - Wed, 19 Dec 2018 10:36:58 EST ID:iaFDsXUG No.528233 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I think one thing is that like you say, it looks good on paper, so people think it might be for them and then it turns out it isn't. Kinda like scat sex, you might think it looks hot in pictures/video, but actually going ahead and doing it you weren't prepared for all those smells.
Also I think alot of people just go along with it because if your partner asks to try it, it's kinda either that or leave, cause if you know the other party isn't satisfied being just with just you things won't last after that.
So either things fall apart instantly, or you give something new a try, you get to stay with the one you like, and you get to have some more freedom, and then it might fall apart later.

In short:
It's one of those things that you won't really know if you want/like/canHandle until you try, and nowadays more people try and are open about it cause it's not as taboo so you're gonna see a larger batch of those that weren't made for it.

Funny thing is I've only ever met one poly person, and she handles things fine. Mostly just when she meets mono people that things get weird cause the dudes can't handle that she's who she is (meaning literally, not that she cheats or tries to bend people into a form of relationship they don't want or anything, just can't handle that she's openly poly).
Edwin Crarryshaw - Fri, 21 Dec 2018 08:54:24 EST ID:rfAl7IY1 No.528285 Ignore Report Quick Reply

> think one thing is that like you say, it looks good on paper, so people think it might be for them and then it turns out it isn't.
>Kinda like scat sex


Hate my job by Henry Chiffingwater - Wed, 19 Dec 2018 15:25:44 EST ID:uVo+OH2Q No.528236 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I hate my job.
I dropped out of college to avoid further mountains of debt when I realized the degree wasn’t going to get me a job. I worked as a performing musician to support myself while in school for music.

I took an office job a little over a year ago. I am now on pace to / am making ~70k a year. I work 45 hours a week, commute a half hour to and from work every day, and I sit at a computer and enter data and make phone calls all day.

I have absolute job security through nepotism. I’m pretty good at the job.

The better I get, the more I do, and the more money I make.
Also the more stressful it gets.

Im fucking miserable at work now. Im fine when I get home and I still Gig 1-3 nights a week on average which is always super rewarding emotionally.

But I’m fucking miserable 45+ hours a week. I feel guilty for wanting to quit so bad. I’m planning on quitting this coming summer to return to working in Music full time.

I’m worried I won’t make enough for rent and won’t have health insurance.
Beatrice Clayham - Wed, 19 Dec 2018 16:35:03 EST ID:6zsZ7vYE No.528237 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Man I think you should take a holiday/ break from work and go and meditate on what you want because nobody here can give you the answer you need. Maybe check out an ashram? Hope you figure it out
Ernest Bamblebag - Thu, 20 Dec 2018 09:05:03 EST ID:lA5uRpTd No.528255 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I suppose they wont let you work part time? If bobs your uncle, might as well ask.
Ernest Cucklestot - Thu, 20 Dec 2018 12:59:15 EST ID:yDKihQN5 No.528259 Ignore Report Quick Reply

I agree with the core concept but your suggested application of it is wrong imo.

Meditation will not bring you the answers you seek. Sitting and fucking thinking about it, writing down options, assessing the current. If you want real action, you gotta dig deep and dismantle it all, figure out how to upgrade it and plan the approach.

Your life will get better OP, just take the time to work it out. Nobody can provide you with a step by step that you couldn’t figure out yourself. Get inspired.
Edwin Crarryshaw - Fri, 21 Dec 2018 08:41:58 EST ID:rfAl7IY1 No.528283 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Any chance you could let go of your job and get back to it on a later instance?
If not, perhaps your current experience could be of value in case your music thing won't work out? You do say the better you get, the more you do - that means you're acquiring professional experience of some value (despite the stress)
I don't know, I mean I think you can save up and give it a go, just make sure you have a plan B.

How do I stop being hateful, bitter and sad and start making it? by Spooky boi - Mon, 03 Dec 2018 20:49:45 EST ID:qxiIbX09 No.527988 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Always stuck in the past and angry and sad. Always think about what a loser I was when I was young and what could've been. Moved somewhere new trying to start over and live the life I always wanted but it hasn't really been happening so far. Went back for thanksgiving and saw old crush that strung me along as an orbiter and banged a bunch of my friends. I cut her out of my life and she looked sad to see me. All that motivates me is to have these people regret ever looking past me or looking down on me. How do I start over and build a social circle and get the life, friends and girls I want? How do I stop being so full of hate, sadness and negativity all the time? Any of you start life over and start making it? Should I cut friends that made me insecure or have hurt me in the past? Was I right in going no contact on crush?
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Martin Droffingfin - Thu, 06 Dec 2018 12:33:54 EST ID:ogGEfQN1 No.528013 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Work on yourself. Get better at stuff. Exercise. Make yourself think "yeah, I'm the fucking man."

Your scorn will turn to pity, and strain through like a sieve.
You may never hear an apology but you'll choose to forgive.
Lydia Honeyfuck - Thu, 06 Dec 2018 13:30:53 EST ID:IhsaKBVd No.528014 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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I don't know, I've been stuck in the same rut forever. Moved out when I was sixteen, never been able to stay at the same place for more than two-three years since then, and always end up back on the wagon or whatever, resenting people and myself, not being able to come to terms with my life.

I don't have any tips, but I have a good song, maybe you'll relate.
Spooky boi - Sat, 15 Dec 2018 17:01:23 EST ID:qxiIbX09 No.528166 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Thanks, I like that song and old country in general. Came back to this thread to see if anyone posted anything new cause I was having those feels again.
Simon Penderpedge - Tue, 18 Dec 2018 22:56:25 EST ID:hBEhmcBg No.528220 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Great, good that you liked the song!
If you continually have those feels, then you should just cut out those friends that make you feel insecure. I mean, it's a pretty big world with a lot of people, and while it's important to learn how to get along with people you don't necessarily like, you shouldn't be forced to hang out with someone that makes you feel like shit.

I think the first step should be identifying what you like to do. Either in a hobby-setting or professional setting, then it'll be easier to find people you at least share a passion with. Then maybe start looking up where it's a big community for that passion, or start thinking out what kind of place you can see yourself living in in a couple of years. Are you a big city guy or a country boy? Do you like constant heat or don't you mind some harsh winters? Start pinpointing where, if you were to move somewhere else, you'd feel the most comfortable.

Also, start therapy. As I said, I have the same feels RIGHT now, and I'm clueless to what to do myself. I know everyone says this, and it's hard to find out HOW to get started, but start looking into working out or martial arts. Seeing your body develop into a more healthy look is a very good way to see a gradually improvement in yourself and is bound to raise your self-esteem some.

The one thing that I really have advice on is cutting out people that make you feel like shit, or be straight with them that there is a certain way you felt you were treated that you really didn't like. I've just stopped watching snaps and shit from people that were my closest group of friends for years but that in the end, I didn't really have anything in common with and they mostly just.. Bullies, in a way. When they actively reach out to talk to me I reply and I'm cordial, because I know that when, one in particular, does that it's because he's having a hard time. And then I'll be a good person and try to help him by talking to him, but I've stopped feeling a obligation to use to much of my energy on someone that really brought me way more down than up.

In the end tho, insecurity is something you have to resolve within yourself, so.. Therapy man. Fucking therapy. Take things more day by day, you have a goal to be successful obviously, so find out what you consider a success and how you want to obtain it, work from there.

Personally, I'm too anxious and depressed to get through the job interview phase and get a job, and I don't know why that is. A lack of motivation is certainly in there somewhere. So if you have any tips you could share back on how to get myself the fuuuck out from where I am living, I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm shifting from renting a room in my friends house, a cold ass room that I hate and I feel I pay too much for, but since I get to use the whole house it's a good deal and he's a good dude that just wants a groovy time deep within, even if he has no clue about depression and is one of those "just snap out of it man, take a mountain hike and get a job, toke some weed"-dudes. Aaaaand when I get too anxious to function I just have to travel home to my parents and live there. But I really just want to get the fuck away from here, and as you, start over.

I guess this is a "blind leading the lame"-situation, huh? Haha. Anyway, hope you're feeling better than you did when you wrote back man.
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Charles Wubberforth - Wed, 19 Dec 2018 00:12:36 EST ID:ZhxV8DzO No.528223 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>Went back for thanksgiving and saw old crush that strung me along as an orbiter
I feel it. I had something sorta similar happen, except she pretended to reciprocate my feelings. She had a lot of self-esteem issues, I knew about that, but after talking to people from work / who used to be friends with her she's apparently just kinda crazy. She only wanted to be friends but kept up the act because she wanted to keep me around, whether she liked knowing she had some kind of power over me or just enjoyed the attention or maybe was telling the truth when she said she liked me but was afraid I was only gonna fuck her and split, I dunno.

I think you were definitely right in cutting her out. You needed time to heal and get over that whole thing, or at least get to a place where it's not actively getting in the way of your life. That doesn't mean you should never speak to her again (though I'm also not saying you should). If you're regretting kicking her outta your life or fantasizing about "well if I had done this, maybe things'd be different.." you need to keep two things in mind:

Firstly that you felt like she was playing you for a reason. She might not have been, maybe your gut did lead you astray on the particulars, but that doesn't change the fact that your relationship was still wicked unhealthy - just for different reasons. If you're being treated in a way that makes you feel like shit then you shouldn't be there.

Secondly you need to be brutally honest with yourself. How likely was any other scenario, really? The hurt becomes more of a dull pang over time and it's natural to wonder if you overreacted. Odds are you didn't and it was exactly as bad as you remembered it being, it's just that now you're feeling it through a bunch of scar tissue.


long term relationship issues by Hugh Dranderridge - Mon, 17 Dec 2018 09:11:48 EST ID:A4pDpPaO No.528183 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Hi folks, I used to lurk and post here more often, but Ive turned my life around a little bit and didnt have to much problems of my own. I still read /qq and post some reponses, but i didnt need any help, sadly not anymore. Two years ago Ive struggled with finding a steady job and now I have ok one (as corporate goes). It got psych support and people that are good to be around, its chaotic and stresfull, but im happy that ive got it. Ive move out from toxic family home and I live with my gf of 7 years. I love her very much, shes cute, supported me when i was down, wife material overall. I considered proposing to her recently, but this year was somehow stresfull and weird in our relationship - I started to see things which I didnt notice beforhand/changes in her behaviour. Ive been always supportive to her, because shes fragile in emotion departament - its normal for her to get sad/cry pretty often and I always gave her a shoulder. She basicly had a hard time growing up and I always wanted to give her home. 9 months ago, she got career dilema and became depressed, but the whole thing was more targeted at her boss (she went on 3 month sick leave and felt much better after only first month). Like I mention, i fully supported her, like in any instance before, but after she changed her job I started to see her a little different. She a sloth, i mean I found it a little cute before to be honest, Im kinda like that too sometimes, but not 24/7 like herself - she dont have any hobby, other activities, ect. When she have free time she likes to stay in bed, watch tv/movies, play games, browse internet. She likes to shop and likes cats and few other girly things. Ive tried to get her into something in last few years because i think its healthly to have some kind of a hobby and it would be good for her to have some form of escapism beside bed and me. I failed in that regard and have become increasingly feed up with it. My job shrink said that its perfectly normal that some people are like that, i agree with it but I feel like shes just like that because im a good host, so to speak and she dont want to spend any energy for other activites because of her laziness. I grow more frustrated because of it and started to see that s…
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Hugh Dranderridge - Mon, 17 Dec 2018 09:31:25 EST ID:A4pDpPaO No.528184 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I forgot to add that ive moved up to new place with her more than 3 years ago, so its not about suddenly living togheter.
Sophie Bredgespear - Mon, 17 Dec 2018 13:07:06 EST ID:oGhTgflo No.528190 Ignore Report Quick Reply
It's difficult.

You have to ask yourself if this relationship will last if things don't change. Answering that question will point you forwards. If she has to change or go then let her know and even if she's sad don't back down. You can accept you love her and affirm her but also that it doesn't change that it's wearing you down and it's only going to get worse. No ultimatums, just make sure she knows you're serious. Then resolve after a point to leave her. She may realise what she's lost when this happens, odds are she'll attach herself to someone new and resume the cycle, or maybe she'll change but in such a situation accept that the person she becomes or pretends to be is not someone you can have.

It does sound like she's deflecting. You can't let her. if you're not yelling and you're just stating facts ie "I feel like this" "I am unable to continue like this" "I am becoming crankier with you and I don't like it and I know I need to change" rather than "You're lazy" or "you need a life" also perhaps start with a more positive. People are fragile but criticism with a constructive element is not a bad thing. If you start with the pitch that you have issues and you need her to help with them it becomes about how you need her help to continue the the relationship. I have a feeling the tears will be switched on regardless, but the important thing is to be gentle but clear and not to back down once you've taken that.

Or maybe you can get used to it. However I would not accept things as is, if they don't improve they will likely get worse. Maybe you can at least reverse some of the degradation in her life.. Being without hobbies is fine if she's letting you pursue your own. If she isn't then maybe you need to just adjust those boundaries. Don't feel guilty about masturbating. Ask what you can do to help her. Point out she has been different. If you're willing to do whatever and she's not then there's no shame in relieving yourself sometimes. It beats cheating. Don't cheat whatever, if you get to the point where it feels like the only wa…
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Esther Mibblewill - Tue, 18 Dec 2018 10:25:18 EST ID:A4pDpPaO No.528210 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Hey, the whole problem is caused by this notion in my mind - I feel like our relationship wont last like this, even if i'll try it will fail after next months or years.
My gf phoned me yesterday, after med visit and told me that her doc wont allow her taking any contraception pills anymore, because of her health. She was devasted in a way, but i told her that her health is most important thing and said truefully that we dont have sex/play enough already and I frankly wont feel any diference if we dont have sex. The whole dialog turned into bigger talk about all of my gripes, just before I read your reply and basicly told her how I feel and whats the cause of this situation from my point of view. With the tears and saddness she told me she got some insigh from me and she understands me. Even after she told me that she will try to change Im not sure what will come out of it - we had smaller escalation like this before and it didnt help/she really didnt activly try to work on herself, so im sceptical for now. I told her that I care for our relationship, but we must make some changes because I see that im lashing out and it suck for her and me. Its not me and the current situation is the reason why I feel and act like shit lately. So basicly simIar stuff which you wrote about. I proposed some sexual alternatives, because I like when she plays with me, I'm a switch so there are numerous other sexual activities that we could do, or I could just try to slap a condom, even if I had problem staying hard in it before. I'm basicly into many things (i mean it, so much stuff works on me, she knows it) but I can see that she clings very hard to the sex as a bottom. I understand that its the thing that gets her going the most, but Im really underwhelmed lately, she only really is with me when im fucking her, when it comes to sex stuff. I cant be top all the time because its not working for me, Im making all of decisions at our home (she insist and likes it) + i need to do it in work to. Without any space to be vunurable and submissive im just unhappy in the long run. You're right that I shouldnt feel ashamed because of masturbation - i have some problems on my own, because i felt like I was…
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I'm completely kookoobananas insane by Charles Hundlelit - Mon, 17 Dec 2018 12:13:46 EST ID:ne8Fxmef No.528188 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I have tourette syndrome, I wake up 5 times a night, I have bipolar, I'm paranoid, I work basically all the time, even on my days off, and I can't get an erection. Every year I feel more and more mentally ill, even though I quit weed and all drugs except my bipolar meds. I can't take it anymore. I do all these things: I meditate 40 minutes a day, work out every day, keep a CBT journal, and yet I become more hateful, vindictive, delusional, and cowardly each year. I don't understand why this is happening to me. Why?

On a work computer so don't have a nice image.
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Charlotte Fallerston - Mon, 17 Dec 2018 16:33:12 EST ID:N8SnPlnn No.528196 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>which just makes me feel like a pussy. I mean, he's not wrong, I guess.

This is a big problem for people with PTSD. I wish I could go back in time and slap my teenager self in the face, because this shit really only does get worse if you don't fix it.

Whether or not "everyone" actually got hit and yelled at before I don't know, but there's something to be said for how "everyone" doesn't anymore, and how being the one person in a group of maybe a hundred who gets singled out like that doesn't sit well with most people.

I hope you can discard the idea that any of this is your fault for not being "tough" enough. You didn't choose your biological makeup, and we know for a fact that when someone with your biological makeup and life experiences are put in the situation you were in, it fucks them up in 100% of cases.

Just please, as someone who has an actual life and is pursuing a career that can help millions of people, forgive yourself for whatever shortcomings you perceive and stop listening to your father. I have a father like that too, and he can go fuck himself. Unless he wants me to die, he's going to have to soften up, and that's for him to deal with.

That kind of stubbornness is not a show of virtuous stoicism, it's a complete abandonment of personal responsibility and a (fairly understandable) fear of admitting that he might have helped destroy his own child(ren).

I am a complete stranger on the internet, and I am telling you that you are most definitely not "a pussy", and most sane people don't seem to think that way. Between my father and the internet I've developed this idea that people expect you to be the meanest, toughest motherfucker around, but most people really aren't like that it seems. I hope I can trust my instincts on this one day.
' God !!vVWR8L52 - Mon, 17 Dec 2018 20:30:35 EST ID:hQScIyLB No.528203 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Actually fuck that, you don't really have to do nothin, it may seem like it's all gonna crash and burn and it may, but some part of you somewhere actually knows exactly what the fuck to do and it is doing it, so you may as well chill the fuck out and delegate all the troubles to that mofo, get your ass into some shinney sunny road and walk or get a massage or if shit's real tight walk into the middle of the desert and rail yourself retarded full of methoxetamine, we're all turning round the corner now, just some of us like to pretend we aren't, see you on the flip side friend'o
Emma Bagglebanks - Mon, 17 Dec 2018 22:47:20 EST ID:FMDqLPbz No.528204 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>Well, I'm in a PhD program, so if I quit, that's pretty much game over for my scientific career.

oh okay, so there's nothing you can do. thanks for wanking off your sadness so we can read it. I'd say a PhD isn't worth misery but if you do and you're not wanting to change anything why even bother making the thread?
Martin Blerringwidge - Tue, 18 Dec 2018 00:37:26 EST ID:N8SnPlnn No.528205 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Maybe you can make your own thread and be a cunt there instead?
Alternatively read about how choices and perceptions are influenced by stress and be a cunt nowhere.

There are plenty of stories about people who travel, change careers etc. etc. only to realize that the problem isn't them being, let's say in a PhD program(no shit?), rather the problem exists within themselves.

I'll never get the people who come on to this board to shit on people who want help. What was it that set you off? That your thought up on the spot advice to him wasn't a fresh and novel idea that he'd never considered and exactly what he needed to hear? What did you expect, really? Christ on a fucking bike, dude. It's always the same with you guys. You blame people for not wanting a solution when you offer a retarded one and they turn it down. JUST QUIT YOUR JOB AND MOVE :))))))

Genious plan right there, Emma. Sometimes people just need "tough love", amirite?
Or in your case, maybe you feel that sometimes people just need to hear whatever is on your mind at that very moment? Sometimes people just need the most trivial advice you can conjure up and if it doesn't stick, they are wasting your precious 420chan browsing time and clogging the board with space?

Did you even read the OP before replying?
This board has always been a sewer because of posts like yours.
Alice Buttingdale - Tue, 18 Dec 2018 04:39:42 EST ID:1g0RfCBK No.528207 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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I made this thread to find solidarity and perspective. This guy:

Honestly helped. So I feel good I made the thread. He's right. I don't need to let my past abusers define me. I am worthy. I can ignore meanness, and not take it personally.

Good night /qq/. I feel marginally better with this new perspective. Perspective is everything.

how to not be a loser anymore by Ian Sunderlut - Sat, 15 Dec 2018 20:12:23 EST ID:NJkLq9MW No.528168 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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26, finishing up a humanities undergrad. my marks aren't THAT bad but i definitely let myself go. i thought i wanted certain things that i didn't want, and i fucked around with pot and i didn't take my depression seriously. i've mostly been lying to myself about who i am and what i want. for years and years. i didn't try as hard as i could have. i don't really have any professional prospects. i feel like if i make a decision about a career it's going to be from a place of "i'm a piece of shit and i need this so i won't be one someday" and that'll be my life. the choice i have in mind.. i don't think it will be THAT bad, but i don't want that to happen; but it is better than ignominious poverty. how do i make my next move be a good one? an inspired one, something that i'd actually want. i'm caught in that non-existent place of settling in the real world and accept that life won't ever be what i want it to be and ideals that i can't fully let go of yet can't seem to realize
i have one semester left, i know that i'm going to try as hard as i can to prove to myself that i can, but still, this sucks, what do i do. i'm a loser and i wanna die lads, what do i do
Phoebe Sanderfoot - Sat, 15 Dec 2018 20:55:55 EST ID:j8ia7tDi No.528170 Ignore Report Quick Reply
your real problem is taking a fuckin humanities undergrad... which one did you take and what job do you expect to be qualified for?
Reuben Ferringshit - Sun, 16 Dec 2018 03:51:48 EST ID:U99A5Mm4 No.528171 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Well yeah you gave a hint to the answer didn't you?

You said that you are depressed and wish for a world that can't be with ideals that are unrealistic. Excellent.

Boil the reasons of your depression and disappointment down to their core. You might be depressed because you're isolated, because the world is unfair, because you didn't achieve goal etc.

So once you have your reasons, choose a career where you will be low key combating those reasons for your depression every day. Like a helping career if you are isolated and depressed by the world.
Cedric Drumblehit - Sun, 16 Dec 2018 07:23:58 EST ID:3G95gmOz No.528172 Ignore Report Quick Reply
> how do i make my next move be a good one? an inspired one, something that i'd actually want
It sounds like you're asking how to make a move where you achieve a long term goal with only the single decision. would you consider having to work at McDonald's to be a decision that isn't an inspired or something you want? i'm guessing not.

What if the reason you made the decision to work there was because you realize it is necessary to receive an income and build up work experience and a stable job history so that you can better sell yourself to future employers working in a job field or at a specific job you actually want to develop a life-long career in? And what if it's also because you realize the real world experience will be good for you and help you grow as a person, and the necessity of having to work a less than ideal job to build yourself up to get where you want to be will help you grow as well, and is often necessary to do so?

Having to grind might suck, but it's necessary. If you don't get distracted or grow content enough to slack on keeping up your progress toward your overall goal, then it's a step toward that goal that you can't get around having to take.

Honestly, it sounds like your problem is stemming from your defeatist attitude. What you call having to "settle" is really just compromising and making the best of a situation. Hear the difference in connotation? There is never going to be a point in your life where you aren't forced to deal with the hand you're dealt and work to make the most of it by not feeling sorry for yourself and your apparent rotten luck, and instead making careful strategic plays that wind up putting you on top each time you're dealt a new individual hand. Sometimes you just lose, but you don't always have to lose as much or as sorely. Play your cards right, find a way to stack the deck (which requires a lot of wit, effort, and foresight), and you will start winning a lot more often than you lose.

TL;DR quit being a defeatist negative nancy feeling sorry for yourself and realize any decision in which you keep moving forward even just a step is going to put you on track for ge…
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Cedric Drumblehit - Sun, 16 Dec 2018 07:32:15 EST ID:3G95gmOz No.528173 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Also, there is only one thing that makes somebody a loser. Everybody loses sometimes, even winners. So if losing isn't the defining feature of a loser, what is? The difference between somebody who simply happens to lose at something and a loser is that a loser pities himself.

Self pity is quite deservedly one of the most universally repugnant and reviled behaviors expressed by man. Nobody feels sorry for anybody who already feels more than enough sorry for themselves, and likely on a regular basis (it's an almost pathological character trait).

Are druge treatment programs bs? by Graham Segglewedge - Sat, 15 Dec 2018 03:26:09 EST ID:SFFKjDFq No.528159 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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"When somebody comes to me for treatment many times they've had prior treatment. Their success or failure at treatment is not a function of who treated them. It's a serious illness. Failure rate is twice the success rate, everywhere."

That's pretty fucking sad. Is this true though? Considering the rampant use of the 12 steps and other things which don't always work for people
Ernest Trotshaw - Sat, 15 Dec 2018 12:24:04 EST ID:lA5uRpTd No.528163 Ignore Report Quick Reply
That's some pretty specuous thinking there.
Graham Segglewedge - Sat, 15 Dec 2018 14:29:08 EST ID:SFFKjDFq No.528164 Ignore Report Quick Reply

I completely agree as the one who originally posted it and the fact that I've delt with numerous close ones that have delt with a cancer related illness. I understand youre analogy but how does it have anything to do with treating the effectiveness of our treatment centers and such?

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