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nah dude my programmings busted man i flipped the script a long time ago
like im 24 man. ive been in love, pathetically in love with a girl who still cared about me but had moved on, for a long time. i used to talk to her on the phone every day, i would have done anything to be with her. but it was, essentially, a selfish desire, because my life was shit and she was doing fine without dealing with me and was better off without being with me. sure i loved her. but it was essentially just chemical bullshit, you know, attachment because she was the only girl id been with, and we were really close and i didnt have a lot of friends and she was the only one who cared about me. and eventually i got too miserable for her to waste time on me, and i treated her like shit i think subconsciously to push her away, and we stopped hanging out altogether. and i still missed her every day, and i still miss her, but after awhile i kind of stopped caring and got over it. funny enough that was around the same time i first met Amy, i wasnt interested in her the first couple years i knew her.
and this is a whole different level. like incredibly improbably events happening in real life to draw us together. like subliminal signs appearing in movies, music, just wherever we are when were alone together. like literally reading each others minds, man, even if im too stoned to react properly. like ive rationalized myself to giving up on her and never talking to her again half a dozen times and just seeing her reminds me all over again. like theres no way for it to make sense to anybody except me, but, theres no way for me to pretend to myself it isnt real.
and i have a job now. i have a life, i have my shit together. i have friends, not as many as id like but more than i need. i know how to treat a woman and i have the means and the ability to provide for one. i would take care of her, a hell of a lot better than she's being taken care of now, and make her happier and better off, you might not believe this but i know it. and i can take care of my own happiness, as well, enough to get by anyway, if she truly finds a better situation without me, i would let her go, its not selfish.
>Unless you were POWs together and in those three months bared your souls and forged unbreakable bonds through tribulations and shitwell thats one way of looking at it
>Amy is probably terribly alone in her relationshipI KNOW and thats what really kills me. and makes me want to say fuck all this other bullshit and get to her somehow and take care of her, and be there for her, and solve all her problems for her and make her happy. like im just sitting around smoking weed and pleasuring myself like a degenerate in the meantime, i dont really care about my job.
>The boyfriend is not an obstacle to you, otherwise you would be the one she's cheating withWell, she definitely was trying to cheat at one point while she was with him, but like, i met the dude, went to his house drank his water, hes dumb but he knew somethin was up, im pretty sure that she has both blamed her cheating with other guys on me, and promised him not to hang out with/do anything with me. so like breaking a direct promise is different than just cheating. and it definitely would be breaking the rules, that much has been made clear to me.
>Don't be a dirtbag and use her to get to Amy, but take her out for a burger and a smoke just with the intention of trying to become better friends with her. well i already took her out to a show and we did acid.... And yeah i am not using her to get to Amy, i care about her for herself, she is so beautiful and awesome, i want to get to know her better and i already really like her and oh good LORD i want to give that body the loving it deserves. but i know that if the opportunity were ever to arise i would not choose her, and...inasmuch as i believe in soulmates, i do not believe her to be mine.
>I hope when that happens, you feel glad that you chose...
>wiselywell SON OF A BITCH, that makes me want to not do anything that might fuck it up, life without her is, quite simply not as good as life with her.
anyway im going to this festival this weekend, hopefully she comes, ive been trying to convince her, if she does, im going to take acid and go all in and see what ends up happening, if not, im going to take acid and hopefully find some guidance and some company.