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am I judging this person too harshly? by Martin Huvingchore - Wed, 19 Apr 2017 02:45:16 EST ID:UHQ5Fpvu No.515590 Ignore Report Quick Reply
File: 1492584316774.jpg -(218842B / 213.71KB, 1920x1080) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. 218842
I have a friend and we are pretty close as friends. She's a girl and I kind of use her as an opportunity to learn more about how women think. I know that sounds bad but really our relationship works because I have no desire to sleep with her.

For starters she has a husband that is in jail, she is in "love" with him. They have been married for about two years and he hasn't supported her at all as he has been in and out of jail since they have been married. He's a gang banger and supposedly a crip.

She talks to me about her relationship I try to give her advice which she will agree with but eventually go back to wanting him back. She cheats on him every now and then with random guys on Facebook. I do my best to separate the stuff I don't like about her with the stuff I do. She frequently buys me dinner and beer if Iam staying the night at her place which is a very kind gesture of her one of which I never even have to ask, she just does it out of kindness, says she enjoys my company.

Anyway before anyone jumps to conclusion the gang banger who is your stereotypical bad boy type is a WHITE guy. Yesterday she said that she wants him to get her pregnant because she believes that children will suddenly convince him to change his life and get his shit together. I laughed at this because this thinking is purely based upon emotion, and I asked her what evidence she had to support this assumption.

You can't force someone to change, and children definitely aren't gonna do that. I realized what she was doing was making these assumptions about him based upon emotions which is something a lot of people do that think emotionally. I am a rather logical thinker, as I think most men are.

She even defends the fact that he burgalized someone's house she says "he was just doing what he had to do.". What happened to going out and getting a job like everyone else? This also is her hamster spinning defending a criminal based upon her emotions.

Part of me feels like perhaps I am judging her too harshly but the other part of me tells me I'm not wrong.
James Turveycocke - Wed, 19 Apr 2017 02:56:23 EST ID:GoZz+UFM No.515591 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Funny, I know a girl whose doing the exact same thing right now, almost to the point I wonder if we know the same person. She's a really good friend to me and helps me with my women problems as well. My advice is to just do what you were - keep the parts you like separate from the parts you do. In my situation I just congratulate her and wish her luck even if I know it's a bad idea at heart. I have no desire to sleep with her myself, but I do wish for her to have a good life. However, it's not our place to meddle in that sense. Women are going to be emotional, and if you try to interfere with that they're going to turn against you in the end. Enjoy the benefits you do get from her, and don't worry about her wrong decisions. You can't change or save everyone y'know.
Martin Huvingchore - Wed, 19 Apr 2017 03:13:42 EST ID:UHQ5Fpvu No.515593 Ignore Report Quick Reply

I guess that's my problem is I keep trying to "save" her and it's obvious that isn't what she wants. After talking with her more I realized she was very lonely and it made me question whether or not she would have me around if there were someone else for her to hang out then I began to think if she really liked me as a person or not.

She's one of those types that has to be in a relationship with someone or she is unhappy with life. I've never been that way but a lot of my friends are so I have a hard time understanding how being with a shitty prospect for a relationship is better than just being alone and doing your own thing which in her situation would be smart as she is working two jobs right now just to pay her bills because she has to constantly bail him out and pay her bills.

She doesn't listen to reason or her past dealings with him or his criminal history. To her this is the best she can get, she even said so herself she can't find anyone better than him even though he's always in jail. To me this just an example of him being dangerous and unpredictable so it makes her tingle down there. She wants to fix him and turn him into a good man, she wants to be the girl that makes him better.

You're right though. It's funny if it is the same girl. This guy threatened to kill me last year because Hebrews our texts but he doesn't understand we don't fuck each other nor am I interested in doing so. She's tried but I simply am not interested in her at all.
Esther Dartville - Wed, 19 Apr 2017 10:26:24 EST ID:otv2YF5O No.515599 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Both of you sound like awful people
Martin Huvingchore - Wed, 19 Apr 2017 13:36:06 EST ID:UHQ5Fpvu No.515602 Ignore Report Quick Reply
How am I an awful person?
Jenny Cumblewit - Wed, 19 Apr 2017 14:00:16 EST ID:yUhAjzvV No.515604 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I honestly didn't know what he was talking about either
Esther Dartville - Wed, 19 Apr 2017 15:31:35 EST ID:otv2YF5O No.515608 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Because you reek of autism using a friendship to learn more about women??? How socially inept could you possibly be?
Edwin Blerringbanks - Wed, 19 Apr 2017 15:35:23 EST ID:zbKXnohS No.515609 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>being socially inept means you're an awful person
>autism may may

You sound like an awful person. nb
Fuck Podgenedging - Wed, 19 Apr 2017 18:28:45 EST ID:xNATrwJM No.515612 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Confirmed awful person.

Nothing wrong with using relationships with other human beings to learn about human beings. Plus how do you think all the tonnes of autistic but mostly functional people learn to function? Yeah they have to figure out how to compensate.

Anyway OP I will say this. Don't learn about women from just one woman and do not do it from this one.

She's not an awful human but she's naive, foolish and she's going to ruin a kid's life. She's clearly thinks she can change her husband and you should never be in a relationship on the basis you can fix someone. She's got a poor taste in men and she's a poor partner. She should have left the guy as he's never going to give her what she wants. She probably can do better, but she has to be a better person and the largest part is treating herself with more respect.

But you can't change that I suspect. You can offer an opinion but even that might blow up in your face. But I'm getting off topic.

Don't learn about women using this person. It's not that it's unfair on her but that it's unfair on a lot of women. When I surrounded myself with awful women I learned to distrust, disrespect and under estimate women. Eventually I moved towns and made new friends and befriended some better women and some of the girls I met were actually beyond the scope of what I thought possible for a woman. I had quite a few female friends before but all of them were pretty awful people. Then again they all worked in marketing. It genuinely poisoned my views on women for a while. I suggest making more friends who are girls get to know a whole bunch. Realise that while they are different they're also people and vary quite a lot you can't judge half the population based on one dumb girl.
Angus Buddlefield - Wed, 19 Apr 2017 18:36:58 EST ID:vfShsVuP No.515613 Ignore Report Quick Reply
OP, one thing you have to learn is that you never Judge your friends decisions. Be that see believes that this awful logic would help her husband change obvisouly is not the answer.

I never give my personal opinions to my friends shitty decisions. I just tell them, I cannot give you any feedback because at the end of the day no one really takes advised seriously, and people always end up doing the opposite. Just be there for her once shit goes down, that is the best you can do.

And dont listen to that jackass about austim just because you ask woman advised about other woman. There is not wrong about that, and I believe he is miss intrepeting your friendship. He assumes your are only her friend to get woman advised, which is not true and he's a fucking idiot because he cant read between the lines. Anyways, good speed OP and just be there for her, and tell her that if is that she believes that she should give it a good thought and whatever decision she makes you will stand beside her.
Eugene Claydale - Wed, 19 Apr 2017 21:46:12 EST ID:UHQ5Fpvu No.515617 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I've had girls as friends before but not many that wasn't based around sex. I'm not that great with people sure, but autistic nah.

When I say I learn from her I wanted to get more knowledge about how they think and female nature, that sort of thing. She can definitely do better and doesn't need the guy. She has her shit together but she's always bailing him out and sending him money even though he wasn't supporting her when he wasn't in jail.

For her though, I don't think it's really like that. I think it's about the tingles she gets from him. For her to turn him around would give her a rush, I see the excitement she gets when she thinks about them having a child together.

You're definitely right I shouldn't judge all women based upon this one. I actually told her that many women would have left his ass but in her eyes he is the strongest male she can acquire, why I'm not sure.

She got mad the other day when we were talking about this when I tried to explain to her she was thinking emotionally and she says she's not. I told her I wasn't gonna listen to her about him anymore if she's not interested in my opinion. She then said some thing completely irrelevant to try and make me jealous but I knew what she was doing so I deflected it by giving her the answer she wasn't expecting. Completely backfired on her and she got quiet the rest of the ride back to my house.

Really at this point I think the only way she'll get it is to have her plan with the kid backfire which I don't want at all. That kid is gonna be fucked up. For one he's not gonna have a positive father figure and he's gonna learn to be a scum from his dad and his mom who justifies robbing people because 'they did what they had to do'.
Phineas Gazzleway - Fri, 21 Apr 2017 16:05:25 EST ID:pCPQRsXK No.515658 Ignore Report Quick Reply
yes but also despite getting older and more cynical, you have to guage how serious long running ideas people talk about are. And how close they are getting to being carried out, if you really are worried.

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