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Military vet with PTSD by Simon Foffingfield - Wed, 11 Oct 2017 08:51:16 EST ID:JI9kO00V No.519309 Ignore Report Quick Reply
File: 1507726276308.png -(31117B / 30.39KB, 500x675) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. 31117
Alright,, so I know other people from other countries are on here. I know my country has fucked up a lot of shit. But I'm begging you guys, please keep polotics out of this. Please...

So to start, I served in the U.S. Army. Deployed to Afghanistan. And of course, I was combat arms (artillery, but we were just educate grunts most of tge deployment). Saw a lot of fucked up shit, thungs we did, and things the taliban would do. It's haunting. I close my eyes, I can hear and smell the carnage. And it wont go away. I've been seeking help, but everyone I pretty much know are civilians, and I smoked weed in the military to try and make tgese intensities go away, so I am sort of persona non grata with my unit. Does anyone know of a way I can anonymously chat with other military vets to help me sort this shit out? I can't even lay in bed without feeling safe or ok. Haven't had real sleep in about a year now. And I'm approaching something cataclysmic if I don't get help with this.

I'm just begging you guys to leave politics out of this. Please. I know shits fucked up, and nobodies the good guy in all of it. But I just wanna come home... not physically but mentally.
>>
Awe' God !!vVWR8L52 - Wed, 11 Oct 2017 09:22:54 EST ID:hQScIyLB No.519310 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519309
You'll have to become cool with being uncool, even as far as death. That is the only way afaik.

Godspeed.
>>
Polly Buzzleson - Wed, 11 Oct 2017 12:55:17 EST ID:WozaXgtK No.519313 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519309
You might need to get over your pride, most civy civvies don't get it. I mean I understand logically that this happened and this is the consequences and how you feel makes sense to me but I have not experienced it can't imagine myself experiencing it.

However a good therapist does that for all sorts of shit and helps. You need to come to terms with what happened and what you saw. You've seen humanity at it's absolute worst, and I'd imagine you need to get back to seeing it as a tiny bit of the big picture. Perhaps if you did the absolute worst you need to accept that war is extreme circumstances and as time passes it has moved away from the sort of things we evolved to cope with at an increasing pace. I mean chimps fight and brutalise for territory, but they don't have propaganda machines, weapons of wide scale devastation, implements of conflict which advance every decade etc. Maybe there's even therapists specialised in this shit. But you might have to take help from a civy. They don't need to understand it like you do, as long as you can both accept that, you can probably help you make sense of it. It really depends on the style.

I mean you can probably get meds but I think that while they might even be part of the solution that I believe and you seem to believe that part of it is addressing that baggage and coming to terms with it. Learning to cope.

I've not been where you are but my experience with emotional problems is that you won't "cure" them but you'll diminish them while strengthening your ability to handle it.

If there is a veteran specialised help group or the like though I hope you find it. Good luck.
>>
Simon Foffingfield - Wed, 11 Oct 2017 19:57:59 EST ID:JI9kO00V No.519318 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519313
Yeah. It's difficult I suppose, because processing it alone can be challenging in warping. I feel like I've flipped between 5 different significantly different mindsets when an unhealthy thought pattern presents itself.

The major reason I have trouble getting help from civilians, is because no matter how hard they try, what they say doesn't help me figure any of it out. In terms of dealing with it, and how things happened. And it makes me feel like such a shit-tier person because of that. "All your fucking friends want to do is help you, and you can't stop being a sorry peice if shit".

The reason I want to seek other vets like me, is tgat going to civilian doctors tends to be superficial. Most of what they say to me comes ftom a book. And not everything can be understood with just books. In terms of a fire fight, even if I took ten years to explain what it was like, the feelings emerging overpowered my morality (to an extent, I still understoon a broad sense of right vs. Wrong. I mean, I had my training to rely on when I was in combat, so my actions wouldn't be too different otherwise. But more where the line in the sand was. That, coupled with the overwhelming fear that I was going to die, and the newly discovered rush of excitement when you kill... Fire fights were scary... But probably the most fun I've had.

And first thing someone thinks when they hear this is "killing isn't fun". And it's so hard to explain the complexities beyond just what it seems. Only time someone understood why I could feel this way, but despise it in the end. And also understand why going back would suck, but wouldn't be so bad sometimes. I dunno. And it's easy to read about fight or flight. But I'd compare fear to drugs. You can get smashed worse you've ever been, but you can always go higher. Like saying "I'd never be able to get that high again", than you get twice as fucked up the next day. I mean, it's more than that I guess. Mixed with overwhelming sense of mortality.

But I guess I don't know what I want to hear or find either with other vets. I just know they can help me process this with more context into war (I've gotten a lot of helo from that vet I mentioned a bit ago because he was in vietnam. The sheer differences helped me understand war in general a lot better.)
>>
John Smallbanks - Wed, 11 Oct 2017 20:00:23 EST ID:JI9kO00V No.519319 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519313
Also wanted to apologize. My post was a little negligent of your acknowledgement of the experience stuff. I apologize.
>>
Nell Blemmlehune - Wed, 11 Oct 2017 20:34:48 EST ID:y82s/bXi No.519321 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Not a vet but I know several with similar issues. Best way I can describe it is to train yourself to stop thinking about it. The memory isn't going away without head trauma. It's like if you look at your phone too much and want to stop. You have to force yourself into something else every time you catch yourself doing it. It wont ever go away you just have to live and grow from it or be stuck forever in a loop. Large parts of your training was conditioning you to make you react in certain situations without thinking. Train your own brain the same way. I know it's way easier said than done but some people are more sensitive and it doesn't take an IED to give them similar symptoms. Godspeed fellow human
>>
John Smallbanks - Wed, 11 Oct 2017 21:49:14 EST ID:JI9kO00V No.519322 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519321
I think I agree with you. And I apologize if ut sounds like I downplay trauma civilians can experience relative to combat. I guess it matters more for the philosophy behind it. If I can square away how I should really feel about it. I can find confidence in the plan set before me.
>>
Samuel Puddledock - Thu, 12 Oct 2017 12:54:08 EST ID:CfonqoA0 No.519341 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519318

Hey, not a vet. But I get it. I think I was supposed to be a soldier but didn't have the courage to put a career on the line.

I can understand the constant fear of death, knowing that you could die at any time. Also embracing the fear and popping your head up to squeeze off a couple shots, almost daring death to take you. Killing 'the enemy' under these circumstances would feel exhilarating, euphoric, and relieving at the same time. As if you faced death and conquered it. But what probably weighs more than that is the brotherhood you felt there. That feeling knowing that your fellow man would lay his life down for you and knowing that you would lay down your life for them.

There was a great TED talk on this subject by a military correspondent:

https://www.ted.com/talks/sebastian_junger_why_veterans_miss_war

He talks about brotherhood and what it really means.

I suspect that you are seeking other vets because you are seeking that feeling of brotherhood that you can't get in civilian life. Here in the States, you're on your own. Out there, you had a crew, a community that had your back, that would die for all of you. And that community faced death, conquered it, and went back into the fight.

You should watch it. It might illuminate what you went through out there.
>>
Hedda Channermat - Thu, 12 Oct 2017 13:35:00 EST ID:/SOdGi2D No.519342 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519341

i dont think its that hard to understand. think of the people who do extreme sports, like free cliff climbing or wingsuit jumping or whatever. it is that risk of death, the thrill of mortality, and the adrenaline dump, that makes it so thrilling. now picture a warzone where you and another dude are trying to murder each other, thats a 100% adrenaline high
>>
Clara Secklesadge - Fri, 13 Oct 2017 01:08:59 EST ID:F6BBbLXR No.519357 Ignore Report Quick Reply
1507871339250.jpg -(50285B / 49.11KB, 704x528) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2ctwxwS0M0
>>
Hedda Clingerridge - Sat, 14 Oct 2017 01:04:32 EST ID:yUhAjzvV No.519384 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>519309
I never deployed despite being in for 3 years and medboarded out. I originally went in as an 18X but didn't make it into SF so wound up at Ft. Bragg in the 82nd as an 11B.

Keep in mind I work night shift at a factory now so my responses might be sparse, but start talkin if you want mang.
>>
Lillian Gadgewill - Sat, 14 Oct 2017 18:03:20 EST ID:o3vIoRWZ No.519401 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I'm sure there are forums run by/for vets you can post on to get rapport.

If there miracuiously aren't any, what are you waiting for, make one.


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