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Sandwich


Kirtaner & Spardot's 420chan Wedding

To all guests, live viewers, and our Internet family, THANK YOU.
VODs will be edited soon, we are all so tired.
Wedding Gifts
I used to be so fuckin smart... by Fuck Nonkinfatch - Mon, 14 May 2018 18:27:43 EST ID:seAq630b No.524084 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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There was a time when I was gonna be a genius, for sure destined for millions and early retirement. I was selling websites for 5 figures on flippa at the age of 14. I got 1580/1600 on my SATs.

Yet, a decade later, I'm one of the lowest ranking deadbeat burnouts. I got felonies on my record for getting caught with mushrooms, no friends, no employment history, a shitty community college degree, and no good ideas for fresh legal hustles. I compete for pennies with Indian dudes to get any odd programming job I can, on sites like UpWork and Freelancer.

Folks tell me if I work hard and really apply myself, I may be fortunate enough to score a job at McDonalds or something, in spite of my criminal history. I've actually applied there and gotten turned down for the position in the past.

I've been a sad loser since like the 3rd grade, but I always thought one day, it'd get better. Nerds have a tough time in youth but then rule the world later in life. Except, now I'm still a loser. I managed to play it wrong in every way possible.

I want to find something meaningful in my life. I want a way to actually apply my intellect towards something. I'm so sick and tired of camping in the woods collecting cans, or freeloading off of my parents.

Every day I'm constantly preoccupied by thoughts of suicide, miserable with the feeling that I'll never live up to my potential. The last few times I was gonna kill myself, I just did a bit of meth instead, procrastinating my death. It made write short stories and poetry again, like I used to as a kid, back before the depression took over my personality. Now I've been away from any drugs for several months (probation), but the cravings have yet to subside. I live in the middle of goddamn nowhere, and haven't socialized with anyone in over 6 weeks. The isolation and hopelessness is sending me on a downward spiral into insanity.

Sometimes, I wonder, has anyone else been through these types of situations? Can anyone relate to this shit? Should I hold out hope for a better future? Maybe I just accept the fact that I've chosen the life of a low level criminal, stock up on pistol ammo, and head for the city to see what I can hustle?
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Ebenezer Favingnidging - Tue, 15 May 2018 15:40:59 EST ID:Ozm3RS4+ No.524096 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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I'm not in the same position as you, but I feel similarly sometimes. I was top of the class at school and as life got harder I didn't quite keep up with it, and I feel like I'm wasting my potential a lot of the time.

One thing I have learnt though, is that believing in yourself is half the work. Seriously. Some people may not be the brightest bulb in the box at school, but they really start getting shit done because they didn't torture themselves umming and erring about whether they were good enough to do stuff, they just wanted to do it and gave it a shot. Meanwhile, I keep putting stuff off if I don't think I can do it perfect first time. And in your post, you just keep putting yourself down. Of course you won't achieve much if you're constantly telling yourself you can't, or if just give up. You have to change the way you think completely.

As tough as things are, be grateful for what you have. There is great solace in gratitude. What's your plan for the future? What would be a meaningful existence for you?
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Phoebe Gebblestock - Tue, 15 May 2018 21:24:05 EST ID:/pl3Lein No.524102 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>Can anyone relate to this shit?

Yes, more than anything I've ever seen on here.

Especially this part, the knowledge of which is eating me alive:

>Nerds have a tough time in youth but then rule the world later in life. Except, now I'm still a loser. I managed to play it wrong in every way possible.

Really this part too minus the meth (it's alcohol and weed for me) makes me think "are you me?"

>The last few times I was gonna kill myself, I just did a bit of meth instead, procrastinating my death. It made write short stories and poetry again, like I used to as a kid, back before the depression took over my personality. Now I've been away from any drugs for several months (probation), but the cravings have yet to subside.

I don't have any encouraging words for you, but it is actually kinda nice to see someone else have a similar problem to what I have, since part of this fuckery for me is that I've always felt so alienated. I've just always been an outsider, and while at a point in the past it was voluntary, these days I just crave being understood and meeting someone like me like nothing else.
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Phyllis Siblingpedge - Tue, 15 May 2018 23:42:17 EST ID:N3tHkTHy No.524103 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>Nerds have a tough time in youth but then rule the world later in life.

That's not really true, though. In fact, it's almost completely bullshit. Some of them get lucky and have enough of a sociopathic streak to capitalize on that luck, and you hear about them. But mostly, success in this society depends on luck, charm, luck, connections, luck, a certain amount of selfishness and ruthlessness, luck, and luck. Straight-up intelligence stands a fairly good chance of getting you a soul-draining job selling yourself to someone who used to be a mild bully or fratboy jock. They have been lying to you this whole time.
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John Nobbercherk - Wed, 16 May 2018 05:43:48 EST ID:yUhAjzvV No.524105 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I can relate pretty well, except I've never had such high esteem for myself or my abilities such that my expectations of myself and my future in life are or were ever as high as yours. Not that that's a bad thing, I've just been a directionless floater in life since the beginning. I myself was much sharper when I was younger and things appeared as though a path for at least easy moderate success once I got out of school were already paved for me--all I had to do was actually follow it.

But, school and grades came so easily that I never really did homework half of the time or did it last minute the day it was due because test taking is something that's easy for me. In effect, my consistent lack of caring and effort in school, among other areas of life, for want of any need of those things or worry that I wouldn't wind up still out-performing an overwhelming majority of my peers (because there it was all an easily exploitable system that I played as if it were sport) sewed in me the seeds imminent failure once I entered a situation that required legitimate investment and application of real effort and dedication. And I don't mean to say that effort or dedication aren't things I'm capable of per se, it's just I had only ever applied myself or even learned to apply myself to things that were of interest to me. If it wasn't immediately gratifying, I simply wasn't capable of forcing myself to care or to do what was necessary.

So, despite being a relatively good and bright kid who was well behaved and right up in the top of my class, the moment I graduated high school everything came fuckin tumbling down like the fuckin End of Evangelion nigga. I enrolled in college and dropped out within 2 months. To pay off the debt and to save face with my parents I joined the Army. I wound up getting kicked out after 2 and a half years because I failed for cocaine in drug screening and left even deeper in debt than I went in. After that, drug addiction and being dysfunctional in society forced me to move back in with my parents. I wound up being unable to hold a job for more than 4 months, and then for nearly 2 years was unemployed, and for over a year of it I fuckin tried, believe me.

Fast forward to now, some 4 and a half years after getting out of the Army and still living with my parents, I'm just starting to get over drug addiction in at least some significant capacity, but after finally getting a night shift factory job about 6 months ago, I started smoking weed again despite not having done so since just before joining the Army. One night after leaving work I was driving sleepy and falling asleep at the wheel and wound up getting in a head on collision at 50 mph with a truck, and some how the woman driving it and I both wound up with nothing more than bruises and scratches. This was kind of the impetus for smoking weed again, actually, even though the crash never really affected me much. Then in march I got pulled over with weed on me and charged with possession. On top of that, here just a week or two ago I got arrested because I missed my court date because the officer that charged me said if I accepted the charges and got a hold of the prosecutor (which I did), showing up wasn't necessary. Well, missing that put a warrant out for my arrest, and my dumbass was driving home sleepy again and I had 2 xanax on me and had taken one about 4 hours prior at work, and so since I was swerving I got charged with fuckin OWI on top of another possession charge.

I'm actually about to go to court here in a few hours, as a matter of fact. Chances are I'll have a suspended license with no way to work despite finally getting a decent job, and I was literally going to move out here at the end of April but my bond cost me most of what I had saved up and without a ride to work any other place, my plans to finally stop being a pathetic leech off of my parents are totally shattered as well. On top of this, I'm the only one on either side of the family among my cousins or even aunts and uncles who has been to jail, faced this kind of legal trouble, is a drug addict, dropped out of college, and even got kicked out of the military.

I'm with you mang, I'm an absolute fuck up too, and the contrast this has with the rest of my family only makes that fact all the more poignant. It's one thing after another, and I don't seem able to help it even though at times I feel like I've actually somehow made some progress. Ultimately I'm still the useless piece of shit I've pretty much always been, even if that isn't for a lack of trying to turn around. The only thing that's got any real meaning for me right now is to stop this pathetic and embarrassing series of absolutely retarded mistakes I keep making so that at some point, my self-sufficiency aside, I at least don't make my parents' efforts to keep me from utterly failing even worse be for nothing. I don't really want to kill myself, but I certainly wish I'd just die or disappear a lot. Half the reason, I suspect, that I don't want to actually kill myself is because I'm not really deserving of such an easy way out of my problems--especially knowing that my problems for almost my entire adult life have also been my parents problems too. I'm tired of being a piece of shit, and the only way for me to somehow manage to become an even bigger one is to wind up killing myself when I've been such a fuckin burden all this time. I wouldn't be helping anybody by doing it other than maybe myself, and I'm not worthy of that kind of self-reprieve.
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Molly Grimhall - Thu, 17 May 2018 06:01:47 EST ID:yDKihQN5 No.524123 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>524084

Life is pretty weird. Trends I noticed from attending multiple high schools :

A lot of the hot girls who did the sex and party thing early ended up pregnant quite early and basically turned into nobodies. If they weren’t pregnant, they had gone down the rabbit hole of drugs and alcohol pretty deep, now hang around with a 3 day ket, mdma and ecstasy lifestyle crowd and are partying away non stop in shitty flats in dodgy parts of town. Further education was usually pretty half baked. Only a rare few seemed to continue the trajectory of hot girl - good job, nice things and hot boys.

The guys who were kinda “top tier” of the group hierarchies but weren’t irresponsible seemed to never stray too far from their group after school. Maybe it’s relevance, maybe it’s clinging to identity but a lot of these guys just don’t really do much apart from see their friends and get drunk. The older I got, the more boring and beta they seemed. It’s a shame I let some of those guys bully me once, they’ll get a real fright when they meet me now.

The guys who were getting a lot of drugs, sex, fights and mischief from an early age (“the cool ones”) all now have pretty horrible rumours and stories attached to their pasts. For them, they have either pierced the veil and been left with emptiness and feelings of having “past their peak” or they reformed and became very well rounded characters who I respect a lot. The ones who haven’t done either, are still the same, and their life seems chaotic.

With the geeks and smart kids, it generally seems to go only one of two ways. They became really decent people, success with education and career but are quite different socially, can engage well as long as they are spoken to a way which works. Or they go full recluse, nothing important and generally overlooked in life. I think for geeks a lot of it is dependent on their actual exam results.

The stoners mostly turned out boring. They either warped their identities into parodies of their high school years, growing and exaggerating their character with every passing year, never actually changing. Or they sold out, adopted some sort of normative identity and put most of their character behind them in order to be a part of someone else’s group identity. Most likely working in trades, retail or a low tier office job if “smart”.

————

If you are wondering who I was in this mess. I was the nomadic drifter, floating from school to school, knowing many tribes but never settling. I’d find love and hate at every school I went to and established myself as a rejection of their system. A self styled kurt cobain meets limp biz kit metalhead n hip hop stoner who could find friends anywhere but also enemies. Went on to have best exam results in school, but also multiple psychotic episodes and rejected it all for an attempt at an art career in the end. Also I had sex !




I have no point lol. Life is just mad interesting to watch unfold.


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