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I am so happy I lost my ex! by Medium Difficulty - Wed, 19 Sep 2018 18:13:48 EST ID:jFcb6uwf No.526719 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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First of all: Sorry for my bad english!

I just need and want to write this down and get off my chest.

While I said it occasioally to my current wife, its still something I need to speak / write up.

My last relationship nearly ruined me.
I had years of depression, couldn't find a job because I was suicidal, had friends who moved far away ( so I had literally no friends or fake-friends who only wanted to smoke pot or get drunk and needed help fixing their computers).

I was in a relationship with - in retrospect - an awful hipster-bitch.
In fact I only truly realized what hipsters are after the "relationship" ended.

Her parents didn't like me from the get-go. They made relatively clear, that I needed a better paid job (I worked at a farm, sold food and helped in keeping the house together - because the owners were really old.)

I loved my job. It was hard but I managed to get through.
Unfortunately the farm was to be sold and the shop wasn't supposed to be there for the new owners ladidadida...

But back to topic:
My Ex was a totally needy, REALY needy girl! She wanted to "explore" the world, wanted to travel every single weekend, and best to pack our stuff and travel right after work.

We stopped having Sex when she started to visit some christian festivals, because she wanted to safe herself up for me, but she wasn't fond of marriage. She said she'll marry when she's done with travelling.

She started to have money-problems and up to this point I lost nearly all savings to her travel-craze.

(not that I don't like travelling! I just think going onto big travels every single weekend ist kinda too much and psychotic. Like running away from yourself).

I was deluded and in love/blind enough, to think she's a very intelligent and open-minded woman (kinda conflicted with her going onto christian festivals!).

Her lifestyle went further into Hipster-Parties and travells to her friends homes - all some not too rich-kids homes but obvious houses paid by parents.
It was a constant dick-measurement-contest between her and her "friends", and me and her "friends".
Do you know what I am talking about?

Her friends seemed nice at first. They wanted to include me in some kind of imaginary "club".
But they showed their real face after only a few years!

She kept going on, onto leasing cars to drive away with her girlfriends, riding motorcycles (she was constantly buying these "experience-tickets", where you can pay for some "crazy" stuff, boring people think cool people do),
went onto disgusting "champagne" parties with me
(not exacly "parties". More like many people meeting in fancy dresses and drinking champagne while talking about their latest "achievements" that cost a ton of money!),
her "friends" allways wanting to burn money on stupid stuff on her birthdays
(like buying her more of these "experience tickets").

I started to work two jobs and still went into debt, because her lifestyle was costly as fuck.
Her parents kept supporting her, I didn't have parents who would support me (and even IF, I never would've wanted my arsehole-parents to give me anything! They are cruel catholic monsters that tired to ruin me my whole life!) and I felt more and more like I didn't belong.

After maybe 3 years (and some random passive-aggressive fights with her parents) she broke up with me.

Her and (so I thought) my friends treated me like I never even existed.
I lost so many "friends" after the break-up and always wondered why they didn't want to be my friends!

I was devastated.
I thought I wasn't enough.

I had maybe the worst depression of my whole life. 4 years I wept, hadn't the energy to do something for me, couldn't hold another job for more than a few weeks.
I got constant panic-attacks and wanted to take my life.

I took an overdose of some random pills I found at a "friends" house, but they only knocked me out and after I woke up and puked on everything in an ambulance I just stopped.

I stopped hurting myself.
I went to a shrink for a year, didn't help me as much as I wanted to and most of the shit I chew myself I left behind!

I started to meet people who aren't shallow husks, I started to back-down on working myself to death (works more or less fine) and I started to enjoy the little things in life!

I met a beautiful wife and we are married now.
We travel occasionally, but mostly twice a year. Other times we drive around on our bicycles or go swimming (SEE?! You don't have to do expensive shit to be happy!).
He rparents like me, I try to help'em with stuff now and then.

She had some hipster-firends that started to show the same disgusting "never-satisfied"-attitude, but she left these people to rot.
They were like children, buying so much useless stuff, literally hoarding junk and kept doing their well-known "look what expensive shit I've bought today" with no substance.
It felt like they weren't human at times, only robots with the sole purpose on throwing their money away.

We cleaned out our social contacts, we both took a deep look into who is poison in our life and who is a great and positive human to have around.

We "lost" contact to many, many "friends" but the true friends stayed and its a JOY!

No more buying expensive and useless crap for birthday os 10 (!) people at once who all want their presents...
No more pressure to try out EVERYTHING in life (including drugs or going to christian festivals full of hipsters).

We are happy with what we have and still follow our dreams!

We may have to save up a lot more to actually travel somewhere, but its okay.

We found our balance between cooking very excellent food, Netflix, local and cheap oldschool-cinemas, occasional concerts or just cuddling and listening to great music!

Drawing, playing guitar, going naked swimming, filming ourself underwater whithout any clothes.

We love each other and I wasn't so relaxed and full of a really satisfied feeling for a long time in my life!

6 years now, and we are still going strong.

I am very happy I battled the maybe worst depression I've ever had, could battle some minor episodes that tried to cimb back into my life together with my wife and I feel nearly complete!

(well my present work-situation is kinda shit. I am working in the healthcare-business and these fuckers are cutting everything down, left and right. I know I'll lose my job in a month or tow, but I already started to look elsewhere!)
Nigel Blobblelock - Sat, 22 Sep 2018 14:21:34 EST ID:BgYDrKs0 No.526769 Ignore Report Quick Reply
thanks for sharing your story man. i'm really glad it all worked out for you. it's no good to let people treat you like that, so kudos to you for recognizing that
Fucking Cuvingwell - Thu, 03 Jan 2019 18:26:44 EST ID:KD71R6q3 No.528497 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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So glad for you that you could cut this awful person out of your life and found your soulmate!

I've dated this sort of person a few times and every relationship that involved these never-satisfied type of people was doomed from the get go

(some of them turned unsurprisingly into drug-addicts).

People who "need" to experience the whole world, no matter the cost are people I'd like to stay away,

because I've learned it the hard way too, that people who can't enjoy the moment, can't take it slow or breathe something wonderful that happens right in front of their face,

are people who are empty on the inside!

I am totally convinced that there is something really wrong with these people,

they are the same people looking down on you because you "aren't free" and you are "missing so much this world has to offer"

but are really egomaniacs in friendly clothing!
Reuben Nimmledale - Fri, 04 Jan 2019 11:13:49 EST ID:THNi/hHd No.528509 Ignore Report Quick Reply
blame blame blame, maybe she was an asshole, but nobody can make you depressed. If you get depressed when they do shit, they didn't make you depressed. Holding onto blame might feel good in the short term but you were young and made a mistake and learned from it. do what you need to do to let this go.
Ernest Blicklehane - Fri, 04 Jan 2019 18:56:32 EST ID:0+GuTKht No.528522 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I dated someone for 5 years, totally thought she was the one, tirelessly proved myself to her judgemental parents, she is beautiful, and we were both putting our own independent time into creating a better future for ourselves, professionally and spiritually. We both lived with our parents and were just introducing ourselves into adulthood.

She got pregnant around our 4 year mark. It was devastating. We decided to abort, especially because we were both "rational-minded adults" and concluded the child wouldn't be able to have a nice life with the two of us having to struggle to support it its whole life. This was a very dark time. We were there for each other throughout, holding hands as we waded through the thick misery. Despite her having an amazing insurance plan provided by her engineer-father, the procedure cost $1600 which we split evenly between us.

A few months later, she decided that we should take a break from each other. This was an agreeable thing to do considering such a recent hardship. We maintained contact but we ceased to be intimate with each other, opting for a more platonic relationship.

As dating goes, her friends became mine and vice versa. Her and a particular friend of mine became very close throughout our relationship. During our break/platonic time, she decided to travel and go visit this particular friend of mine in another part of the country at an organic farm he'd moved to. Concurrently, I had been confiding in another friend of mine about my relationship troubles. This friend is a mutual friend and was a polyamorous partner of the particular friend whom my (girlfriend?) was visiting. This friend -- how absolutely grateful I am of her, she is exactly the friend everyone should have -- told me that my (girlfriend? I don't fucking know) and this particular friend were hooking up during their stay at the organic farm. I fucking exploded in tears of betrayal and general heartbreak after hearing this information.

Side note: This trio [girlfriend, particular friend, and amazing friend] have gotten together exclusively throughout the years of our relationship and were very close; although I was very enthusiastic of their growing bond, in retrospect, all of it seemed kind of incestuous. My amazing friend and particular friend, who met through me, grew fond of each other and formed a very close, though open, relationship. Whether or not I can claim credit for that is entirely subjective. (I have also played matchmaker with some other of my close friends who met through me. Call me Cupid) The two of them and my girlfriend would get together frequently --and exclusively -- and have very intimate conversations about personal details, all for the sake of openness. Now, I strongly encourage openness in all contexts, and especially in this one I could not appreciate more, but with such openness comes some very caustic information if not filtered properly. Unfortunately, the figuratively forgiving sieve of filtered speech was not afforded to me.

After hearing from my amazing friend that my (girlfriend? I'm sorry for constantly parenthesizing this but to this day it still confuses me) and particular friend were hooking up, my amazing friend then goes on to tell me that my girlfriend-at-the-time had also been sleeping around, cheating on me throughout our whole relationship with various male friends of hers from high school. How naive was I to simply believe that her and they were just friends. I was told that she had been seeing a specific friend consistently for at least a year leading up to this news. Being told all of this at once forced me to hang up and immediately leave my house and just walk down the road, away away away.

I may be naive but I'm not ignorant. My ex-girlfriend had been sleeping with different men throughout the course of our relationship. She had been seeing a specific man for at least a year. She became pregnant only a few months ago.

Only a few months ago < at least a year

This simple mathematical inequality BROKE me. The weight of my mind was close to a black hole after realizing this.

I totally lost my cool. I called my ex-girlfriend. Called and called. At least 20 missed calls. Repeat that with my particular friend, and add a few vulgar rage-filled voicemails (which I regret).

She returned home a week later. I'd since regained my cool. We got back in touch, and agreed to meet up to talk. We met at a park. I weakly greeted her as I got out of my car. She very enthusiastically greeted me, insinuating that she had done no wrong. We began walking and I asked how her trip was. She described it with great charisma, talking about all the pretty things and interesting people. We approached a good spot to sit during our walk. We sat down. We shared a moment of silence. I asked, "do you love (high school friend)?" She said "I have very strong feelings for him. I wish you and I were polyamorous so that we could have avoided all this heartbreak."

Amazing sentiment and great effort, but fuck you.

We shared another moment of silence, then we stood up and walked back to where we parked. It was a 10 minute walk full of heavy thoughts and no conversation. We hugged goodbye and left.

We hadn't seen each other again until one night when I heard that she was hanging out with a few friends of mine at a chill spot, to which I was not invited. Even after a few months, that same exact feeling of betrayal resurfaced. How could they? Why not me? What the FUCK? I bugged and badgered my friend who told me they were all hanging out. I was eventually permitted to join them. I had good timing when I arrived as some friends were outside smoking, and I was totally zooted on adderall. What happened next was a sloppy night of avoiding the feeling of awkwardness while spending time in an art studio with my ex-girlfriend and her tinder date.

She moved away a month later. She moved all the way across the country. The distance alone has granted me a significant amount of respite throughout the years she's been gone. Years of depression, and too much alcohol.

Somehow, fate itself chose to conspire against me, and around this time, all of my friends independently decided to move away to different parts of the country, save for one fair-weather friend. Whether it was to experience life outside their stomping grounds, or to escape the stagnation I'm sure they felt, I do not resent their decisions. However, I was alone. Only my parents were there to support me, regardless of how oblivious I kept them of my angst.

That was almost 4 years ago. I've since traveled a few times to visit my friends, I've gotten into a brief relationship with someone I tried too hard to convince myself to love, and I've ghosted a few chicks I met on tinder that I hooked up with and didn't find too attractive. I was lost for a while and I didn't give a fuck. I got fed up with not giving a fuck eventually, and I decided to take up a trade and have now found myself on a successful career path involving work I enjoy. Along the way I met a girl, we moved in together, and on Christmas Eve I went to an antique store and bought an engagement ring. I have very high hopes for myself right now.

But still...

If someone you really care about did something entirely awful and life-ruining to you, and you didn't become depressed, then you're an absolute sociopath. Of course: the direct result of their shittiness is your depression. Therefore, they caused your depression. What you're speaking of is overcoming the depression; no one can simply NOT feel any negative emotions after experiencing trauma. Come on.
Monster Trialis - Wed, 09 Jan 2019 18:39:16 EST ID:BfQPvhKL No.528668 Ignore Report Quick Reply
for someone who never used Tinder:
Is it easier to get in a relationship over Tinder than meeting someone at a party?

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