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Still thinking about the girl that died at the end of 2017 by Augustus Pockbanks - Sat, 12 Jan 2019 04:54:13 EST ID:ApvoIuSE No.528720 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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I am not sure, I know she was bad for me.
I know that she tricked me into buying her drugs more than once.
I know she kissed random people in the street.
But she was still my friend. I am not sure, I miss the girl incredibly, and I still haven't found another partner.

Her friends are a nightmare and still asking for money, I haven't delivered though.,as I am literally on the other side of the country and I couldn't if I wanted to.

The real question is why do I feel so bad about this all?
>>
Jarvis Hingerstit - Sat, 12 Jan 2019 05:33:13 EST ID:omOuoug9 No.528721 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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No matter what ended up happening in the past you have no financial obligation to help anyone. Don't beat yourself up about the past, it's impossible to fix. Death is hard for us all, I'll be praying for ya.
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Ian Capperspear - Sat, 12 Jan 2019 07:33:29 EST ID:RO4g+pTF No.528723 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>528720
Because she meant something to you. It sounds like you don't fully understand what that is consciously, but it was important enough to viscerally feel the weight of its loss after knowing she died.

Our lives might be complex, but fundamentally human beings are simple. When we know people and/or possess things we're attached to, see ourselves in, feel grateful towards or connected to, or otherwise value, we hurt. The question you should be asking isn't "why do I feel so bad about this all", because that isn't much of a mystery. What you should be asking is what this girl actually meant to you, and why you believe that is.

Then, maybe you can start to really process what it is you feel and know in your gut that you lost when she died. Until you understand that, the only thing that's going to end these feelings is your memories of her fading over the years. But, once you actually start that process (if you can), then accepting, internalizing, and healing from that pain becomes possible.
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Ian Capperspear - Sat, 12 Jan 2019 07:39:33 EST ID:RO4g+pTF No.528724 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>528723
> The question you should be asking isn't "why do I feel so bad about this all", because that isn't much of a mystery. What you should be asking is what this girl actually meant to you, and why you believe that is.
Also, I get this is more or less what you were meaning to ask when asking why you feel so bad about all of this, but there's a rather potentially significant nuance between the two questions.

The question you chose to ask implies that she somehow wasn't important enough in your life (or perhaps, lets say, you weren't close enough to her) to warrant feeling as much as you do about her death. Clearly, since you do feel as much as you do, she was that important to you in some way, so questioning that coming from a position of disbelief/skepticism isn't useful. You already know it's true that she meant something more to you than you perhaps believe she really should have, so why not just accept its reality and instead focus solely on discovering just exactly what that might be?
>>
Augustus Pockbanks - Sat, 12 Jan 2019 08:13:58 EST ID:ApvoIuSE No.528726 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>528723
>ecause she meant something to you. It sounds like you don't fully understand what that is consciously, but it was important enough to viscerally feel the weight of its loss after knowing she died.
> What you should be asking is what this girl actually meant to you, and why you believe that is.
I saw her literally an hour before she died.
She started off as just someone to pass the time with, but she took my virginity when I thought that I could never be physical with anyone..

I feel horrible, I feel as though she was set up for failture and that she never got a chance in life. She was born addicted to herion, she was adopted by a shitty family who's other child died of the same causes.

It was just horrible. She had no other choice to be come the person she did.

I just feel as though if I met her sooner in life I could have perhaps saved her pr something.

>ou already know it's true that she meant something more to you than you perhaps believe she really should have,

She was the exact opposite of what I wanted in a partner, but I just wanted her to succeed, I didn't want her to ever worry about being homeless or abused or any of that shit. I just kept failing her, I tried to get her to move out with me, but she said she could never leave the state. She was collecting benefits or something.
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Angus Fabberfoot - Sat, 12 Jan 2019 10:39:51 EST ID:rTQzzI7S No.528728 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>528726
You never failed her. She couldn't be helped any more than you can. Augustus is like you in that he's wasting energy on someone who knows it's slightly easier short term to continue in the same self destructive spiral and doesn't think past next week. Moving out would have been hard. Not posting this same fucking stupid thread would be hard. Either would be better in the medium and long run but fuck future you apparently. Also fuck present you. Fuck off.
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Hamilton Sirringmug - Sat, 12 Jan 2019 15:51:42 EST ID:o8/iG2l7 No.528734 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>528726
Are you some kind of superhero or something? Why is it you think you could've kept this from happening? Do you think you would ever have actually been able to stop her from wantonly abusing drugs when you said yourself she was pretty much on a track to be like this her whole life? If you really think you could've stopped this all too inevitable outcome somehow yourself, then quit being so arrogant. Not one person other than herself had the power to stop this from happening.

>She was the exact opposite of what I wanted in a partner
I wasn't meaning to imply that you secretly loved her or anything. I was speaking perhaps more literally than my words in such a context would typically be taken to mean. When I said she meant something to you or more to you than you consciously believe to be the case, I meant just what I said. I wasn't trying to say you loved her. I was simply statint thag her life and your experiences together had/have some kind of important meaning to you.

Why is it you felt the need to fix this girl so much? why did you ever feel like you even could in the first place? Not being able to fix serious, deep-seated problems that aren't yours isn't something you should feel guilty about.Her life was what it was, nearly all of us are set up for failure in some way or another. You didn't contribute to her death, and honestly there was little to nothing you could've done to stop her from using drugs and eventually overdosing like she did.

What's strange to me is how you've removed all sense of agency from her altogther, seeing her as being completely subject to and controlled by her life's circumstances, while at the same time believing you yourself would or should have been capable or with agency enough to prevent her from dying this way. Your feelings have gone from sounding like grief over her dying to sounding like you're pitying her for the life she had. There's a difference. The former is feeling and coping with loss, the latter is coming from a place of arrogance, superiority, and a bit of moral grandstanding. She was not some caged and beat little animal beneath you because of her life circumstances or drug abuse. She was a human being capable of making her own decisions and living her own life. You seeing her more as the hurt little animal says a lot about how you see yourself in comaprison to her. Why are you choosing to treat her as being beneath you?
>>
Martha Crunkinmire - Sat, 12 Jan 2019 23:39:34 EST ID:ApvoIuSE No.528741 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>528734
>re you some kind of superhero or something? Why is it you think you could've kept this from happening? D
I could have easily gone back and checked on her, but I didn't want to be a creeper.

>Why is it you felt the need to fix this girl so much?
she seemed like a magical person who just couldn't get it together. She was like a manic pixie dream girl, but more magical,she was always doing something and socializing with people.

>e done to stop her from using drugs and eventually overdosing like she did.
I just felt as though if I met her three years earlier, I could have influenced her not to do any of that. Idk

I saved her from overdosing at least twice

>Your feelings have gone from sounding like grief over her dying to sounding like you're pitying her for the life she had

I wanted her to have a better life and have to worry about all that fucked up shit
>>
Martha Crunkinmire - Sat, 12 Jan 2019 23:39:34 EST ID:ApvoIuSE No.528742 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>>528734
>re you some kind of superhero or something? Why is it you think you could've kept this from happening? D
I could have easily gone back and checked on her, but I didn't want to be a creeper.

>Why is it you felt the need to fix this girl so much?
she seemed like a magical person who just couldn't get it together. She was like a manic pixie dream girl, but more magical,she was always doing something and socializing with people.

>e done to stop her from using drugs and eventually overdosing like she did.
I just felt as though if I met her three years earlier, I could have influenced her not to do any of that. Idk

I saved her from overdosing at least twice

>Your feelings have gone from sounding like grief over her dying to sounding like you're pitying her for the life she had

I wanted her to have a better life and have to worry about all that fucked up shit
>>
Esther Dromblelock - Sun, 13 Jan 2019 05:26:14 EST ID:THNi/hHd No.528745 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>528720
why would you stop caring about someone after a year? especially if they are dead and can't make you angry. I'd be surprised if you weren't still in mourning tbh. I think it's even harder when you don't have a lot of happy memories to think about with the person
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Oliver Ponningdale - Tue, 15 Jan 2019 08:21:49 EST ID:ApvoIuSE No.528773 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>528745
Everyone here and Irl told me to find someone else and that she was using me.
I just felt so bad, everyone had given up on her, I thought I could do something to make her life better.
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Barnaby Penderpitch - Tue, 15 Jan 2019 10:45:58 EST ID:m3Ht1bWr No.528774 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>>528773
You cared about her really deeply, that's what really matters, not what everyone else's opinion of her was. You really really cared about her and you are mourning her.


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