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it's not complicated, it's just that most people in our culture don't have much experience in totally relaxing mind and body. it could literally be muscular tension that keeps a person from orgasm. but there's always mental/psychological 'tension' that goes along with the physical barriers.
you might look into the work of wilhelm reich, the controversial student of freud. he had some far out ideas toward the end of his life but earlier on he had some very practical insights into the nature of the orgasm. eccentric dude for sure, but he was on to something.
a few suggestions i can make personally:
1) don't try to give an orgasm. just focus on what feels good. go gentle and slowly with your fingers, hands, lips, tongue, and teeth. joke around, be silly sometimes. ask how she's doing every so often, even if you think you know (can help reinforce pleasure if she affirms it).
2) female orgasms in my experience seem to almost be more of a continuation/amplification of normal pleasurable sensation. there are peaks for sure, but not in the same way men have the orgasm and ejaculation simultaneously in a literal eruption (lol). so that might be part of why lots of women are fine with their anorgasmic status quo.
3) consider giving your partner a half-hour (or longer) full body massage every now and then, being as sensitive through your hands and fingertips as you can to find all the 'trouble spots' they might have in their body. if you have the money, buy them a really good massage as an occasional gift. buy yourself one so you learn some tricks and basic approaches. try to take the long view of your partner, striving to help them release all unnecessary tension and heal whatever psycho-sexual-physiological trauma they have accumulated. they're ultimately the ones who have to go down the healing road, but everybody needs help.
4) in tai chi chuan, two qualities called song and ting are emphasized. song can be understood partially as "relaxed and open but full of vitality and awareness," and ting as "listening skill," as in the ability to feel another person's whole body with just one point of contact (initiated most often by the hand and wrist). these qualities can be developed by meditation, qi gong, some forms of yoga, massage and physical therapy training, and many other ways. aside from martial applications, the main reason to develop these qualities is for health, longevity, and feeling good, but a definite side-effect is having warm, magic hands, if you know what i mean.