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Quick clarification, was gonna post this on PSY and forgot I moved it to here, that's why I was asking you guys to suspend your disbelief lol
So, with these examples in mind, fastforward to tonight. I've been confronting some Extremely suppressed emotions involving a very close couple of friends and it was fucking with me. Emotions were finally breaking through the cracks of my dissociation and I was all for it, they involved a coworker I was closing with too so they were all there and present for once, I was swimming in them, no way of getting away from them. I kept what the first dude I was talking about said in mind and tried to focus them, acknowledge and feel them rather than analyze them from a distance. I started to feel just, idk, sort of connected. I felt like myself for the first time in a very long time and was enjoying it and wanted to stick with it so I started playing an album by the Avalanches. I was really jamming to it and by the time the last song came on I was entirely focused on the music. Then the last song's intro started repeating itself. Rather than tell myself I was hearing things, I focused on it, listened to it, went with my intuition. It would play the same sort of orchestral intro, swell into the main body of the song, then swell back out and repeat rather than move forward in the song. I listened to it again and again, not repeating it on my phone, but it was just playing like that. I had an idea and thought, "Stop that. Play the song." and it stopped looping. It went into the rest of the song the way it was supposed to. I was in goosebumps mode at this point so I thought, "Do it again" just the way buddy #1 said he had. And it fucking did. It repeated again. It was the first time hearing the song so I attributed it to chance.
When I got back into my car to go home I pulled up the song. It had been playing longer than it was supposed to by minutes, I could tell because I know how long it takes for my workplace's dishwasher to run through a cycle and it went through more cycles than were in the song while it was playing at work. I played the beginning and listened VERY carefully, NO loops. I played the last song's outro, NO loops. I was feeling spoopy. And then on the drive home:
A fucking lightning ball exploded in front of my car on my street. I've seen it happen one time before. Lit up the entire sky AS I was listening to the song. I went with it, too much coincidence at this point. I shouted, and mind you this is very out of character for me, "FUCKING DO IT AGAIN!" Waited. "I DONT BELIEVE YOU! PROVE IT!" Thirty seconds pass and I'm nearly home. Think it was a freak chance WHEN IT HAPPENS AGAIN! Right behind me this time. Everything lit up, brighter than possible with a lighting strike unless it was right on you. I've had lightning strike a tree in my back yard before, I know what it looks like and this shit was somehow brighter. At that point, I just asked, "What are you trying to say? How do I communicate with you?" and I'm still waiting on a response.
I've been doing some shitty things lately that could stand to really threaten my way of life and what is important to it and today was the culmination of it. Do I have some sort of being, like what friend #1 was describing, trying to communicate that to me? Now that I have acknowledged my feelings and am beginning to be myself again, is it warning me to stop being such a socipathic monster at the risk of destroying it all? Am I just fucking nuts? I ran inside and asked my roommate if he saw the lightning and he did, it wasn't in my head. Is this all just freak coincidence combined with a little bit of auditory hallucinations? Have any of you experienced anything like this? Please, lay it on me. Am I crazy or is this real?