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Fun DND Rolls by Samuel Nicklestock - Wed, 03 Feb 2016 01:03:22 EST ID:uX/k8kSV No.27926 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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This weekend my player had to make a listen check to see if she could hear the other player have sex. Later, a player was jacking off in the street and I had some guards tackle him, but let him roll for initiative to see if he could cum on them first. What fun rolls have you had in dnd?
Clara Crenkinlig - Wed, 03 Feb 2016 10:13:14 EST ID:qOuaqtCx No.27927 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>Players having sex
>Players jacking off

I'm hoping it's not just you and your buds sitting around, stroking your lucious neckbeards and rubbing your dongs while living out some sad, mutually shared sex fantasy...

i mean, unless you're into that I guess. Do your thing, I guess.

But in any case, you should nab pic related. It's full of Uhhh... Interesting third party material and rules for all your deviant RP desires!
Basil Branninghood - Fri, 05 Feb 2016 02:11:14 EST ID:h0SGYYku No.27935 Ignore Report Quick Reply

I ended up rolling a Dex check to seduce a viscountess by making a sexual "fingering" motion, and succeeded. What was better was that it was another player's 23 year old sister, in-game.
Rebecca Blytheson - Sat, 06 Feb 2016 08:39:45 EST ID:TNE/05uO No.27937 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Planescape in 3.5 my character is a warlock journalist and drunk. After being repeatedly shoved through portals as a canary by a certain party member, he stuck his head through one and used the disorientation to projectile vomit on her. She rolled a 1 for the reflex save and so swallowed some of the vomit. Just in case you thought it might be getting a bit swap.avi I then passed my reflex save to avoid the ensuing counter attack.

We also had a night drinking during our first session and our tank who was a hardhead fighter and hadn't been drinking tormented the hungover party by doing the worm in chainmail and rolled a 20 on his "How irritating is this" check. I rolled a 1 on my check to hurl a nearby boot at him so my character had a black eye for the next couple of days.
Hamilton Fecklebury - Sat, 06 Feb 2016 09:53:25 EST ID:bT8t7ddL No.27939 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>Playing with a few friends
>Two characters, me included, witness an NPC get assaulted by another NPC
>The assaulter gets away as we tend to the wounded
>Friend says "I pat him down to check for injury, but as I do so I try to pick his pocket"
>DM gives him a slight bonus to his roll because it looks like he's helping the guy. Roll succeed
>I say "I help him up, and as I do so, plunge my hand through his chest and steal his spleen....with a bonus, because it looks like I'm helping."
>DM says to roll for it. 3 nat 20's in a row needed - one to plunge the hand in, one to find the spleen and one to remove it without being noticed.
>I throw the die, it's a 20
>DM facepalms and says "fine, your hand pierces the flesh and is now deep inside him. Roll again"
>20. DM is exasperated "Okay, nobody notices as your hand clamps around what is surely his spleen. Roll again"
>20. Defeated, the DM mutters "you are holding his spleen. Hur-fuckedy-rah. But the peasants have a chance to notice the man's muffled death rattle."
>Rolls a 1 on the nearby NPC's listen check, slams his face down on his desk out of frustration, throws his arms up dramatically and shouts 'ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?'

I didn't often do stupid shit like that during D&D. Usually I did my best to keep the party from fighting each other, and to keep the rogues from stealing loot from the rest of the party. Sometimes I acted like an arsehole.
Edwin Drangerfield - Sat, 06 Feb 2016 23:55:36 EST ID:RdL/+ueM No.27940 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Can't think of any funny rolls I've made at the moment, but I would like to share a story.

>playing pathfinders
>in the middle of a boss fight
>our DM set it up where characters from our other games randomly pop into existence to help with the fight
>my old dead ninja shows up
>I pull up his sheet and notice he still has a "horse wand x71"
>ask the DM "so I can use whatever is on his sheet, right?"
>"sure, why?"
>when its finally his turn I snap the wand in half using up all its charges at once
>half the party is buried under horses
>the skype call rings into laughter
>our barb starts throwing the horses at the boss until it dies

And that's how I ruined my DM's super serious boos fight. At least once every time we play now the girl who was playing the barb asks "hey remember when I threw horses at that guy?"
Ian Gummerford - Tue, 16 Feb 2016 09:23:31 EST ID:J1xfjkhv No.27943 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I was in a 3.5 arean-type game and the party came up against a pain devil. It was out of our CR range, we couldn't overcome the DR well, and were having a shit time fighting it. I did, however, have a Swan Boat Feather Token, so I snapped that bitch and dropped a ship on the pain devil. DM had everyone roll reflex saves. Everyone but me failed, and thats how I ended up wiping out my entire party. With swan boats.
Ernest Bashbet - Thu, 18 Feb 2016 22:21:51 EST ID:RdL/+ueM No.27944 Ignore Report Quick Reply
mah nigga
James Blytheford - Thu, 17 Mar 2016 22:58:52 EST ID:X+RKcrDW No.27974 Ignore Report Quick Reply
*roll a 20 on the pathfinder equivalent of godzilla*

Me: Oh shit, I have a vorpal sword so that's an instant decapitation right/

DM: Well it's really big and it's up to my discretion.

Me: well I have a Pegasus so I could fly around it's neck and make a u-turn.

DM: *laughs uncontrollable* (it was late) sure, you guys win.
Clue? - Sat, 02 Apr 2016 19:08:38 EST ID:OpTadZ0A No.27997 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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I like crtical hits and I can not lie.
Hedda Trotdock - Fri, 08 Apr 2016 09:41:05 EST ID:eV+NbI9c No.28016 Ignore Report Quick Reply
You other brothers can't deny
when a die rolls in with an itty bitty one
And an Icosahedron in your face
You get sprung
Nell Smalllock - Mon, 11 Apr 2016 16:48:15 EST ID:5lvYUIO6 No.28018 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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one time i was roleplaying with a friend of mine in his dad's campaign, and he was being a hella mary sue wizard elf named like skywind bluesail or some shit, so i became an eastern european gnome hypnotist thief, and in a town where skywind was famous i set up a magic show, and i got a critical success on hypnotizing the whole audience into thinking that i was putting on the greatest magic show they have ever seen, and the way his dad and i explained it all my friend was informed about it was that i was performing feats of incredible magic explained in detail the likes of which he's never seen, with a brand new charector, in his dads ultra difficult campaign thats forty years old. He got really pissed off, now i was famous in that town more then he was.
Ian Dandersug - Wed, 13 Apr 2016 21:37:22 EST ID:tyQN+Ppd No.28027 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>Picking up Epic Lvl campaign after playing one practice session over six months ago and going on hiatus
>Immediately get into encounter
>fighting three gargantuan-sized bruisers
>My first turn
>Using Inner Void attack
>natural twenty
>DM tells me to roll again
>Great.... DM is one of those DMs that make you roll to confirm
>nope, crits are automatic. House rules are that if you double crit, you kill them dead
>my face when I double crit
>I literally just kill this mofo by sending him to hell through his own asshole
>Good thing too because apparently that guy was the strongest with a super nasty aoe attack.
>fight goes on
>harass one of the remaining two enemies while rest of party focuses on the other one.
>Slowly whittling him down
>about 15 rounds later
>Get a crit on him using Envoy of Nihal (sadly no double crit)
>Flavor text of attack is basically that I open up a portal and scary shit comes out
>DM tells me that since he's close enough to dying, if I can describe his death in an awesome and appropriate way, He'll let me finish him off
>So I play it by making the first enemy I killed by sucking through a portal reappear... inside the enemy I'm currently fighting
>MFW The second guy dies from the first guy violently exploding from his stomach
>Rest of party still hasn't killed the one they're fighting.

damn it feels good to be a warlock.
Phoebe Ponderson - Wed, 13 Apr 2016 23:30:20 EST ID:h0SGYYku No.28028 Ignore Report Quick Reply

It takes you 15 turns to kill something in an epic level campaign? Jesus, you aren't doing something right, especially with you being a Warlock. Where's your eldritch blast for 10-15d6? In my opinion, if you go Warlock, you go full Warlock and take all of the various Warlock prestige classes on top of the base class. You become extremely scary at that point.
Ian Dandersug - Thu, 14 Apr 2016 02:08:32 EST ID:tyQN+Ppd No.28034 Ignore Report Quick Reply
What have you been smoking? Eldritch Blast does 2d10 at 21st level in 4e and that's a drop in the bucket versus a baddy with almost 1,000 HP.
Sidney Wupperhall - Thu, 14 Apr 2016 17:57:34 EST ID:zDkGRSbj No.28035 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Ah you're using 4th ed. You should have at least +5 from charisma and maybe magic item bonuses though.

Phoebe is assuming 3.5th I take it. I've got a warlock who will do more damage per turn than you by level 5. I'm not sure why you wouldn't play 5th though. Less awful system. At level 20 your spammable attack would be D10. However it attacks 4 times, and you can take an invocation to add your charisma every time it does damage. Plus you could hex the target so each hit does +d6. Do if you hit on all 4 you'd get 4x(D10+D6+5 maybe more if you have charisma above 20, you'll have 20 minimum). Which is a little more respectable and the tarrasque has under 700hp. Then again"epic" is just 15+ rather than 21+

People always said despite the streamlining combat in 4th took ages. I can see why now. fuck.

Rolling to confirm crits is annoying. Our DM didn't give a fuck but our most experienced player reminded him you have to do that. So anyway my warlock is level 3 and no one has crit so far. Ever. Fuck rolling to confirm.
Oliver Blizzleway - Thu, 14 Apr 2016 20:03:29 EST ID:DYSDV+VB No.28037 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Yeah, I probably should have clarified it was 4th. Also should have clarified the campaign is technically "beyond epic tier" since we're starting out at lvl 30 with the intention of going all the way to 60. The group has gotten into the habit of calling it the "epic game" so that's kinda misleading when I think of it since that would imply 21-30.

We're also sticking with 4th ed because the DM has been working on this campaign for a while now and built a custom leveling system for it. Switching over to 5e at this point would be ridiculous after this much work has been put into it. But yeah.... Combat really does take forever in 4th ed
"Roll to confirm" is from 3.5 where rolling a natural '20' would be considered a "critical threat" and you're have to re-roll the attack. If you succeed in the confirmation roll, it counts as a critical hit but if you fail it, its only considered a regular hit.

It was removed in 4ed but I've unfortunately suffered through a few DMs who built it into their house rules for some god-knows reason.
Edward Blashstone - Fri, 15 Apr 2016 12:55:05 EST ID:h0SGYYku No.28038 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Should've stated you were playing 4th. Not sure why you'd play something of that nature. My lvl 29 I have in the epic campaign I'm in does 500-1000 damage in one turn easily.
Betsy Drittingstuck - Fri, 15 Apr 2016 16:30:54 EST ID:tyQN+Ppd No.28039 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>Should've stated you were playing 4th
Not really. The system was more or less irrelevant considering the post was about the flavor of those two rolls in the context of the unique setting we're playing, not how I power-gamed the system to achieve max damage. I'm really not getting why you've gotten your panties in such a twist and taken on the assumption I'm doing something wrong.

Honestly, if DnD is nothing but a numbers game to you, then I think you're the one doing something wrong.
Doris Gobberwater - Sat, 16 Apr 2016 00:15:08 EST ID:h0SGYYku No.28040 Ignore Report Quick Reply

No jimmies have been rustled, I just have a passive hate for anything other than 3.5. It's what I grew up with and what I enjoy. I've been playing for so long that power-gaming is just a side thing, I like to try out different builds to try and achieve different types of bad-assery.

Doing something "wrong" is different from person to person. I just assumed you were playing 3.5 where Warlocks can get up to 15d6 for their Eldritch Blast, so I found it odd that you weren't doing optimal or near optimal damage. Don't resort to attempted jimmy rustling just because someone likes to do insane amounts of damage.
Lillian Snoddock - Sat, 16 Apr 2016 17:52:04 EST ID:tyQN+Ppd No.28042 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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But I never even mentioned the amount of damage I was doing to begin with. Without knowing what system I was playing, what type of class variant, and what type of enemies I was up against, you pulled this idea out of your ass that I'm doing insufficient damage (something wrong as you put it). Then you try to spin it around and insinuate it's my fault that you assumed too much when you're the only one this anal about systems.

And a "passive hate" for non-3.5 systems? Sounds like you're perma-rustled.
Martha Shittinglock - Sun, 17 Apr 2016 23:06:57 EST ID:h0SGYYku No.28044 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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You took the passive hate thing a little too literal. It's just the system I enjoy the most considering all of the supplemental rules there are. I have a 10GB collection of .pdf's that expand upon the base game more than any of it's other editions, probably even combined. In my eyes, the other editions don't seem as good in that aspect. If there's something not set in stone, rules wise, in 3.5, 90% of the time there's basic framework somewhere in a book that explains how to do what you want. The other 10% of the time comes down to DM discretion and fleshing out of house rules on the subject.

I suppose I attempt to analyze how other people play their characters too much and compare it to my methods. Don't take everything so personally, everyone has their own opinions.
Caroline Shakedale - Thu, 28 Apr 2016 16:27:41 EST ID:teyBY0bX No.28072 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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I'm just saying guy, you made it personal when you personally insulted me and now you're making it personal again by trying to claim it's my fault for taking it too personally. Your 3.5ed high-horse doesn't assuage the fact that you're an arrogant cunt nor does it permit you to insult people all willy-nilly because you think what they're doing would be better if they were using your precious 3.5.

Also, if you think Eldritch blast doing 90 damage is optimal, than my At-Will that has a potential max-damage of 220 wants to have a word with you. damn it feels good to be a hybrid warlock/assassin
Fucking Sozzleson - Thu, 28 Apr 2016 17:18:54 EST ID:cqnVc19v No.28073 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Not a roll, but a skill check. One time during a 4e paragon level campaign the DM had me and another PC who was portraying my character's sister at a big festival. I have made a sorcerer and took every possible power that gave me flying so that I could be a wind mage. At the festival there was this one games booth that was holding a "how high can you jump" contest, which would have been an athletics check usually. I figured that since it was the campaign intro (and knowing the guy who was DM) we would probably get an extended rest before any combat occurred, so I elected to use all of my utility fly powers at once and was able to leap something like 400 ft in the air and inspire radical fear and respect in the hearts of the NPCs.
Charles Clecklekut - Fri, 29 Apr 2016 22:34:18 EST ID:h0SGYYku No.28075 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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That's not too bad for a spell, a solid 2/3 of my character's health. You'd have to roll an insane Spot check to even see me in the first place, if our characters were to do battle. Assassin casters aren't something I've seen all that often. This build is a ranged assassin that dual-wields light repeating crossbows. Normal hits with the crossbow bolts that I use tend to do around 250-400, that sounds absurd, and it is, but the pic I posted has the rules for it.

Ended up hiring a shitload of epic enchanters to make a new custom weapon enchantment using epic seed spells. It's basically a synergy enchant that works off of Quick-Reloading by magically pulling out the fired crossbow bolts and teleports them to the pocket dimension created by Quick-Loading in the crossbow's magazine.
Charlotte Pagglekod - Sat, 30 Apr 2016 02:39:36 EST ID:GOSt5xC4 No.28079 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Now if you REALLY wanted to munchkin, you could do even better than that...
Shitting Chammermudging - Sat, 30 Apr 2016 03:33:57 EST ID:W097PqDK No.28080 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Just get your penis out and fuck him already. Jesus. None of us want to see this shit. Knock it the fuck off.
That's like a 2nd edition 40K vortex grenade. Oh how I miss it's unbalanced quirky rules and OP psychic phase. Okay maybe not. But vortex grenades were dope.
Nathaniel Picklemuck - Sat, 30 Apr 2016 12:11:11 EST ID:tyQN+Ppd No.28081 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Trust me. You do not want to go one-on-one with me. That 400 damage? Yeah, that's actually 0 damage. If you reduce me to 0 damage, I get to make a saving throw (and I have +12 to saving throws so I'll need to botch in order to fail) and negate all that damage. In the event that I do fail, I have another ability that lets me roll a d20 whenever I take any amount of damage and negate it on a 10 or higher. If that fails, I have 4 more expendable powers to automatically negate the damage without a roll. You could be doing 1,000,000 damage for all the good it will do you. Fill me up with arrows all you want because you can't kill what's already dead.
Charles Clecklekut - Sat, 30 Apr 2016 14:02:25 EST ID:h0SGYYku No.28082 Ignore Report Quick Reply

That sounds a bit OP, negate all damage on a 10 or higher? I assume it has a limited number of uses per day.
Charles Clecklekut - Sat, 30 Apr 2016 14:25:50 EST ID:h0SGYYku No.28083 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Do take note of the outcome of the bolts I use. When they're removed, which is always, thanks to the enchant, there's a second effect. Normal hits do critical hit damage on removal, and critical hits inflict a coup de grace and another critical hit damage upon removal. Then you need to pass a Fort save of (10 + Dmg dealt) or immediately die. I think this all comes down to when all of these checks are made, sure you can negate the damage the bolts do, but the effects of the bolts still go through, unless you resolve the negations as the damage happen. If it's a check that's made at the end of someone's turn after all of the attacks and damage, then it's no bueno for you. After hearing about the damage negation though, I'd more than likely sit back and let my character's bodyguard deal with you. The Titanic Finisher from the Titan Blade class ignores anything that absorbs or prevents damage. Same goes for crits, but it is a full round action for that one attack. He's two levels lower, but still extremely powerful.

I do say, comparing characters is fun.
Barnaby Drellyduck - Sat, 30 Apr 2016 23:00:18 EST ID:OyexbvSL No.28084 Ignore Report Quick Reply
This kind of bullshit is why I stopped playing D&D.
Samuel Clattingfone - Sun, 01 May 2016 00:19:34 EST ID:KI8KGT+3 No.28086 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>DMing Pathfinder
>Session one. First level characters.
>Throw some goblins at them because fuck it, level one
>Supposed to be easy encounter moving a cart between neighboring towns
>Cleric wins initiative and drops obscuring mist first turn
>Wizard buffs AC for allies within 10ft radius
>Not a single player will leave the mist
>Nobody is hitting shit
>Fourth round a goblin confirms crit
>20% miss chance from concealment...
>crit = nope
>They killed one goblin in ten rounds
>Mist fades
>Goblins drop or flee in two rounds
>mfw it took twelve rounds for five players to fight six goblins

It was seriously a clusterfuck. About turn six I told everyone that they were just in a big cartoon fight. Like the dust cloud rolling around with limbs and swords poking out every now and then.
My cleric player freaking loved it. He worships a god of storms and trickery. He's loved doing silly shit with silly characters for about 15 years now.
Man. I love pen and paper games. Good times.
Volcanic Beach - Sat, 14 May 2016 01:33:23 EST ID:OpTadZ0A No.28101 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Roll Dex check to ride a bicycle
Reuben Ninningcocke - Tue, 08 Aug 2017 15:59:20 EST ID:0/NuTo5f No.28612 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>Play barbarian. 3.5
>Storming a frost giant fortress, fucking up all kinds of shit
>We get to the room before the boss. His elite guard.
>I attack with my nasty 2 handed sword. 20. We played by instakill rules
>I roll as we all wait for the outcome with bated breath
>20. DM- Roll again n' see. We were excited as this had never happened before
>DM- Your greatsword slices off the top of the giant's head just below the nose.You see as this piece slides and separates from the body, the frantic shifting of eyes.
>Metal as fuck
>When asked DM said it was still incredible luck and wanted to get to the boss where the really fun was (he was right)

The dice always know
NINEmonths - Fri, 08 Sep 2017 22:15:47 EST ID:Q95Ozbst No.28636 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>When you dump all your skill points in ONE skill, so you don't care what you roll

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