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Beans & Spellcasting by Dogmeat - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 01:11:46 EST ID:sf9/grdE No.4660522 Ignore Report Quick Reply
File: 1515823906910.gif -(72763B / 71.06KB, 294x229) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. 72763
Today at work, a coworker mentioned that the apple he had was soft and he hated soft apples (so do I, to be fair), so I made a joke about how much I, too, hate them. Another coworker chimed in that he hated soft apples and canned beans. We both started saying that canned beans were behind 9/11, that it all adds up, that the can is society, etc, a lot of dumb conspiracy shit.

Tonight, I come home, and what is it that my roommate made for both of us for dinner? He heated up a can of beans.

Jesus. They really are onto me. I knew I never should have gotten involved with all that occult secret society shit, man. Why the hell did I ever follow Liber Null? I should have just stayed a fucking muggle, now they know. A single errant word and I'll accidentally shape my reality in the goofiest of ways, I've opened the door of possibility too wide and in has flooded the waters of the psychedelic abyss, whirling and screaming and squeaking across the floor like so much psychic blood and frothy santorum splattering over the walls.

I'll never eat beans again.
Guy Fieri - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 01:14:08 EST ID:/pv2DyDJ No.4660524 Ignore Report Quick Reply

can you cast a spell on me so I make lots of money and look cool with hot girlfriend. also badass rebel
Dogmeat - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 01:17:14 EST ID:sf9/grdE No.4660526 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Considering that your name on here is Guy Fieri, it's pretty simple for me to believe in a reality where you are Guy Fieri, which would then make it the reality I inhabit, ergo, you would be Guy Fieri. That would be the most straightforward option.

So, that's my offer. You get all of that, but you have to live in Flavortown for the rest of your mortal days and those frosted tips will never, ever go away. Smashmouth's All Star will take up easily 85% of your waking thoughts, and you will be a god among men. Deal?
Dogmeat - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 01:19:47 EST ID:sf9/grdE No.4660528 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I'm sorry dude but I already accidentally made a thoughtform for this, I'm not great at preventing that sort of thing yet but I'm working on it. I think I accidentally made you into Guy Fieri before you had a chance to say yes or no. I apologize, but you are free to test run your new life while I work out the kinks of directing my schizolinguistic psychogeography.
Shitting Cashbury - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 01:20:30 EST ID:lUk4B2Nt No.4660529 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Canned beans cant melt Dank Memes xD
Dogmeat - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 01:22:44 EST ID:sf9/grdE No.4660530 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Well DUH, I'm not stupid enough to believe 9/11 actually happened. It was a nationwide leak of swamp gas and everyone with any kind of sense knows it.
Ejnar Hertzprung - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 01:47:40 EST ID:lajzc9+9 No.4660532 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Consider this, OP: If it was that easy to fuck up, you'd have fucked up by now. Beans aren't ever worth spilling. Why bother? No one cares about these fucking games. You know they know you know they know you know, but regular people just want to talk about clothes and food and who's fucking who. Get bribed by a rival reptilian mage and what would it buy you? Even if you were close to something valuable you wouldn't even know what you're looking at. Who's going to buy anyone when we're all rendered worthless by machines that do it for us? Sweaty palm get caught bluffing; fold a man into nothing for nothing? Your oxidized gold shaft flooding my jugular with Luciferrr. You'll shoot it, word, feel like we swallowed Jupiterrr. Today our city, tomorrow lifting the univerrrse? One way in, one way out. Cheek in tongue, when in doubt. Feel me now.
Wesley Murdfield - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 02:03:09 EST ID:tJIbdg1s No.4660539 Ignore Report Quick Reply
That picture triggers me.
What a great thread that was
Firebreather Cedric - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 02:10:16 EST ID:RKOZfxbo No.4660543 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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OP, just look into Synchronicity. But yes, Synchronicity and the Law of Attraction (energy flows where attention goes) are the same phenomenon. The last 6 or so years of my life have been entirely synchronistic, it's so common for things to sync up or click together it's just how the background of my life works now. Kinda cool, kinda dumb, basically God is fucking with you. Because He loves you. Chill, this is how the future will be, utopia, etc. We will live in a weird psychedelic revelry of meaningfulness and synchronicity.
EdwinPuckleville.jar - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 03:23:20 EST ID:vpRk8TiX No.4660554 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Swamp gas can melt steel beams. It can also levitate and make 90 degree turns at mach 5
Gil Chesterton - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 05:17:02 EST ID:OjE71hwV No.4660578 Ignore Report Quick Reply
There is an alternative called confirmation bias though. You look for certain things.

OP didn't notice the lack of facebook ads for beans, the lack of billboard ads for beans, that the person he hates didn't walk in with beans, that his friend didn't come in and declare them the secret of american or islamic greatness, that is friend isn't a friend of bush of the closest relative to Osama who hasn't died in a plane crash or any of the other stuff that didn't synch up.

There's glass half full and then there's
>the air contains a few molecules of water vapour so this is a glass of water, how considerate of the universe to fill it up
>empty glass.jpg
Hugh Bugglestock - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 07:12:43 EST ID:YbWvR5Gu No.4660609 Ignore Report Quick Reply
those cans of beans are dumb and bad. you should get a crock pot and some bulk sacks of beans and seasonings and let that shit cook all day with some ham or something.
Team Magma Grunt Cornelius - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 07:54:32 EST ID:BowkiUKZ No.4660614 Ignore Report Quick Reply
That's not Synchronicity, you fucking retard. You simply are schizophrenic.

Double schizophrenic since you also believe in a fucking jewish magical fascist sky dad.
Evan Tanner - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 08:26:02 EST ID:C1tvJFBY No.4660616 Ignore Report Quick Reply
So now religion and Christianity are jewish ploys as well...

Who's the schizophrenic sounding one now? Do you redpilled faggots really stop at nothing anymore?
Leon Powalski - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 08:37:24 EST ID:GVd3VsvC No.4660617 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Arcade Star William - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 08:42:15 EST ID:cmxzLd4P No.4660618 Ignore Report Quick Reply
modern christianity is a jewish ploy though, specifically "judeo-christianity" as a narrative tool nb
Team Magma Grunt Cornelius - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 08:43:26 EST ID:BowkiUKZ No.4660619 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Errr, last time I checked, there's nothing controversial about calling belief in God retarded bullshit invented by a bunch of Bronze age jews. Because they did invent that bullshit. Maybe not monotheism, but the guys that invented monotheism don't exist any longer.
GENTARO - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 10:15:54 EST ID:4YjFFSK/ No.4660638 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Its just a lil synchronicity dude

If that blows ur mind you aint ready for much else
Isaac - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 11:56:52 EST ID:8CNAtMlw No.4660679 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>what is it that my roommate made for both of us for dinner? He heated up a can of beans.

uh, i mean, if this was some sort of a surprise, i guess it's a nice enough gesture, although very mediocre... but if there was like an agreement where that was their night to cook dinner i'd be livid if someone tried to give me half a can of warm beans
Mr. Saturn - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 12:47:33 EST ID:keHB3ZGs No.4660703 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>there's nothing controversial about calling belief in God retarded bullshit invented by a bunch of Bronze age jews

Do you have any idea how insane you sound?
Awesome Kong - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 13:00:03 EST ID:bJGjFCT7 No.4660707 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Do you have any idea how insane it sounds to listen to literally any religious person?
Witch of Izalith - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 13:01:44 EST ID:XOEaK0YR No.4660708 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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We are coming for you.
Nurse Alyssa Ogawa - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 13:14:42 EST ID:J2eEdgda No.4660711 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>how insane it sounds to listen to literally any religious person?
You must not have read any Galileo, Kepler, Newton, Leibnitz, Volta, Ampere, Faraday, Maxwell, Mendel, Hertz and Pasteur to name a few.
Dogmeat - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 13:37:28 EST ID:sf9/grdE No.4660724 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Holy shit this thread is still up.

Oh for sure, the can of beans was funny, not worrying. I never would have noticed them if it hadn't been for the joke earlier in the day but there it is. A connection is a connection, and I never miss an opportunity to follow a delusion of reference to its McKenna-ist terminal point.

Dude controlled schizophrenia fucking rules
Awesome Kong - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 13:40:30 EST ID:bJGjFCT7 No.4660727 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Let's look at Newton as an example. Take away all of his scientific achievements and just listen to him babble incoherently about religion and fairies, and yes, he sounds literally insane.

And Galileo was persecuted by the church because of his science. So imagine listening to all of those church goers who wanted him dead, and tell me you're hearing logical and rational people.

Religion is stupid.
Dogmeat - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 13:50:53 EST ID:sf9/grdE No.4660729 Ignore Report Quick Reply
You forget that the thought that I could be messing with something powerful enough to fuck up badly with is precisely the engine of power. The moment I forget this moment of clarity and go back to worrying about it is the moment that my conscious intentions emerge as accidental results. Nothing is beyond capability so long as I can stand around at the valve of the tryptamine thought that spills from my pineal gland. I make the money man, I roll the nickels. The game is mine. I deal the cards.
Nurse Alyssa Ogawa - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 14:00:00 EST ID:J2eEdgda No.4660731 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Everyone is insane in a way, the world is fundamentally incomprehensible, life is ultimately pointless and we are all slaves to our pain and instincts. I dont think mystical or even religious pursuits, when they dont conflict with your life too much, are any more unreasonable than dealing with those facts in any other way, or automatically disqualify you from having intelligent thoughts. Especially since logic doesnt exclude the possibility of there being a God, and it can help you live no matter if true or illusion.

But in general I agree, religion can be, and often is stupid.
Dogmeat - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 14:00:31 EST ID:sf9/grdE No.4660732 Ignore Report Quick Reply
The goofiest thing in the entire world is the belief that the 'consensus reality' that is neither real in the way claimed nor has a decent consensus in the way claimed is the limitation of existence and experience. Yes, yes, science and all that shit. I got a dual degree in biochemistry and neuropharmacology, I work as a lab tech, I don't need to be told the tangible power of the sciences on a site dedicated to neuropharmacological application, but man that shit can be B O R I N G if you're not willing to also turn your own mental resources toward imaginative phenomenology, and in any case, the world you inhabit is not even close to being the final word on the matter. You think "well god isn't real, therefore, anything that doesn't fit my epistemology is stupid," which is a little bit like saying that since I'm not interested in going to a monster truck show, I shouldn't drive a car.
IsabellaCacklecocke.reg - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 14:09:57 EST ID:Q7G8h1M0 No.4660736 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Synchronized lateral thought is the basis of self-induced trance
Totoro - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 19:11:20 EST ID:vpRk8TiX No.4660859 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Well might as well start now. All good 420chan users are healthy, safe, high AF, sexxy AF, intelligent, invincible, invulnerable and impregnable.
Henrietta Levitt - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 19:31:11 EST ID:kD0Mqk5e No.4660876 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Religion IS stupid, but blaming it on the Jews is fucking insane or just intellectually dishonest. They are the most secular religious minority in the world and yet they are still beholden and own all the responsibility for everything, all the time, no matter the reason. It's fucking stupid and nobody intelligent wants to have a conversation about that.
Totoro - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 20:10:19 EST ID:vpRk8TiX No.4660929 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I agree most religions are designed to keep people in check and they leave out the important information. I'd say Buddhism is close to the truth with karma and all that. I'd say finding god is more of a personal thing. You will never find him until you start looking.

Also: All good 420chan users are protected by instant karma.
Thomas Pommerbene - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 20:13:17 EST ID:YqpnhvdV No.4660936 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Buddhism isn't anymore correct or founded upon truth than any other religion you stupid fuck.
Totoro - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 20:36:31 EST ID:vpRk8TiX No.4660953 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Wtf do you know about it fool? I suggest you read Isis Unveiled. Its one of einsteins favorite books. It basically studies the history of religion and finds the core of most religious belief. Its very interesting and thought provoking. Hell you might even have a thought of your own if you read it
Diego Armando - Sat, 13 Jan 2018 20:37:05 EST ID:bJGjFCT7 No.4660955 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Green beans are like the best fucking vegetable fuck tha police

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