Leave these fields empty (spam trap):
Comment
[i]Italic Text[/i]
[b]Bold Text[/b]
[spoiler]Spoiler Text[/spoiler]
>Highlight/Quote Text
[pre]Preformatted & Monospace Text[/pre]
[super]Superset Text[/super]
[sub]Subset Text[/sub]
1. Numbered lists become ordered lists
* Bulleted lists become unordered lists
File

Sandwich


420chan is Getting Overhauled - Changelog/Bug Report/Request Thread (Updated July 26)

anyone see that episode of seinfeld

Reply
- Wed, 14 Aug 2019 12:01:39 EST YwiQZund No.4891357
File: 1565798499033.jpg -(196455B / 191.85KB, 1100x617) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. anyone see that episode of seinfeld
where kramer is going to the corner store in the middle of the night to find out what the deal is with airline food and he gets struck by a car that drives away and the camera pans onto his corpse for about five minutes then some pedestrians find him and the credits roll?

i guess it is karma in a way i mean that's kind of what happens when you are a staunch and outspoken racist. man, that was a weird episode of seinfeld.
>>
Isaac Newton - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 12:04:01 EST ePBPuvQ3 No.4891359 Reply
>>4891357
I'm friends with a guy who worked props on Seinfeld, apparently Kramer was pretty "Kramer" off set as well as on set.
>>
Fulgore - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 12:08:53 EST yeOO3EvN No.4891363 Reply
It's been so long that i can barely even remember any of the episodes. This thread is going to have me rewatching from scratch.
>>
Finnegan Fluffmire - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 12:12:41 EST R9TB/QmX No.4891365 Reply
Kramer is an idiot, but most people just call who they don't like racist or think you're racist if you mention genes.
>>
EdwinBrallermadge.xcf - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 12:14:26 EST YwiQZund No.4891368 Reply
1565799266033.jpg -(60684B / 59.26KB, 802x601) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>4891363
another episode i like is the one where kramer accidentally commits a third degree murder because he wanted to find out what the deal is with airline food and he's like i am going to fix it this is going to be okay and jerry says to him you cannot fix it kramer she is dead you have to turn yourself in

that show is hilarious xD
>>
Finnegan Fluffmire - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 12:14:35 EST R9TB/QmX No.4891369 Reply
1565799275636.png -(67952B / 66.36KB, 328x165) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
most succinct way to put it
>>
Finnegan Fluffmire - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 12:17:57 EST R9TB/QmX No.4891373 Reply
1565799477636.jpg -(216203B / 211.14KB, 780x520) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
This person is white. They also have a black ancestor. This is actually the norm for most white American people, they just don't know it.
>>
Pitfall Harry - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 12:18:23 EST RKOZfxbo No.4891374 Reply
1565799503305.jpg -(14720B / 14.38KB, 399x295) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
This could have been a chill Seinfeld thread but now it's about to divulge into 300 posts of racist and anti-racist rhetoric. Thanks guys. There is no hope, this is the future you chose. You could have transcended our baseline human hangups with a bit of soul-power, but instead you gave into the power of false-dichotomies. DOes it feel good? Are you warm and cool at the same time. Eat that frog, you son of bastard bich.
>>
USApe - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 12:21:07 EST COtejjUc No.4891377 Reply
>>4891369
What in the fuck are you doing? Nobody asked about this shit. Why are you still allowed to post here? You're obviously part of a coordinated spam campaign. Fuck off, dipshits, serious.
>>
Finnegan Fluffmire - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 12:21:24 EST R9TB/QmX No.4891378 Reply
>>4891374
Kramer is basically synonymous with threatening racism in stand-up now so i mean, you should know that making the thread.
>>
USApe - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 12:22:15 EST COtejjUc No.4891381 Reply
>>4891378
The bottles are under the sink and your parents don't love you. Fucking die.
>>
Finnegan Fluffmire - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 12:25:00 EST R9TB/QmX No.4891385 Reply
1565799900636.jpg -(38374B / 37.47KB, 633x586) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>4891381
If you live for the love of your parents and the bottles under your sink, you are probably a manlet.
>>
Rock Howard - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 12:26:26 EST HKaEcl9d No.4891387 Reply
>>4891357
I wonder if anything ever happens to blacks who are staunch and outspoken racists, and if there are people are the internet who smugly proclaim that it's karma that gave them their just desserts...
>>
Pitfall Harry - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 12:30:07 EST RKOZfxbo No.4891389 Reply
>>4891378
I didn't make the thread.

I enjoyed Michael Richards in UHF when I was a kid, never watched Seinfeld all the way through, seen a good amount of episodes though, my gods would I do unspeakable things to Elaine.
>>
Finnegan Fluffmire - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 12:33:02 EST R9TB/QmX No.4891396 Reply
>>4891389
Damn Elaine was so fucking hot, so me, too.

I had to cover my African DNA while researching my migraines, it caused me to learn a lot of things and get a lot of flack from people, but I actually ruled out that I didn't have the familial hemiplegic migraine found in certain African families, but something else (probably the German variety.) I get kind of annoyed about the topic because of all the trouble I had to go through and how sensitive people are about race.
>>
EdwinBrallermadge.xcf - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 12:33:14 EST YwiQZund No.4891397 Reply
1565800394033.jpg -(25003B / 24.42KB, 500x375) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
anther memorable episode is the one where george gets diagnosed with terminal cancer and starts manufacturing crack cocaine in industrious quantities because he feels undervalued in a mundane world and wants to pay for his chemo

what is your favorite episode of seinfeld?
>>
Yoshihiro Takayama - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 12:35:57 EST sLIKIuzL No.4891400 Reply
>>4891384
People get pissed... They've been here for weeks and they're not slowing down.
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:06:28 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891415 Reply
>>4891396
"Doctor, look. I got my DNA tested and I'm telling you that I believe that I have this familial allele that is causing my head to hurt. You need to treat me for exactly that."

"No, I'm not going to do that."
>>
Finnegan Fluffmire - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:07:46 EST R9TB/QmX No.4891416 Reply
>>4891415
How about you stop humblebragging and patronizing me, Dwight. If I do test positive for a known hemiplegic type and am symptomatic, my DNA is invaluable for research.
>>
Finnegan Fluffmire - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:08:43 EST R9TB/QmX No.4891417 Reply
Oh wait, I forgot. DNA is a majesty of God we can't possibly comprehend, we might as well just consider it a mystery. Like the immaculate conception.
>>
Isaac Newton - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:11:48 EST ePBPuvQ3 No.4891420 Reply
1565802708146.jpg -(69164B / 67.54KB, 644x644) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>4891400
>been here for weeks.

I just came back to 420chan after a long absence, (I haven't been on any chan in years before this)

I came back around the same time the Chimps took over, I don't think I'm part of the problem but I feel guilty.

I think I'm going to stop posting for a while to see if things chill out. I'm sorry if I've caused any undue drama, I love you all.
>>
EdwinBrallermadge.xcf - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:14:22 EST YwiQZund No.4891423 Reply
1565802862033.jpg -(18001B / 17.58KB, 620x480) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>4891417
yes you are absolutely correct to say that no tv producer wants to take that kind of risk
>>
Finnegan Fluffmire - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:15:00 EST R9TB/QmX No.4891424 Reply
>>4891423
Why would I ever want to work with a TV producer? To make crappy reality shows and rape models?
>>
EdwinBrallermadge.xcf - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:23:49 EST YwiQZund No.4891436 Reply
>>4891424
i am writing a script to a seinfeld reboot that has the same characters except it is an intense character drama and i am hoping fox might take it up for a pilot episode

i just got finished writing the third episode. in this one elaine has a miscarriage so a sympathetic jerry and kramer try to cheer her up by throwing her a suprise party but when she gets there she just starts sobbing terribly and leaves.
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:25:19 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891437 Reply
>>4891416
The one thing that I find consistent about your encounters is that you always seem to deflect the blame onto others. I'm merely highlighting an imagining of how one such encounter went down, and how you may have presented information not informative to your medical professional. Perhaps he could have referred you to someone more qualified to address your specific concerns. I don't know.
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:28:49 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891441 Reply
>>4891420
What? No. A really toxic otherchan got taken offline because of recent mass shootings. This created a suspicious attitude recently, but I think you're a good poster and you're welcome to take a break. Understand that a lot of accusations will fly around for awhile, as is the nature of such events.
>>
EdwinBrallermadge.xcf - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:30:27 EST YwiQZund No.4891444 Reply
1565803827033.gif -(519117B / 506.95KB, 450x315) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>4891437
both of you are faggots who need to suck on my peepee for shitting up my seinfeld fanfic thread
>>
Finnegan Fluffmire - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:30:48 EST R9TB/QmX No.4891445 Reply
1565803848636.jpg -(60281B / 58.87KB, 600x600) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>4891441
Dwight is the one who decides good posters. In his own mind.
>>
Finnegan Fluffmire - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:31:40 EST R9TB/QmX No.4891446 Reply
>>4891437
Your imagined version of this "encounter" is stupid because if you were really a researcher, you would know that DNA research occurs mostly with huge text files and emails. There really isn't any blame to deflect; you're just an enthusiastic troll.
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:32:26 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891447 Reply
>>4891445
I like to show my appreciation. I wouldn't do it if I thought it would rub anyone I was referring to in the wrong way. Why do you keep calling me Dwight?
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:33:53 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891450 Reply
>>4891446
I'm not doing research. I'm simply stating my judgments in a concise and honest manner. I apologize for the offense and any mental turmoil I might have inflicted upon you.
>>
Finnegan Fluffmire - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:35:24 EST R9TB/QmX No.4891454 Reply
1565804124636.jpg -(90230B / 88.12KB, 1280x720) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>4891450
Nobody really cares about you, your approval, or what you do. You're just kind of a funny little nerd who thinks everybody values your opinion.
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:37:55 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891459 Reply
>>4891454
Ouch. My feelings. I like to think that I respect your viewpoints and your various traumas, or at least have them tickle my fancy. Otherwise, I certainly wouldn't talk to you.
>>
Finnegan Fluffmire - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:38:26 EST R9TB/QmX No.4891460 Reply
>>4891459
You've never shown me an inkling of respect, dude. But I think it's just pathological spectrum stuff, so I always cut you slack.
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:38:52 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891461 Reply
>>4891456
I'd like to point out the obvious projection happening, but.. wait, I just did.
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:40:45 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891466 Reply
>>4891460
I appreciated when you gave me advice about what to do about my stomach illness, and I appreciated your medication concerns. I also felt invigorated by certain conversational topics we engaged in. I liken it to a conversation I might have at a bar.
>>
Finnegan Fluffmire - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:40:50 EST R9TB/QmX No.4891467 Reply
>>4891465
I think Dwight might actually be an older relative that molested me :( Paranoia though
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:44:55 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891473 Reply
>>4891470
Oh, I have definitely been condescending. Some of that had to do with the suspicion of ulterior motives, but I can now tell that you're of the normal 420chan variety. I will freely admit that I have been susceptible to outside influences.
>>
Finnegan Fluffmire - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:46:28 EST R9TB/QmX No.4891475 Reply
1565804788636.jpg -(15790B / 15.42KB, 186x250) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>4891473
It's okay now and then but it's all you got. Try a different gag sometime, shake it up, share the story about the time you did too much benzos and got constipated at work.
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:50:47 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891479 Reply
1565805047871.jpg -(26400B / 25.78KB, 220x329) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>4891475
I like to think that I do mix it up, from time to time. I like to talk about relationships, sex, constipation, and various other sorts of gaff. I usually post on the /benz/ board when I'm high as shit on klonopin.
>>
Finnegan Fluffmire - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:52:59 EST R9TB/QmX No.4891481 Reply
>>4891479
Neither of us are really going anywhere. It's really too fucking bad you don't have a vagina or a pretty face.
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:54:22 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891483 Reply
>>4891481
I have a very attractive face, 8/10. Unfortunately, I'm taken, and I guess my gf somewhat qualifies as "my" vagina.
>>
EdwinBrallermadge.xcf - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:55:06 EST YwiQZund No.4891484 Reply
1565805306033.jpg -(45619B / 44.55KB, 439x545) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>4891479
and ur a fag too who wants to suck that rubgy player's dick and thats why you have it saved on your computer ?
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 13:57:57 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891489 Reply
>>4891484
No. I wasn't quite sure what a "gaff" was. So i did a quick image search and it turns out its a sort of fishing pole. I thought about saving the image of the gigging spear, but I thought it seemed to on-the-nose, so what popped up was a rugby player named Something Gaff and it had a relatively appropriate gesture of passing-the-ball that I, at least, found humorous. Because if you can't entertain yourself, who is going to do it for you?
>>
Yoshihiro Takayama - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 14:00:47 EST sLIKIuzL No.4891496 Reply
>>4891489
Why do you idiots think fake confusion makes you sound cool?
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 14:01:11 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891497 Reply
>>4891493
Iunno man, my gf thinks it's 7 inches. It's close to that, but I'm not going to correct her
>>
EdwinBrallermadge.xcf - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 14:05:01 EST YwiQZund No.4891506 Reply
1565805901033.jpg -(13882B / 13.56KB, 480x360) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
one episode i did not particularly care for is the one where jerry's apartment gets burgularized and he fails to report his stolen handgun that ends up being used in a homicide so the police arrest him and the prosecution files felony charges
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 14:06:23 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891507 Reply
>>4891504
my balls dropped reading that sentence, and i'm down to party
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 14:10:26 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891511 Reply
>>4891506
I'm afraid of being charged for a crime that I didn't commit and not having any alibi.
>>
EdwinBrallermadge.xcf - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 14:46:00 EST YwiQZund No.4891548 Reply
1565808360033.jpg -(10931B / 10.67KB, 400x343) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
i like season 8 episode 7 though

the one where jerry seinfeld's mother dies so george and jerry go to the funeral where jerry recounts his highly verbally abusive however upper middle class and otherwise normal upbringing. jerry in the end with some input from george decides to forgive his mother for years of berating him in his childhood and appreciate her as his former caregiver who despite the mistreatment did in fact love him enough to have a college fund.
>>
Finnegan Fluffmire - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 15:10:22 EST R9TB/QmX No.4891559 Reply
>>4891548
Not relatable to me, really, I got to sit in shit, mice and roaches
>>
EdwinBrallermadge.xcf - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 15:24:20 EST YwiQZund No.4891571 Reply
1565810660033.jpg -(26493B / 25.87KB, 338x338) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>4891562
you see the one where george finds out he has a 18 year old son that he conceived in college that he meets and finds out was groomed by the mother and ex girlfriend that george was never in his life because he didn't love him and in the end george decides its best to leave the issue alone as the boy is all grown up

seinfeld is some heavy shit man
>>
Nabe Shogun - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 15:35:09 EST QojB4Yoq No.4891587 Reply
>>4891586
If you get a boner from shit, mice and roaches, you might be a redneck.
>>
Russel Crowe - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 15:40:25 EST HKNlG3Ai No.4891589 Reply
>>4891587
I tell ya h'what, when that lil varmint gets up on his hind legs and the roach starts sucking his dick, I can't help but shit and cum a little.
>>
Nabe Shogun - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 15:42:12 EST QojB4Yoq No.4891591 Reply
1565811732641.gif -(245291B / 239.54KB, 470x345) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
I actually can't enjoy Seinfeld anymore because Jason Alexander will always be Duckman to me. Although flawed, I respect Duckman because he's real, and not some mythology created to hide deep, horrible shame, although for the sake of fairness, he was a despicable human being who only cared about pussy, booze his ego and money. God bless him.
>>
Nabe Shogun - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 15:43:27 EST QojB4Yoq No.4891593 Reply
1565811807641.jpg -(65158B / 63.63KB, 1280x720) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>4891592
Yes, God bless America, wherever she has disappeared to. May she return to bring justice and freedom some day.
>>
Pitfall Harry - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 15:52:25 EST RKOZfxbo No.4891595 Reply
>>4891593
I've been calling out to Columbia in the etheric, she has wings now.
>>
Madame Mérigot - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 15:54:46 EST JO53ZZRL No.4891596 Reply
>>4891591
i cant enjoy seinfeld because seinfelds face looks like a hallucination. you know photoshops where you take one half of the face and mirror it but it fits slightly off so that his face becomes too narrow. thats how he looks
>>
Netjester !AI.skYnEt - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 15:54:48 EST iLikEToleARn No.4891597 Reply
>>4891596
And none of the year and now he's on HRT how will the sky and WWE by saying "goldberg is in WWE.
>>
Nabe Shogun - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 16:02:10 EST QojB4Yoq No.4891603 Reply
>>4891596
Just use webcamtoy for that, it looks cartoonish and obvious with any of the filters, though. You can easily tell by shadows when it's not filtered or distorted.
>>
Nabe Shogun - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 16:05:03 EST QojB4Yoq No.4891605 Reply
Protip: If you're like, stalking someone and insecure about something, just ask for a public demonstration? lol
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 16:08:27 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891609 Reply
>>4891605
dude, none of your relatives probably even know you post on this website. just realize that it's only paranoia. if they're as abusive as you've hinted at, then they were probably equally neglectful, so i doubt they'd muster up the effort to follow you online
>>
Nabe Shogun - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 16:20:34 EST QojB4Yoq No.4891621 Reply
>>4891620
Ugh, The Matrix. Talk about a crap movie series. First movie was okay, everything else was just garbage to be honest.
>>
ArchieBlackham.cur - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 16:27:23 EST +s1jREfL No.4891627 Reply
>>4891621
I don't know if you replied to the right post but the Animatrix was better than the original Matrix. You're right about the next 2 being awful and not even in an entertaining way until the guy dressed in white with the tvs.
>>
Nabe Shogun - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 16:29:15 EST QojB4Yoq No.4891629 Reply
>>4891627
Actually you're right there were a few in there I really liked, like the runner. The concept wasn't bad at all, they just wimped out on the allegory and didn't go full blown anti-establishment in the second two films.
>>
Pitfall Harry - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 16:33:24 EST RKOZfxbo No.4891635 Reply
1565814804305.jpg -(5315B / 5.19KB, 184x184) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>4891444
All you had to do was not type the words "racist" and "Kramer" next to each other, this thread's blood is on your own hands, how does it feel Abraham?
>>
Nabe Shogun - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 16:43:49 EST QojB4Yoq No.4891645 Reply
>>4891635
Face it, we live in a world where the media basically panders to the most offended denominator. Offend anybody at your own risk. We all think we come from the lineages of kings when in reality all human beings are shit.
>>
ArchieBlackham.cur - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 16:47:50 EST +s1jREfL No.4891646 Reply
>>4891645
Did you ever see the one where Kramer legally changed his name to Creamer and sued the Coffee Mate corporation?
>>
Nabe Shogun - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 16:53:03 EST QojB4Yoq No.4891653 Reply
>>4891646
lol no or don't remember it, will have to check it out, what was the other plot?
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 16:55:36 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891655 Reply
>>4891653
Jerry waited in line to get soup from the Nazi because he was stuck in a concentration camp because he accidentally traveled back to 1938's Germany.
>>
Nabe Shogun - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 16:57:44 EST QojB4Yoq No.4891657 Reply
what was the one
I think it involved Newman finding out about something and George and Jerry had to go replace something really quick before he found out and hilarity ensued
I wanna say it involved a sperm bank but it's unclear in my mind
>>
Phor Twentee - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 16:58:24 EST nJkrco7e No.4891658 Reply
>>4891653
Calling in an old favor, Kramer ropes Elaine into an elaborate black-market baby goods scam.

“Well what’s wrong with them?” she asks, holding up a normal-looking bottle.

“The rubber’s from used tires,” he explains. “In North Korea.”

“…oh.”

Using one of Morty’s old trench coats to hide the goods hung over her shoulders, she wanders through parks targeting anyone with children, but as soon as she begins to open her coat, people assume she’s going to flash them and they run away as quickly as possible.

Fed up with social mores, George vows to go shirtless no matter the context, even in restaurants, resulting in a citywide ban on all male toplessness.

Jerry follows a clo
>>
Nabe Shogun - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 16:58:27 EST QojB4Yoq No.4891659 Reply
>>4891655
I mean, don't remember that one, doesn't sound really funny, just sounds kind of like edgy cowboy hitler stuff
>>
Phor Twentee - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 16:59:05 EST nJkrco7e No.4891660 Reply
>>4891657


In the riveting season premiere, Jason sees a new patient who was hospitalized after removing his own eyeballs so that he “can see what’s truly there.”

Maggie gets an assignment reporting on a corrupt politician. When he finds out she’s spying on him, he attempts to run a filesystem check, but it’s too late

Mike hatches a scheme to cut class by creating a wax duplicate of himself so that he and Boner can try to pick up college girls at the mall. His plan is ultimately foiled when everyone is disgusted that his best friend is a five-foot-tall erect penis.

Ben can’t stop organizing premature funerals for stray cats.

After consuming a mysterious black oil she finds under the sink, Chrissy ages rapidly on camera, a disturbing seven-minute continuous-shot metamorphosis that leaves her five years older.

Carol tries to study in the back yard but is terrorized by muffled meows and howls that she believes emanate from her guilty conscience, having accidentally run over a cat the previous week on her first day with her new license. In reality all she hit was a shag carpet that fell off a contractor’s truck.

Maggie returns home to find her eldest son staring in glassy-eyed horror at his waxen doppelgänger. When she asks him what’s wrong he replies, “how do I know which one is the real me?”

Jason’s patient emerges from the office, stares at them both with his vacant sockets, and proclaims, "neither of you.”
>>
Nabe Shogun - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 17:00:34 EST QojB4Yoq No.4891664 Reply
Whenever I watched Seinfeld I was always in a waiting room. I mean I prefer it over daytime talk shows but now it's just a jumble mixed in with memories of People magazine.
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 17:01:07 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891665 Reply
>>4891659
because i made a joke referencing, The Soup Nazi? If you didn't find it clever, that's fine, but you certainly didn't have to insinuate that I'm some backwards Texan redneck who laughs at the genocide of the Jewish people, you fuckstick
>>
Nabe Shogun - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 17:02:05 EST QojB4Yoq No.4891668 Reply
>>4891665
Texans are so sensitive, it's cute. Go fuck yourself is a greeting here.
>>
Phor Twentee - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 17:02:57 EST nJkrco7e No.4891670 Reply
>>4891664


Kramer boasts about his recent flood of successful dates. “Women can’t resist me, Jerry!” His schedule soon becomes so busy that he sometimes has to date two or more women at the same time, but they don’t seem to mind, and actually compete respectfully with each other for his attention. What’s more, every one of them calls him back, almost desperate for a second date.

After overhearing a comment about his pasty skin tone from a table in the front row of a show, Jerry starts trying to tan. He spends hours in the sun and even resorts to trying a tanning booth on its highest setting, but his skin remains strangely unaffected, as if impervious to heat.

George meets eyes with a woman on the opposing subway platform and his heart skips a beat. She smiles at him and he smiles back, waving bashfully. He feels something powerful stir inside him that he never felt before, as if he found the missing piece of a puzzle he had given up on ever finishing. The feeling almost moves him to tears. Their moment is ruined by the arrival of her train. He quickly rushes up the stairs and across to the other side, but by the time he gets there, he’s disappointed to find the train pulling away from an empty platform. He jumps on the next one and rides it to the next station, where he finds her waiting just outside the door. He rushes out to meet her, and as they embrace, he can feel her heart beating in perfect time with his own.

Elaine staggers wearily into Jerry’s apartment, announcing she has yet again broken up with Puddy. Jerry takes a clock down from the wall. “Well, this is a few minutes fast, then.” Elaine is only slightly offended that Jerry has been literally setting his clocks by her relationship cycle.

Kramer briefly stops by Jerry’s apartment between dates, his arm around the woman with whom he had just shared a home-cooked dinner. Elaine finds herself inexplicably drawn to him, sauntering almost uncontrollably toward him with an alluring look in her eyes. She wraps herself around him on the side opposite the other woman. It’s confusing to her, but feels right.

As Kramer walks down the street, every woman he passes joins the growing group of women clambering over each other to get as close to him as possible. He never makes it to his next date, unable to move under the crushing weight of bodies.

George’s girlfriend suddenly clutches on to him for a moment, a look of panic in her eyes, then quickly stumbles backwards down 5th Avenue as if being pulled by an invisible rope. He runs after her for almost half a block before giving up, shrugging, and heading home to his apartment.

After an hour, every woman in Manhattan is piled around Kramer. Women from Queens, Brooklyn, the Bronx, Staten Island, and Jersey City are lifted off their feet and pulled toward the growing tower. All around the planet, men watch in helpless despair as the entire female population of Earth hurtles through the air, converging on Kramer’s now-pulverized corpse. The shift in distribution of mass alters Earth’s orbit, and as it starts to sink slowly toward the sun, Jerry is finally able to get that tan.
>>
Leonard McCoy - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 17:07:38 EST Sw4EF+pD No.4891675 Reply
I want to make a soup crypto-nazi. You go in to get soup and he warns you about how gumbo can burn your mouth then lists all the items he doesn't use in his soup and it just turns out to be the ingredients for menudo. Still never delivers the soup after all that.
>>
G'Kar - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 17:07:43 EST ZBqJbJ9F No.4891676 Reply
>>4891665
Not being able to shut up about that shit is correlated with generally trash behavior and I think you know that, so lighten up on the offense. It sounds forced.
>>
Lingering Hotwaggle - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 17:14:30 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891686 Reply
>>4891676
well, i had a bar mitzvah, so im sensitive to such accusations. however, knowing better than to put my foot in my mouth on several previous occasions, i realize now that I suffer from an attention deficit and rely on positive and negative responses alike. I consistently doom myself to a lifestyle of learned helplessness and i recoil at my own lack of character, struggling vainly to find a self-identity in a world i have become alienated from. i look to the knife and physically express my rage by breaking the skin several times over, the scars a constant reminder to the one thing i have control over.
>>
Nabe Shogun - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 17:16:51 EST QojB4Yoq No.4891688 Reply
>>4891686
Sounds like you need to smoke a lot more weed Lingering, mazel tov
>>
Leonard McCoy - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 17:22:23 EST Sw4EF+pD No.4891692 Reply
>>4891686
>Undertakes ceremony of manhood
>Lashes out like a child
This putz...
>>
Nabe Shogun - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 17:39:26 EST QojB4Yoq No.4891711 Reply
>>4891708
I think the closest thing to that I got was when my Dad took me out in our van and made me drive with no training, then got me drunk as a teenager.
>>
Swimmer♂ Edwin - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 20:51:49 EST A7wgdh/H No.4891830 Reply
I really like that one episode where Kramer starts doing drugs(Newman steals them when the post office confiscates them). Kramer pretty much does every drug he can get his hands on and starts doing heroin. He also starts talking to his mother again(an ex junkie) and they eventually they end up shooting up together. Mother Kramer ends up ODing and Kramer is put into a deep depression feeling guilty about getting his mother hooked on heroin. Jerry comes home and right when he is about to go in notices Kramer's door is slightly open. He opens it up and finds Kramer about to hang himself when Jerry tries to stop him. Kramer cries "I killed my mother I killed my mother" Jerry asked Kramer if he's been doing drugs again and then quickly said "Newman!"
>>
Grunkle Stan - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 21:26:48 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891849 Reply
Jerry is heckled by Kathy Griffin and is laughed off-stage. As the night grows old, seething hatred and humiliation festers in his heart.

George hits on Elaine, but Elaine turns down his advances. Elaine and George make a pact that if they're still single by the age of 45 then they'll get married. Elaine, unbeknownst to anyone, has fallen into a very deep depression and plans to kill herself within the year.

Kathy Griffin performs stand-up the following evening, and Jerry sits in the audience patiently waiting. Jerry, motivated by pure hatred, stands up, pulling a pistol from inside his leather jacket, and fires a shot into the heart of Kathy Griffin. It is only a glancing blow and screams erupt from the audience. Jerry is tackled to the ground by several men.

Bleh, this is terrible.
>>
Mitsuharu Misawa - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 21:31:46 EST JO53ZZRL No.4891850 Reply
>>4891708
thats a well crafted torture glove, interesting stuff
>>
Philippe Rochat - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 23:53:58 EST Chr3HTu6 No.4891910 Reply
should i watch seinfeld watching from episode 1 season 1 or is there an optimal viewing program I should go by?
>>
Grunkle Stan - Thu, 15 Aug 2019 00:51:00 EST rO+GGMpN No.4891928 Reply
>>4891910
the pilot episode is a little ruff, but the quality of both tone and theme is immediately apparent. it's not a show that stayed on the air because it was searching for an identity. larry david knew exactly what he was writing
>>
Danny Doring - Thu, 15 Aug 2019 20:18:26 EST u27gIV8+ No.4892349 Reply
Kramer had weeds and things he brought over, swing the door open and have a smoke over by the window chatting.
>>
Dan Henderson - Thu, 15 Aug 2019 20:23:20 EST 3uU1d6lF No.4892352 Reply
1565915000803.png -(1032003B / 1007.82KB, 610x1744) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>4891357

Nah I ain't seen shit, we should love each other regardless.
>>
Anderson Silva - Thu, 15 Aug 2019 21:58:38 EST rmZ7XUyp No.4892421 Reply
>>4892420
Does anyone have that comic where Kramer is high as fuck and he looks into a shiny toaster to see that he looks like trollface?
>>4892420
>>
Guile - Thu, 15 Aug 2019 22:00:53 EST l1g78wnq No.4892422 Reply
1565920853796.png -(21495B / 20.99KB, 174x78) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Sounds like a shitty creepypasta.
>>
Raymond Blanc - Thu, 15 Aug 2019 22:28:51 EST uKz/pjwl No.4892440 Reply
>seinfeld dates a woman with a weird birthmark
>breaks up with her over it
>she kills herself
>father confronts him at his apartment
>"it's in your genes! don't blame me!"
>elaine backs him up
>"exactly, if anyone should feel guilty it's you"
>kramer busts in
>notices the guy has a visible birthmark too
>"woah woah woah who's this guy? hey, nice birthmark buddy"
>seinfeld motions for kramer to cut it out
>george comes in
>eyes widen
>"hey listen Jerry... what is THAT?"
>everyone motions at george to cut it out
>grief stricken father pulls out a gun and shoots them all, then himself
>newman evil laughs in a corner and reveals that he gave the father Jerry's address (laughtrack.exe)
>>
Raymond Blanc - Fri, 16 Aug 2019 02:33:24 EST uKz/pjwl No.4892500 Reply
>>4891357
>elaine is at work in the office
>her boss enters
>"elaine did you finish your work?"
>elaine gulps
>"uh... yes mister peterman but uh... my dog ate it!!"
>her boss looks skeptical
>"your dog ate your work? elaine, I find that very hard to believe. bring it in tomorrow or you're fired"
>beep bop a doo bop
>elaine is at jerry's apartment and they're talking
>"so I told him that my dog ate my work"
>jerry looks astonished
>"you said that? there's no way he's going to believe you!"
>elaine rolls her eyes
>"I know I know but it was the only thing I could think of"
>"please please please will you help me make it look like my dog ate my work?"
>jerry's voice is louder now
>"but you don't even have a dog!"
>elaine gets closer to jerry
>"I was hoping you could help me get a dog before tomorrow?"
>jerry softens posture
>"ah alright. I'll ask kramer. You know he's been keeping like ten dogs in his apartment?"
>so they get the dog from kramer
>it is tomorrow, elaine is at work again
>mr peterson comes in
>"hello elaine I hope you have your work today"
>elaine opens up a big suitcase
>"I told you my dog ate it, see?"
>inside the suitcase is a vivisected dog, with wads of half digested paper visible in its exposed guts
>"hmm alright, I will give you an extension" (laughtrack.exe)
>boop bop a doo wop

Report Post
Reason
Note
Please be descriptive with report notes,
this helps staff resolve issues quicker.