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Mr Shoe Relapses HARD

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- Sat, 14 Sep 2019 10:19:41 EST 3+mnFvhZ No.147127
File: 1568470781359.jpg -(105012B / 102.55KB, 850x567) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Mr Shoe Relapses HARD
If you were around here on /BENZ/ back in maybe 2012-15 you may have caught wind of my ID, as well as another user IDGAF. We were both the 'wreck heads' of BENZ, myself posting videos where I'd be taking 200mg of diazepam in one sitting, or agreeing to drop 30mg of xanax (not proud of that). Those were truly dark dark times, days that when they were unfolding, deep down I'd wish they would dissipate forever, never to return.

Eventually, they did. Around mid 2017 I started to meditate and workout.. that is after a full on seizure from withdrawing from huge benzo doses and alcohol consumption. I managed to finally taper down and get off of these evil pills for good. As soon as I started to confront my anxiety and life situations head-on, without crutches, things began to improve beyond belief.
I managed to start several businesses with success, I held relationships, my physique started to become way above average for a male in his late 20s. Life was good and it was getting better with each month.

Since leaving benzodiazepines behind, I have always advocated at how dangerous they are. Even if prescribed by a doctor I determine them to be a hindrance to ones life. Whatever you use them for to cover up and hide, that very thing will soon rise up again, later in your life stronger and gnarlier than ever; that is a given.

I currently live in South East Asia and have done for some time. I had to travel to Cambodia for visa reasons to arrange certain documents and what not. Things turned out very badly for me, and I had to travel alone away from my GF. I was stuck in a foreign country, denied access back to where my 'home' was, with my cancelled ATM card, 2 sets of clothing and a smile strung on my face to deal with the entire thing. It's 35 degrees C and I had jeans and a shirt on to paint you a picture. Basically I had to travel to a different location in Cambodia to fly out to Malaysia, to head back to where my home was without immigration issues; fine! Easy... However, Before I departed for the airport, for whatever reason I bought a 10 strip if diazepam and clonazepam from a pharmacy for around $2.20. FUCK! I knew what I was doing, the whole ordeal had gotten to me, but why was I committing to this, I know exactly where this path leads, it doesn't lead anywhere pleasant in any way shape or form.

Fast forward to the second location in Cambodia, I get sold coke from a tuktuk dude, or at least I thought it was coke. However I had downed 5 Long Islands and a few beers, plus a fair few of the benzos beforehand, whatever I railed up my nose could have been this or that. I gummed some, and I didn't get a distinct 'coke taste' from it, however I was super faded so who knows.

I woke up on my hotel floor and had to head for my plane out of Cambodia at 6:30am to Malaysia. I ended up being stuck in Kuala Lumpur for 24 hours, and then returned home. Now I am home, I find myself sourcing diazpepam again... I have fully relapsed. I am under NO ILLUSION. I know exactly where these pills take you. Even if you think you can handle them, if you consider yourself strong minded and whatever else - nope, if you take them on a regular basis you will before long become a slave to them physically, mentally or both.

Not sure why I posted this, but it is what it is. Welcome back to /BENZ/ I guess.
>>
Frederick Hungerpen - Sun, 15 Sep 2019 03:42:41 EST 3+mnFvhZ No.147136 Reply
>>147133
Firstly I made this thread here because nobody would understand who relate to it anywhere else. We all have to vent and she our inner demons from time to time.
Secondly, after nearly a decade of abuse of Benzos on and off, I am fully aware how destructive they are, and so I hope some people may actually rethink their life choices by hearing my horror stories, which there are many. Not just mine but many people I personally know.

Take daily benzso and see where it leads in a few years, good luck to you bro
>>
High Strung - Sun, 15 Sep 2019 17:45:01 EST /NXX0bfT No.147144 Reply
Sup Shoe. I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling. Sending duas and SLAYER your way. I'm still on the Clonazepam myself, I don't know if I'll quit anytime soon.

What are you doing in Southeast Asia? TEFLing? I'm going TEFLing in Beijing after Christmas myself.
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William Blupperfuck - Mon, 16 Sep 2019 14:59:28 EST 3+mnFvhZ No.147151 Reply
>>147144
Cloanazepam is my jam, I took 20mg tonight with literal tolerance. It has such a long half life is's crazy, As both any benzs they act on the GABA receptors, once you inevitably come off of the, your of abuse you will haveeelo to playh ave hello to play. The trick is to tsper down. Not to mention the aixety you will get week atder,

I am xuerently looking into CB iu, any ce=reab useres>>
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William Blupperfuck - Mon, 16 Sep 2019 19:37:01 EST 3+mnFvhZ No.147158 Reply
>>147151
haha this post made very little sense indeed... my bad, it's all part of the /BENZ/
Have a happy day one and all
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Dr. Katz !KqgSR25gAQ - Tue, 17 Sep 2019 00:41:31 EST qkzTPNFj No.147167 Reply
>>147127
Damn Shoe, welcome back.

The idea of benzos being evil completely dismisses their legitimate objective medical and therapeutic value. If we’re talking short-term usage then I do not have any problem with the idea of daily dosing with incremental dosage reductions over, say, 10 days. Same deal with PRN low quantities of benzos. Yeah, the potential for abuse is there but someone likely would not have a physical addiction.

How are you feeling about being back on the /benz/ wagon? When you fully tapered off of diazepam did you use any other substances before fully relapsing?
>>
Benzofury !DmIYq/V7hg - Fri, 20 Sep 2019 00:20:21 EST JcTSiBNX No.147192 Reply
>>147127
Damn dude, this hurts to read. Making me rethink some shit as usual, Shoe.
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Martin Bossleville - Fri, 20 Sep 2019 20:36:31 EST TTCzQoTo No.147205 Reply
>>147127
benzos dont make you act like that, its your own dramatic play youre performing. you can be physically dependent and have mental compulsion to take them, but youre doing this to yourself for whatever reason. do you have a personality disorder or something?
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dr. m - Wed, 25 Sep 2019 15:29:56 EST Rt3E2wAH No.147235 Reply
>>147127

Hey Mr Shoe. I don't know if you remember me, but I remember you. All I'll say is that, while I enjoyed visited Cambodia up until the point I was robbed by a total of 4 dudes with a revolver and some lady, I enjoyed the hell out of the country. That being said, it is an absolute hedonistic shit hole, kind of like what I imagine Thailand was like ~15-30 years ago.

Definitely consider not staying anywhere in Myanmar/Thailand/Laos/Cambodia/Vietnam if you don't want to relapse, especially on benzos. Everyone online kept saying Thailand doesn't sell OTC benzos anymore, but I got a pharmacist to sell me 20 or 30 10mg diazepam for like $5 by showing him an empty ativan bottle that was 2-3 years old (lol).

It's definitely a fun and cheap region of the world, and I'd argue that it's slightly above various parts of South America in terms of the best+cheapest+easiest place to go on a drug holiday in the entire world. That being said, the fact you can get tramadol+codeine+dhc+any benzo 24/7 and even stronger Rx stuff if you know the right pharmacy, if you're in recovery it's definitely not the best place to be.
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dr. m - Thu, 26 Sep 2019 13:46:24 EST Rt3E2wAH No.147239 Reply
>>147127

I will say that, by far, Malaysia was my favorite country in SE Asia, though due to being robbed I was only able to spend sufficient time in Thailand, Malaysia, and Singapore, maybe 2 weeks in Cambodia, and just 1-3 days in Vietnam. Unfortunately, I never made it to Laos or Myanmar. Some day I'd like to fly back to Vietnam, most likely the southern region (most likely land in Ho Chi Minh/Saigon), then travel generally north, eventually cross west into Laos, travel around Laos, then either cross over in northeastern Thailand and then travel all around northern Thailand (I hear it's a LOT cheaper for food, lodging, and possibly beer/other wants or needs than southern Thailand, particularly Bangkok and most of the islands). I want to see if the so-called "old Thailand" feel still exists up there.

On a side note, surprisingly enough I did NOT really enjoy Thailand in the slightest, at least when compared to Malaysia or Cambodia. Literally every single backpacker/TEFL teacher/digital nomad I bumped into, regardless of cultural and hobby-related differences, were either occasionally mildly positive or (most often) downright raving about how much they loved/enjoyed Vietnam.

While I believe UK/most EU citizens can enter Vietnam either visa free (for between 13-29 or 30 days depending on nationality) or are otherwise offered visa on arrival (usually at least 29-30 days, but I'd expect at least a tourism-retated visa option that lasts a minimum of 60 days, if not the common length of 90 days. There might even be a visa option of applying for a tourist visa of as long as ~180 days), Americans should take note that there are NO visas on arrival/ non-visa entry options to enter Vietnam. You'll need to have a tourism agency write a letter to their embassy or whomever to get approved.

Even so, it's still definitely worth visiting/staying there.
>>
Frederick Niddlemed - Sun, 29 Sep 2019 04:47:47 EST qX1zulka No.147268 Reply
>>147127
Yeah I remember you, the guy in Thailand buying diazepam and tramadol from the pharmacy in the aisles, with the 400mg/day of diazepam taking sometimes, were rollin' with at least a hundred a day anyways. Yeah I remember you, I was here a lot when I had issues getting adjusted to just 20mg diazepam a day when I had 30 plus 2mgx3 clonazepam a day stopped by my methadone doc back then, my psychiatrist had to intervene so that I at least kept 20mg of diaz.

You might have helped me out morally back in 2012-2013. Just woke up to take a piss and eat something, I always sleep in 2 blocks when I don't take any Restoril at night now, I'm on easy street now, oxycodone-CR (generic oxycontin, chewable/whatever like the old ones) every 12 hours from the pain clinic, 30mg diazepam from the psych, GP scripts me bromazepam 12mg/day and Restoril 30-60mg as needed, so I get 45 a month 30mg caps, but I try to stay disciplined and not take the Restoril during the weekend when I don't need to sleep 8 hours straight because I need to be up and fully functional all day.

In a way, I "relapsed", but I'm not dealing with 70 year old docs who might retire at any moment, which is what got me into trouble in the first place (percodan and clonaz withdrawal at the same time back in '08 when I called the office and... dee-doo-dah, the number you dialed is no longer in service, the motherfucker has retired without warning....gl bruh
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Betsy Fiddlemadge - Wed, 02 Oct 2019 02:57:04 EST 0SRUm69r No.147288 Reply
>>147127
I've been clean off benzos for like 3 to 4 months and I'm sitting here wanting to relapse really hard but no one will sell me pills anymore cause I told them not to. I feel your pain. I'm probably going to relapse, but maybe not. Maybe in the morning I'll feel different but eh, I want benzos lol
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Shit Bivingtone - Wed, 02 Oct 2019 07:38:24 EST gACrxJp9 No.147294 Reply
>>147288
Remember that if you have withdrawn before you will withdraw harder and be at risk of seizures next time, and that your tolerance will return RAPIDLY

Try to keep distracted man i know it's hard though i'm in a similar boat
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Mr Shoe - Sat, 19 Oct 2019 10:22:30 EST T32BDs4z No.147467 Reply
>>147294
this, the WDs will be worse. The scientists and chemists say the substances stay in your body x amount of days due to half life, but that is BS as it remains in other tissues within the body. I know this as I still have a huge tolerance after 3 years of sobriety lol.. Relapsing on Benzos is probably the worst relapse.. sure one shot of heroin can kill you, if you're unlucky and or stupid, but the life of Benzodiazepines addiction physically and mentally is so utterly hellish, espe3cially when trying to stop
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Mr Shoe - Sat, 19 Oct 2019 10:32:54 EST T32BDs4z No.147468 Reply
>>147239
Hey Dr M, I do not remember you sorry, I only remember IDGAF.. not sure if he died or just left the site.. either or is possible. We were both dosing 20-30mg of Xanax a day so who knows.
In Thailand I can still get Diazepam, Clonazepam, Temazepam, Xanax and I scored morphine too..
I'm a YouTube (educational channel) that's how I make my living, I am also looking at other revenue stream but as you know, when you're in the Benzodiazepines haze, life doesn't go as you accept. I was sober for 3 years and my lire improved dramatically. It makes me both angry and sad to see people here talking about how benzops are fun or good, they should never be used or prescribed for more than a couple of weeks at most. The real way to success is in the mind. Meditation and physical exercise, that is what saved me back then, but right now I am no self destruct mode and I don't know why

Thailand is such a beautiful place physically and culturally. The way of life in the West is so stressful and so uptight, it's difficult to pinpoint it, but I think it's a lot to do with the media influencing the masses, and causing unrest among the masses. I dunno man

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