|>> || I have the friends I made before I came out as trans but they all live in another state, visited them for the first time in months the other weekend and it was great, but I'm pre everything so I just kind of didn't mention it, I always dressed sort of androgynously and was always kind of feminine, a few people made an effort to use the right name, and some of them said supportive shit like how they liked my shoes and that they'd wear them themselves, which is a bit clumsy but pretty cute and I definitely appreciated comments like that, but I was only there for a brief period of time and extremely fucked up so I didn't really talk about it the way I wanted to, came out to one additional person and he was supportive and tried to use the right name and everything |
but they live in another state and I don't have a car, or even my license, god damn I shouldn't have dropped out of college, but my bipolar got so bad I ended up in the hospital 3 times since so I didn't have much of a choice, I probably would've OD'd if I stayed
now that I live where I do I pretty much wake up, do drugs, go to work, do more drugs, take classes online, play minecraft, go to sleep at 8am or if I did speed or something 5pm the next day, see the therapist I lie to about my drug use once a week, which is really a great experience I love her work and all but it's an hour a week of meaningful human contact and that's it
Once I get some money coming in that I don't immediately spend on drugs and junk food, I'm going to try to go to support groups like NAMI or LGBT specific ones, I met a lot of cool people doing a PHP/IOP program after I got out of the hospital, but again, that was in another state, maybe try apps like Meetup, I really just need to get my license and a car, I don't know why I keep putting it off, I drove all the time with my family I could easily pass the test but I can't muster the energy to do anything but immediately try to block out the real world at every opportunity I get
Since I became painfully aware of the phenomenon I've started to clock a lot of us in public, but I feel like it's a faux pas to acknowledge someone else's transness, and also what am I going to do? walk up to a trans girl I see in the mall and say "I can't help but notice you're trans, I'm a bit of a trans myself"?