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>For trans people, people using the right pronouns isn't about them being "your pronouns," it's about being perceived naturally as a member of your sex. And this may be my enby knowledge goes down but afaik there is no parallel. How does the look and feel of an "ey/em" person differ from a "they/them"? I don't think it does, and so there would be no visceral reaction. It's just pronouns.Mm, this is not like, advice, but talking to NB people I'm close to about their gender + self-concept (social role, body experience, whatever gender tropes they identify with, their history) made a big difference to me with this, especially since friends were gracious enough to really open up once asked. Their descriptions, and watching them more closely/with a different lens thereafter, changed my perception of them, and produced a visceral reaction just like how being socialized to understand binary genders did. It also permanently changed some of my last, ground-in prejudices about the legitimacy or illegitimacy of different types of gender identities.
And I very much don't mean simply using rote memorization or social shame or whatever. I started with the assumption that these pronouns or labels must mean a certain thing to someone (which is likely quite different or more complex than how I see it, and which is not entirely possible for me to understand, not being them). Cause it's not random, the words people are using. They had to arrive at it somehow--where did they hear it and from whom? why did they think they were similar to this person? what does it sound like to them? When I find out what they meant and why they saw themselves as fitting it, calling them that thing made sense; I correctly perceived them as the thing they were with no reminder required.
This could work with literally anyone, by the way. Cause I heard "he" somewhere once, or many times (and was exposed to various concepts for what being a man was), and it clearly stuck, and cis people heard their pronouns (most of the time) and kept them. But if you question us enough, our ways of arriving at those sounds and what we associate with them and how we look are going to be different from other people in the same category. And it's not like people are less or more wrong about being shes or hes; those are all legitimate ways to be the thing.
Humorously, I started doing this because I simply wanted to know the best algorithm for not tripping up on people's pronouns. turns out, that is a) stop low-key seeing binary genders as the only real genders, and b) know enough NB people to start involuntarily stereotyping different pronoun groups, lol