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8 years after - 4 years post-op : go ahead ask questions

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- Sat, 15 Feb 2020 18:05:32 EST TY7InAq7 No.407028
File: 1581807932859.png -(125033B / 122.10KB, 800x800) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. 8 years after - 4 years post-op : go ahead ask questions
I'm stealth, living in Europe, started when I was 32 ... I'll give you 100% genuine true answers. I do pass, without any doubt. Did my surgery in Montreal, had complications. Did not had any need to do ffs, and still don't need, because genetics. I'm a little bit known for my job (I insist, not related to "my condition") in my country and really not "being proud to be trans" bullshit. Just living my life... I lurk here from time to time and this board helped me when I started back then. Started self medicating with the help of 420chan to be honest, that's why I'm still watching this
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Rebecca Hemmerwell - Sat, 15 Feb 2020 20:17:55 EST wh5oOOVd No.407029 Reply
Did you ever run into complications where your liver started producing more enzymes due to the estrogen that your new doctor who is good in transgender health orders an ultrasound?
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Nigel Hongerstudge - Sat, 15 Feb 2020 22:26:34 EST TY7InAq7 No.407031 Reply
>>407029
Nope, no prob with my liver. I only had a huge levels of estrogen just after the surgery, at a point that my body was thinking I was pregnant and had some lactation problem. Nothing very annoying but my breasts were very heavy and a little bit painful and had weird feelings (up and downs)
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Rebecca Hemmerwell - Sat, 15 Feb 2020 23:41:55 EST wh5oOOVd No.407032 Reply
>>407031
I'm a little scared of this ultrasound of my liver I have to have.
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Alice Dendertud - Sun, 16 Feb 2020 07:22:08 EST g/Bx05E8 No.407033 Reply
Okay, this is no doubt a dumb question, but have you done drag/b (ie as a man/boy) or otherwise messed around with looking like your designated gender role since? I'm 11(-15) years in, and maybe 3 years after settling into my relatively dysphoria-free, post-surgical and -start-of-HRT life, I lost a lot of my total disgust with girl clothes and started crossdressing for fun a couple times a year. I don't expect that, but have you ever had cause, even for a Halloween party or on a drug trip, to try it?

Also, how is it being stealth? I pass but I tell people I'm trans all the time (when relevant) because it just seems easier that way and I'm also probably at less risk of danger, being FTM. Do you consider stealth less complicated? Do you have cause to lie or avoid the topic, or does it just never come up?
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Nigel Hongerstudge - Sun, 16 Feb 2020 16:59:07 EST TY7InAq7 No.407037 Reply
>>407033
Nope, no drag at all ... But I wouldn't mind playing around ... I don't suffer anymore of dysphoria and I guess it's not something that would trigger pain like before. My surgery made everything right for me.

For the stealth thing it's not a discussion at all. I'm in couple with the same woman I've been since I was 20, so she wasn't very shocked to be honest. If I was to be dating again, it would be indeed something else. I guess I'd have to stop being stealth at least with the person I date (and I guess this would be the end of it for real). But I rather be alone than to restart talking about my transition or "my life before" with people irl. I can do it on internet once every 5 years or so , lol. I guess my professional career would change too. Don't really know how all the people following my work would react to be honest. I guess, not well... So to answer if it's more complicated, I would say it's a little better. I don't have the trans hate, but I still have the misogyny, sexual harasement , etc. And if everyone knew about me, I'd be treated so freaking differently in this country... Don't know what's best. You tell me :)
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Nigel Hongerstudge - Sun, 16 Feb 2020 17:00:03 EST TY7InAq7 No.407038 Reply
>>407032
Sorry to hear that. Let's hope it will be ok. Finger crossed !
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Molly Pevinghirk - Mon, 17 Feb 2020 07:10:28 EST g/Bx05E8 No.407049 Reply
>>407037
>But I wouldn't mind playing around ... I don't suffer anymore of dysphoria and I guess it's not something that would trigger pain like before. My surgery made everything right for me.

Yay good for you. I was surprised, too, by how wonderfully surgery worked for my dysphoria. Everyone told me I'd regret it. Joke's on them.

And I'm obviously biased re: experimenting with gender, but it's weirdly validating to have to work to look like your birth sex. And it's nice taking on that social role (takes me a lil effort to pass now though) and then rip it off like a superhero's alter ego disguise whenever you're tired of it.

>But I rather be alone than to restart talking about my transition or "my life before" with people irl. I can do it on internet once every 5 years or so , lol.

This makes total sense. My total lack of filter about it is probably from some stuff from my history and not typical.

>I guess my professional career would change too. Don't really know how all the people following my work would react to be honest. I guess, not well... So to answer if it's more complicated, I would say it's a little better. I don't have the trans hate, but I still have the misogyny, sexual harasement , etc. And if everyone knew about me, I'd be treated so freaking differently in this country...

Well, from personal experience, there's been a difference for me between the years I was visibly trans and the years I passed completely and then disclosed whenever I wanted. People were much more civil to me when they'd pegged me as "like them" than when they could see I was trans right off. And the calm demeanor that comes from passing and being able to control your disclosure puts people more at ease than being irritable from constant humiliation and misgendering.

it's terrible but yeah IMO passing is better in literally every way, even if not stealth

>Don't know what's best. You tell me :)

I couldn't really say, of course. I'm not really a lady and I don't have the same romantic or job situation as you. I'm always just curious about how other trans people are out there living their lives lol
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Matilda Soshbury - Sat, 22 Feb 2020 11:48:23 EST g/Bx05E8 No.407095 Reply
>>407063
I actually didn't have bottom surgery, just the old snip scoop on the boobs. What made me decide: my body was an unlivable, tumorous, Lovecraftian hell and all I could think about was getting this shit off me. I'd been looking up surgeons since I was 13.

The relief after surgery was unimaginably good. Saved my life.
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Edwin Tillingwell - Sat, 22 Feb 2020 17:45:37 EST TY7InAq7 No.407098 Reply
>>407095
So happy for you. It's incredible how everything is getting "normal" all of the sudden after the surgery, isn't it? I do understand some persons don't feel the same and will never do it, but for me it was not an option. It was about being able to continue living, nothing else. I say that because someone asked me about the "reason". If it was about my sexual life or something. And the answer is 100% nope. My sexual life was just horror for me. Really horrible. But it wasn't about that at all. It's about being for once in your life able to love yourself, and to feel "normal" in your own body (sorry about the term, I'm not opposing to abnormal for those who are different, it was only my feeling about myself, no link whatsoever with anything else). There are days when I look at my body and I just cannot believe that all the freaking body related sufferance is gone. Just, gone. Freaking happy with my body since 4 of July 2016 (yeah, it was so simbolic to have my surgery on the independence day, lol). And to be honest, my sexual life is not the best, as I had complications and still hurts like hell when doing it (and bleeding). I had some ingrow skin on the surgery cuts (bottom of the vag) and never really healed completely. On the outside everything is ok, don't even see the scars anymore and the shape is so natural, that every gynecologist said at least once how incredible the results are. Tried several treatments, that worked a little, but it's not 100% healed. The fact that this problem is inside, it more complicated to treat, so I'll have to get back in surgery this year. But even with this pain and bleeding when dilating (or doing sex with penetration), I'm still freaking happy with my body and would do it again happily. And that's why I can say it's not related to it. I would say sexual life it's about 4% of the whole reason, nothing compared to the rest. Hopefully one day all of this will be completely healed and won't have to take painkillers when dilating once a week. But even if it's not the case, I'm still really happy with my decision. And I anticipate the question: yes even in this situation I have the most "furious" and intense orgasms I ever had my entire life. Everything is working perfectly on this side, thank you very much... lol
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Polly Lightcocke - Wed, 25 Mar 2020 05:52:08 EST m+aRkf06 No.407207 Reply
>>407028
What should I do if certain things about my body were just fucked and they still destroy me inside, almost 5 years of hrt later? It feels like I will simply hate my body for the rest of my life
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jonmormont - Wed, 08 Apr 2020 22:09:32 EST IXm/DNPq No.407227 Reply
Op
I 100% stealth, and can't pass.
I've been thinking for awhile about moving to Europe and wanted to ask some questions about the whole LGBT thing over there.
At the moment I live in Seattle WA and LGBT people are borderline considered divine beings here. Which is one of the reason why I want to move so badly. I'd much rather be treated as a normal ass human than what these people expect of them. How's the tolerance over there?
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Hannah Guzzlebin - Mon, 13 Apr 2020 04:02:08 EST LKzeRb2X No.407239 Reply
>>407227
>I'd much rather be treated as a normal ass human

I mean I'm all for sycophancy from the straights, but I will say it's kind of annoying that if there is any shred of doubt whatsoever, liberal-minded people will tend to default to they, even if it's pretty fucking clear if you think about it for a second that she/her would be a safe bet. I don't think there's ever been a single person who was born male, presented as explicitly female, but still got upset when referred to with female pronouns.

It doesn't actually matter and it's still technically the best thing to do in light of non-binary people, but I'd almost prefer to live somewhere where most people didn't really have a concept we existed, because that leaves it all down to social signalling without there having to be a debate. Whether they want to or not, people who haven't given any thought to what we are implicitly see us as the gender we present as. It's only in more liberal areas where there's been a dialogue about this that it tends to be called into question. I think for most cis people, the longer they think about it, the less they get it. Hell I think that's true for us too. I wish we could all just stop thinking about this shit and exist.
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Reuben Grimbury - Sun, 19 Apr 2020 15:14:53 EST g/Bx05E8 No.407249 Reply
>>407207
I saw this and thought about whether I should try to answer. After transition, the remaining pockets of dysphoria I have for things there isn't enough medical advancement to fix are bearable to me, if quite sad when I think about them too hard. But...I have multiple disabilities that are extremely difficult to deal with, and sex dysphoria is basically a very distressing disability so I feel ok making this comparison.

Grieving process (and maybe some kind of guidance--therapy, counseling, peer support or friends, to help), fix what you can, and if some kind of drug journey to explore the question of how you live a life in a body that gives you trouble makes sense to you, maybe give that a try?

It sucks, I'm sorry. I wish everyone could just step behind a curtain and come out with the body they need. Yours could look and act just how you need it to sex/genderwise, and mine could not be in horrible pain and let me walk as much as I want.
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Fuck Serringpadge - Mon, 20 Apr 2020 06:48:27 EST LKzeRb2X No.407250 Reply
>>407249
Personally a lot of times I find it impossible gauge how I actually look. To be honest, a good piece of advice that helped me is only check yourself out in glimpses, lacking catching your reflection or a quick glace after shaving or whatever, because that's closer to the reality other people see. People aren't dedicated to scrutinizing your every imperfection in the same way we can be towards ourselves.

The brain works in funny ways sometimes. A lot of how we're perceived comes down to signifiers. Try to conjure up an image in your head of your best friend. Now try to conjure the image of the last cashier you talked to. Neither image will be remotely "accurate". We don't take the full picture of anyone in without making a concerted effort and even then we find it impossible to truly hang on to that image in our minds eye. So the images we have of other people in our minds are very different from what actual reality might be. For this reason, if there are enough things about your appearance, hair, face, clothes, affect, etc., that signal "female" to a person subconsciously, whether they like it or not their image of you is female and their brain works to fill in the gaps and inconsistencies. They could see you as a particularly masculine and stereotypically unattractive woman, but generally speaking, again whether they want to or not, they will see you as a sort subcategory of women, not men. Hell, I think if you broke it down feature for feature, a lot of cis women don't meet some of the standards we set for ourselves.

I'm not saying there aren't obvious standards for attractiveness, just that at the core, deeper than relationships or sex even, there is an element that can't be taken away from us.
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Caroline Mubbershit - Fri, 08 May 2020 19:41:01 EST D9jPnWxf No.407297 Reply
>>407028

Every time I see a thread where someone says they pass perfectly, I always wish they post a picture.
I have a huge anxiety like "What is good enough to pass?"
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Charlotte Ponderman - Mon, 11 May 2020 23:32:11 EST LKzeRb2X No.407307 Reply
>>407297
Well I mean the problem with that of course is that this whole thing works based on signifiers, none of which individually are intrinsically masculine. Gender presentation emerges as a whole greater than the sum of its parts. If you know someone is trans your brain can be very good at picking out tells like broader shoulders, sharper jaw, taller, deeper voice, etc. but with the exception of certain ones like visible Adam's apple, no one of these features on their own would seem out of place on a cis woman. Passing is a matter of having enough aspects of one's appearance fall with-in acceptable ranges so that people, whether they want to or not, categorize you in their heads as female. If you're posting a picture of yourself and asking "do I pass?" then it's, very, very, very easy for someone to come along and say "No because x" even if you pass the point of almost never being clocked, which as actually not THAT hard to do for most builds if you start early in life. Not to mention the fact that a still image can be poured over and studied intently whereas you see people for a few seconds at a time in the real world. The flip-side to this is that once you come to the understanding that trans people are the gender they identify as, then you start to see them all that way and your brain starts to become much more forgiving in terms of picking out tells. Because of how much my mindset shifted after starting HRT, unless it's someone who is pre-HRT or just started or they have a very unfortunate build I find it almost impossible to tell these days, i see pictures all the time of trans people i wouldn't have said were trans and cis people that I thought were trans
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What - Sun, 24 May 2020 00:04:37 EST TY7InAq7 No.407340 Reply
>>407297
OP here. I'm really sorry that I triggered this with my post. Will be more careful in the future. I realize that I really have to be more careful with those things.
Passing is very subjective and in my case it's calculated ONLY on the base of how many "sir" I get (none since year 2 of my transition) . I'm still " in the middle " (androgynous) but it's more about my energy I guess. I dress 80% with a jean and a t-shirt and I don't do makeup (only when I'm forced because I have to get in front of the camera, due to my job). So to be honest, I don't know what is good enough to pass but I really wish you to be free of any kind of anxiety. And once again sorry, wasn't my purpose
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Lydia Pizzlesot - Mon, 27 Jul 2020 03:03:07 EST m+aRkf06 No.407467 Reply
>>407249
I've been to therapists. I'm bitter at this point because the one I stayed with longest never even suggested hrt as a possibility to me even though what I would talk about was obviously trans shit. I'm so mad at myself and the world for it not being easier to learn about transition when it was needed for me.
I almost killed myself after an appointment with that therapist one night because she started going on about how happy another of her patients (age 12) was after transitioning, and early transitioners are one of my bad triggers. Mind you, this was after I started self medding, no thanks to her.

I haven't really found online discussion very helpful, if anything it just comes down to a person every once in a while feeling similar to me. Most people seem to basically be happy or at least acceptable about their situation after a few years. The only person I have felt as a kindred spirit was a trans woman I met while having surgery. I think it's insensitive to whine to her about most of the the things that cause me pain because she's 15+ years older than me, and anything I say she has almost certainly faced worse.

I've had all common surgeries except BA, though I'm dissatisfied with all of them. The only things left I could potentially do are shoulder reduction or rib removal, but I'm currently not convinced either of those would actually help much, because of their limited scope. Having done psychs in the past, I'm kind of unsure I'd be able to mentally handle a trip as I am now. I've heard of ketamine being useful for depression, but haven't looked into it much.

I think about suicide a lot, but the issue is I don't actually want to be dead. I'm only living for the one maybe two good days per month. At this point I don't even know if I'm any better than when I started
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Nathaniel Sendlefot - Mon, 27 Jul 2020 10:55:56 EST LKzeRb2X No.407471 Reply
>>407467
I'm really sorry this is how things are going for you, and i wish i could offer you advice, the only thing i can tell you from horrible personal experience is that ketamine/dissociatives are NOT the move for us, you will see a man in the mirror and it will make you want to kill yourself, gender solely lies in one's feelings towards themselves, detaching yourself from those feelings is counterproductive, it won't make you feel like a girl, it will just make you angry that you don't and convince you that you just must not have that "essence" that makes a person "really" trans, but in reality there is no such thing

acid though, i think legitimately helped me a lot in terms of sort of subconsciously categorizing myself as part of a subgroup of women nor men, but i already had a borderline unhealthy fondness for it anyway and feel more comfortable and at home in that head space than i do in any other

i do have some belief in a higher power and the last trip i had not too long ago was deeply religious and i started to reflect on the mystery of how me and my very liberal but very religious sister-in-law are part of the same group and share a similar bond, and i when i looked in the mirror i legitimately saw my face shifting as i stopped picking out the masculine features and started picking feminine ones and even now i still do that and i finally like what i see in the mirror

i will say though, i feel like i worked my entire life to get to a point where this trip could happen, and just throwing acid into the mix for you right now specifically probably isn't the best idea, i'm sorry that there aren't any easy answers for this, i think maybe reflecting on the fact that our goal isn't to transform ourselves into fitting into the static category of "woman", the definitions of the words "man" and "woman" themselves have changed, they've come to represent a desire to act in traditionally masculine and feminine ways, that just so happens to correlate strongly with sex. this is a better construct for understanding the reality of the world, for describing something that is and always will be, there's no single thing inside of us that makes us trans or not, gender is a behavior not a trait, the desire to act is the thing itself.

fully comprehending this won't magically make other people feel the same, but i think another important step is realizing that it's the case that most people already do whether they like it or not because gender presentation is something that emerges from a collection of signifiers and after crossing a certain threshold people start to implicitly see you as a woman, which is the thing that makes homophobic men hate us the most, because they hate that they could potentially be attracted to us

i think even more significantly reflecting on the fact that our internal universes are all so radically different that it's completely impossible that anyone else feel the "same" way you do, to most people who don't have the same or a similar thing going on in themselves that they don't like, we're just another other

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