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My addictions... how do I escape this hell

- Thu, 01 Feb 2018 02:47:37 EST nCGTZhKS No.29714
File: 1517471257957.jpg -(28761B / 28.09KB, 343x609) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. My addictions... how do I escape this hell
Honestly I just don’t know what to do with myself. Sometimes I feel like it would be better to end it all. I keep thinking back to my high school days, if only I had just focused on school, I would have gone to college and gotten a degree and a job and a girlfriend.

I bought 200 bitcoin at $5 and forgot about it until my parents kicked me out of the house and I had no money to buy food with so I remembered the purchase, I check the price and it’s $7000... so I sell all of it right away and I’m just on top of the world, like literally the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.

So I immediately buy myself a nice apartment, and I start doing a ton of Coke from this dealer, let’s call him Snakes. So Snakes becomes almost like my best friend, we hang out all the time and just do coke, drink, smoke weed, and he doesn’t know how much money I actually have but I buy a lot from him. Eventually that starts getting boring and I want more people to party with, so we start inviting people over to do free coke with us, and I start meeting some girls but also the thing is, during the last year I had gotten really fat, so none of the girls wanted to fuck me and I was just getting really bitter and jealous of Snakes who fucked girls all the time at these parties. So eventually I just tell snakes that we aren’t friends anymore but I keep inviting his friends to my place, and one of the friends starts bringing my psychedelics which I didn’t want to do but he was a cool guy so I started doing them, and also ketamine, and Mxe. Mostly we did 5-men-dipt. Anyway so I’m on the dipt one time and this girl offers to fuck me, and I’m like “wtf” but do it anyways, and afterwards she asked for 300 dollars and that her bf would beat my ass unless I paid her so... needless to say I started having her over quite a bit and eventually the bf would come me too but he’d just stay in my living room doing coke listening to my sound system and practicing with this set of throwing knives I also bought. So after like a week of this she calls me and tells me her bf got in a car accident and was in the hospital and she can’t keep coming over at which point I’m super pissed and tell her to come over and I’d give her 600 but she hung up. So at that point I kick everyone out of the house and start throwing knives everywhere which gets their attention and they leave.

At this point I’m on weed, alcohol, Xanax, 5-Meo-dipt, coke, and I was also doing nitrous and eating sushi, and I start crying because I don’t have a bitch by my side. So I google prostitutes and find an Asian milf who does incall massages, and I get her to come to my place and she’s super hot. The next day I tried calling Snakes’ friends to see if they wanted to party and they all ignored me except one dude who told me I was a psycho and he never wanted to see me again.

So for the last month I’ve kind of just been in this pattern of waking up at 5pm, and I turn to my nightstand and do a fat line off of it and go back to sleep for 20 minutes until I wanna get up. Make myself 2 chocolate chip eggo waffles, eat them while smoking a blunt on my porch naked, then I usually call my dealer to come hang out, but then he leaves and I’m lonely so I call a girl off of an online escort service and play video games and smoke cigs until she comes over and then I just drink scotch while she gives me a blowjob while I read an incest hentai manga to get hard, then we have sex and I tell her to leave. At this point I start drinking seriously, prior to this in the day I’ll generally be drinking beers throughout, so this looks like a series of strong jackknifes (50% baileys, 50% blue label), and a few joints, this makes me hungry so I order my favorite foods barbecue and sushi off uber eats, and also usually get some ice cream. Usually after this I pass out for a few hours and wake up at 2 or 3am feeling awful and down in the dumps so I do some lsd or Molly or 5meodipt to cheer myself up, then I inevitably wind up calling another prostitute and I’ve scared some of them away because at this point I’m usually just naked and tripping really hard. Some of them have stayed to hang out. Anyway so at this point I usually pop a few benzos to calm myself down and I’ll do a couple packs of whippets and things generally get very hazy here and I don’t remember much, generally the girl will leave while I’m blacked out.

That isn’t really the exact chronology of every day but you get the idea. When I wake up I’m so filled with positive energy like today is gonna be my day, but instead I can’t help myself, I just always wind up doing whatever drugs I have in the house usually coke to get energy to finally clean up my house and take a shower and get my life together but something just makes me call my new dealer so he’ll just hang out with me for a bit but he always leaves too soon and then I call a prostitute and it’s all downhill from there.

Honestly I just feel so bleak and depressed now I can’t leave the house or bathe, I think I’m addicted to sex with hot prostitutes and I don’t know how I’m dgojng to go back to not having that. Im afraid to look at my bank account. It’s just so sad that some people are so lucky in their lives and have everything they ever wanted. I thought money would be the answer but now I’m just addicted to drugs and prostitution and I just can’t stop. Some people are just unlucky ii guess. I was dealt a shit hand with abusive parents and friends who just use me, I feel like my whole life is just an uphill battle against so many problems and struggles I just want to forget all about.

Help me /detox/. How do I escape this toxic spiral that’s consuming my life, that’s killing me day by day. As I write this I’ve had 10 beers and a quarter of an ice cream cake, weed and cigs, which is all I can manage in my attempt to be sober today. I need serious professional help but I feel like I can’t ask for it because they’ll just hear my story and put me in a mental institution.
Nathaniel Demmleman - Thu, 01 Feb 2018 03:39:02 EST vypwoMx6 No.29715 Reply
Go to rehab. You can probably afford a really nice one which will be almost like a vacation.
Nathaniel Possleforth - Thu, 01 Feb 2018 15:31:47 EST J3rc3ObZ No.29716 Reply
1517517107822.jpg -(305181B / 298.03KB, 1600x1068) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Seconding this, assuming you have some sort of insurance/a decent chunk of your money left you should really try rehba, it sounds like you're hitting a bottom and things are only gonna get worse, while i have certain issues with the 12 step model it's overall very beneficial to people in situations like yours and something you might as well try since it sounds like you don't have much to lose anyways. That's my 2 cents
Hugh Daffingbanks - Thu, 01 Feb 2018 20:47:07 EST J3rc3ObZ No.29717 Reply
1517536027347.jpg -(25823B / 25.22KB, 960x960) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Also i just finally realized after doing the math that you must have made about 1.4 Million from that sale, which is really awesome and cool and i'm happy for you, but thats besides the point. You can afford a very very nice rehab, along with top of the line psychiatric help/therapy. Obviously money is not gonna be an issue for you anytime soon but you need to recognize binging harder and harder on drugs and hookers not only will leave you feeling shittier and more insane but it will drain a significant amount of your resources. You can get the best help available as well as travel the world, do things you've always wanted to do but never had the resources. You can invest that money and get like mega rich. or if you don't even care about the money you can use your resources to try and get back to a normal life with dating and friends and fun. Obviously you sound miserable where you're at so i would suggest not just trying to find the most expensive rehab spa vacation, but actually trying to give sobriety a shot, hence the AA/NA suggestion, cause its true when they say some things money can't buy, and you definitely can't buy your way clean from drugs and good mental health, but you can get better options then most. Good luck and keep us updated
Polly Bimblelock - Fri, 02 Feb 2018 19:24:18 EST xfL07Ft/ No.29718 Reply
thats why stupid people should not have money
Phyllis Peddledock - Sun, 11 Feb 2018 08:14:07 EST BFxEE5EZ No.29734 Reply
kill yourself op, addicts are aggresive faggots who always think they know everything better and just waste time and money of our society
Caroline Dinderseck - Wed, 14 Mar 2018 06:40:13 EST 1zpG6Jth No.29799 Reply
Go to rehab or some kind of drug counseling. Get in shape, which sounds hard but it'll make you feel better and not have you slinging dough at some coke whore and her fucked up boyfriend. Something like that is bound to mess any sense of internal will that you have.
John Cellernadging - Wed, 14 Mar 2018 16:45:54 EST rYIIdhhG No.29800 Reply
You are just doing it all wrong my G. I'm a guy whose slept with well over 26 prostitutes and done my fair share of drugs (alone, with bros and with hookers). Lemme give y'all some real talk here. Because I think me and you are both equally addicted to pussy and drugs but I hit rock bottom repeatedly. And for the most part I can balance getting an escort here and there and doing drugs here and there.

  1. Give yourself a break from getting escorts at least 6 months. And maybe try and find a normal gf (I know I'm ugly as sin and personally this makes me more depressed because I had to go overseas to get a gf). When you feel the need to get an escort jerk off to her pictures or jerk off to porn. Jerk off more, pay less.

2. Find a good hobby. I found when I got clean from daily drug binges my hobby was music production, weight lifting, making youtube videos, and binge watching shows, anime, movies, etc. Distract yourself.

3. If depression is an issue or ADHD see a doctor. I did for both things. It helped the problem a bit.

4. Meditation and spirituality is a good alternative sometimes. Just don't go off the deep end here.

5. It's all about moderation for everything. And while usually I tell people what I did was quit harder stuff for lighter drugs until it was just beers and then I was clean and only did drug binges rarely what I'm going to tell you is you need to get away from drugs and whores as much as possible. Living home with my parents helped me get back on track.

Trust me OP if you did what I did I guaran fucking tee you will end up surrounded by parasites who leech off you, steal from you and don't respect you. And you'll be so fucking out of it on drugs you'll look back and be so goddamned embarrassed by yourself. And whores are a lfiesaver for ugly lonely men like me but you gotta realize at some point you need a real woman or to get used to your own company. It's always been a work in progress for me but I've came a long ways from where I was 5 years ago (pretty much your same exact situation). And for a while as a result I was eating 1 meal of ramen noodles a day and crawling out of debt wondering if I was going to be homeless any day now while freezing to death because my heat got cut off in mid winter.

Once you get yourself under control you can reward yourself here and there with escorts and drugs. But be careful of relapsing I relapsed about three times hard in the past five years or so. But I threw away my life that year. I attempted suicide so many times since then and been at the bottom of the world man.

Just don't go there brother.

Molly Cubberworth - Wed, 21 Mar 2018 04:58:43 EST 0AwI9BzO No.29813 Reply
You gotta get out of that situation completely and immediately. Get rehab now, don't look back. Your problems are feeding off of each other, you're using these drugs, food, and hookers to cope with the problems that drugs, food, and hookers are causing you. This is not a situation that you can untangle step by step. Everything has to stop, or nothing's going to stop.

You can't do this yourself and you know that. You need to do this or you're going to die and you know that.

You're sane, the things you have done make sense, even though they were the wrong/easy choices to make, the logic behind them was there. You're not going to any psych ward, I can assure you. You're going to be in rehab ffs, some of those places are nicer than resorts and the people there are professionals in life-unfucking.

Rehab's going to get you back on your feet and get rid of these fucked up habits that are dragging you down. It will take work to move on afterwards, but because you'll have a clean slate to start off of, it will be doable and you will have a life worth living to look forward to.

Close this window, start looking up inpatient rehab facilities. Do it now, find the best one you can and call them as soon as you can. You taking back your life starts now, nothing is more important than that.

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