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sober misery (posted on /qq/ aswell)

- Tue, 18 Sep 2018 12:01:54 EST Wi4D7hdy No.30144
File: 1537286514182.jpg -(54507B / 53.23KB, 540x688) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. sober misery (posted on /qq/ aswell)
I posted this on /qq/ but I thought it might get a quicker response, and more relevant since everyone here's cold turkey:

I quit daily benzos and opiates about a year ago, have had the odd lapse but nothing beyond a day or two's use in that time. Since then, I feel worse and worse. I hate waking up in the morning, at my job I just want to smash everything up and scream, every day I'm counting the minutes til I can leave but then I feel the same way at home, I feel like I'm only resisting suicide for a bunch of selfish self-absorbed cunts who don't want to help me they just don't want to feel guilty if I did kill myself, there's nothing for me in the world I work a shit job I don't have any skills to get a different one, I don't have a girlfriend and I haven't had one or even had sex in three years, I had one perfect girlfriend and I fucked it up and pretty much every day I feel like screaming I just want to go back to the day we fell out and fix everything it's like my head's full of screaming every day I want to just run into the street and beat someone and just not stop until they're fucking dead I want disasters and plagues and terror attacks I want everyone to feel just as miserable and worthless as I do and I don't see how I can go on like this it's exhausting I just want to get back on the drugs or fucking die, all my friends have girlfriends and are getting places and it's pathetic and a miserable way of thinking but I fucking resent them for their happiness, I think their girlfriends are stuck up cunts who won't introduce me to their friends because they don't think I'm good enough for them and I can't even go to the pub because seeing them all happy makes me go home and cry all night and think about killing myself because I'm so fucking lonely and miserable, it's a disgusting attitude but I really want them to break up I can't feel happy for my friends any more and that's not right - I'm dreading christmas, I don't want to go and sit around with my family and hear about what's going right for them, I don't want to sit there conscious that the fat self-important smug prick I call a cousin has a girlfriend and I don't, I just want to follow someone at night and just smash their head in and make them feel helpless and scared like I do, I keep wanting to just smash a bottle and drag it all over my body I have done in the past and it's like the external pain drowns out what's in my head if it's painful enough but I know I can't do that again it's driving me mad I just have all this unpleasant energy in me that I can't get out I don't feel like there's anyone out there for me my friends will all have nice happy families and I'm just going to live in some shithole house with nobody and nothing and they'll all forget about me I feel like if I have to be me and stay alive for everyone else's sake then I don't see why I shouldn't spend my life high it's not fair to have to be a fucking loser and be viscerally aware of it every day

I don't even know what I'm asking or what the point is in this. I guess seeing if any other ex-addicts had/have a similar feeling, wondering if it passes or not. I suppose I just wanted to vent
Doris Sevingmirk - Fri, 21 Sep 2018 15:18:13 EST uZJkwyR4 No.30148 Reply
You have depression, it's knowed now whats your problem.
give out of your city, start a new life, make new friends and find another girl. Give out of the country if u want, you're alone right? so you can. These guys who have a girlfriend and will start a family marriage are fucked and trapped in it, different of you. Start a new life and make another something else like you did with drugs, with money, be addict for it, try to be rich about it. Have so things to live for; Status, power, money, and u want to die because of PEOPLES? if u are alone you can make different, you ever'ill can change, make these choice. What you write remember me a depressiv disturbing movie, like guinea pig, WTF life are you creating. Try to win anything nice in these fucking shit what you built right now.
Nell Bluzzlehood - Fri, 21 Sep 2018 23:00:34 EST XRL9GJ8b No.30149 Reply
Do you drink, OP? If you are a regular drinker it can cause a lot of the problems you are describing. I can tell you first hand. I have been there.
Hugh Nicklegold - Tue, 25 Sep 2018 07:09:49 EST /rdNQGSC No.30170 Reply
Dude you are high as fuck giving advice about sobriety lmao

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