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Benzodiazepines: A story of love, memory, and the pending doom

- Fri, 23 Nov 2018 20:30:42 EST WpuPBHYJ No.30247
File: 1543023042682.jpg -(172519B / 168.48KB, 960x810) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Benzodiazepines: A story of love, memory, and the pending doom
I started in 2016. Following some horrible life events, I placed a clearnet order for etizolam. I should have seen a doctor. I should have heeded the warnings. But after what I went through I couldn’t handle sleeping one hour a night for weeks on end.

No, wait, let’s jump back four years. I dated a girl with a clonazepam script which she seldom used. I would occasionally take 1-2mg. I never had a problem. I had a problem with other drugs, but not benzodiazepines. It is a fact rarely disputed in the medical or harm reduction communities that while occasional benzodiazepine use is safe, long-term use can bring on withdrawals that are “worse than heroin.”

Now, let’s set the record straight. I’ve done enough heroin to develop an addiction. Benzodiazepines are worse. Prolonged use, even at therapeutic doses of benzodiazepines, can result in months of acute withdrawal and years of post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS).

From etizolam I found clonazolam. I never really liked it, but I would cut it up onto very tiny doses (well-aware of the dangers of hot spots in vendor-pressed 1mg pills of anything). And after a year or so, I started to wake up unable to see.

Really. Etizolam has a quite short half-life, so taking it and going to bed for 8 hrs is enough to wake up with your hands involuntarily shaking, your eyes misprocessing reality - I don’t know if they were seizures, but they might as well have been. From there, I reached out for help online.

I spent hours each day researching taper schedules, reviewing equivalency charts, methodically planning my mathematical reduction to zero.

And I still failed. It took 12mg diclazepam - the equivalent of 120mg diazepam - to finally stabilize. But everyone in my life could tell, from my past behavior to my new I-just-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude followed by random extreme panic attacks when I made dose reductions.

I did eventually seek out medical help. I couldn’t get past 3mg diclazepam (but I went 12->3 myself!). So I started calling psychiatrists. And rehabs. I had people tell me a taper is crazy, that it just keeps you addicted longer (if a psychiatrist or mental health counselor ever tells you this, review the Ashton Manual and run the other way. Consult a real doctor). Eventually I found someone.

I’ve done well with 15% or so reductions every few months. Stable, holding down a job, starting to regain love in life and hobbies and everything I had before my life fell apart.

PSA: avoid daily benzodiazepine use. It is fundamentally unsafe.

I’ll write more as time provides.
Sidney Seddleville - Fri, 23 Nov 2018 21:44:12 EST gzZmei8F No.30248 Reply

I wish you the best of luck. I've struggled with opiates, benzos and alcohol. I don't know what's wrong with me but my body and mind yearns to be sedated.

I've been "clean" for almost 8 years now but my PAWS have never went away. Although I've achieved what I previously thought was impossible (decent job, amazing wife, own a house lol what the fuck) I find myself still desperately trying to feel normal.

Anyways, sorry I'm going off on a tangent here. You may find some relief in something called BPC-157. It's known as the "healing peptide" and it has some anecdotal evidence it can heal some damage done by past drug abuse. Do some reading on it. It's not a magic substance, but it seems to have helped me just a little bit.
Fucking Hublinghall - Sun, 02 Dec 2018 19:19:54 EST Dswgp8IR No.30268 Reply

I came off a 3 year multiple-bar a day habit summer 2016 and STILL feel weird. A couple weeks ago my fucking back left upper molar CHIPPED because I grind my teeth NON STOP
Dundun - Thu, 25 Jul 2019 06:35:28 EST Z2OQyIBq No.30508 Reply
For all I know I'm the OP cause my addiction was similar but I don't remember anything. I'd also experience those shakes. I agree they felt like seizures. Eventually I did have a grand Mal seizure. Fucking sucks.

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