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Harm Reduction Notes for the COVID-19 Pandemic

Dependence on trivial downer doses

- Thu, 22 Aug 2019 13:09:47 EST aIeHXNWL No.30579
File: 1566493787576.jpg -(12841B / 12.54KB, 300x225) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Dependence on trivial downer doses
I've been stuck in a loop that I don't really know what to think of. For about 5 years I've been taking therapeutic doses of opioids, benzodiazepines, gabapentinoids and/or z-drugs every day to sleep and to avoid mania. I rotate them so that I never bother my opioid receptors for more than 2 days straight, and try avoid benzodiazepines altogether.

Some recent example evenings:
  • 10mg ambien + 5mg kratom
  • 0.3mg buprenorphine + 2 beers
  • 10mg kratom + 1mg alprazolam

I've had sober breaks of up to a month, especially on holidays, but in order to keep a sleeping pattern and a sane mind that guarantee steady income, I feel like I need these drugs. Of course a doctor wouldn't prescribe every downer ever but I also want to rotate because clearly it's easier to take breaks when I'm not used to taking one drug every single day.

The thing is, I can't really travel without e.g. smuggling buprenorphine or choosing Amsterdam so I have kratom available. I can't see my girlfriend 7 days a week, because I need to dose. I want to move abroad but that's no choice with such a deeply rooted dependence.

How do I approach going forward about all this crap? I'm not old enough to pile up and to die in a fortress of drugs.
David Puzzlefuck - Thu, 22 Aug 2019 15:16:32 EST UjQ6AzP6 No.30580 Reply
Wow that's a lot of drugs you seem to be on! When you mention doing these to stop mania, do you have Bipolar then? If so, the meds specific to that do tend to keep that fairly under control, meaning the need for other drugs is not really there once you've got a dose and medication right for you to treat the Bipolar. If you still struggle even on the meds, then you most likely have a psychological addiction to drugs - like you feel you need that high to keep functioning. That can only really be treated by working on yourself, with help of drug abuse groups / counselling etc... to help you work out why you feel this way still. It is absolutely possible to keep 'clean' but theres no single answer to help you - each person is different and the underlying cause for using drugs will vary depending on each person's background / lifestyle and brain chemistry. Sounds like you just need to start assessing some of these problems that ended up with you having to get into this cocktail of stuff, and then work on not self-medicating, but using proper clinical help instead. Hope this helps...
Thomas Cleggleshaw - Mon, 23 Sep 2019 13:50:08 EST z3X4D7fJ No.30637 Reply
Wow, this board is slow. A month later my post is on the front page, and I'm in the same loop obviously.

It's not bipolar I have, just "unipolar" manic-manic disorder. Jokes aside it's high-functioning enthusiasm, chronic insomnia and generalized anxiety disorder.

A year ago I did go to get clinical help, underlining that I'm abusing downers and need something non-habit-forming that'll help me sleep. I know the root of my struggles is getting enough sleep, which I need for mood reasons and performance at work.

So I got a quetiapine prescription. It sure does match the "non-habit-forming" part that I was looking for, in fact it's so awful I haven't resorted to it more than about 5 times. I know I should just tell the doctor, and then I'd get a prescription better suited for my needs (10mg ambien for insomnia and 75mg pregabalin for RLS).

In addition to getting my prescription right, I think I should also just try traveling, since that's what I'm scared of, as stated in OP. That would force me to taper down and to start another period of sobriety. I know I can do it because I've done it before. Another luxury that I really need to use are long vacations that give me the freedom to sleep whenever I want, like I used to as a teenager (with no drug problems whatsoever, just living my life with no need to sleep regularly in order to work for the man).
Thomas Cleggleshaw - Mon, 23 Sep 2019 13:56:00 EST z3X4D7fJ No.30638 Reply
Kirtaner if you're reading this, I would argue that word-filtering awteezm to enthusiasm doesn't do very good for the awteezm community
Cedric Gugglehall - Tue, 24 Sep 2019 11:21:44 EST 9FMHkppO No.30639 Reply
1569338504006.jpg -(34753B / 33.94KB, 501x348) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
It doesn't I agree, sadly there are 100 people using the term as a meme for each legitimate case. Holy shit though you sound exactly like me

I would work on travel too man. Been stuck in an almost identical loop of switching out drugs to sleep & function at work with almost the same issues, chiefly insomnia, RLS, GAD, Panic Disorder & something I forget the name of but my therapist said was 5 rungs below bi-polar

Hard to know what to say as I'm dealing with almost the same thing & have only been half successful in combating the issue. Basically I've got to the point where I'm sober half the month & on ambien / kratom / benzos / gabapentin the other half

Working out, pursuing hobbies, personal relationships without getting fucked up, friends that aren't bad for you, the same shit you hear but is worthwhile in the end. If you're anything like me which you seem you are then using these to combat real issues for so long has really compounded being addicted to them. It's too bad but something I could really use that'd help at least in my scenario is a time-lock medicine cabinet or some shit where I could keep myself from going overboard on medications I take
Thomas Cleggleshaw - Tue, 24 Sep 2019 13:28:35 EST z3X4D7fJ No.30640 Reply
Kitchen Safe is an affordable time-locked safe, I think it's exactly what you're looking for. It worked perfectly for few months for me, until I broke into it...

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