|>> || 1649618354137.jpg -(73958B / 72.22KB, 600x600) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. i'm starting to really love memantine too, 10-20mg in the morning + 10-20mg at night i've found is my sweet spot, it's a perfect long-term life-enhancing drug for me at the level I take it at, it's enough to give my life a spark again without burning everything down around me, I used to use DXM in conjunction with Wellbutrin for this purpose but it had a tendency to throw me too far into mania, now on memantine+buproprion+lamtrogine (admittedly on top of my own fix having bipolar II among other things and coming up on a hypomanic episode) I feel I've achieved the cleanest, most immersive, balanced high I've had in years, there's no sense of spinning off the rails like with something like stimulants, psychedelics, or more typical dissociatives, it's starting to give me enough drive to do the things I want to do without calling any of the shots. I'm not impaired at all, I feel like I'm right on the beat, it makes everything just about perfect but not quite, so I still have drive and interest in life, I'm ecstatic but not content, every opportunity for experience is starting to seem interesting and worthwhile. |
This'll be my thing for a while I think. Into tomorrow but that's just another time, right? This is all the stuff I was getting self-medicating on DXM+Wellbutrin but without any of the drawbacks like you mentioned, and worsening brain damage.
I've also smoked weed pretty regularly and occasionally do nitrous oxide on it, although the later I'm cutting back on, weed is interesting because memantine does amplify the effects of and to some extent reduce tolerance to cannabis, it's more that the weed brings more of the memantine out for a while the way weed brings back a high sometimes for a little bit when you're coming down. Nitrous just feels like it would in combination with any other disso, absolutely inexplicable. I think once every few months I might do something like nitrous or acid to work through things/get away for a little while, but I'm reluctant to throw much more into this, especially something like MDMA or some kind of heavy stimulant.
It actually is starting to improve my memory and cognition noticeably too. I had a pretty severe head injury a few years ago where I slept after getting a concussion when I was blackout drunk one night. I wake up and I have double vision and I'm completely incapable of reading so I go to the doctor and they tell me I had bleeding in 3 different areas. On top of that I had years of really reckless drug and alcohol use that almost killed me several times, thankfully I'm two and a half years sober from alcohol and hard drugs at this point, but I was to the point where when I finally got sober after I had an overdose taking temazepam on top of a BAC of .4 I had to spend a total of 7 days in the hospital to detox and go through psych evaluation had DTs, seizures, the whole nine yards, also add in a lot of DXM and MDMA, meth, etc. abuse I well and truly fucked my brain up and memory, mental health, relationships, etc. were really starting to deteriorate, it started getting better once I stopped drugs and alcohol altogether other than my meds, but I kind of hit a brick wall and attention and memory in particular still really suffer, but now on memantine I really am starting to get noticeably quicker, it helps to a degree with focus too, I feel like I'm starting to be able to remember things with less concerted effort, follow lectures/things I read better, in general I feel like I'm connecting ideas and forming new ones in way I haven't in a while but I'm nowhere near the point you get to where everything starts to seem plausible and things stop making sense, which was the inevitable problem for me using harder drugs to go where I wanted to go.
I think at the end of the day it adds exactly the right amount of weirdness to life to make it worth living. User is currently banned from all boards