Leave these fields empty (spam trap):
Name
You can leave this blank to post anonymously, or you can create a Tripcode by using the format Name#Password
Subject
Comment
[i]Italic Text[/i]
[b]Bold Text[/b]
[spoiler]Spoiler Text[/spoiler]
>Highlight/Quote Text
[pre]Preformatted & Monospace Text[/pre]
[super]Superset Text[/super]
[sub]Subset Text[/sub]
1. Numbered lists become ordered lists
* Bulleted lists become unordered lists
File

Sandwich


Xenon suppliers

View Thread Reply
- Mon, 20 Jul 2020 00:51:32 EST 0EDac59X No.372607
File: 1595220692211.jpg -(79442B / 77.58KB, 1045x1045) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Xenon suppliers
Does anyone know of good places to get xenon online? I hope this doesn't violate any rules cuz it's 100% legal
>>
Jenny Pesslefoot - Mon, 27 Jul 2020 20:17:39 EST MYA7SC5S No.372686 Reply
it does because even sourcing for drugs that are legal in most places is still against the rules, honest mistake though don't think it warrants a ban but they don't ask me

nb

DXM long term use/effects

View Thread Reply
- Tue, 30 Jun 2020 18:31:40 EST YackIcAo No.372414
File: 1593556300385.jpg -(18900B / 18.46KB, 642x480) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. DXM long term use/effects
"I'm feeling kind of bowling-ballish, fellas."

I've been doing dxm for a while now (mostly in syrup form) and I think I've come to a conclusion on whether or not it has negative long term health effects

and I would say YES!! MOST DEFINITELY YES

I would have to say it effects your nervous system in some way over time or I dont really know much about science, or the right words to use, so whatever would make you not experience sensations the same way

I can tell this because my orgasms aren't really intense anymore. It can take an awfully long time to reach orgasm (when you're on the drug and some people say it can feel quite good in that area), but now, after having not done it in a while, I realize my orgasms now just like drain out like my body is broken and I just generally remember feeling and thinking differently before DXM. I also feel like beings started to mess with me

I started drinking cough syrup like 15-16 years ago and after the first time I remember laying on my couch doing this weird like yawning thing that kinda felt good, but it also made me feel like I was completely insane. I remember thinking to myself, "this cant be good for my body." I generally just feel yucky and agitated a lot especially when I'm not smoking weed, but it's obvious that this does some real nasty stuff to your body over time

So yeah, im not a very good writer either and I feel like im forgetting something but I'll add to this later

So there you have it. If your orgasms aren't intense anymore, then it effected you physically. Who else in this boat?
18 posts and 5 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
Lydia Serrymot - Sat, 18 Jul 2020 11:15:21 EST 9YudRErz No.372597 Reply
>>372596
I'm over here taking a gram a day now.. haven't noticed anything bad yet. I started using DXM daily in 2015. In total since then I suppose there's been about 9 months that I haven't used, but when I use it it's daily and it's usually multiple times a day. I started taking 1g a few days ago but before that it was like 500mg-700mg, whatever I lumped onto the scale, usually two or three times a day. The 1g dose keeps me satisfied all day so far. I actually want to quit soon I've decided. I'm in the best shape of my life though mentally and physically, for what it's worth. I went from a computer nerd with no friends to, still having really not that many friends, but I've been dating girls and getting laid and having a lot of fun in life. I've had a few jobs, been going to college.. I'm about to take my 1g. Gotta go get some water and put on a pot of coffee. Life is good, I try to remember that every day. I've felt depressed in the past 6 months quite often but I know I'd never hurt myself and what makes me sad now is thinking about the bad parts of my life up until these past few years. I usually "dissociated" from it constantly with drug use and being occupied with video games and a lot of music. Drugs raised me, my dad's dead and I never got to meet him and my mom gave me away when I was 13. My family on either side has had nothing to do with me.

I don't know what drives other people to live. I think they're mostly just distracted in the same way that I used to be. I'm trying to find meaning in life, I am now 25 and consider myself to be practically an adult. The most meaningful thing I can think of to do with my life is to share it with other people. To have personal relationships with them, and other interactions. I don't have personal interests that I can do on my own that mean much to me. I have hobbies but I want to connect and share my life with people, it seems like everything is better and more meaningful when you do it with someone else.


My orgasms are way more intense by the way, it's just hard to achieve. When I do cum I blow out like 4 thick shots of cum and they go pretty fucking far. Jerking off I almost can't cum, and even during sex it's really hard and takes patience and focus. These effects don't last long - probably about 8 hours after my last dose it becomes increasingly easier to achieve an orgasm.
>>
Samuel Higgledure - Sat, 18 Jul 2020 11:38:39 EST 5FXhzhpM No.372598 Reply
>>372597

Damn, I take like 300-600 mg at a time, via gel caps. Are you using powder?
>>
Lydia Serrymot - Sat, 18 Jul 2020 16:11:02 EST 9YudRErz No.372599 Reply
>>372598
Yeah I am. I have a bad batch that smells strongly like chemicals, and a good one that smells like nothing. I'm gonna throw away the bad shit..

I'm feeling it Mr. Krabs

View Thread Reply
- Sat, 18 Jul 2020 04:56:20 EST xaF6EgKz No.372592
File: 1595062580961.jpg -(153981B / 150.37KB, 1168x1314) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. I'm feeling it Mr. Krabs
Consumed in total 270mg DXM in three 90mg intervals: just now, 45 minutes ago, and initial dose 45 minutes before that. Consumed ~7 standard units of alcohol prior to consumption of first dose. Feel good.
>>
Shitting Sicklehood - Sat, 18 Jul 2020 05:00:59 EST xaF6EgKz No.372593 Reply
1595062859961.png -(7661B / 7.48KB, 225x225) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
I have remaining 630mg with which I plan to voyage to Europa tomorrow.
>>
Eliza Honeyforth - Sat, 18 Jul 2020 07:32:56 EST mSdgI7Xo No.372595 Reply
>>372593
Haha which reminds me of my trips before every flight, hate the waiting part...

Is it possible to get stuck in sigma?

View Thread Reply
- Wed, 22 Apr 2020 09:05:30 EST EJ36SOpA No.371598
File: 1587560730154.jpg -(11689B / 11.42KB, 259x194) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Is it possible to get stuck in sigma?
So I have been trying to find sigma and think I got it but I feel I'm stuck there. Is this normal? Or is sigma a myth?
57 posts and 9 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
George Sankindale - Wed, 15 Jul 2020 00:22:53 EST YiD3CZnL No.372543 Reply
1594786973041.png -(100265B / 97.92KB, 420x234) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>371684
>>371673
Honestly I just recently came to terms with the insurmountable chasm between the phenomenal and noumenal universes through dissociatives. Kant has really never made more sense to me. It's insane. It's something you could spend a lifetime in wonder of, just how disparate and disconnected our internal universes are. The realization seems at the same time so unspeakably profound and so starkly obvious. Really diving into all of the implications of this simple fact I think is endlessly rewarding.

I think that people get it confused and think that when we say the phenomenal world is the only one we can experience, and therefor the only one worth considering, we're somehow saying that "seeing is reality" or that any idea is as good as any other. No one has genuinely suggested that. What this insurmountable distance between the noumenal and the phenomenal means is that nothing we see is reality, not that everything is. This still has some of the same implications though as those trite hippy truisms we've all heard, but they get that fundamental bit wrong. It's much more appealing and easily digestible to say that "you can be what you want to be" and "all paths lead to truth" and so on but people who could see through that bullshit were right to reject it.

Allow yourself to imagine just what this means though. I think that we all have this natural tendency to assume that people in general think the same way that we do and beneath any differences of opinion the opposing view always knows deep down that you're right and they're wrong. Since this is obviously wrong, that means that whatever absurd bullshit you've heard people say, however disconnected their world view is from consensus reality they hold their beliefs about the world as strongly as you do. In general, people can lie about their beliefs sure but in most situations they have little reason to. Their world is to them as yours is to you.

I've actually found nitrous oxide to be very useful as almost like that memory eraser from Men in Black but for negative attachments and self-loathing. In the past (and to some extent still today), my default assumption is that people are thinking the worst about me constantly and I find it difficult to feel love. If I reflect on this though as I inhale nitrous oxide for a split second I can put myself in the mind of a friend who says that they love me and accept me for who I am and actually believe it. For a fraction of a second, I can enter a universe where I didn't have such a rough life, and wasn't told constantly that I was defective and that I wasn't what I said I was.

The sky is the limit in terms of how one could use this effect. The key thing I think is that this isn't "seeing things the way they actually are", rather it's seeing things while suppressing (but not eliminating) past beliefs, cognitive biases, and prejudices which we naturally have as beings-in-the-world. In dissolving some of the deep-seated biases and prejudices in my mind, dissociatives have allowed me to feel things that on a cognitive level I've believed for ages. I think this is where their strong antidepressant effect comes from, at least in part.

So much of my confusion about my self, the world, and my place in it came from the programming of my upbringing. I knew I was supposed to be and act a certain way and not be and not act any other way. As it got clearer and clearer to me that I was being shoehorned into a life that I was fundamentally not compatible with I became angrier and angrier, I turned this hatred inward and for a decade I picked up metaprogramming where my upbringing left off and I forced all this negative self-talk, paranoia, and shame into the deepest fibers of my brain. As it turns out, this is a lot to overcome. You can say "Ok, I accept myself" but then what? For people who struggle with mental illness and certain other things there's no singular moment where you accept yourself. You just struggle tirelessly and suffer day-in day-out until, with any luck, you wake up one morning and you all of us sudden realize you kind of like who you are and you don't want to kill yourself.

In essence, I think dissociatives let you see a little clearer through that glass through which we see things so tragically darkly. They d…
Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
>>
Graham Tillingdale - Wed, 15 Jul 2020 19:22:25 EST 15VPXgyv No.372548 Reply
>>372543

so what you're saying in effect is life becomes easier when we realize at an intrinsic level nobody is connected to true reality. Ironically this generates empathy for others because we know others are disconnected like ourselves.

dissociatives in my mind, bring us to a truly sober reality that our ancestors already knew. We're not living in an objective state due to our upbringing, and most of all because we live in a world which has modern medicine and modern entertainment.

dissociatives always send me back in time, to a world that is closer to nature. that does not automatically mean good. nature has no vaccines, no tv, but it has fruits if you look for them.

basically ever since doing dissociatives i've been obsessed with "building myself from the ground up" where i could live in a world that accepts the fundamental node of reality as Descartes put it "I think therefore I am" because as he says, even if a demon was tricking you a la matrix style that this is all fake, there still has to be a fundamental you to be tricked, even if you can't directly perceive it.

DXM has shown me there is no "outside" versus "inside" that things are continuous.
But when we do encounter barriers we should observe them as sacred.
Just imagine, your house, is just a closed off part of the natural outside? Despite looking nothing like the outdoors, it becomes its own entity by closing itself off completely.

the deeper the closed system the less change it experiences. your mind, in your home, in your country, in your hemisphere.

its a Djiboutin nesting doll, and deeper than atoms is the haecceity of self.

What dissociatives do, is turn the tv 180 degrees, the components become the subject and you begin to understand that the real can't be too far from its original intended function.
The power of metaphor is the alchemy of the mind, as we are essentially a metaphor. I am a bundle of organs and membranes. I am a person.

How can an organ come to be that recognizes this, and doesn't flip out and try to cancel and destroy errors like every other organ means the brain's function in being the "head honcho" lends itself to being kind of self doubting? its powers are tremendous but it is never satisfied.

It's almost as if the first brain and intellect that came to be was just like "wow" and evolution stopped there.
(our evolution continues, but without natural selection and the tools now evolve)

in my mind dxm is the exhaust on the death star. a perfect weapon placed in plain sight that nobody takes seriously.

these are just thoughts but ultimately i have no point
>>
Lydia Serrymot - Fri, 17 Jul 2020 22:10:42 EST 9YudRErz No.372590 Reply
>>372543

>>372548

These were both interesting posts. DXM makes life feel visceral, for me. It's all earthy, it's all here and it's all connected and I'm a part of what's going on. I'm just as important as anything else. I have to say though, this drug has made me do things that I probably would never have done without it. I'm sure everyone can relate to that.. the implications are endless. I really hope something exists after death, or that the soul exists, that gods are real. How else could we have gotten here? Why does our solar system only have one alive planet? I actually came to realize while doing DXM and cocaine and other drugs not too long ago, that in a way, everything is alive... but I mean alive in the sense of.. people.. bipedal humanoids.. things that move around and do things and have a complex system of language like us. We're always coming up with new ideas. I suppose we're not so different from animals, and honestly not so different from nature either. It depends on how you want to see it. If you want to argue then you'll always be able to. If you want to understand and get along then there's a pretty good chance that you can do that.

Life is something. I wish I could wrap my head around it.

Do you think DXM help heal wounds as well?

View Thread Reply
- Tue, 14 Jul 2020 05:28:42 EST cgkI9yws No.372532
File: 1594718922044.png -(8506B / 8.31KB, 1920x1080) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Do you think DXM help heal wounds as well?
DICKS EVERYWHERE
13 posts and 3 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
Zozyman - Fri, 17 Jul 2020 21:09:52 EST TI2dmoZW No.372584 Reply
>>372583
Actually it physically would be harmful to healing, my wounds take longer to heal if I take DXM as HBR salt. Seems clotting isn't as effective, so bleeding is longer and interstitial fluid tends to come nowhere near the wound, at least none seems to seap out.

Whenever I do DXM and have a cut, it takes weeks to heal, where the same kind of cut without DXM heals within a couple days. I'm talking superficial cuts.

>>372581
Hey bby, why can't we just love one another? you cunt.

DXM and Ketamine

View Thread Reply
- Fri, 17 Jul 2020 00:03:57 EST 301/JQNM No.372565
File: 1594958637530.jpg -(266835B / 260.58KB, 2698x1516) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. DXM and Ketamine
I finally got around to trying some Ket bumps (50mg) at the peak of a 2nd plateau. I wasn't so into it, honestly. Maybe got a bit of extra euphoria. It certainly felt like my brain was shutting down (kinda obviously). Visuals were not there at all - maybe if I did more. I imagine I would eventually hole if I took more but I just wasn't so into it. However I will probably try LSD+DXM+Ket eventually. It would be cool to hear the music being super-slowed down.

too deep into youtube

View Thread Reply
- Tue, 27 Aug 2019 10:15:12 EST Ezw7w5PG No.368072
File: 1566915312518.png -(1145173B / 1.09MB, 1279x679) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. too deep into youtube
careful with the dissos lads. this guy said he smoked a pound of diphenidine in a year. behold, pure dissociated insanity. he countless hours of videos like this. almost no views.
(potentially disturbing)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xk1f9uigMts

I figure someone's gotta see this
161 posts and 35 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
Clara Honeyhood - Mon, 13 Jul 2020 22:04:31 EST OszGbVVW No.372531 Reply
>>368072
He just made a new video 3 days ago. I wanna know how he's supporting himself considering he seems too fried for any occupation and 2 what the condom on his desk is for. How do you become this fucked up
>>
Chollis Ketteridge - Thu, 16 Jul 2020 07:51:38 EST QBNBdPmq No.372558 Reply
>>372531

He is financially supported by his mother who is seemingly wealthy (they live in a large property with land attached) and if Ryan is to believed, also a meth head.

dxm is very yes

View Thread Reply
- Tue, 14 Jul 2020 06:09:43 EST 7xfsiORv No.372534
File: 1594721383336.jpg -(417631B / 407.84KB, 1080x835) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. dxm is very yes
I just figured it out guys, I figured out why the fuck im doing this shit, IM SO happy right now i love you all (:

make high grade

View Thread Reply
- Thu, 18 Jun 2020 07:17:22 EST cfh2wgYo No.372331
File: 1592479042756.jpg -(440265B / 429.95KB, 1920x1080) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. make high grade
mxe; please.
10 posts and 4 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
Simon Brarringdale - Wed, 08 Jul 2020 19:28:51 EST ma7wUQRU No.372502 Reply
>>372501
Where do you get them? Every place I’ve seen that carries pure DXM is some shady Chinese site.
>>
Mr_Shawmeen - Mon, 13 Jul 2020 17:26:43 EST OoMgiDDf No.372526 Reply
>>372501
That's pretty good but two 450mg robocoughs still only cost like 3 bucks.
>>
Phineas Crublingman - Mon, 13 Jul 2020 21:24:21 EST 9YudRErz No.372529 Reply
>>372502
Perhaps your perception of these marketplaces is something that could be improved and made to be more accurate.

surprise MXE

View Thread Reply
- Tue, 07 Jul 2020 17:51:34 EST +yuq+q/e No.372489
File: 1594158694149.jpg -(105717B / 103.24KB, 800x600) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. surprise MXE
SUp fags, came across of 80mg of pre-ban MXE (legit), should I boof, sniff, swallow or sublingual?
4 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
Hedda Drankinkune - Mon, 13 Jul 2020 16:52:56 EST d5bIDpYW No.372522 Reply
If you've got something of such limited quantity and rarity, then I would suggest plugging it. Allows you to get the most out of it by better absorption, less waste, and the speed of absorption produces a more intense high.

Subbing would produce the next less waste and yield probably similar intensity to snorting (but significantly less waste), then snorting, and then oral is both the least intense and depending on the bioavailability of the other ROAs, and oral ROA how much first-metabolism it undergoes (if any), etc., oral would easily have the biggest potential for waste on top of needing to take more to get similar effects.
>>
Hedda Drankinkune - Mon, 13 Jul 2020 16:57:04 EST d5bIDpYW No.372523 Reply
Overall, the only ROA that can produce a greater high and similarly little waste to plugging, in general, is shooting up (wouldn't recommend just because though... also can't tell you the differences between IM vs. IV, although I assume IV leads to more intense high and less waste overall). Smoking/vaping/inhalation is the only drug ROA potentially as quick and intense as IV, but there's significantly greater waste. When it comes to MXE, obviously, don't even fuck with it; I'm certain MXE comes in the form of some salt, rather than a freebase, which makes the vaporization temp and burning temp so close together that attempts to vape it would just burn it instead and ruin it (and create toxic chemicals in the process).

DXM mixed with pseudoephedrine

View Thread Reply
- Tue, 07 Jul 2020 01:49:13 EST XaKBqUMt No.372478
File: 1594100953190.png -(320009B / 312.51KB, 600x600) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. DXM mixed with pseudoephedrine
Sup /dis/, I've recently got some DXM to try for the first time ever, the problem is that its mixed in with pseudoephedrine which I'm afraid might cause some health problems. Will 600mg pseudoeph (with 200mg DXM) hurt me in some way or am I gonna be fine?
2 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
Shitting Memmlesed - Tue, 07 Jul 2020 23:32:58 EST JJRJQ27l No.372494 Reply
i wouldnt, not a substantial amount of dxm and anything other than MAYBE guaf (and thats a big maybe depending on your stomach) is a bad idea and is gonna make things weird in a bad way. cant be that hard to get your hands on some long acting cough or whatever
>>
Doris Heddlewedging - Wed, 08 Jul 2020 09:41:49 EST BThQTPnz No.372499 Reply
>>372478
if the product in the picture is actually what you have then i guess you're in Poland? why not just get Acodin then?
>>
Hugh Goodwell - Thu, 09 Jul 2020 04:17:09 EST T9vIkIqF No.372506 Reply
>>372499
there isnt any acodin in the pharmacies nearby so i just take whatever i can

Possible ketamine pains

View Thread Reply
- Tue, 16 Jun 2020 15:13:42 EST g9GH/shY No.372288
File: 1592334822501.jpg -(223013B / 217.79KB, 1080x944) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Possible ketamine pains
So I had bad stomach pains the last two previous night.
Gastro type pains.felt sort of like trapped gas's all in the stomachs sort of like a shap pain kept on moving all around inside it(possible digestive track) then last night u til this morning it was a rather strong tightness under the ribs mainly the left(so I don't think anything to do with gallstones)

Now it's gone.
Apple cider vinegar peppermint tea and ginger and Lennon possibly helped or maybe it was just time

This happened the next day after taking ketamine

The ketamine was the best I've had in a while but tasted rather chemically/salty

Ilthe pain kept kept happening after taking more ket.

I'm unsure tho if it was the ketamine or some sort of food poisoning or maybe some sort of IBS problem as I ate a chicken curry with a lot of lentils and chickpeas and chilli flakes.

Now from what I've read over the years ketamine only really negatively effects your bladder and nose.
I've read a couple of posts about gastro issues but not much

Any suggestions?

Also may actually test it out tonight and try some of a friend's see if the problem arises again...if it does then at least I know to stay far away from it for a whike
>>
Cedric Lightville - Tue, 07 Jul 2020 10:18:39 EST 0rhJoGji No.372483 Reply
>>372288
Could have recrystallised a bit and gone scratchy scratchy on your insides, when that happens in the tubes to your gallbladder that's what causes the infamous "k cramps". I've had it twice total in the course of several years of doing k on and off, both times it subsided after several hours but the second time it made me throw up 'cause of the pressure under the ribs. It's not nice but if it only happens rarely I don't think it's as big of a deal as, say, the potential for kidney/bladder damage. Never heard of anyone getting seriously ill in that way from it.

High doses of ketamine can temporarily switch off the brain

View Thread Reply
- Sat, 13 Jun 2020 12:11:47 EST XozFJaF7 No.372267
File: 1592064707377.jpg -(34236B / 33.43KB, 520x347) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. High doses of ketamine can temporarily switch off the brain
According to this student discussed on Science Daily, high doses of ketamine may literally shut off your brain for a short time, detected in sheep that it was tested on by a total lack of brainwaves detected by an EEG.... The same thing which happens to the brain at death.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/06/200611094127.htm

>The researchers think that this pause in brain activity may correspond to what ketamine abusers describe as the 'K-hole' -- a state of oblivion likened to a near-death experience, which is followed by a feeling of great serenity. The study is published today in the journal Scientific Reports.

The k-hole may be the closest thing to experiencing death before your actual death ever, according to science.
7 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
Sidney Murdshaw - Mon, 22 Jun 2020 02:44:01 EST e7XMLtZU No.372358 Reply
1592808241603.gif -(121606B / 118.76KB, 500x500) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>372345
i'd be interested how you think our perception of self works?

I was talking to my psychiatrist and he said most of our actions and the state we are in is actually not fully aware, it went further than that but i've been up all night and am on a dexadrine comedown and feel like shit so cba typin any more than this post and this one explaining it
>>
Shit Chipperham - Fri, 26 Jun 2020 10:55:58 EST TVg9elNo No.372378 Reply
>>372345
>shitdown of the brain
man, that typo got me thinking, I'mon 2nd plat
>>
Cedric Lightville - Tue, 07 Jul 2020 10:14:31 EST 0rhJoGji No.372482 Reply
>>372267
Don't know how true this is, I'm missing my right occipital lobe due to a brain injury at birth and among various neurological effects (constant sense of deja vu, face blindness etc.) I remain pretty much lucid throughout even the deepest of k-holes, to the extent I can remember the trip from start to finish and have used the details as inspo for my writing. Proper through-the-tunnel, feels-like-I've-died-and-come-back-again stuff, totally paralysed, sense of hearing shut off, can't move my eyes around at the peak. Still remember all of it.

Ketamine: Is this a normal aspect of emerging from anaesthesia, or some bad shit?

View Thread Reply
- Tue, 07 Jul 2020 09:28:08 EST 0rhJoGji No.372480
File: 1594128488236.png -(308286B / 301.06KB, 616x615) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Ketamine: Is this a normal aspect of emerging from anaesthesia, or some bad shit?
Some years ago I developed a bad ketamine problem because I had IBS so bad they had to test me for Crohn's (negative, thankfully) and was in such agony I'd get white flashes in my vision alongside the cramps. The sickly high of opioids was no match for the relaxant effects of ketamine. It got out of hand but in the end my GP found an anti-spasmodic that works for me and I've been fine since and stopped using it as I had no use for it. Recent blood test show no kidney/liver issues and I'm not pissing into a bag or anything.

I'm a science fiction writer and have done it as a one-off a few times since then, always at least 6 months apart. However, every one of those times has ended in the same way as the last time I did it during my phase of problematic use, the time that scared me into going cold turkey.

You know how it goes, so I'll skip to the height of the trip- after the peak has come, I start getting a shrinking sensation that is noticeable in my hands, as if the skin is being pulled taught against the bone. As soon as I notice this, I start feeling like you do when you stand up too quickly and get dizzy, like I'm starting to lose consciousness and space is shrinking around me. Not shrinking in the sense of distance, because obviously when I'm coming up my legs feel like they're stretching miles away and all that, but in a more abstract sense. By this time I feel fully lucid mentally already, like the drug has been suddenly expunged from my brain; it's not like a k-hole at all. Can't feel my heart beat, or my breathing. Then the terror sets in. Feels worse than any panic attack, bad trip, or anything else I've felt in my life. Utter, supernatural dread. Convinced I'm dying. Then... it's hard to describe, but it feels (again, *feels*) like I'm phase-shifting into the next universe over quantum-immortality style and the sensations all quickly start returning to normal until, less than a minute later, I'm totally sober apart from a fast but otherwise normal heartbeat no different to when I exercise.

The first time this happened, I was already tapering down my usage as I'd found the anti-spasmodics were working and I didn't *need* drugs anymore, but I didn't want to go cold turkey because of the cravings and anxiety. Well, after this it was a no-brainer. I was convinced I'd had some sort of transient ischemic attack or something and had been close to dying. Waited a full year and a half before the next time I did it, after a relative died and I needed that tranquillity. Started off alright, but then the same thing happened again.

Now, last night. Six months after that most recent time. I've said earlier I write science fiction. Well, I've been stuck for some time on one of my stories that requires me to accurately describe hallucinations so I took the precaution of taking 10mg Valium a couple of hours beforehand this time and did it again. The same thing happened, except this time I barely felt any of the terror I did the previous times, just a little anxious and disappointed it happened again, and because of that I was able to take note of whether I was breathing (I had wondered in the time inbetween if I'd accidentally induced respiratory arrest the previous times) and yes, my breathing was normal throughout the experience. I could feel my heart beating too, and I noticed that my heart felt like it was stretching and contracting much further and harder than usual, like when you blow up a balloon and it breaches past that initial point where it begins stretching out. Like my heart was taking up more room in my chest cavity and was on the verge of bursting. Notice I say 'like', because after all I was on a very powerful drug here and my perception isn't necessarily accurate to what's going on.

Yet the rest of the experience was as described above, including the rapid acceleration from delirious to sober in a matter of seconds. I got everything I needed from the experience for my writing, I'm glad to say. Not going back there again in any hurry.

I've had an exploratory echocardiogram a few months ago because my dad had a minor heart defect that needed correcting in his 40s, however, I don't have this defect (he didn't inherit it from anyone either, so it's likely a one-off) and the scan came back totally normal in all other aspects too as I'd been quite open with my docto…
Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
>>
Aero - Tue, 07 Jul 2020 09:42:29 EST 0rhJoGji No.372481 Reply
>>372480
Oh, I should mention, just to rule it out before you ask if it's some street shit cut with 2CB and caffeine; all of these times it was totally unadulterated esketamine, pure as the water of Lake McKenzie, insufflated.

Report Post
Reason
Note
Please be descriptive with report notes,
this helps staff resolve issues quicker.