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finding real closure in dreams

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- Mon, 09 Mar 2020 17:54:25 EST PPYd+gF9 No.46524
File: 1583790865065.jpg -(93547B / 91.35KB, 292x367) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. finding real closure in dreams
this is from my dream journal, I'm not sure how much sense it will make without context or what archetypes/transcendent themes it has, but it's honestly been one of the most meaningful dreams I've ever had and only lasted a few minutes:

Had an interesting dream last night. I was walking around outside, at night, in a place I didn't recognize. Kind of an indistinct suburban sprawl. There was a road with a very well-kept sidewalk, it was brightly lit and there were trees lining the very green, manicured grass verge in between the sidewalk and the street. I saw Joel driving in his car very slowly. His was the only car on the road. I tried getting his attention but he didn't stop or even look at me. I banged on his window, still no acknowledgement. So I opened the car door on the passenger side and got in.

He shot me a dirty look and asked, quite viciously, "What the fuck do you want?", and again, as I do in most of the dreams he's in, I just asked him why he did what he did. And this time he proffered the closest thing to an answer I've gotten from him in any of these scenarios. He said, quite angrily, that sometimes people just don't want to be friends with people anymore, or something along those lines. Yeah, sure, just "friends". Which is the most mundane plausible explanation I've come up with and by far the most hurtful. And it seems like it wouldn't be the REAL reason anyway, so again no real resolution or closure.

Before I had a chance to ask why he couldn't have just said that when I specifically said that was a conclusion I had reached and that I just wanted him to have the god damn common decency to be a fucking mature adult and fucking tell me that instead of just fucking ghosting me after all we'd been through, or tell him what a terrible person he was, or that I'd see him in hell and that something tells me we'd be in the same section, that scene ended.

The next thing I remember is being somewhere I don't recognize from the "real" world. I've been to it before in dreams, but it's not really an amalgamation scene of anything as far as I can tell. It was a very tall, several stories, vestibule with stairs leading down to a set of 6 or 8 doors with a very tall window above the doors. It was night, and looking out the window I got this characteristic feeling I get when I'm walking at night in a state of dissociation, both drug induced and from bipolar/GID. Everything was tinted amber, as if I had a pair of amber sunglasses on. The stairs were green marble, seemingly reminiscent of a school I've been to, maybe [redacted], maybe [redacted], not [redacted] though. There was a tall glass elevator to my right, leading up so high that I couldn't see the ceiling, although I didn't really look. I could feel that this was the same place that I had the confrontation, as if I had just walked inside the building, although I was facing the doors.

Wandering around on the landing between the stairs and the row of doors were a dozen or so people. I realized all of them were people from various group therapy/rehab groups I've been in over the past year and a half of my life. We talked small talk and caught up, but that was just a feeling I got, I can't really recall any particulars of the conversations. What I could also feel though was that they were all genuinely happy to see me, and I was genuinely happy to see them. There's something really powerful about the whole group therapy thing if you submit to the process. You feel a true connection to these people who are perfect strangers, because, in a myriad of different ways, you're all engaged in the same struggle.

I think the lesson I learned from this is that some people are just awful, terrible, human beings and it doesn't matter how much they mean to you, you can't make them who you want them to be. But other people are amazing, with a nearly limitless capacity for love and compassion. It's an amazing feeling to be truly cared about. I'm never going to get an explanation from him, but for some reason at this point I think I truly have the closure I've been looking for all this time. No forgiveness though, I'm still not big enough for that, I still wish him the worst in life. But now I don't have any desire to bump into him some day and tell him off. I'm content knowing that if he doesn't change, which he probably won't, then he'll never have a chance to truly experience the love I've felt from almost everyone in my life but him.

anyone else make serious breakthroughs in terms of their mental health/life in dreams? in particular, anyone else find closure that for one reason or another they would never get in the external universe?

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