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Harm Reduction Notes for the COVID-19 Pandemic

Bump While Reading

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- Fri, 04 Mar 2016 09:04:46 EST bq5scg8g No.68199
File: 1457100286801.jpg -(51716B / 50.50KB, 331x500) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Bump While Reading
What are you guys reading right now?

Brandon Sanderson just released the third and final book of his Reckoners trilogy, and it was fantastic. Where are all the Sanderson fans in here? It was this board that told me to read his shit, and now that I do, nobody ever will talk about them with me lol

Now starting Altered Carbon. Netflix is making a show based on it, and I like reading books that have adaptions impending so I can compare them later.
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Isabella Panningbury - Sun, 10 May 2020 20:07:37 EST zFhc+Pa/ No.71409 Reply
I've become obsessed with M. John Harrison lately. I posted earlier when I read the Light trilogy, and now I've read his entire Viriconium sequence (3 novels and a short story collection) and also a more recent short story collection called You Should Come With Me Now: Stories Of Ghosts that is pure brain-melting goodness. I can't tell if this guy has an inside line into how the universe works, or (the most likely option) we have a similar mental illness. Either way, I'm off to read his entire bibliography.
Martin Meddledale - Fri, 15 May 2020 15:58:34 EST 8H6+A2pJ No.71421 Reply
It's cool man. It's a fun ride with plenty of social and genre sci-fi skewering. I recently read through' Venus on the Half-Shell' --a weird authorial experiment by Philip Jose Farmer writing under the pseudonym of Kurt Vonnegut's Kilgore Trout-- actually directly inspired Hitchhikers.
The Earth is even destroyed by the first 10 pages.
Sophie Sundlefudging - Mon, 25 May 2020 00:47:35 EST YKVvVDXo No.71432 Reply
I read David Grossman's The Yellow Wind the other day, couldn't put it down. Currently reading the Southern Gates of Arabia by Freya Stark and a book about human rights throughout history.

Introducing tope ~ It will change your life if you let it

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- Sun, 24 May 2020 21:18:05 EST hirblk7C No.71430
File: 1590369485984.jpg -(344355B / 336.28KB, 960x1280) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Introducing tope ~ It will change your life if you let it

This website will allow you to get to the very cheese at the finish line;
the ultimate undoubtedly best part of the Necronomicon
used for the absolute finest best of using the dark power.
We’re talking Tech Dope, and the whole lot of it. I have like 16 recipes already.
Try and find a way at reading it throughout, and I promise you this finding
in that which ways the book can finally be utilized will be your world an blessing.
Lay back, as you do any meeting you’ve held with the Simon’s edition Necronomicon,
interconnect for a spell with the other person or group of persons, and then, very timely thou shall be asked if thou would like some Tope. Say yes to this!
Tope is an acronym and name for the little hereto known about Tech Dope Utopia.
If everything swings well you’ll end up with a recipe. For doping thineself upon command; your own. This Tope can also be shared throughout any social gathering.
Have a try at this, and I promise you will be thanking me, Inblue Shade for having gathered this info. Necro well!
Eugene Wocklened - Mon, 25 May 2020 00:27:13 EST ylxQEmun No.71431 Reply
yes taking shortcuts in black magic is always a great idea


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- Mon, 27 Apr 2020 22:10:47 EST XOOJ0wyk No.71382
File: 1588039847346.jpg -(16940B / 16.54KB, 217x346) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Wizardrous
I published my first novel. It's $0.99 on Kindle if anyone wants to check it out!
Wizardrous is the humorous tale of an incompetent, insane wizard dragging his unfortunate apprentice along on what turns out to be a quest that will determine the fate of their kingdom. It takes place in a land called Koric, AKA the kingdom formerly known as Camelot. If you like drunken heists, accidental time travel, epic fantasy battles, and twisted adult humor, then you'll probably love Wizardrous!
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George Cludgeshaw - Sun, 03 May 2020 14:03:17 EST UQGIBKqS No.71396 Reply
He may have never said it, but the presence of alcohol in and around his writing is unmistakable. There are also writers who did write drunk and still stumbled into brilliance, likely in spite of the alcohol than because of it: F. Scott Fitzgerald, Dylan Thomas, definitely William Faulkner. It's the classic van Gogh misunderstanding: the epilepsy/alcoholism/whatever ailment was a hindrance to the creation of their work, not its inspiration
The Wizard - Sat, 23 May 2020 18:26:57 EST XOOJ0wyk No.71427 Reply
1590272817273.jpg -(1929365B / 1.84MB, 1600x2560) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
OP here. Just thought I'd post my sick new cover image. Look at this compared to that shit I made! This is why you go with a professional rather than doing it yourself.
Frederick Drabberdut - Sun, 24 May 2020 08:03:48 EST sO2oGt81 No.71428 Reply
Got one at the washington dc pentagon 2. Marvel

bookshelf thread

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- Fri, 10 Apr 2020 21:09:15 EST jtS4UJad No.71364
File: 1586567355617.jpg -(3033769B / 2.89MB, 2561x4032) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. bookshelf thread
I'll show you mine if you show me yours
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Archie Bardlock - Tue, 19 May 2020 18:03:11 EST njH6nPfX No.71425 Reply
Because the text on the spine is faded and i didnt realize it was


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- Sun, 15 Apr 2018 19:38:50 EST fb7Anl99 No.70019
File: 1523835530227.jpg -(7798B / 7.62KB, 225x225) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. RED PILL READING LIST
I'm making a redpill reading list, as a joke. It's basically laughably ridiculous pieces that would dupe the pseudo-intellectuals infesting the chans. A mix of fedora, right wing rants, totalitarianism, religious and new age charlatans, and so on. I'm asking for contributions and suggestions.

Here it is so far:
Dr. Jordan B. Peterson, PhD - 12 Rules for Life
Stefan Molyneux, M.A. - Universally Preferable Behavior
Milo Yiannopoulos - Dangerous
Charles Murray - The Bell Curve
Mike Cernovich - Maga Mindset
Jonah Goldberg - Liberal Fascism
Ann Coulter - In Trump We Trust
Scott Lamb - The Faith of Donald Trump
President Donald J. Trump, B.S. - The Art of the Deal
Patrick J. Buchanan - The Death of the West
William Luther Pierce - The Turner Diaries
Jean Respail - The Camp of the Saints
Roosh V - Bang
Michelle Malkin - In Defense of Internment
Bill O'Reilly - Those Who Trespass
Ludwig von Mises - Socialism
Murray Rothbard - the Case Against the Fed
Aleister Crowley - The Book of Lies
Robert Greene - The 48 Laws of Power
Richard Dawkins - The God Delusion
David Icke - Children of the Matrix
Debi Pearl and Michael Pearl - To Train Up a Child
Ashida Kim - Ninja Death Touch
Rhonda Byrne - The Secret
Steven Seagal - The Way of the Shadow Wolves
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Emma Dunnerchut - Fri, 17 Apr 2020 10:55:43 EST niaZVrj1 No.71369 Reply
HP Blavatsky - The Key to Theosophy, The Secret Doctrine
Peter Brimelow - Alien Nation
Pat Buchanan - The Death of the West; Churchill, Hitler, and the "Unnecessary War"; State of Emergency
Ann Coulter - ¡Adios, America!
Dinesh D'Souza - The Enemy At Home, Life After Death, The Big Lie
Vox Day - Jordanetics, The Irrational Atheist, Alt-Hero Vol 1
Savitri Devi - Forever and Ever
David Duke - My Awakening
Adolf Hitler - Mein Kampf
Hans-Hermann Hoppe - Democracy
David Horowitz - The Professors, Big Agenda
L. Ron Hubbard - Scientology, The Way to Happiness
David Icke - The Trigger, Children of the Matrix
Augustus Sol Invictus - Set the World On Fire Vol 1
Jasmuheen - Living On Light
Donald Trump Jr - Triggered
Paul Kengor - Dupes, All the Dupes Fit to Print, The Communist, Takedown
Ashida Kim - Ninja Death Touch
Charlie Kirk - The MAGA Doctrine
Kevin MacDonald - The Culture of Critique
Michelle Malkin - In Defense of Internment; Open Borders, Inc.
James Mason - Siege
Bentinho Massaro - Super Accelerated Living
Carlo Mattogno - The Myth of the Extermination of the Jews
William Luther Pierce - The Turner Diaries, Hunter
Jeanine Pirro - Radicals, Resistance, and Revenge
Howard Rand - Primo-Genesis
Jean Raspail - The Camp of the Saints
Oral Roberts - The Miracle of Seed-Faith
George Lincoln Rockwell - White Power
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Jack Soshkon - Fri, 15 May 2020 02:35:24 EST njH6nPfX No.71420 Reply
that first one is not like the others, she was genuinely a massive piece of shit and did write a lot of bad shit, but that one really isn't, theosophy as a religion isn't inherently bigoted
Oliver Dessleville - Sat, 16 May 2020 11:59:46 EST niaZVrj1 No.71423 Reply
The Dark Enlightenment by Nick Land
Myngath by David Myatt
Life After Death by Dinesh D'Souza
The Big Lie by Dinesh D'Souza
Theosophy by Rudolf Steiner
The Key to Theosophy by H.P. Blavatsky
Open Borders, Inc by Michelle Malkin
Set the World On Fire by Augustus Sol Invictus
It Wasn't About Slavery by Samuel W. Mitcham
The Politically Incorrect Guide to Climate Change by Marc Morano
For God and Country by Ralph Reed

Fair point, and I'll seriously consider it. That said, I came back to post this addition, so don't be fazed by this

Any philosophy bros?

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- Thu, 07 May 2020 08:10:03 EST 70J/aQdF No.71397
File: 1588853403863.jpg -(48845B / 47.70KB, 388x600) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Any philosophy bros?
how well do you guys understand absuridism and 'the stranger/outsider' by albert camus.

Won't lie, I felt pretty empty and devoid after reading it.
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Jack Sommleville - Tue, 12 May 2020 12:55:06 EST 70J/aQdF No.71414 Reply

Joking aside, camus argued that when you accept life has no meaning and just live as you are then you will be happy.

it's like chasing a ghost. You're never going to find it, just live and when Sisyphus accepted it he became happy rolling the rock.

Its a metaphor, no one is going to be happy pushing a fucking rock all day. The point was just accept your life doesn't have meaning and set goals to enjoy it more.

Like a roller coaster, its not about reaching the end of the ride it's about enjoying it before it does end.
GreekGodMode - Thu, 14 May 2020 15:02:46 EST GBdyzaRu No.71418 Reply

The stranger is my favorite book. It empowers me because of my life choices
Esther Checklesatch - Thu, 14 May 2020 16:31:50 EST sO2oGt81 No.71419 Reply
i prefer Nietzsche reductionist good and evil to albert camus pessimism. Suicide for the pussy.

Books with the literary style of Rand, not really caring about the philosophy

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- Thu, 14 May 2020 05:14:46 EST J1g7UjhB No.71417
File: 1589447686328.jpg -(32486B / 31.72KB, 559x451) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Books with the literary style of Rand, not really caring about the philosophy
I read Atlas Shrugged and the Fountainhead and really, really enjoyed them as literature, I liked the midcentury melodrama of it all.

I couldn't care less for the bickering about her ideals, I don't want to discuss philosophy at all in this thread, I really want you to recommend to me authors and individual books which have the same feel & flavor of her writing, the serial drama, the big city in it's heyday type of thing, ballrooms and the social life of the high society. Truman Capote had a similar feeling to some of his New York social pieces.

High Times Archive

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- Mon, 11 May 2020 10:09:24 EST 0uJsjZ2U No.71411
File: 1589206164240.png -(1115501B / 1.06MB, 1624x864) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. High Times Archive
I noticed that High Times Magazine are offering free access (sign up required) to their 50+ year back catalogue. Printing is permitted though limited to 20 pages at a time - I was going to make digital backups of the copies I own physically but for the likes of me and one person alone this was proving very time consuming. Is there anyone here or a collective that would be willing to take on such as task of a complete haul? There are downloads available for collections of Playboy but I've never seen one for High Times


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- Thu, 07 May 2020 23:29:27 EST MWZzTWKr No.71400
File: 1588908567656.png -(1585813B / 1.51MB, 862x730) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. GEAR BOLT RAGE
Somewhere six beads of water crystallize into a tiny frozen hexagon to form a single flake of snow that navigates the air waves towards the earth below.
Somewhere a deer looks up from its dinner and towards you, startled by you, only to run away into the darkness.
Somewhere smoke rises up from the trees into the winter night.
Somewhere in these north woods a thick dump drops into a black hole.
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Cornelius Singerhare - Thu, 07 May 2020 23:30:19 EST MWZzTWKr No.71402 Reply
Part II: Pseudeboda Gambiae.

“Do you believe there is life after death?”

There must be something.

“Yes, there must be.”

I hope you will be there in heaven with me.

“What would I do without you?”

You would be lonely.

“Do you believe in soul mates?”


“Can you identify the presence of your soul?”

Of course.

“Did I tell you today that you’re the best?

Well. You are.”

Thanks Chryssy.

“You’re welcome. I want you to know that I am always here for you, Lina.”
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Cornelius Singerhare - Thu, 07 May 2020 23:31:17 EST MWZzTWKr No.71403 Reply
Part III: Man Detrimental.

The black winter from outside pours into the room.
Edgar holds a poisonous body in his arms.
His disgusting purple corpse glows neon green.
Furious nature blasts into the room.
I rush over to close the door.
The black smell fills my nose.
I cover my nose from the terrible scent.
“What happened to him?” I ask in a panic.
Kylon is silent, purple, and glowing.
Black smoke rises from his pores.
I am thinking fast. What are these symptoms?
Chryssy is one step ahead of me.
“We can preserve his personality within my drivespace if we plug in the BINKY backwards.”
I agree.
But we won’t be able to save this tormented body.
Tears stream from Edgar’s windburned face.
“We must save Kylon!”
“Bring him over here.”
I motion to the workbench and help him carry the body.
I swipe away tools and containers onto the floor.
The black cat is shocked and bolts away to the other side of the room.
We lay the soldier’s body flat.
His purple veins tremble.
Green fluid oozes from his melting face.
I connect a black hose to his neck.
Edgar notices all the strange equipment in the room and asks, “Where are we, miss?”
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Cornelius Singerhare - Thu, 07 May 2020 23:32:59 EST MWZzTWKr No.71404 Reply
1588908779656.jpg -(892528B / 871.61KB, 2000x2500) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

And lead us not into temptation.
But deliver us from Evil.

The black angel rises from the table.
The dark eyeholes behind its porcelain mask light up red.
The black angel picks up the sword from Kylon’s body on the floor and raises it above its head, far above Edgar.
Kylon’s voice comes from behind the mask of the black angel.

The blade pierces Edgar’s chest.
He moans in agony.
Blood sprays onto the floor behind him.
Kylon removes the blade.
“No mercy.” Kylon speaks.
He lifts up my limp body with one powerful hand of the black angel.
He holds me by the neck.
“No quarter.” Kylon says.
He squeezes tight and crushes my neck.
I can no longer breathe.
He throws my body across the room.
I smash into workshop equipment.
The boiling soup spills across the floor.
As he moves away from the table, the pipes and hoses pull tight and disconnect forcefully, spraying black liquid wildly.
Kylon admires his new mechanical hand.
The cat brushes against the leg of his new black angel body.
Kylon bends down and grasps the head of the cat and pushes, gnashing its skull into the wooden floor.
Putting it out like a cigar.
He flings its lifeless body into the fireplace.
Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.

Reading and your imagination

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- Thu, 23 Jan 2020 05:08:15 EST ZoMujfJi No.71287
File: 1579774095223.jpg -(7274B / 7.10KB, 229x226) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Reading and your imagination
I was reading and it occurred to me that I do not put a face to any of the characters nor do I bother trying to empathize with them.

Do you put faces to your characters? Do you empathize with them? What are your reading habits?
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Martha Hecklehit - Sat, 25 Jan 2020 11:07:18 EST YKVvVDXo No.71292 Reply

I guess I do in the most basic sense, like rough facial expressions when they're described, or flashes of memories of events similar to what's going on in the story. I definitely empathize with characters though, depending on how engaging the story is. I find it hard to empathize with characters in poorly in written stories, or characters with beliefs that I strongly disagree with.
Jenny Cockleville - Sun, 01 Mar 2020 07:13:23 EST uu6/AdqX No.71343 Reply
1583064803574.png -(140847B / 137.55KB, 378x364) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
You might have the condition called "Aphantasia". Look it up
Jenny Brunnerfuck - Thu, 30 Apr 2020 06:32:16 EST XOOJ0wyk No.71393 Reply
I put faces to my characters when I write, but not when I read. Writing feels more personal.

On Tolkien

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- Tue, 07 Jan 2020 07:06:41 EST 7afg1Q3I No.71262
File: 1578398801747.jpg -(174951B / 170.85KB, 900x1266) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. On Tolkien
>J. R. R. Tolkien was a fat and an enthusiastic pothead. His stories were created around the simple Freytag's pyramid (Tolkien barely knew the basics of exposition) and dialogue was composed of few clever jokes or songs that were thought up during his "blaze".

>LoTR would not enjoy any mainstream popularity had not there been a constant herd of competent writers around Tolkien, to repair the books into a publishable condition. J. R. R. was constantly shitfaced but his only way to deal with the matter was to twist the jokes about the addiction because he simply couldn't admit the problems with his lifestyle. After all, the only merit of this "greatest author on earth" is how many Elvish songs he could write about being high.
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Fuck Murddock - Tue, 21 Apr 2020 05:44:58 EST Xbx4e7Sj No.71374 Reply
George MacDonald.
Scotts tend to be very good with jaunty folklore.
That's all I know.
Barnaby Cherryforth - Tue, 21 Apr 2020 08:22:58 EST ylxQEmun No.71375 Reply
The good Reverend MacDonald wasn't part of the "herd" around Tolkien, Tolkien came in on his coat-tails.
George Fidgefoot - Thu, 30 Apr 2020 06:26:40 EST UNTZC4jB No.71392 Reply
Are you really coming to 420chan to talk shit about enthusiastic potheads? Just checking.


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- Fri, 07 Feb 2020 23:07:06 EST g9vnCsG0 No.71302
File: 1581134826693.jpg -(3910129B / 3.73MB, 4160x3120) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Kafka
Have you read Kafka and A Road Side Picnic yet?
Albert Greencocke - Sat, 08 Feb 2020 08:31:59 EST reK9sGDz No.71304 Reply
I love Kafka, not read Roadside Picnic. For Kafka's novels, I dug The Trial and Amerika, but The Castle got too repetitive for me. Although it was the last of them I read and maybe I was just suffering Kafka burnout. I hate to sound cliche but Metamorphosis is still his greatest hit. I know there's many interpretations of it, but I'm partial to it being a metaphor for mental illness, with the supernatural elements being in the depressed narrator's head while his family deals with the fact that their beloved son/brother has suddenly come down with crippling depression.
Doris Clunkinstone - Wed, 12 Feb 2020 14:31:09 EST ylxQEmun No.71315 Reply
yes i am an adult
Doris Challychare - Tue, 07 Apr 2020 22:30:46 EST 10lGMMmG No.71362 Reply
1586313046931.jpg -(74263B / 72.52KB, 390x640) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
yes a book so rich with human struggle conveyed as action junk that it is like crack cocaine except that some of it is lost in export, i know the one.

Write something one word at a time V.3

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- Tue, 20 Aug 2019 08:41:51 EST ylxQEmun No.70882
File: 1566304911304.jpg -(47729B / 46.61KB, 592x395) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Write something one word at a time V.3
1) one word per post, punctuation, whatever
2) no spunky meddlin'

>New paragraph

Orbital kinetic bombardment is contributing to the growth of cocks across North End. Starship surveys revealed that the radiation had exceeded the recommended oscillatory limits, just before the penile contraction occurred. Spunky, the local fella responsible for 9/11, furiously wanking off to midgets shitting dildos (these ejaculated millions of liters), stupidly decided to ban the consumption of deez-el fuel worldwide.

Meanwhile, back up in yo ass with the resurrection foretold by Gandalf O'Reilly, "Radiation quickens unto itself." Now... masturbating stealthily without remorse, our slaves built OSHA. Soon refugees stumbled upon a mystic tome that foretold the the VAGINA EMPIRE was doomed to failure.

Nevertheless, the starship Buttenterprise completed stalliones Protocol 13-0157, ensuring penile supremacy. Elsewhere, milkshakes brought rage to Kirtaner. Spardot sniffed dank for cannabis farms, attempting suicide. Fortunately, since buttholes excrete salamanders, their exhumation efforts bore fetid sashimi balls unto Martians. Finally, war was beginning to end the conflict between lemmings and sgnimmel; raged minutes of time-dilated chrono-units.

Incredibly, a fart erupted, causing hemorrhoids which combust flammable vapors to thousands of degrees. Meanwhile, behind the liquor, biscuits battled two underage mudkips.

420chan.org enabled backdoor protocols guaranteed anal. Wrestling gimps imbibe triple-distilled corn, creating extreme problems for nincompoops. Fortunately soldiers committed regicide. Unfortunately, regicide is gay. Surprisingly, everyone dances in Denmark if morticians prepare timpano.

Interestingly, masturbating will never cure loneliness unless Kanye learns hibachi and humility. Flash AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH this scary theme will haunt her forever.

"Bitch-destroyer" said Netjester.

Hark! Several seizures overtook him again! Finally away from officials, we strove to ascertain the Way. We fondle the testes through intensive sterilization, the Mormons found atheism by accepting the inherent magnitude of rectal bees. Not the bees! Yes! The bees! Beekeepers occasionally scoop Nips off unfortunate sight between the kerflap.

Karen, where the fuck did you hide my acid? I'm gonna explore the holy butthole. Termites are invading our glorious butthole remorselessly. Never have I witnessed such faggortry. "Not in my tenure..." the headmaster squirrel compiled the communist agenda.

The archaic dwarven enthusiasmos didn't realize the temporal sycophant principle. Nevertheless, the desire to restore Soviet practices doomed proletarians. No words withheld from the atmosphere, meanwhile the drip dropped big drizzles daily. To counteract drizzling, bored browsers breached into the monolith we created. The guilt from the orgasms shattered us. Calamities of conscience won't vet.

The look prevent the inevitable flurry of the Booty with the fucking juice. Regardless, the enormous Turd produced Enough waft so a bear ejaculated incredibly. "Sorry, For mess thinking About bears." the moment said. Hey who wants the BIG diapers? wait the Tenochtitlan kid is rebelling Cut-up Oreos. The grandiose one desires plentiful memes which will exonerate the millions of rutabagas abroad. Life for all became the honest answer that Consumed the corpse inhabitor's effervescent semen. Alright guys, the haters derp, BUT we finna burp. The chirp GAH slurp.

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Writers thread

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- Wed, 17 Feb 2016 20:22:13 EST 2cqnyO9u No.68150
File: 1455758533284.jpg -(73504B / 71.78KB, 640x420) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Writers thread
How is your writing going /lit/? Anyone here working on something or have any work they want to share? Not poetry, we have the OC Poems thread for that.

I am 2 acts done with a 3 act novel. I have written short stories before, and this is my first long endeavor. I had always lacked confidence, but one day, I suddenly stumbled upon the perfect horror novel just sitting in my mind. Like, it is literally the greatest horror story if this generation. It will go down as The Wire of horror stories for it's brutal look at reality at the bottom of the barrel. But it will also be like Trailer Park Boys and have a cast of lovable losers, who are down and out, living where every day feels like the end of the world, and having that corner of the ghetto become the backdrop for what will be the end of the world for real, with the local stoners and crackheads the last line of defense before an ancient evil reclaims the planet it once ruled a millennia ago. It is not a horror comedy like John Dies At The End, it is straight horror with some comedic moments the way an action movie can have good comedy. I know it will be an insta-classic and probably get a film adaption. As a long time 420channer, I will find some way to get it to you all for free after I find a publisher, since I know this site thrives on piracy, even if I have to pay them for digital downloads for all 3-5 regulars here. Drugs and the apocalypse, it should be right up most of /lit/s alley.
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Shitting Grimhood - Fri, 21 Feb 2020 18:59:36 EST njH6nPfX No.71337 Reply
~~This is the day~~ ~~This is the day~~ ~~This is the day~~ ~~This is the day~~ This is the day.

Things will be different this time.
Things will be different this time.
Things will be different this time.
Things will be different this time.
Things will be different this time.
Things will be different this time.

In reviewing these letters to myself, the writing of which has been the only project thus far that I've stuck to in any meaningful sense, the thing I'm struck the most by, aside from how ridiculously self-aggrandizing an effort this is in the first place, is how repetitive they've become over time.

I was doing bad, but now I am doing good. I am doing bad. This will fix the bad. The bad has been fixed, I am doing good. I am doing bad. This will fix the bad. That really fixed the bad, I really am doing good now. I am doing bad. I am doing really bad. THIS will fix the bad. Whew that did it, I am doing better. I am doing good. I am doing less good. I am doing bad. THIS will fix the bad, once and for all. I am doing good. I am doing GREAT. So I just got out of the hospital... That did it though, I've learned, I've grown. So I just got out of the hospital...

And on, and on, and on.

I've always been unbearably fickle -- capricious and never truly satisfied. Always in search of something, and always in search of what that something was. Seneca said of me: "she follows no fixed aim, shifting and inconstant and dissatisfied, plunged by her fickleness into plans that are ever new, having no fixed principle by which to direct her course, but Fate takes her unawares while she lolls and yawns".

Aware of the painful irony and the probability this will just make me look very silly in the not too distant future, I contend that I've broken the cycle.

After a childhood alone but not lonely, completely ensconced in my imagination, I had a largely sad and bitter adolescence as my ability to function on my island of fantasy, accompanied only by myself and my increasingly deranged thoughts, dwindled.

Around the time I came of age, I had managed to at least develop a close circle of friends, with whom I was far closer to than they were to me. I got a job. I got money. And with that money, I discovered drugs. And in drugs, I finally found a home.

Altering my state of consciousness broke me out of my old patterns of thought. I became less bitter and more open. I became kinder, more compassionate; to myself and to others. As I was becoming a more likeable and well-adjusted person, I was also thrust into a subculture where I finally had a place. I had an excuse for being so weird and met countless people, most of them also weird, who not only didn't care about my eccentricities, they actually LIKED me for them. They thought I was kind, personable, interesting, creative, intelligent; all character traits which I would never have dreamed of using in reference to myself.

I finally felt like my life had started. I made more friends and did more drugs, and made even more friends. I met one guy in particular who I spent a lot of time wasting time with. Eventually, he became the first person I ever truly loved. Almost certainly unrequitedly. No matter what I try to tell myself.

I became a better person. I learned and I grew. Slowly the hatred that had built up from being trapped in a morass of self-loathing eroded away, setting the stage for my slow journey towards self-acceptance.

Over time, as I continued to learn and grow, what was originally motivated by idle curiosity and myopic pleasure-seeking became an integral part of a holistic approach to improving myself and developing my newfound spiritual life.
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Martin Drumblesack - Thu, 02 Apr 2020 00:07:04 EST fCqkMdQp No.71359 Reply
To me a deeply relatable sentiment, and I think it is for a lot of the people who go on this website. Perhaps it could've been more succinct and less flowery, but it's poignant nevertheless
Lillian Pucklefield - Fri, 03 Apr 2020 06:50:12 EST reK9sGDz No.71360 Reply
Can see the walls squirm, feel the air writhe as it enters my nostrils. Hall a cramped tube, a virtual deathtrap. Pray to God no neighbors come out before I reach my door. Would probably scream, run back outside to my car. These people are vile enough on a good day; with the plague afoot, they’re guaranteed to be ground zero for contamination. God knows what filthy places they frequent while the rest of us are out trying to make a living.
My just-concluded supermarket trip was a disaster. People online say they’ve seen shoppers fighting over toilet paper, rolls of paper towels. I missed all that: my trip yielded naught but empty shelves. No eggs, tuna, or tampons to be seen. Stocked up on the few canned goods left in stock. Saw a cute guy—or, at least I think he’d be cute if he took off the breathing mask.
Finally at my apartment door, I twist the key, flop through the entrance. Slam it home, bolt bolt. Rush to bathroom and bathe in rubbing alcohol. Please Christ, don’t let me be infected. I was only outside for thirty minutes!
Hyperventilate a while, then put groceries away. Surf the web. For hours. News, news, drama, drama. President said something dumber than yesterday, scared people worse than ever. At least the virus has put a squash on mass shootings. Same for mass-anything. Well, except for mass hysteria. Practice social distancing and call Big Brother on anyone who doesn’t.
All my friends have gotten into cybersex with European dudes, but I still miss the intimacy of real dates. In real restaurants, holding real hands, grinding real groins. Besides, I’m not the President, I’m not content with any hottie with a stupid accent.
Schools went on permanent summer break; now bands of bratty kids roam the apartment hallways, wiping their dirty hands on people’s doorknobs, licking car handles in hopes of spreading infection. Little bastards should be rounded up and shot. Same for their parents.
Christ, when will this end? Maybe I should pray harder.
Wait, what’s that I hear through the wall? Could it be? It is! Coughing! Someone’s sick! I fucking knew it! Five cans of Lysol later and I still don’t trust the wall between us. Should call the CDC, get this freak carted off. Can feel the virus trying to crawl between the cracks in the plaster, invisible chthonic tendrils reaching in, tussling my hair before pushing past my lips, burrowing down my gullet and flopping around inside my lungs, coating me with their infectious ooze.
“Not on my watch!”
Hall between apartments reeks of marijuana. Could that be the source of the coughs? Damn bongers—don’t they know smoking marijuana on property grounds is a violation of their lease? If the landlord wasn’t in self-quarantine, he’d be slapping an eviction notice on their door this very instant.
Move to pound their door, then stop. Picture all the germs writhing across the surface. Fuck that. “Hey,” I shout. “I know you’re in there, sickie! You better go to the hospital before you get us all killed!” Not sure if I’m being heard, “And stop coughing on my wall!”
My bedroom feels like enemy territory. Anything could be compromised. What if the kids got in while I was shopping? They could have done anything: wore my clothes, brushed their teeth with my toothbrush, blown their noses into my couch cushions. Abandon ship!
The very thought leaves me puking in the bathroom sink. As I’m washing the chunks down the grate, a pounding starts from outside. “Don’t think I didn’t hear that,” someone hollers. “You’re sick! I’m calling 911.”
I press my face flat against the door, shouting through the crack, “I’m not sick, you nosy little shit! The only thing I’m sick of is people like you!”
“Fuck that,” they snarl. Stomping away, “Do the world a favor and kill yourself.”
Dammit! Are they really calling the fuzz? What if I get carted off to the plague pit? I’m too cute for the plague pit! I may not be sick, but I will be after being thrown in with the rest of the infected. The mere thought makes me want to puke again, but now that I know the neighbors are spying, I can’t let myself. Forehead drenches eyebrows with perspiration; eardrums ring with whine. Breathing in short, jerky gasps. Limbs shaking. Anxiety? Why now, at a time like this? Curse you, body—always turning against me when I need you most.
Time to restore some sanity to this madhouse. Tired of living in fear; I’m ready to reclaim my life. A couple minutes later finds the halls between apartments thoroughly s…
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