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current song/current mood

- Tue, 12 Nov 2019 03:49:42 EST DpH/kh0H No.455861
File: 1573548582611.jpg -(76636B / 74.84KB, 850x400) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. current song/current mood

Spent 5 days in detox for benzos and alcohol, blew a .45 and had 12mg of xanax in my system, if I wasn't taken to the ER every doctor there told me I would've died. Apparently I told them it was a suicide attempt, so I spent 7 days after that in in-patient, which I probably needed because had they released me then I would've relapsed with-in an hour, but they gave me Ativan the whole time to taper me off and now I'm 1 day into a partial hospitalization program.

I had no cravings and was resolved to kick it for good, then everything kept pouring back into my mind, all the memories all the good times, all the drugs, the best days of my life spent high, nodding, tripping, and rolling with people I'll never see again, some of whom died, and that along with withdrawal and mania keeping me up at night to the point I sleep a few hours every other night, I want to use more than I ever have. The only reason I didn't today was because there was 6 inches of snow and I'd have to walk to meet the man.

It really is true that once a junky always a junky. I know I'll relapse. And even if I don't, I can be in recovery the rest of my life and never truly kick it. It'll always be looming over me. You can't unring the bell.

>I have made the big decision
>I'm gonna try to nullify my life
>Cause when the blood begins to flow
>When it shoots up the droppers neck
>When I'm closing in on death
Graham Buzzwater - Tue, 12 Nov 2019 09:04:05 EST iO9MJulT No.455862 Reply
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Stay strong man, it IS possible to turn your life around and all it takes is the desire to make the change.

Here, take a listen to some of my favourite music, starting with some John Frusciante. He's a good example of the fact that it is possible to break the cycle of addiction, no matter how impossible it might seem, and emerge a renewed, stronger & happier person.

John Frusciante: Curtains

Lauryn Hill: The miseducation of Lauryn Hill (not just a hip-hop album, this one's deffinately worth listening to from start to finish)

Ulrich Schnauss: Far away trains passing by
Graham Buzzwater - Tue, 12 Nov 2019 09:10:48 EST iO9MJulT No.455863 Reply
Oh and have a look into CBD oil if you're having trouble sleeping, I've found the 500mg sublingual droppers have helped me out immensely when I get bad insomnia.
Graham Buzzwater - Tue, 12 Nov 2019 17:31:48 EST iO9MJulT No.455866 Reply
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Have been using it on and off (not every night, only when I feel like I can't sleep) for the past couple of months. Had been using a 1000mg CBD e-liquid vaporizer prior to that but I feel like it fucks my throat up if I have it too often plus I find it's not too effective. The oil drops take 5 or 10 minutes to kick in but I find it really does the trick.

Going to save the vape for those occasions where a friend shares some of their green with me and it turns out to be high-THC and prangs me out, I find in that situation the CBD vape works great, since it kicks in almost immediately and mellows everything out. Grass used to be my addiction (I know... boo this man..) but it got to the point where I was getting high every day and it was making my depression, anxiety & insomnia worse, which later developed into acute psychosis after engineering at a music festival for 6 days with little to no sleep.

Got everything back on track, quit it altogether for a good while and I manage my depression with healthy coping mechanisms (I try to go for a walk or a skate everyday if I can) but nowadays I find I can still enjoy it if I stick to just smoking good quality hashish. IMO it's generally got a lower-THC, higher-CBD ratio, so I don't really get "high" off of it if you get me, unless I smoke loads of it but even then I find it's more forgiving because of the higher CBD content.

Plus it's stealthy as fuck, it doesn't really smell unless you burn it and it's compact enough to hide loads of it at the bottom of a pouch of baccy and nobody would notice a thing :)
Graham Buzzwater - Tue, 12 Nov 2019 18:01:02 EST iO9MJulT No.455867 Reply
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As for my current song / mood, I've been getting my skank on and listening to a lot of ska-punk recently.

These guys are by far my favourite local band, seeing them live is always a blast plus they're funny as fuck and good lads too, most of them are brothers.

Name - Tue, 12 Nov 2019 18:07:12 EST ePYPxsFd No.455868 Reply
Is this the CBD promo thread?

Also: If you think you can just replace one drug with another, you are retarded.
Archie Closhbury - Tue, 12 Nov 2019 19:33:52 EST DpH/kh0H No.455871 Reply
Hey they gave me temazepam to finish tapering and I did only one pill extra and I actually feel well and don't really have a desire to take the bottle or really anymore

still feeling Heroin though
Rebecca Grimstock - Wed, 15 Jan 2020 23:56:46 EST h9e8jNf0 No.456137 Reply
What did Christopher Marlowe mean by this? He lived in 1500s, what happened to him that he thought he met God and tasted heaven?
Nice song btw.
Charlotte Tootford - Thu, 16 Jan 2020 18:29:33 EST YTv4gwU2 No.456140 Reply
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Welp I haven't drank since and I've convinced myself that I can manage a drug habit much easier, avoiding harder stuff but not setting myself up for failure by pursuing total abstinence, at least outside of alcohol, I'm 100% resolute in that and I don't see that faltering

I've heard that you can have religious/transcendental experiences without drugs or serious bodily harm, I've never experienced it but I'm guessing that, or he had a drinking/opium habit or something. I only know it in relation to drugs from a Philosophy Tube video. It's a fairly common sentiment though. I think this song sums it up best for me


I walked with Jesus and he would say
"Oh you poor child, you ain't comin' to me no way
You've found Heaven on Earth, gonna burn for your sin"
But I think I'll be in good company down there with all my friends

Well I got around to thinking 'bout what Jesus said to me
Cos if Heaven's like this, then that's the place for me
Long, long time between now and my death
And I gotta have my fun so I've chosen what's best

So listen sweet Lord, forgive me my sin
'Cos I can't stand this life without all of these things
Know I done wrong, but I've Heaven on Earth
Know I done wrong, but I could have done me worse
Jarvis Tootway - Sun, 23 Feb 2020 18:10:23 EST YTv4gwU2 No.456304 Reply
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If I knew whats right for you,
You would not be without it
And if I knew the truth for you,
I'd surely stand and shout it,
There's better things that you could be,
There is no doubt about it

I feel completely in control of my life now, for better or worse I'm doomed to be free, there's no way to explain this feeling, like perfect sanity, haven't touched alcohol in months or any drug other than psychedelics and I have no desire to, this was long enough to make me realize what I was missing out on, I've been gifted with an incredibly vibrant inner life and in all do modesty an ability to experience things in a way most people just don't, and I don't want to squander it all away because I can't take the bad with the good, I recognize that I'm manic at this exact moment, but I see my condition not as a disability, but simply as experiencing life more extremely, and I'd much, much, much rather live like this than the average standard, and I still feel that way even during my lowest lows

Through the rhythm of darkened times
Painted black by knowledge crimes
And repetitions pointless mime
Instilling values the sick define
That weaves the fabric that keeps you blind
And ties your hands and cloaks your mind
But on my stilts, I'm above the slime

Come on up if you can make the climb!
But who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

I've smelled the stench from the fumes that rise
From the books that rehash the same old lies
I felt the panic that they disguise
In the forms of laws of every size

I've heard the teachers whine and make me drop out like flies
But you know they teach you nonsense, cause they can't blind your eyes
I've seen the fools gold that they pawn off as their prize

To the average standard the norms apply, but where am I?
Where am I? Where am I?

You've gobbled all the blessings they caused you to digest
They may be hard to swallow, but they keep your tongue depressed
Your scattered whims were born depressed
So when something slams your chest
You flutter about, you're sleek distressed
And when you stop to ease your breast
A scattered rim leaves you obsessed

While solid thoughts are soon suppressed, but where are you?
Oh, where are you? Hey! Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
DSfA !!4N+Uxa7h - Thu, 27 Feb 2020 14:24:09 EST 3uA6sgR0 No.456315 Reply
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>>455861 Don't know what this song is about but idk it just really resonates with me for some reason and I've had it on repeat the past few days, what is this power?
Angus Sonningwater - Fri, 28 Feb 2020 14:23:01 EST 1N6YUXLd No.456316 Reply
Fucking gr8 tune, love Spacemen 3 and "things will never be the same" represents exactly what I felt when fell deep into opis.
It's gonna be a year soon since I quit them for good after an almost 10yr addiction, during detox had Kate Bushs "Aerial" on repeat since was too fucked to look for something else and became hooked. After that hellish week became obsessed with her music and with the money that wasn't being spent on dope anymore got all of her albums.
I went from being the noise/industrial/punk/grindcore dude to a wine mom with an almost funcional penis, but fuck it. Kate Bush is god
George Blabberridge - Fri, 24 Apr 2020 21:24:17 EST ltpti8bX No.456542 Reply
1587777857710.webm [mp4] -(30059139B / 28.67MB, 1280x720) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
In-Grid - Un Beau Roman Une Belle Histoire
Henry Blobblefoot - Sat, 23 May 2020 02:02:07 EST YTv4gwU2 No.456671 Reply
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i lapsed yesterday, and as ashamed as i am the real thing that gets me is how terrifying it is that this can just happen at any time, I had been clean almost half a year and then all of us sudden it was like i was going off an old script, for no particular reason other than maybe thinking about the past fondly i just go out and use like nothing ever happened, like I haven't OD'd 3 times, admitted 5 times to psych and been to A&E for related accidents almost a dozen times

i'm really glad to say it didn't lead to a full relapse, I have no desire to go back to the way I was, but it's scary to think that at any moment i could, but i do have to balance out not downplaying it or minimizing it with not beating myself up over it, because then you start thinking well fuck it i'm such a bad person i might as well just give up giving up
Hedda Bendledale - Tue, 01 Sep 2020 16:07:06 EST YTv4gwU2 No.457068 Reply
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i legitimately only drank once since this post during a very dark time and i only do a drug other than weed a few times a month max, weed a couple times a week, and i'll go on breaks from everything for a couple weeks at a time now and then just to reset

my thinking is so much clearer, i had no idea how fucking stupid drinking a fifth or two a night was making me, like it's ridiculous, and actually feeling emotions? it's wild. i feel like i'm a teenager again, and it coincided perfectly with being locked inside most of the time cause of COVID, learned so much shit, got into art, started playing bass and i'm way past the point where i'm good enough that it's actually fun to play and i practice pretty much every day

haven't had the urge to touch benzos since either even though i didn't even swear off them, it's like i just don't feel like i need them, i even have some around in case a trip goes bad or i take too much of a stim, still they just sit in the back of my drawer, untouched for months, that's completely unheard of for me

just doing drugs instead really is an option if you're only really an alcoholic ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Nicholas Sirringpitch - Thu, 17 Sep 2020 12:42:06 EST 6zk4pzWP No.457120 Reply
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Is op alive??????????????????

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