|>> || >>225565 |
Yeah, the festival happened. I took some stims the first night, Tammy was sober. The second night we did some acid together, and smoked a little weed as well. It was an awesome festival. We really had a good time, apart from some comedown induced anxiety during the first night on my part. We were basically glued together: walked hand in hand, danced together, cuddled etc. It was cold. Like really, really cold, 3°C (~37°F) during the night. This meant we slept not only in the same tent, but indeed in the same sleeping bag. We kissed once, while on acid. I felt like the sexual tension had lifted somewhat, but the semi-romantic feelings were there still. We shared a lot of physical contact, and it felt easy and right. A hippie girl said that we looked "really cute together", which I suppose means we gave some sort of a couple vibe.
We did hang out sober after the festival too. We made dinner together, chilled, watched cartoons and cuddled. Tammy couldn't stay for the night, though she obviously wanted to. A little before she had to leave, she basically pulled me in her lap for an intense last moment snuggle. We very nearly kissed, but for some reason neither of us could make the final leap of faith.
I feel like I should clarify something at this point. We live in a small European country, and the culture is very different from the US for example. There is a great focus on personal space here. Touch isn't a part of social behavior, even between close friends. (A member of the younger generations might give a quick hug to a really good friend, but that's about it.) The level of intimacy I'm describing here is almost exclusively reserved for romantic / sexual relationships. It's just, it doesn't feel like we are in, or headed towards one.
At the moment we seem to have stabilized in a situation where we exchange a lot of physical affection, but still retain a certain distance. We did talk about our relationship sober too, and agreed that this is a good direction and pace. If things lead somewhere, well, we'll just have to see what happens then.
I do still freak out a bit about the effect MDMA has had on my relationships, and there is a nagging voice in my head warning me that I could be walking into the same trap again. It's just, if it feels good, do it, am I right? If things start getting more serious, to the level where they could endanger our friendship, then I'll have to do some soul seeking about this issue. Until then I suppose I'll just let the current take me.