Leave these fields empty (spam trap):
You can leave this blank to post anonymously, or you can create a Tripcode by using the format Name#Password
[i]Italic Text[/i]
[b]Bold Text[/b]
[spoiler]Spoiler Text[/spoiler]
>Highlight/Quote Text
[pre]Preformatted & Monospace Text[/pre]
[super]Superset Text[/super]
[sub]Subset Text[/sub]
1. Numbered lists become ordered lists
* Bulleted lists become unordered lists


420chan is Getting Overhauled - Changelog/Bug Report/Request Thread (Updated July 10)
dumbass caveman seeking suggestions Ignore Report Reply
Koumei Nakamura - Mon, 22 Apr 2019 14:40:34 EST ID:9no+VWzy No.158137
File: 1555958434235.jpg -(27534B / 26.89KB, 300x301) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. 27534
I've never been a food person. I'm surprised I've been alive this long. Can I ask for some suggestions as to what I should cook? Just throw anything out there and if I like the idea I'll try to cook it. Thanks dudes
Thomas Keller - Mon, 22 Apr 2019 15:01:05 EST ID:Ra2qy9lh No.158138 Ignore Report Reply
Scrambles eggs and toast. You seriously cant fuck this up.
Tyler Florence - Mon, 22 Apr 2019 17:36:55 EST ID:RDs7KYLs No.158139 Ignore Report Reply
Saute garlic
Then add other shit
Serve with rice or pasta
Koumei Nakamura - Mon, 22 Apr 2019 17:46:10 EST ID:9no+VWzy No.158140 Ignore Report Reply
nah man, I'm capable of that, I might of over-exaggerated in the OP

I can do the basics like that, cooking rice, but I've never made like, a good meal, I dunnoh

What kind of other shit would you suggest, frand
Richard Leblanc - Mon, 22 Apr 2019 18:53:20 EST ID:Z0KJkHwG No.158141 Ignore Report Reply
Learn to cook a piece of meat in a pan. Try starting with pork chops, they're cheap and tasty and really pretty easy.

>Salt chop at least an hour in advance of cooking, overnight or several days ahead of time would be better
>Make a few slashes in any visceral fat on the edges of the chop to prevent curling in the pan
>Frying pan, medium to medium high heat
>2-5 minutes each side, depending on thickness and if it's bone-in or not

Do it a couple times and you'll get the hang of it. Next try a lamb chop or beef steak, the process is basically the same, you'll just have to play around with the exact times and temps.

When you have a good handle on that, try butter-basting to create a nice GBnD crust
>While chop is cooking in pan add a tablespoon or two of butter, let it melt
>Periodically tilt the pan and with a spoon scoop up some of the hot melted butter and splash it on the top of the chop
Lancelot de Casteau - Mon, 22 Apr 2019 20:25:45 EST ID:o3Hx+YfE No.158142 Ignore Report Reply
Put vegetables and water in a pot. Cook it until it smells good.

You can chop and clean them first, but if you boil it long enough you don't really have to.

Fuck caveman, get it together.
Gaston Lenôtre - Mon, 22 Apr 2019 20:42:19 EST ID:zM5S7TfM No.158144 Ignore Report Reply
This is good advice if you want gross mushy bullshit.
Marcus Samuelsson - Tue, 23 Apr 2019 04:15:19 EST ID:8jhkEV17 No.158146 Ignore Report Reply

lol whats your suggestion then
Elizabeth Falkner - Tue, 23 Apr 2019 09:56:49 EST ID:It3C0mHQ No.158147 Ignore Report Reply
Just google how long to cook [name of vegetable]

And you can always take out a small piece of whatever veggie and taste it. Generally most vegetables take at least 10 minutes.
Keith Cholewinski - Tue, 23 Apr 2019 11:57:05 EST ID:skGtmD95 No.158149 Ignore Report Reply
Just about any other preparation is preferable to boiling. Personally, I'm a fan of roasting in the oven or sauteeing in a pan with a little butter
Cyril Lignac - Tue, 23 Apr 2019 14:02:49 EST ID:2AcmWBVe No.158151 Ignore Report Reply
1556042569322.jpg -(80050B / 78.17KB, 616x462) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
learn how to roast and braise. frying stuff is good too, like omelettes. grilling and smoking is pretty good if you have access to that.

food wishes on youtube or alton brown are really good places to start. or jacques pepin.

use youtube probably. cooking is hard and it will take you years to git gud
François Vatel - Tue, 23 Apr 2019 16:37:25 EST ID:dLdaOzGY No.158152 Ignore Report Reply

Or you could just replace the water in his original suggestion with broth or stock and voila


seriously start making soup

>Sear meat in bottom of big pan, remove and set aside for later
>Add your mirepoix (chopped onion, celery, and carrot) and some garlic and ginger for good times
>Stir a bunch, trying to scrape off the bits of meat that stuck to the bottom of the pan at this point
>toss in a little wine and continue to scrape the bottom of the pan
>add all the rest of your vegetables to pot, stir until they sweat
>put the damn meat back in
>add broth until you have enough liquid for soup
>add lots of salt, pepper, and other spices (use a lot of black pepper and turmeric for extra immune boosting powers)
>let it roll for a few hours just bubbling away on a simmer or if you have a pressure cooker high pressure for about an hour
>at this point can make a small batch of noodles in a different pot if desired
>combine the noodles and the soup, maybe make some toast

>enjoy soup
Marcus Samuelsson - Tue, 23 Apr 2019 17:24:58 EST ID:8jhkEV17 No.158153 Ignore Report Reply

you meant to sear the meat in the pot right?
Jacques Pépin - Tue, 23 Apr 2019 19:35:46 EST ID:C7Z7jJ7P No.158157 Ignore Report Reply
I like to sear it in the microwave.
Lucien Olivier - Wed, 24 Apr 2019 01:41:18 EST ID:dLdaOzGY No.158159 Ignore Report Reply
yeah that's what I meant good catch
Pierre Gagnaire - Wed, 24 Apr 2019 07:07:39 EST ID:MFImCrzk No.158163 Ignore Report Reply

Or, or.

Put oil
Put meat
Flip meat
Put vegetable
Put rice
Put water or stock
Put salt, pepper, fancy salt and pepper
Put lid

Michael Chiarello - Wed, 24 Apr 2019 09:22:59 EST ID:5bN3/dTh No.158165 Ignore Report Reply
But that takes effort
Prosper Montagné - Wed, 24 Apr 2019 10:17:44 EST ID:bHKTYAht No.158166 Ignore Report Reply
Get it together caveman.
Alice Waters - Wed, 24 Apr 2019 10:35:20 EST ID:Z0KJkHwG No.158167 Ignore Report Reply
Roasting takes almost no effort at all, literally just oil the veggies and put them in a hot oven until they look done. If you put some parchment or foil on the sheet pan you don't even have to do dishes. Sauteeing isn't much more work either, you just stand at the stove and toss/stir they pan every minute or two.
Michael Chiarello - Wed, 24 Apr 2019 11:17:05 EST ID:pZiSONrh No.158170 Ignore Report Reply

You have to build a fire, and maintain its temperature for hours while making sure the food doesn't burn or get too cold.

You think roasting is easy? I bet you pick berries all day.
Fernand Point - Wed, 24 Apr 2019 12:07:21 EST ID:iux7hrYX No.158171 Ignore Report Reply
1556122041208.jpg -(8235B / 8.04KB, 257x196) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>Hasn't even mastered fire
Lol, get a load of this homo habilis
Tyler Florence - Wed, 24 Apr 2019 12:22:37 EST ID:It3C0mHQ No.158172 Ignore Report Reply
>just stand at the stove and toss/stir they pan every minute or two

Or I could just boil veggies and set a timer while I sit on my ass and browse 420chan
Prosper Montagné - Wed, 24 Apr 2019 12:32:30 EST ID:bHKTYAht No.158173 Ignore Report Reply
>berrypicker as fuck
Raymond Oliver - Wed, 24 Apr 2019 13:50:40 EST ID:jvQb0sSs No.158174 Ignore Report Reply
That's all and well if you want bland vegetables and your kitchen to smell like ass.
Alex Guarnaschelli - Wed, 24 Apr 2019 17:30:45 EST ID:BbPAH7FB No.158176 Ignore Report Reply
Metallica: Sad But True.
Georges Blanc - Thu, 25 Apr 2019 02:10:08 EST ID:8jhkEV17 No.158180 Ignore Report Reply

where do you put the semi-uncooked meat when you 'set it aside', seems an encumbrance in this recipe
Charles Durand - Thu, 25 Apr 2019 04:03:36 EST ID:dLdaOzGY No.158181 Ignore Report Reply
In a small baking dish I kept next to the pot

It is a necessary step to allow you to swet the mirepoix and get a proper deglaze on the meat crispins without the meat getting in the way or overcooking while also allowing you to condense the amount of water that will seep out of your vegetables before adding the broth and/or stock
Ferran Adrià - Thu, 25 Apr 2019 14:28:19 EST ID:cu3LTbqm No.158185 Ignore Report Reply
Cook what you like to eat
Georges Blanc - Thu, 25 Apr 2019 17:45:22 EST ID:8jhkEV17 No.158186 Ignore Report Reply

so while at first i was happy to seemingly not need a pan, now i need a baking dish? what if my only baking dish is full sized? how about a plate
Philippe Rochat - Thu, 25 Apr 2019 18:39:40 EST ID:YeIjw2jS No.158187 Ignore Report Reply
Put it on a fucking flip flop or toilet seat who cares you just want the outside cooked and out of the way
Jesus, more like pre-hominid cooking
Chen Kenichi - Thu, 25 Apr 2019 19:17:53 EST ID:bdOfcjLr No.158189 Ignore Report Reply
Use a plate
Mario Batali - Thu, 25 Apr 2019 22:37:08 EST ID:8jhkEV17 No.158190 Ignore Report Reply

Okay I will make this soup in the next couple of days, using a pot and plate, and will learn to make this "mirepoix" you seem so insistent on teaching.


Obviously a flip flop or toilet seat would not hold the drippings from meat and it would leak onto the counter, don't be ridiculous my dude.
Wylie Dufresne - Thu, 25 Apr 2019 23:11:43 EST ID:uVGiUhZT No.158192 Ignore Report Reply

Bake smelly vegetables on tray.
Fry meat on pan.
Put meat on tray.
Put smelly vegetables in pan, put meat on top.
Add tasty liquid.
Make hot until little bubbles come out, then wait until it smells very good.
Mario Batali - Fri, 26 Apr 2019 10:28:19 EST ID:8jhkEV17 No.158194 Ignore Report Reply

okay you are the second person telling me to make soup in a pan, i am not going to do that
Giada De Laurentils - Fri, 26 Apr 2019 11:04:49 EST ID:KokTURYc No.158195 Ignore Report Reply
get a cauldron?
Wylie Dufresne - Fri, 26 Apr 2019 12:40:56 EST ID:uVGiUhZT No.158196 Ignore Report Reply
1556296856715.jpg -(3149B / 3.08KB, 225x225) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Nicolas Appert - Fri, 26 Apr 2019 18:50:54 EST ID:dLdaOzGY No.158198 Ignore Report Reply
A plate will work just fine my friend.

learning how to mirepoix is key to getting into soups, stews, savory pies, and pretty much all the hearty rustic foods like that
Alice Waters - Fri, 26 Apr 2019 22:52:03 EST ID:9no+VWzy No.158199 Ignore Report Reply
How do I into mirepoix?

Like, the Wikipedia page says you're not supposed to brown the vegetables, just let them cook on a low heat for a long time.

How much time are we talking here?
Maestro Martino - Fri, 26 Apr 2019 22:57:53 EST ID:tdS0dLuz No.158200 Ignore Report Reply
I dunno if you like pasta but mastering a basic carbonara is a surefire bet to make any bitches panties wet. Here's how I do it.

Serves 2

>2 eggs
>200g hot pancetta sliced bacon thick
>2-3 garlic cloves
>About half tsp fresh cracked course black pepper
>Tbsp of cream (optional but pretty much ensures you don't scramble egg)
>Spaghetti pasta for 2
>Parmesan preferably fresh
>Few Tbsp Olive oil

1) Put pot of water for pasta on the burner to heat
2) Mince garlic and slice pancetta into about 1cm strips
3) Combine egg and cream, whisk vigorously like you jerking it to trans porn
4) When water boils throw in some salt and pasta and set timer for about 8 minutes (al dente)
5) At about 5 minutes to go put frypan over med-high heat and add oil and pancetta when hot
6) About 1 minute to go add garlic to pancetta
7) Timer go bing, stir pepper into pancetta and garlic turn off heat then drain pasta making sure it's al dente first
8) Put pasta back into saucepan and mix in fried shit with tongs.
9) Now this part you got to get the feel for but the pasta and such needs to cool down a bit generally before you add the egg mixture so it doesn't scramble so leave about a minute, throw in a small handful of parmesan then egg mixture and don't stop mixing with tongs until it has thickened a bit, serve immediately with more parmesan on top.
10) Enjoy ensuing blow job if you didn't fuck it up.

Bougie tip: instead of adding parmesan before the egg experiment with different cheeses, use gorgonzola and you'll probably get a finger in your arse with aforementioned blow job. Still gotta top with parmesan to serve though.
Martha Stewart - Sat, 27 Apr 2019 10:49:57 EST ID:Db9EbL2I No.158204 Ignore Report Reply
Jacques Pepin looks upon you with disappointment and sadness


>>“The cruel rivalry and conflict depicted in Hell’s Kitchen may be good for ratings, but it is unjust to dedicated cooks and unfair to the trade,” he writes. “In my opinion, nothing good enough to eat can be concocted under such conditions. I’m going back to my mother’s leek and potato soup and apple galette.”

Since you suck and can't find good advice, I'll give you this

Alexis Soyer - Sat, 27 Apr 2019 12:15:22 EST ID:poOy1G71 No.158206 Ignore Report Reply
>Hell's Kitchen
I suspect it's also not particularly real. Gordon Ramsey has flanderised himself no doubt. People who watch "reality TV" aren't very bright or discerning.
Alice Waters - Sat, 27 Apr 2019 15:58:14 EST ID:9no+VWzy No.158209 Ignore Report Reply
Oh man, I feel really bad for disappointing Jacques Pepin, he seems like a really nice dude
Guillaume Tirel - Sat, 27 Apr 2019 17:25:12 EST ID:dLdaOzGY No.158211 Ignore Report Reply
you want to cook it long enough for the vegetables to start to swet and the onions start turning translucent but are not totally see through
Guy Fieri - Sun, 28 Apr 2019 10:24:04 EST ID:0xu9eSMt No.158224 Ignore Report Reply
I guess it's useful for showing the chaos of a kitchen to some degree. So many people get advice from their families to be a chef because they made a roast once that was good...not knowing how little glamor or even professionalism exists in most kitchens.

Kudos to Jacques for calling him out though. They should have a fistfight in an octagon next
Alice Waters - Sun, 28 Apr 2019 12:11:05 EST ID:9no+VWzy No.158228 Ignore Report Reply
wat does swet mean tho
Alice Waters - Sun, 28 Apr 2019 12:15:29 EST ID:9no+VWzy No.158229 Ignore Report Reply
I feel like Jacques has some secret old man strength in him, I wouldn't fight that guy

he'd stand over Gordon's unconscious body and say "My mother would be proud..."
Andrew Zimmern - Sun, 28 Apr 2019 14:35:34 EST ID:uVGiUhZT No.158234 Ignore Report Reply
1556476534508.png -(233972B / 228.49KB, 420x420) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

I see a wild Ger-Dan doing his yelling and saying fuck and its like, no.

You don't belong in a kitchen, you belong on a television.

I work kitchen, we talk shit, we loose on a lot of things, but the food comes out perfect every time or it doesn't come out and the shift starts and ends, no matter how fucked up you are/were/will be. Scrub down, prep, scrub down, prep.

If anyone is to blame for a bad dish, it is the person doing the yelling. If anything is prepared incorrectly, it is the fault of the person yelling.

He is responsible for training people, for placing people at stations, for deciding what can be served from the kitchen, and what quantities are available.

If he can't do that, or if he is unwilling, he is setting up his workers, the people that trust him to organize for failure.

I wouldn't treat my family like that, I wouldn't treat a stranger like that and I'm very disappointed that people think kitchen work is that kind of embarrassment
Rick Bayless - Sun, 28 Apr 2019 16:33:54 EST ID:dLdaOzGY No.158238 Ignore Report Reply

you just cook em until they start to turn a little clear and limp basically
Wylie Dufresne - Fri, 03 May 2019 21:03:54 EST ID:NkvkiFRi No.158356 Ignore Report Reply
1556931834257.jpg -(24598B / 24.02KB, 450x450) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>Put food in crock pot
>Set to high
>Wait 6-8 hours
Giada De Laurentils - Mon, 06 May 2019 00:05:56 EST ID:5WdELw/2 No.158402 Ignore Report Reply
if you got money get one of them fancy pressure cooker ones and you can cut that time down from 6-8 hours to 45-90 minutes
Urbain Dubois - Mon, 06 May 2019 05:07:23 EST ID:5ZNADCB3 No.158403 Ignore Report Reply

"Hey caveman" Mr Dufresne called out, "You really ought to try this pressurized cooking technique, it involves a vacuum pot that concentrates the flavor and reduces cooking times".

Later, as they removed pieces of chicken from the celing together, Mr. Dufresne joked "Lol I'm headfucked, thinkin a caveman knew how to use one of these"
Caesar Cardini - Mon, 06 May 2019 08:22:27 EST ID:It3C0mHQ No.158405 Ignore Report Reply
1557145347680.jpg -(27410B / 26.77KB, 377x334) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
I ain't getting near those things nigga
Philippe Édouard Cauderlier - Wed, 15 May 2019 17:55:44 EST ID:BbPAH7FB No.158528 Ignore Report Reply
No kidding not to mention the Boston Marathon.
Paul Bocuse - Thu, 16 May 2019 02:59:08 EST ID:Dvf4I01y No.158540 Ignore Report Reply
1557989948147.jpg -(42783B / 41.78KB, 600x595) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

talk about a guiness stew gone wrong ay

people die because of extremism and all i can do is sit back and laugh as though it doesn't affect me, nobody is immune to propaganda, we are all victims and killers in this society. we all are responsible for one another.
Guillaume Tirel - Thu, 16 May 2019 05:12:35 EST ID:uYsJIxVi No.158543 Ignore Report Reply
They're pretty foolproof these days, most of them have safety valves. I use one pretty frequently and I've never found a pressure regulator lodged in one of my face holes.
Rose Gray - Thu, 16 May 2019 19:44:06 EST ID:45bYG2yR No.158551 Ignore Report Reply
I run my pressure cooker in the closet just in case.
Chen Kenichi - Thu, 16 May 2019 20:26:24 EST ID:5WdELw/2 No.158552 Ignore Report Reply
I just go outside and chainsmoke while it's on and on the way out I'll ask a roommate or two to "keep an eye on it"
Chen Kenichi - Thu, 16 May 2019 21:11:44 EST ID:jvQb0sSs No.158553 Ignore Report Reply
I put my pressure cooker inside another pressure cooker just to be safe
Chen Kenichi - Thu, 16 May 2019 21:54:40 EST ID:5WdELw/2 No.158556 Ignore Report Reply
1558058080440.jpg -(26786B / 26.16KB, 279x450) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Antoine Parmentier - Thu, 16 May 2019 23:52:53 EST ID:45bYG2yR No.158557 Ignore Report Reply
This thread gave me a double Chen
Paula Deen - Fri, 17 May 2019 02:55:51 EST ID:Dvf4I01y No.158558 Ignore Report Reply

Fool Proof ポカヨケ

Roommates I made beer with removed the airlock because they were worried that contaminating bacteria would swim through the water and then climb down into the beer.

I replaced it three times. The beer turned out okay. The really impressive fools are the ones that think they are smarter than foolproofing.


S M R T spells smert!
Ludovic Lefebvre - Sat, 25 May 2019 22:58:26 EST ID:8jhkEV17 No.158659 Ignore Report Reply
1558839506946.webm [mp4] -(6970077B / 6.65MB, 640x344) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

so it took me a while to get around to this, but last night i cooked this soup and i was truly astonished at how good it was; i was worried i would fuck it up. i seared the chicken in a saucepan, tossed it on a cutting board, threw chopped onion, garlic (not a lot), celery, and carrot in the pan, scraped off some stuck chicken bits, poured in cooking wine and avocado oil, let that shit sweat and simmer on low heat. added salt (pink him cus im a fag), fresh crush black pepper, garlic and onion powder, dash of chili powder, paprika (from budapest - gift from friend), oregano, rosemary, cumin (generous), then cut the chicken into strips, threw that shit in, let it all sit for a bit, then poured in the broth, let it boil until the chicken was about cooked, then threw in a can of pinto beans because fuck it. started boiling a little side thing of egg noodles, strained it, threw in a slice of butter and black pepper. put pepper noodles in bowls, topped with the chicken/veggie/bean soup, had a nice summer beer on the side, WITH A GIRL ALSO IT WAS A COOKING DATE YO, and we were both delighted by its flavor and how filling it was. will definitely make again. didnt take pics so tell me to eat shit but next time i will take pics of each step.

caveman just got +4 to cooking skill from this recipe
Marcel Boulestin - Sun, 26 May 2019 12:06:32 EST ID:8mWu/Oxq No.158669 Ignore Report Reply
Oh yeah? Did you delight her with any other flavors or fill her up in other ways? Soup: so easy a caveman could do it
Vincent la Chapelle - Sun, 26 May 2019 13:37:38 EST ID:22kSkIov No.158670 Ignore Report Reply
>claimes pink salt is gay
>actions clearly proof otherwise
>everyone knows pink salt is best salt
Marc Summers - Sun, 26 May 2019 15:08:00 EST ID:HtOcRhL8 No.158673 Ignore Report Reply
The best salt is on /420/ but pink salt is alright. Ludo put his heart into that dish and hopefully his dick into that date.
Michael Symon - Mon, 27 May 2019 09:47:11 EST ID:8jhkEV17 No.158696 Ignore Report Reply

got her to put both of my nuts in her mouth at once and suck on em
Ted Allen - Mon, 27 May 2019 09:53:42 EST ID:GXMW65hH No.158697 Ignore Report Reply
1558965222213.jpg -(102234B / 99.84KB, 500x972) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Congrats on the soup.

I hope the sex was okay, but really, I'm more interested in your soup.
Michael Symon - Mon, 27 May 2019 10:11:17 EST ID:8jhkEV17 No.158698 Ignore Report Reply

i said before i would make the soup, and it took me a while, but i came through. i will make it again and document each step and put it in this thread, it will happen just wait
Cat Cora - Tue, 28 May 2019 07:41:58 EST ID:5WdELw/2 No.158711 Ignore Report Reply
Fucking-A my dude, I'm really glad I could help! That sounds like a pretty dank soup. The next step now is to start making soups in larger batches, and freezing it in individual portions so when you need a quick meal you can just toss a block of frozen soup in a pan, wait a few minutes, and boom soup erryday!

I'm seriously glad you did this though it made my heart smile.
Melissa d'Arabian - Wed, 29 May 2019 01:43:52 EST ID:8jhkEV17 No.158719 Ignore Report Reply

if i make this soup in a larger batch and combine it with the pasta, will it be ok to freeze? the pasta wont get all gooey or mushy?
Beau MacMillian - Wed, 29 May 2019 03:38:00 EST ID:5WdELw/2 No.158724 Ignore Report Reply
the pasta will get gooey and mushy so what I do is just leave the pasta out and boil it in a pot alongside the frozen cube of soup when reheating it

Report Post
Please be descriptive with report notes,
this helps staff resolve issues quicker.