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notes by Phyllis Hopperludge - Thu, 18 May 2017 10:03:50 EST ID:uey4wCiy No.578567 Ignore Report Quick Reply
File: 1495116230865.png -(535053B / 522.51KB, 595x598) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. 535053
Anyone ever write a little note in the off chance you take a bad combo or overdose and die?

It's fucking dark. Its not really a suicide note, but it certainly reads like one.
Clara Tootstock - Thu, 18 May 2017 10:18:45 EST ID:EuyHx9Ao No.578570 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Yup. I had mixed heavy doses of opis and benzos but didn't feel like making myself throw up. That's how much I wanted to get high.

I wrote "Sorry" on a piece of paper just in case I'd OD. I figured that if they found it they would think that at least it's what I wished for, instead of an unfortunate accident.

In the end I had a great nod. I was ashamed when I saw the note the next day.
Phyllis Hopperludge - Thu, 18 May 2017 10:41:54 EST ID:uey4wCiy No.578573 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I just too 350mgs of darvocet (i know, I know), some 3mgs of klonopin and drinking a tall boy of miller light. Not safe, of course, but I have a high tolerance for all those things

I'm just aware that darvocet can cause your heart to give out, but it's my understanding that the risk is greater for elderly people

BUT theres a nonzero chance my heart will stop, especially since I have been abusing adderall for the past few months.

My decision was a dumb one, but i'm going through some heavy shit right now and I need to have a few hours of peace. I'm eve nodding out a bit which was unexpected.

I'm not suicidal, but I am unenthused about life, so if my ticker stops because of the darvocet, then so be it.

Part of my note said "I dont fear death anymore than I fear life", which i feel people with anxiety and depression can relate to.

On a side note, this combo, while dangerous, feels pretty good. I think you can get a decent buzz if you mix it with other stuff. I feel numb and sedated, which is exactly what I needed to say,

I hope I don't die, but if I do, then so be it,
WIAKR+Pa !l1uVST4rME!!HOWLHoRl - Thu, 18 May 2017 11:04:23 EST ID:aWZljk6O No.578576 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I haven't, but the topic is extremely intriguing, in a dark sort of way. Would you feel comfortable posting it? I'm very interested to hear more from you and others.

Also, it seems to me like this might be a slight cry for help of some sort. Posting about taking dangerous, potentially fatal combinations here and everything. I'm not gonna tell you meaningless platitudes and send you on your way, though. Oftentimes life really fucking sucks, and the only way for us to bear it is to numb ourselves to all of the bullshit. However, I care about you as a person. I don't know you, so I obviously can't care about you intimately like that, but there's very likely someone out there who does, even if it's hard for you to tell. Of course, that doesn't mean that you're​ obligated to keep living for anyone. It's your life, and imo you should be free to do literally anything you want with it, up to and including drugs, self-mutilation (though obviously I very much recommend against that one), and suicide. However, you have an option available to you that most people won't ever have: drugs. But if you use them in a manner like this, you won't be able to get the full enjoyment out of them. I, personally, started using opiates in order to not kill myself. It was either take them or die, that was absolutely the point at which I was. They stopped me, though, and kept me around. And do you know that's the funniest thing about the whole situation? My life has gotten much worse since starting to use them. Not necessarily because of my use (though my family would tell you otherwise lel because it MUST ALWAYS be the drugs' fault, they're just EVIL like seriously lmao), but yeah. A lot worse. But because of the experiences I've had with drugs, specifically a relatively large (moderately... Not huge, but not babby stuff, either) candyflipping experience, a shroom trip, and all of my opioid consumption, I now feel better than I did when my life was "perfect" in most people's eyes. MUCH better. It's because I know that there's an escape. I have an off switch for whenever life gets too hard. If there's ever anything I don't want to deal with, I can load the fuck up on drugs and actually feel happy doing it, since you feel fantastic no matter what you do! Not only that, but the psychedelics have shown me an entirely new perspective of existence as a whole. I know it sounds cliché as hell, but I genuinely and completely believe I've discovered/had bestowed upon me an extensive amount of knowledge about the inner workings of, reason for/purpose of, and the inside joke of existence and consciousness. Thinking and learning about these things inspires me to want to stick around and learn more, experience as many things (specifically drug-related alterations of perspective and perception {ime each drug tells you the same thing: the workings of, reasons for, and explanation of the universe — but from a different perspective. I can actually go into what each drug has shown me one by one, but if someone's interested​}, and just experience "being". Oh, and on that note, ever since I smelled the music at an orchestral concert, I've been on a quest to experience as much synesthesia as possible. Synesthesia is one of the single most incredible phenomena in all of existence!!! I kind of rambled on and got a bit sidetracked, but I'm just hoping this may nudge you ever so slightly in the right direction. If there is ANYTHING at all (within reason giving the circumstances and situation at hand lol) that I can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask! I'd love to help in any way possible! I wish you the best of luck, and I love you, fully and completely, without restraint or shame. I just realized something just now. Wow... Wow. I'm Christianity, it says, "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." And yeah, that's how I feel (even though I'm not a Christian). And the reason this is important is because we are all the same One. We're all God, one single entity. And actually, if you get really down to it, we are all LITERALLY the same. Everything within the universe, including I'm relatively sure even the universe itself, is made up of energy. We are literally just energy. It's the whole idea of "we are the universe perceiving itself" - that's still true, but it can be extended further, to say that we are energy perceiving itself. And all energy is the same - there's nothing that makes one bit of energy different from any other bit. So we're just that same energy, but bound in different ways in order for the energy to be able to experience as many different things as possible. That's probably why entropy exists. It promotes change, and energy seeks out change so that it can experience as much as possible (which is why that's also my goal, as stated above!). We all started out as a (likely imo) dimensionless point of all of the energy within the universe. We existed as One singular indivisible being. Not necessarily a 'being' like a living creature, but more philosophically. We existed, and by existing we 'were', so we were being. Like being as in a state of existence. And that 'One Being' is God. In all the religions, God is called the Light, Ein Sof, Logos, Brahman, Love (God is love), etc. This One, infinite and indivisible Being. But once the Big Bang occurred, then it spread out into all of existence. This is where concepts like the Soul, the Atman, etc. come in. Due to our limited perspective, many of us think that we are separate from God and similar things. This is also why some Hindus think that the Atman and Brahman are separate. But really, we all come from that One original source. So we're still the same God, but just in a different form, so that we may experience existence in its many forms. However, we must feel (and be) EVERYTHING. This includes things which subjectively feel 'bad'. So while it's certainly not enjoyable at the time, I hope that you may take some small comfort in knowing that its entirely necessary and perfect. Without it, without those feelings and experiences, the universe, and all of existence, would be incomplete. Additionally, imo and ime, the multiverse theory is correct, in that there are a near-infinite (or perhaps infinite) number of universes within which the energy takes every single possible orientation. Like, for example, if you have the numbers 1234, they can have lots of different combinations: 1234, 1243, 1324, 1342, 1423, 1432, 2134, 2143, 2314, 2341, 2413, 2431, 3124, 3142, 3214, 3241, 3412, 3421, 4123, 4132, 4213, 4231, 4312, 4321 (holy shit that was way more combinations than I expected lmao). So yeah. Imagine an infinite number of universes forming each possible combination of energy. That's a fucking lot of universes, eh? Or perhaps only this one universe exists, but it starts off with the first combination, then when it ends it starts back up but goes to the seeding combination, and so on and so forth. Then, after a veeeeerry very very long time, we reach Nirvana. This is when all of the possible combinations for the universe have been lived out. Our energy has experienced everything which could ever possibly be experienced. There's nothing more which it could ever do, and so it's eternal void, forever calm: Nirvana. That is, until we force ourselves to forget everything and go back to repeat the cycle again! (And again and again and again and again, literally infinitely, not even forever because it's outside of time. Mr. Bone's Wild Ride never ends, so you may as well do the best you can to enjoy it while you're here!)

I really don't know why I typed all of that shit out. But I hope you enjoy it, or at least appreciate it and don't get annoyed with it lol. I'm such a weird person lol.
Phyllis Hopperludge - Thu, 18 May 2017 11:33:11 EST ID:uey4wCiy No.578578 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Not annoyed at all. It was an interesting musing on life and the universe. I ha d trouble reading it because I'm nodding our but you brought up an of interesting stuf
Hunter S. Nodson - Thu, 18 May 2017 15:42:34 EST ID:a1WEtajM No.578602 Ignore Report Quick Reply
anytime I get that high I usually don't think 'oh I might die' but 'oh shit I took too much I should tell my friend'. I end up just texting a buddy about it and the next day realize what a shit fucker I am.

one of the main reasons I use kratom daily is because I can't be reckless with it like I am with pharms. If I have some dilaudid (or any opiate) in my possession, no matter how much, I end up doing all of them that day. But yeah I've never really left a note besides the stupid texts to my closest friends telling them I can barely breathe etc. My logic is if they know that happened, theres a chance someone will come check on me and not find some disgusting rotted corpse because weeks have past and I forgot to tell someone I was in a binge. Also my cat would have no food and water.

I don't mean to make this sound dark at all lol I'm just irresponsible with how I use my drugs. I don't want to die at all.
Q !57aon8jsJ2 - Thu, 18 May 2017 17:00:33 EST ID:ztWD2hgP No.578613 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Ive done this a bunch of times. Honestly a few times because i didnt expect to wake up but also times i knew i was taking a lot. They either go something like an apology and cop out or like OH SHIT NIGGA GET NALOXONE.
overgrownpath !3g9OJxiR.6 - Thu, 18 May 2017 23:21:22 EST ID:MeNVR87b No.578636 Ignore Report Quick Reply
No, I haven't ever done that. That's too grim for me to even consider doing. It would be confronting the potential danger of my use full-on and I don't like that. Also I haven't even come close to an overdose in a long time and I like to think that I'll keep it that way (not that I think I'm invincible or whatever, I just have a large tolerance to protect me now and I'm also careful with my poly use these days).
Phoebe Boffingpug - Fri, 19 May 2017 01:53:59 EST ID:T7flwXWl No.578642 Ignore Report Quick Reply
A couple of line breaks in there would have made all the difference to legibility.

Yeah, I've done this, never an apology or anything like that just a list of what I'd taken and when. I figured it had to at least help in the off chance it became an ambulance situation.
I laughed when I saw the same thing later in an episode of Sherlock.

Your note sounds a lot more like a suicide note OP.
OP, the QT prolongation thing is one thing with propoxyphene and yes, the elderly are more at risk. However, in overdose the local anaesthetic effects can stop your heart a lot quicker. It's far more fatal in overdose than other opioids.
By the way, amphetamine is definitely contraindicated in combination with darvon due to its effect on the heart (I'm assuming that was you asking about that, how many people have propoxyphene?) but assuming you haven't actually done any damage by taking adderall your past use shouldn't be a factor.
Not trying to ruin your buzz, but please stop using this stuff man, get some other opioids if at all possible.
Hugh Dabberdale - Fri, 19 May 2017 06:06:08 EST ID:MWTYn6L9 No.578662 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I've had this note ready for 2 years, with writing in my journal directing any viewers towards it as a saved document on my laptop.

"oo much time, drowning in time, I ache. I love all of you so much. Miles, you da homie. I am a plant, I am a rat, I am wind
I love you all
Martin Subblefoot - Fri, 19 May 2017 09:50:19 EST ID:6mbO3dlY No.578681 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Yeah that was me.

I know that Darvocet is really dangerous. I don't have access to any other opiates, not even kratom. I recently had a full doctors exam and my heart is perfectly healthy. I feel safe taking it, although I probably shouldn't. I'm aware of the risks. I don't have an excuse for taking it other than the fact that I am going through a rough time and I "need" this escape. I need to get shit done and I my dumb brain isn't going to allow me to do it sober.

I took another dose of the darvs, 400mgs. This will be my last time. Thanks for your concern. I've done worse things to get high.

Wish my heart luck, I guess. I'm bring reckless, but the anxiety of my heart failing is at least makes me feel something.

I know I'm being so dumb. If I die, I deserve it for my stupidity.

I had a seizure due to Kratom half a year ago, and if I take that, it's gotta be in secret, which is a lot harder than it is to pop a few pills really quick. I can't get any other drugs because I can't drive due to the seizure.

I dunno man. I'm in over my head.

Part of my note said I fear life just as much as I fear life, so I'm at peace with dying.

I need help, obviously, but I can't even get out of bed, take calls from my friends, answer texts, or function without aome sort of substance. There are no therapists in my area who take my insurance. There's one, but he was sued for sexual assualt multiple times, so fuck that guy.

I'm not suicidal. I may have a death with though.

I think I'll be fine. I won't fuck worn Darvocet anymore after this.
Mr.AuntBetty - Fri, 19 May 2017 10:31:22 EST ID:kHz4pqpK No.578687 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I used to always do it when i speedballed and then took a shit ton of dope + benzo's for the crash to sleep. I havnt done it in a while though as ive not done coke in a while (until today). I always write how im sorry and my dad shouldnt blame himself as i couldnt have asked for a better dad. He'd always suffer himself so i had the best chance in life. Yet i still fucked up. Hopefully in the future i can look back on this as a small hiccup.
Dr. Crane !WQtw1VwZqo - Fri, 19 May 2017 12:16:24 EST ID:m+fJWns7 No.578692 Ignore Report Quick Reply
1495210584713.jpg -(1480611B / 1.41MB, 5312x2988) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
I've left a note at the height of my depression but ironically enough things got better when I started using more. It was years ago though I don't even remember the combo I was on but it read something along the lines of this >>578570 just saying sorry but I wrote something to make it clear it's what I wanted.

I'm guilty of this a few times as well. Whether it was the isolated incident of the note or telling a friend I always feel (like you mentioned) an absoulte worthless shit when I wake up and see the message.
Aciddrop !tbcTsdGo8Q!!vVWR8L52 - Fri, 19 May 2017 22:37:14 EST ID:6fORcLTi No.578722 Ignore Report Quick Reply
1495247834326.jpg -(158901B / 155.18KB, 736x828) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
I took darvocet before. Found a prescription for it that was 2 years expired in my sisters medicine cabinet. What's fucked up is she had open heart surgery when she was 12 or 13 and should not have been given anything that is commonly known to mess with your heart. This made me question if doctors really know fucking anything at all.

Never wrote a note or considered it but I probably should, I do some stupid shit sometimes.

Good post WIAKR, I enjoyed reading it
Polly Bunham - Sat, 20 May 2017 19:57:30 EST ID:azIOO0W0 No.578748 Ignore Report Quick Reply

You had a seizure from Kratom use? How did that happen?
Hunter S. Nodson - Sun, 21 May 2017 02:03:16 EST ID:SrJE9oy1 No.578766 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I can see it causing a seizure if you have heart problems, there's a lot of alkaloids that would cause a change in blood pressure which is known to trigger seizures. Weed could cause a seizure. Epileptic seizures are different though so that's the only case where weed or possibly krstom could help but I don't know much about that.
Thomas Pondlespear - Sun, 21 May 2017 11:35:33 EST ID:OGYpcITk No.578770 Ignore Report Quick Reply
damn did you make it through the od?

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