|>> || idk why this kills me as much as it does, i can't stop laughing, i don't talk like this at all, it's like a stranger wrote it |
>So, I seem to be at something of an intermission in this spiritual journey that I unwittingly decided to partake in. Zolpidem has many uses beyond that of a simple hypnotic that makes it a potentially useful visionary tool for expanding consciousness and solving complex problems. At this point I intend to record my realizations and breakthroughs as best I can so that they might not be lost in the aether.
>Quite an odd drug, Zolpidem, with properties of many, many, different drugs. Truly a unique chemical, given to us by the pharamaceutical industry in their never ending quest to take something that works and make it work a little worse so that it's not quite as fun. As if drug abuse isn't a social problem. And who defines "abuse"? A musing for another time.
>Well, as is the way with these things, the breakthroughs and sudden clarity that made me feel compelled to start this have shrunk down to shadows and murmurs, and it will be very difficult for me grasp precisely what it was that I was so ecstastic about.
>It should be noted, that because of this, z-drugs and their natural counterpart Amanita Muscaria, are quite tricky to use as visionary tools.
>This was a very ephemeral, very loose trip, not many realizations with precision. I remember most powerfully an image that my bedroom and my bathroom and the hallway outside constituted a discrete living space, seperate from the house I share with several roommates. I've felt this before, I've always had a desire to put up a divider that would seperate my little corner from the rest of the house. A house which, must be said, is absolutely gourgeous and a wonderful place to take off from.
>But this idea that it was MINE was particularly powerful for me, as if to reinforce the idea that this space is mine, impenetrable, and the significance of this I imagine is that I can do what ever I please with in the small confines of my bungaloo.
>Perhaps a future in which others will be welcomed in and there can be an exchange of ideas between us, reinforcing that I need to branch out.
>Here and there I had feelings of accepting my true self. But I've mostly gotten past that hurdle at this point in my life, so the experience was mostly that of a trip AS who I actually am rather than one in search of that.
>I mean, I don't think I'll ever be over the whole "I'll never be truly seen as who I actually am by most people" thing, but one step at a time, at least I'm sure, and I can move on to a new set of problems, life could get better, it could get worse, but at least at this point it'll start moving forward.
>I found a sheet which I think would be perfect to turn into a ritual gown, and I'm wearing it as I write this log.
>Ah, but alas, all is but a blur, and the call to sleep is strong. I don't believe I shall be experiementing with drug again soon.
>Now I enter the dream stage... my work cut out for me is now even harder, but perhaps a nugget of meaning or a sliver of truth will come out of, if anything at all, it should be fun!