|>> || >>902892 |
I dunno about you my dude, but tripping usually helps me to see the "truth" in matters.
One time, while coming down from a trip, during the final two or three hours when there's still a lingering sensation but it's mostly gone, I decided I wanted to watch some porn. Not really jerk off, as when I'm tripping I don't usually get sexual urges, but I just wanted to watch some porn and really get into what's really going on, really grind my brain, really think about this stuff.
So I went to my favorite porno place, 4chan's /gif/ board, and opened a bunch of threads from the porn I enjoy most, and spent the next 40 minutes simply watching porn. From thick cum blasts dripping on a cute but heavily made up grill, to big fucking tatas exploding out from tight blouses, to hardcore deepthroats on black cocks.
Of course, I got hard, but I resisted the urge to jerk off and force myself to just watch, as if I was watching a youtube video or a tv show or whatever. I just watched. At first, I just enjoyed the aesthetics of it all. I saw these women as these beautiful goddesses, their perfect skin and plump bodies, their lascivious gaze, their moans and squeals of pleasure. I could've been content with that, but I wanted to go further.
I realized that, even though I was hard, I didn't really want to jerk off. While watching facial cumshot videos I realized that, yeah it was fun to watch, but what I really wanted to do was release my load in some girl's face myself. When I jerk off frequently, I don't cum buckets like those dudes do. After the second time the amount of sperm coming outta my dick is minimal. Even when I jerk off just once a day, it's not as impressive as those dudes. So I thought "why I am I not saving my jizz for when I have a sexy encounter?". I didn't have a girlfriend at the time, and months had passed since the last time I had gotten lucky, but I felt like jerking off and wasting my seed just like that when I could be saving it for a grandiose explosion was, well, a waste.
You were expecting me to tell you that looking at porn while tripping made me horrified of what I was looking at? Not at all. It was actually very enjoyable. But entheogens provide a unique opportunity for enhanced self-reflection, and it gets you to asking the real questions if you really want to. "Why do look at this? Why do I enjoy it so much? What's there about this that makes me so horny?".
So I ask myself, "why do I want to jizz on a girl's face so bad?". First response was "Because it's hot as fuck". But when I really saw the act for what it is, I saw it as a domination/submission act, fetishizing the girl's oral features mostly. I have an oral fixation, I smoke, I constantly bite my fingers, and the porn I enjoy most is related to blowjobs and cumshots: oral related sex.
That was the beginning of my no-fap efforts. Contrary to common psychotherapeutical beliefs, I believe that in order to get rid of these morbid twistings of sexuality, one must give into the dark desire and fulfill the fantasy once and for all. So I restricted my masturbation to only once a week. How about that, spending 6 days without jerking off and then edging makes me cum buckets.
After that, when I finally encountered my next partner, I realized my sexual stamina was greater than before, and I enjoyed sex way more.
Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is that the issue is not so much forcing yourself not to jerk off through sheer willpower. That will accomplish nothing. You can force yourself to do-not do many things. Change comes from understanding. So I encourage you to think about this the next time you're tripping and want to jerk off: "Why do I feel the need to jerk off? Is it just pleasure, or is there something else?".
Who knows? Maybe even get comfortable and watch some porn for an hour without jerking off, appreciating the beauty of it.
Or don't, I don't give a shit.